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pace the aisles like a madman and see the strawberry fig newtons on sale and go "i;m getting those, i am Going To Purchase The Fig Newtons" |
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Jan 19, 2019 22:25
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| # ? May 15, 2024 02:09 |
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pro technique right here: gun straight for the things you get every time, then meander amilessly for an hour trying to find the rest of th ethings you need because oh god i'm outside there are peolpe here what do i DO?! |
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Jan 19, 2019 22:43
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Fig Newtons are a great choice tho OP |
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Jan 19, 2019 22:44
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Cashier: Gomen nasai, googlesama, but our credit card machine is down and I will be unable to take your payment for your groceries. Me: That is all right because you see, (gong sound) I have brought cash with me today, to the store! Bystanders: Ohhhhhhhhhh... (their eyes are blank white circles and they have sweat drops) |
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Jan 19, 2019 22:47
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carefully measuring the fig newtons with my tape measure, pulling the pencil from behind my ear and jotting down some notes on a scrap piece of 2x4 then entering data into my calculator, scratching my rear end and hiking up my jeans while sucking air through my teeth, mumbling under my breath while shaking my head, "yeeeeup, yeah, yup, looks like i'm buying these fig newtons today"
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Jan 19, 2019 22:47
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I know what you're thinking: "Did he use six coupons or only five?" Well, to tell the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But this being a coupon app, the most powerful tool for thrifty shoppers in the world, and would blow your profits to hell, you've got to ask yourself one question: "Is this finally over?" Well, is it, ma'am? *Shows the cashier that I have three more pages of coupons to go for Fig Newtons |
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Jan 19, 2019 23:24
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I love how they call my lunch "complimentary samples".
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jan 19, 2019 23:27
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google THIS posted:Cashier: Gomen nasai, googlesama, but our credit card machine is down and I will be unable to take your payment for your groceries. |
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Jan 20, 2019 03:21
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| Here's a pro-tip you might not have heard of: drive to the grocery store, so you get there faster. | |
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Jan 20, 2019 03:47
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Reverse shoplifting where I bring items from home to the grocery store and put them on the shelf.
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Jan 20, 2019 11:27
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Gather around children and I will tell you about the time I smuggled a ham out of the grocery store, one piece at a time
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jan 20, 2019 18:46
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*me doing somersaults all the way to the grocery store, stopping halfway there because i'm dizzy and tired* "there's got to be a better way to do this..."
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Jan 20, 2019 19:18
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If you go to the store with a partner, and it is a store with long lines, you can save time by having your partner get in line as soon as you arrive at the store, and you join them with the groceries after doing all the shopping, as they near the front of the line. If other patrons object, simply tell them you are not entering the line, only your partner is in line, and then hand items from your cart or basket to your partner one at a time. |
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Jan 20, 2019 20:21
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To avoid long lines at grocery stores, do your shopping while the store isn't open. |
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Jan 20, 2019 21:04
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roomforthetuna posted:To avoid long lines at grocery stores, do your shopping while the store isn't open.
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Jan 20, 2019 21:04
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professional grocery shoppers would never use a store grocery cart. they bring their own, and it's oiled up and ready to drift down frozen entrees/pizza/ice cream novelties.
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Jan 21, 2019 00:50
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hamjobs posted:professional grocery shoppers would never use a store grocery cart. they bring their own, and it's oiled up and ready to drift down frozen entrees/pizza/ice cream novelties. if you can't drift sideways to slalom around some normies' carts then what are you even doing in my store |
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Jan 21, 2019 01:00
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*screeches past a pleb shopper to grab the last jar of blue cheese stuffed olives* git fud |
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Jan 21, 2019 01:18
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*clotheslines an old man, with a baguette, while sliding around the hot dog buns and into condiments*
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Jan 21, 2019 01:29
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BrownianMotion posted:pace the aisles like a madman and see the strawberry fig newtons on sale and go "i;m getting those, i am Going To Purchase The Fig Newtons" shopping list explicitly states cookies and I’m spending 5 minutes trying to determine if fig newtons can apply anyway
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Jan 21, 2019 01:31
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Shopping list only contains one thing, "food". |
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Jan 21, 2019 01:36
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roomforthetuna posted:To avoid long lines at grocery stores, do your shopping while the store isn't open.
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Jan 21, 2019 01:42
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here is a true story one time i was at the checkout and i realized i forgot ice cream (!!!!) and they were almost done scanning my items and the ice cream was close by, so i said "oh forgot something I'll be back in ten seconds!" and i ran and got it and on my way back right by the checkout there was a slick spot on the ground so i slipped and fell into basically a cool looking slide and then got back up right at the register holding the ice cream and the cashier was like uhh cool to this day i dunno if they thought i was trying to be cool or if they know I slipped and recovered because i am cool |
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Jan 21, 2019 02:43
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alnilam posted:here is a true story one time i was at the checkout and i realized i forgot ice cream (!!!!) and they were almost done scanning my items and the ice cream was close by, so i said "oh forgot something I'll be back in ten seconds!" and i ran and got it and on my way back right by the checkout there was a slick spot on the ground so i slipped and fell into basically a cool looking slide and then got back up right at the register holding the ice cream and the cashier was like uhh cool I know it's hard to see from your perspective, being you and all but here's what happened. You had ice cream in your hand when you fell, right? That was your Material Component for the spell. You would one day become Moderator of BYOB, the Chill Forum. This would reverberate through the fabric of space and time, vibrating along the threads of probability looking for areas of dissonance and unchill vibrations. You falling would be most unchill. You falling, sliding, and then ending up upright and holding the ice cream, both intact was most chill. The cashier just simply under appreciated your chillness. We appreciate your chillness. 
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jan 21, 2019 02:57
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me [walking up to the manager at the stop n shop]: yeah so I'm going to need the chocolate whisky fig newtons manager: um we don't have that me [winking]: it's okay, I know about the secret menu manager: the what now me: don't play dumb with me. I know you guys keep all the really good groceries in a hidden room in the back manager: this is crazy talk me: AND I happen to also know that if someone asks for something from the secret menu you HAVE to give it to then manager: . . . gently caress [into walkie talkie] sorry doug, you gotta unload the last case of chocy whisky figgies from my car |
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Jan 21, 2019 03:16
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Does warm-up stretches in the car park before going in. |
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Jan 21, 2019 06:32
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Manifisto posted:me [walking up to the manager at the stop n shop]: yeah so I'm going to need the chocolate whisky fig newtons
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Jan 21, 2019 07:59
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rolling up with my fellow instacart shoppers in our custom-built motorized shopping trolleys in the Fred Meyer like let's get this bread
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Jan 21, 2019 08:00
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me, looking at arizona tea in the drinks aisle: "i could get the arnold palmer lite, but if a buy a lemonade, and then buy a sweet tea... i can make a regular arnold palmer!!" |
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Jan 21, 2019 21:15
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BrownianMotion posted:me, looking at arizona tea in the drinks aisle: "i could get the arnold palmer lite, but if a buy a lemonade, and then buy a sweet tea... i can make a regular arnold palmer!!" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUc3wpDRiXM
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Jan 21, 2019 21:19
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when someone parks their cart on one side of the aisle to stare at the other side, when I pass ‘em I slow down and start looking at what they’re looking at no matter what
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Jan 23, 2019 23:28
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roomforthetuna posted:To avoid long lines at grocery stores, do your shopping while the store isn't open. So this is what we're planning the heist for... |
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Jan 26, 2019 16:05
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protip: if you steal something you dont have to pay for it |
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Jan 26, 2019 17:55
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*Neo and Morpheus sit in the middle of a perfectly blank room* Two aisles, seemingly hundreds of feet long, appear, moving towards them at superhuman speeds. As the aisles slow down, Morpheus and Neo look from side to side at hundreds of options for snack food. "First we are going to need chips. Lots of chips."
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Jan 26, 2019 19:17
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glowing-fish posted:*Neo and Morpheus sit in the middle of a perfectly blank room* https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jan 26, 2019 21:11
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you need a child for this one: get in line, and right as the cashier finishes ringing up the customer in front of you suddenly tell your kid that you forgot an item and if they unload the cart you'll be *right back* do NOT leave your credit card with the child, as they may start to feel guilty about the customers behind them in line and pay for your items instead, come back with three more items five minutes later and complete the transaction safe in the knowledge that nobody's gonna bump you from your spot at the head of the line because they'd have to harass your kid ---------------- |
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Jan 27, 2019 11:12
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Shop at Costco, help yourself to all the free samples, go home. |
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Feb 3, 2019 23:23
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Bargearse posted:Shop at Costco, help yourself to all the free samples, go home. don't shop at Costco, just walk around and eat free samples until right before closing, then hide in the racks until after close and stock goes home for the night--then shop.
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Feb 4, 2019 00:10
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Go to self-checkout. Wave grocs vaguely at scanner, saying "Beep" each time. Place grocs directly into cart. Pretend to perform Credit Card manipulations. Leave quickly.
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Feb 4, 2019 00:31
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| # ? May 15, 2024 02:09 |
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Whenever I go shopping I make a shopping list that is overly complicated and contains at least four different words for "stuff you need" and after getting whatever I want and surely won't need I then spend 30 minutes searching for a fun spot to hide my shopping list in, then stick around in hiding to see who finds it and see their faces while they read it |
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Feb 4, 2019 01:16
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