zoo marketing ideas

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vanisher

Look, the zoo just isn't getting the foot traffic it used to. We need ideas people.

We can maybe train the Koalas to hand out zoo maps or something

# ? Mar 1, 2019 06:38

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 1, 2024 12:07

FutonForensic

you can't advertise smoking to children. you can't. but these animals. we'll teach them to smoke. we'll teach them to hold up the cartons of our fine tobacco-based sponsors' products, so the kids know what to buy. we're the stewards of the animal kingdom here, people. as in, we're going to turn the lungs of our animals into stew

# ? Mar 1, 2019 06:51

xcheopis

Red panda WrestleMania 3000

# ? Mar 1, 2019 06:54

xcheopis

Feed people who try to get on the bus as you are getting off to the lions.

# ? Mar 1, 2019 06:57

vanisher

FutonForensic posted:

you can't advertise smoking to children. you can't. but these animals. we'll teach them to smoke. we'll teach them to hold up the cartons of our fine tobacco-based sponsors' products, so the kids know what to buy. we're the stewards of the animal kingdom here, people. as in, we're going to turn the lungs of our animals into stew

lol

# ? Mar 1, 2019 06:58

xcheopis

Really shake up the petting zoo paradigm by replacing the stinging insects and venomous reptiles with baby mammals.

# ? Mar 1, 2019 07:00

vanisher

hungry hungry hippos. dump watermelons, take bets on the winner, zoo gets a cut

polar bears sponsored by coke

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Mar 1, 2019 07:01

vanisher

maybe get some actual cool animals for the petting zoo like kittens or something

# ? Mar 1, 2019 07:03

TOOT BOOT

feed ex-lax to all the animals and the zoo is now a comedy club for small children

# ? Mar 1, 2019 08:18

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

what this zoo really needs is an IDEA MAN, and i think we've found just the guy:

the black mamba that is only on display during the summer months and only behind a foot and a half worth of glass because he's highly venomous. i mean, sure, he's not the friendliest character, but he's got SPUNK and PERSONALITY and INCH LONG FANGS that can INJECT YOU WITH ENOUGH DEADLY VENOM TO KILL FIFTEEN GROWN MEN IN UNDER A SECOND, and that's just what this marketing department needs right now. so, i've let him out in your cubes and you get to play "avoid the mamba or die" unless you come up with some better ideas for marketing real drat quick, people.

# ? Mar 1, 2019 09:40

FutonForensic

"did you install that glory hole at the Three-Toed Sloth enclosure? our core audience is hurting to get their ding-dongs and doorbells slathered with sloth slobber"

"Sure did! Was a hell of a time trying to drill a hole through that concrete, though"

"Concrete? The Three-Toed Sloths are enclosed with a wooden fence. The only pen with concrete is--" *interrupted by a blood curdling scream*

*shouting in unison* "the Dick-Stabbing Sloth enclosure!"

# ? Mar 1, 2019 14:09

google THIS

FutonForensic posted:

"did you install that glory hole at the Three-Toed Sloth enclosure? our core audience is hurting to get their ding-dongs and doorbells slathered with sloth slobber"

"Sure did! Was a hell of a time trying to drill a hole through that concrete, though"

"Concrete? The Three-Toed Sloths are enclosed with a wooden fence. The only pen with concrete is--" *interrupted by a blood curdling scream*

*shouting in unison* "the Dick-Stabbing Sloth enclosure!"

# ? Mar 1, 2019 14:12

google THIS

We have a "deluxe" petting zoo. Less than 50% goats.

# ? Mar 1, 2019 14:13

Manifisto

new slogan: "we're not saying we sometimes feed mean teachers to the snakes . . . but we're not NOT saying that either"

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Mar 1, 2019 14:20

Manifisto

"WE CAUGHT 'EM ALL"

# ? Mar 1, 2019 14:20

pixaal: All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

I think we should get one of the jumpy guys

you know the ones with big pockets? Sometimes they keep smaller versions of themselves in the pockets
they also have tiny hands if that helps find one because we need one

sig by owlhawk911

# ? Mar 1, 2019 16:24

Areola Grande: it's a free country u pervs

Manifisto posted:

"WE CAUGHT 'EM ALL"

spring sigs by nesamdoom and Ravenous Scoot

# ? Mar 1, 2019 16:34

xcheopis

pixaal posted:

I think we should get one of the jumpy guys

you know the ones with big pockets? Sometimes they keep smaller versions of themselves in the pockets
they also have tiny hands if that helps find one because we need one

Kangaroo fight club

# ? Mar 1, 2019 17:08

google THIS

At first we thought having an Arby's on property would attract customers, but we later realized that the giant sign by the zoo entrance that says "WE GOT THE MEATS" was sending the wrong message.

# ? Mar 1, 2019 17:15

alnilam

Manifisto posted:

"WE CAUGHT 'EM ALL"

Staff zooölogist: here, take this Zooödex, it contains information on all of the animals. Some parts of it are missing, perhaps you can fill them in and get it back to me?

Kid: hey there's only two entries in here, and they're on cats and dogs... oh i get it, is this like a Pokemon reference, like i get to go on a journey and fill it out?

Z: uh sure yeah

# ? Mar 1, 2019 17:17

pixaal: All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

google THIS posted:

"WE GOT THE MEATS"

I'll have a zebra burger please, or sandwich never had zebra is it best thick or thin? You know what whatever you think is the best way to enjoy zebra between 2 pieces of bread give me that

sig by owlhawk911

# ? Mar 1, 2019 17:21

vanisher

google THIS posted:

We have a "deluxe" petting zoo. Less than 50% goats.

Manifisto posted:

"WE CAUGHT 'EM ALL"

# ? Mar 1, 2019 18:00

Chill la Chill: Don't lose your gay

Should have specials on Wednesdays.

Apparently I'm #1 Kotori fan

_{_{thank you matoi and vanisher for the sigs, lovely dad for the cool av}}

# ? Mar 1, 2019 19:18

pixaal: All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

Chill la Chill posted:

Should have specials on Wednesdays.

Walrus Wednesday, half priced Walrus rides

sig by owlhawk911

# ? Mar 1, 2019 19:23

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

the zoo manager tries to undercut labour by outsourcing various tasks to the animals

little does he know that before long, he himself is replaced by one of the orangutans

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Mar 1, 2019 20:06

Barking Gecko: Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."

. . . and over here is our popular new interactive exhibit, where you can watch our black mamba interact with what's left of our marketing team, in an office-like setting.

# ? Mar 1, 2019 20:32

pixaal: All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

mommy, why is that man hitting a snake with his shoe?

sig by owlhawk911

# ? Mar 1, 2019 20:34

Mummy Napkin

picture this: real life whack-a-mole. we can make a killing on the ponchos alone.

# ? Mar 1, 2019 20:59

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

basically this:

but with tigers

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Mar 1, 2019 21:10

pixaal: All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

We should have a tiger in the petting zoo, have you heard one purr?

sig by owlhawk911

# ? Mar 1, 2019 21:12

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

pixaal posted:

We should have a tiger in the petting zoo, have you heard one purr?

it's basically just a big kitten. more cuddles, right?

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Mar 1, 2019 21:20

pixaal: All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

Nosfereefer posted:

it's basically just a big kitten. more cuddles, right?

p.much they are very loud when they purr

sig by owlhawk911

# ? Mar 1, 2019 22:06

lol but: body is a dinosaur

GET IN THE loving ZOO!!! :blastu:

# ? Mar 2, 2019 12:04

Goons Are Gifts

lol but seriously I posted:

GET IN THE loving ZOO!!!

OK you go left, I go right, we round those fuckers up and then go towards zoo!

# ? Mar 2, 2019 13:19

vanisher

Lets rename it "the office" so husbands have a great excuse to come

# ? Mar 2, 2019 17:50

vanisher

Also maybe we can hire steve carell for promo stuff

# ? Mar 2, 2019 17:51

google THIS

vanisher posted:

Also maybe we can hire steve carell for promo stuff

Excuse me, we found the bear enclosure, but where is the beet enclosure?

# ? Mar 2, 2019 19:33

pixaal: All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

google THIS posted:

Excuse me, we found the bear enclosure, but where is the beet enclosure?

The farm is next to the petting zoo unfortunately someone left the gate open to the beet exhibit.

We think the deer from the petting zoo are the most likely culprits but are not sure. Either way the beets were eaten :smith: