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Jim gets Dwight's sister pregnant
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Mar 19, 2021 18:03
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| # ¿ May 14, 2024 14:24 |
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Jim gives dwight a broken pogo stick. Taking the first jump, a metallic shock is sent through dwight's bones, mildly hurting him and knocking him over.
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Mar 19, 2021 18:15
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Jim dies and leaves everything to Dwight. Pam, scorned, hires a hitman to kill him.
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Mar 19, 2021 18:35
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Jim claims to have a jawbreaker for Dwight, but instead drops into his hand a red hot ball of nickel
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Mar 19, 2021 19:39
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Jim and Pam are having another baby, and they take photographs with a pregnant pam holding her gunn and ammo collection. Anyway, years later they die in a common household accident and leave custody of the 3 kids to dwight and angela, struggling beet farmers with a bad barncat infestation. The crops begin to turn. mose is sick. Dwight looks up at the sky and asks, why. He could have sworn that cloud smirked at him.
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Mar 20, 2021 04:15
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Jim tampers with the controls of an amusement park roller coaster that Dwight is on.
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Mar 20, 2021 04:49
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mysterious frankie posted:Jim lays egg in dwights chest Jim makes dwight eat a rotten egg!
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Mar 20, 2021 04:54
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All Jim and No Dwight makes Pam a dull Roy
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Mar 22, 2021 02:47
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Jim makes his puppet, Kermit the Frog, say, "Dwight Stinks"
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Mar 25, 2021 16:59
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Jim builds a railroad leading up to the entrance of Dwight's farmhouse. When Dwight opens the door, he is hit by a train.
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Apr 20, 2021 02:30
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Jim transforms himself into an electron beam and zaps himself into Dwight's television, changing the endings to all of his favorite episodes of Battlestar Galactica
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Nov 18, 2021 01:22
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Jim invents a time machine and goes back to the genesis of silent film, stands on a platform right next to a moving train, and mugs to the camera.
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Nov 18, 2021 03:32
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Jim pushes Dwight down the stairs.
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Nov 30, 2021 05:00
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Jim constructs a labyrinth underneath Dunder Mifflin and traps Dwight in it.
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Nov 30, 2021 08:57
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I'm happy every time little champion shows up.
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Nov 30, 2021 20:19
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Jim signs on with Netflix for a one hour comedy special, "Just Prankin' Around." His act contains mostly accounts of pranks pulled on Dwight, a lot of unfounded attacks on Dwight's character, one knock-knock joke, and a final ten-minute ventriloquist act he performs by putting Dwight's glasses on his rear end. The special is a confusing mess, a few people laugh at first, but as the special goes on the vitriolic tone confuses and upsets the whole audience. They don't even know who Dwight is! Jim doesn't care though. He has everything he needs. He sets up a viewing party in the conference room, and he's gone all out. The room is decked with gold and silver ornaments, a hand-carved wooden throne has been set up for the "guest of honor" (Dwight), the catering is from a five star restaurant in new york, the centerpiece being a delicious chocolate cake in the shape of Jim's rear end wearing Dwight's glasses, bearing a slogan too vile to repeat here. He puts his hands on his hips and takes a deep, satisfied breath. He turns around. Michael Scott is behind him, and kneecaps him with a bat. How dare Jim steal his dream of being a comedian! Jim falls face first into the rear end-cake, obscuring the slogan. Dwight walks into the room and says, "Hey Jim, I think the forks are over there!" The whole office laughs, even Michael. Jim, reeling with the bitter sting of his own comic failure, attempts to run out of the office, but with broken knees and buttercream frosting stinging his eyes, he slams facefirst into the crepe station and scalds his face and his forearms with piping hot crepe batter. Howling like an animal, he throws his body out of the window. The Office decides, in his honor, they will watch the special anyway. Nobody can remember what it is called, or what Jim's last name is, so they settle on watching episodes of "Seinfeld." The next day Pam drives Jim to the doctor, where he receives skin grafts from, let's say Kevin.
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Dec 1, 2021 06:58
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Jim has distorted the television signal and has de-synced the interlacing on his frames by 5 seconds to prank Dwight. "HeHye yD wDiwgihgtht," Jim says, half of himself lagging behind the other, "WoWrokirnkgi nHg aHrdard?" Dwight looks up with a smile. "Hardly Working!" His face turns pale. Pam screams and drops her coffee. Others turn, Oscar biles. They all stare unflinching at the worst sight they have ever seen in their lives. Jim bllinks, too late and too early. He smirks twice. --- "What we're dealing with is a Quantum Phenomenon," said Michael Scott, who has called a meeting in the conference room. "I have invited Scranton's top minds, Rudy Angeletti, professor of Physics at scranton tech, Roland Thurgood, professor of Psychology and Philiosiphy, and Sullivan Fornstern, head broadcast engineer at WBRE. The honorable Professor Angiletti, before we begin our line of questioning, would you explain to these people what this is." He points to a picture he has printed and hung on the wall. "The Milky Way." "Thank you. One example, of a Quantum Phenomenon." Stanley groans from the back, "No it isn't." Ryan adds, "And neither is Quantum Leap, or Alf." "Then explain where he came from, Ryan. Explain the imagination!" "I'm sorry, can we get on topic?" asks the professor. --- It had been three months since Jim's prank. Ordinary physicians were wordless. The top doctors in the top hospitals in the world could find no answers for him. He had been passed around research institutions, treated like a guinea pig, put on tv, in spite of the fact that his image was increasingly erratic, static-y, and out of focus. In the last month his condition had worsened to the point of altering the structural makeup of the things around him. He had begun to create feedback around radios, phones and televisions. What's more, he seems to be moving away in time from himself, if not space, aging at first normally, half forward and half in reverse, but the rate had quickened until he was both ten years older and younger, pranking Dwight in one second and watching with horror as the world fell around him in the other. In the pst week, he had begun to turn into a sort of static blob, ripping chunks of matter apart with him. He had been sealed in a glass container ten miles beneath the ground, in the middle of the Mojave Desert. --- "You see, there's a visible spectrum of light. But there are also phenomena along the electromagnetic spectrum that we can't see, things like radio waves and cosmic rays and that sort of thing.Jim has begun to drift outward onto opposite ends of the spectrum and is in danger of tearing causality apart entirely. But we think that, if we can broadcast a recreation of Jim, as exactly, as possible, physically and psychologically, we may be able to restore a small amount of stability to the universe while we cook up a better solution," said the professor pf physics. "A Mirror Jim," said Michael, "Of course." "So we want to know what you know about Jim." Said the professor of Psychology. "His likes, his dislikes, what kind of a person he was. A memory, anything." "Well," Opened Andy Bernard, "He LOVED Tuna. He practically wouldn't eat anything else." Three people in the back fastudiously type notes "He was a total Jerk, he was never there for me," said Kelly. "Make him nicer this time!" "Ooh, you should make him play an instrument, then he'd be way cooler." said Kevin. "Please, we're getting off topic again," said the professor. "You know, he loved to play pranks. And he was always a pretty good salesman," said Dwight. "Good, now we're getting somewhere." --- Dwight sighed and walked into the office. Things were normal, and the threat was in code yellow. The rest of the world seemed even a little happier than usual, having momentarily dodged the big one. But Dwight had his own problem to deal with. He sat on a whoppee cushion. "Ho huek, got you Dwight!" said new new Jim. If you looked from a distance at him, you would almost swear it was the real thing, but Dwight could tell the difference. There were no round corners on this new Jim, just fine polygons. His face was a high-res photo steatched over his synthetic skull. It reminded Dwight of "Goldeneye" Jim cracks open a can of tuna and downs it without tasting. "Dwight, I love the paper sales business, like I love Pam my Wife!" "I love you, Jim," replied the brave actress and prostitute who had volunteered to play Pam to maintain quantum integrity. The real Pam had been in a shock coma since day one. "Now I gotta go play guitar with Kevin and Kelly! I love you my friends!" Said Jim as he happily jogged down to the warehouse. Dwight and "Pam" sigh. "Do you have a cigarette?" she asks. Dwight smiles wearily, "you know Pam doesn't smoke," he says, already handing her one. "God it's so odd, isn't it, that thing isn't it. I feel like they can't have replicated the genome correctly." "They got it close enough I guess. Like rounding up in math." "Or imaginary numbers." They sit for a long while without talking. Dwight starts playing a game on his computer, then sternly closes it without playing.
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Dec 2, 2021 02:51
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Applewhite posted:Throughout his Netflix comedy special, Jim repeatedly refers to Dwight using the N-word to the point where even Michael Scott finally realizes why it's not okay for a white person to say even as a joke. Jim Halpert, comedian, challenges Chris Rock to a standup challenge on Rogan's podcast, rear end well as a few other things that get him permanently banned from the Rogan show. Never, Joe would later recall, was anyone so ignorant to the plight of the working man, the african american community, worldwide refugees, heroin addicts, mothers both single and married, or especially the Pennsylvanian Amish. Jim Laughed like the Joker as Joe attacked him in a rage, as would later happen with Howard Stern, Alex Jones, Marc Maron, And various cable access. Chris Rock watches the Frontline special about this, and puzzled. He had heard that greatness called great men in times of need, but it did not feel like it did reading the adventures of great men in his vast study. How could he fight this malformed Jim Halpert, documentary star come to horrible life? He turned off his TV and pulls a copy of Mary Shelly's Frankenstien from the shelf. If only she was here, she'd know what to do. His eyes dart toward a biography of harry houdini on the shelf. A light goes off in his head. He can do it, for a price. The night of the standup competition has come. Jim is backstage, gorging himself. A red buzzer crackles on. "JIM HALPERT TO STAGE." He chews through a bone and gets up. He walks down a long, long black hallway and into a large black area. In the middle of the room there is a pig. As Jim walks toward him, he sees a sight for sore eyes: dozens of Jims, staring back at him! After admiring his own sallow, sunken reflection, he looks back at the pig and sees it is actually two dead pigs, stitched together. A switch goes off. Two car jacks attached to the pig creation turn on, the pig squeals into agonizing life briefly before exploding all over Jim. Jim laughs, man's inhumanity merely another joke. But something is different now. Thousands of Jims reflect back at him, laughing. Laughing at HIM. He laughs harder but then so do they! He screams and they scream back, the grey wastes, sopping with blood and fat! They killed him, they killed the pig! The blood is on their hands! He attacks one instinctively, like a warthog, and breaks the mirror the Jim is reflected on. He breaks another, and another, deranged and sobbing and driven by mechanic anger. Finally he can take no more and breaks down, sobbing. He sees everything clearly now. When he hurts one person, it comes back at himself in full force. A hand touches his shoulder. It is Steve Whitmere, american puppeteer, dressed up like an exploded pig. Standing behind him are Frank Oz, Brian Henson, Chris Rock, and Giles-Ste Croix, the founder of Cirque du Soleil. "Jim, it was all just a prank! Me and my friends from the entertainment industry wanted to teach you a lesson. It's not so fun when someone pranks you, is it?" Jim hiccups a "No" "We are all your best friends, Jim" says Brian. "We would never hurt you." "For true?" "Oui, for true!" Michael Scott and Dwight Schrute wheel in a cart full of Fresh country Ice Cream. "Now who wants Ice Cream?" They ask. Everybody ate Ice Cream. The End.
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Dec 2, 2021 19:52
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Dwight learns to breakdance, so Jim comes into work wearing funny breakdance pants on the day of Moes' funeral.
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Dec 2, 2021 23:18
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The Kindly Dwight.
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Dec 3, 2021 00:16
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Jim is participating in an international paper sales exchange program, to the relief of Dwight. He walks into Dunder Mifflin, and is thrilled to find his favorite actor sitting at the next desk. "Excuse me, I loved you in The Hobbit," says Dwight "Oi! What's that you're calling me? A Hobbit?" "You don't understand, I-" "If that don't bleedin' end all. I come all the way to america and my deskmate is a ponce. Please, just let me work." Dwight sits down, confused and embarrassed. Tim gets back to his typing. Across the ocean, in Slough, Jim smirks.
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Dec 5, 2021 22:31
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Space Kablooey posted:Dwight decides to prank Jim by recording himself putting a (fake, plastic) spider into Jim's coffee. Of course, since this is pretty gross, Dwight replaces the plastic infused coffee with some fresh coffee, and gives it to Jim. When Jim drinks from it, Dwight chuckles smugly and shows the video of him inserting the spider into Jim's coffee. Revolted, Jim spits out the coffee and starts trashing everything in the office enraged, and then he storms out the office, shouting "THIS WILL NOT STAND, DWIGHT YOU will regret this". Pam pranks Dwight by beginning a lesbian tryst with his wife, Angela. The two elope to South America, far far away from their dreadful lives and husbands. "Boy, Pam got you pretty good, huh. hehe." Says Jim to Dwight. A tired Dwight looks up at Jim. Sympathetically, morosely, he replies, "Pam left too, Jim. She's not going to come back. Don't you miss her? Don't you miss your children?" "Sucks to be you, Dwight. Hehe." Dwight stares for a thousand years, and then applies to some new jobs.
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Dec 6, 2021 02:41
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Creed slips acid into everyone's coffee.
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Dec 6, 2021 20:39
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Jim has transformed himself into a pickle. He's Pickle Jim!
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Dec 7, 2021 06:03
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As an act of magic, Jim encases HIMSELF in Jell-o on live Television. Over the next seven years, the Jell-o eats Jim. A brain stem sends a signal for a smirk down frayed nerve endings, but no response is received.
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Dec 8, 2021 01:16
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Jim pranks Dwight by pouring itching powder down his back, and it's the last straw. After years of abuse, Dwight stands up for himself, calling Jim out as a bully in front of the entire office. To Dwight's surprise, Jim agrees. He asks, wouldn't you like to get a little revenge? Dwight usually isn't one to hold a grudge, but the fury is still fresh in his mind. Why sure, why not get a little revenge. Jim leads Dwight back into the annex, where he has constructed a time machine. He punches exact coordinates, and a green glowing portal opens up in the middle of the room. Jim hands him a whoopee cushion, and instructs him to put it on the yellow chair. Dwight nods and steps into the portal. Dwight is in a classroom, it's hard to say when. It's empty; No students, no teacher. His eyes fix on a yellow chair. Just as he places the whoopee cushion on it, the school bell rings. Dwight hides in the closet. The entire class bounds in, happy and full of energy from recess. Last of all comes a sickly boy, pale and frail, with a familiar mop of unkempt hair. As he pulls out the yellow chair, a look of horrible realization spreads across Dwight's face. "No!!!" he screams, breaking open the closet door, but it is too late. Young Jim has already sat down, and the noise of a fart has erupted from beneath him. The whole class laughs at Jim, their punching bag, and hot tears of embarrassment streak down his face. "Nooooo!!!" Dwight screams again, and Jim looks up. "It was you!" He points to the man in the glasses and mustard shirt, now disappearing in a swirling green vortex of energy. Jim would never forget him. Dwight returns to the future, and looks at Jim, horrified. Jim smirks, but his eyes are empty. Dwight weeps.
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Dec 9, 2021 06:28
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Jim steals Christmas!
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Dec 9, 2021 20:37
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Jim pranks Bob Vance by offering him a stick of mousetrap gum. Bob Vance pranks Jim by breaking his nose.
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Dec 11, 2021 06:45
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Bob Vance wakes up to another perfect morning. The birds are singing, the sun is shining, and a gentle, fragrant breeze blows in through the window. Life couldn't get much better than this. Gradually, he perceives a warm, wet spot pooling across his sheets. Horrified, he tears the covers off of Phyllis, but Phyllis isn't there. The Compressor, Condensor, and Capilalry Tube of his refrigerator are leaking refrigerant all over his sheets. He screams so loud, Phyllis can hear him all the way at Scranton Business Park. "Was that Bob?" Asked Phyllis. "I hope he's not upset I left early to go to this emergency sales meeting." "Yeah, and what's the big emergency, Jim?" Asks Dwight. Jim Smirks.
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Dec 11, 2021 21:53
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Dwight's charitable behavior gains the attention of the mainstream news media, and he is invited onto John Krasinski's show, "Some Good News." Dwight and the star of "Leatherheads" hit it off right away, and Dwight invites him and the entire office to a round of drinks at poor richards. Krasinski is the star of the evening, performing jokes, songs, and curing Ryan of his cocaine addiction, permanently. Only Jim, angrily sulking in a corner, does not like the man. He sees only lies and cowardice. Jim hisses, like an animal. Months later, Krasinski has taken over Halpert's life. Pam and the family have left for him, as well as the entire office, being hired into high-powered, behind the scenes jobs as entertainment executives. Only Jim remains at the office, being hired as regional manager for loyalty. He smokes five cigarettes at once. His assistant, Kevin Malone, buzzes him. "Dwurd would really like to see you" Jim sighs and unlocks the door from his desk. It is a door he bought from a prison warden. "Jim, I want you to do something about Shemp. He switched all the keys around on my keyboard. I want him fired" Jim's face sours. Dwurd smells of the turnip moonshine he distills and drinks as a meal. Shemp hollers and honks a clown horn. He locks himself back in his office, but every show on television is a show produced by someone at the office. He turns to kevin's reality webcam show about "The Office: An American workplace: where are they now?" And sees himself watching TV. He lights a sixth cigarette.
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Dec 12, 2021 07:04
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Jim bakes a dozen donuts for dwight, and uses salt instead of sugar.
FunkyAl fucked around with this message at 19:57 on Dec 13, 2021 |
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Dec 13, 2021 19:52
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Applewhite posted:Dwight enjoys Jim's gift of pretzels. Jim furiously ties the pretzels into knots, inventing their trademark shape.
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Dec 13, 2021 23:35
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Jim is exposed to gamma radiation and gains the abilities of Dr. Fantastic. Rather than fight crime, he gains noteriety as the "REAL" Dr. Fantastic, appearing at sold out after sold out comic convention. Dwight, a fan of Dr. Fantastic, gets an autograph at the Scranton Spaceworld Convention. "Notice anything familiar about me, Dwight?" asks Dr. Fantastic, whose face turns from that of Dr. Reed Richards to the familiar imp and prankster, Jim. Dwight is at first angered, but then pauses. "Good one, Dr. Fantastic! No wonder they call you the world's greatest shape shifter!" He leaves satisfied. But Jim is annoyed. Was he no longer truly recognizable as himself? He supposed he might as well be able to look like anyone. His body could bend and contort, did he even have muscles anymore? Bones? Oh, how he wished he had seen a doctor after his accident with gamma radiation. If only he had never tried to prank Pam by exposing her to gamma radiation. But it was too late now. He turned into a blob and rolled home. He hadn't seen Pam ever since she figured out how to turn invisible.
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Dec 14, 2021 02:26
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Envious of Dwight's new Cartographer Quality Globe, Jim jumps one thousand miles above the planet, and slams back on the surface with a tremendous CRACK, thereby flattening Earth.
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Dec 16, 2021 07:54
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Applewhite posted:Jim comes to work in blackface to make fun of the time Dwight came to work in blackface. Wasn't that Mark Proksch?
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Dec 17, 2021 23:40
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Jim undergoes radical plastic surgery to appear exactly like Dwight. Now, whenever Dwight passes in front of an open door frame, Jim passes by the other side and mirrors Dwight's actions. It works great at first and everyone laughs, until the moment Dwight tries to leave through the doorway and runs into Jim headfirst. Again he tries, again he walks into Jim. Dwight pleads with Jim, just this once, to let the prank go, but Jim mirrors his words exactly, as Dwight is saying them. Dwight, Jim, screams and cries, upends the room, until eventually only one option remains. Dwight sits in front of the doorway, waiting until one of them eventually starves.
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Dec 18, 2021 06:05
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Jim Pranks Andy by putting a troll mask on his face. Andy's cousin in the CIA has Jim assassinated.
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Dec 20, 2021 19:36
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What are the top times Jim and or Pam went too far. They defenitely did antagonize andy, the one on the show without the cia cousin. He made dwight hit his head with his phone.
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Dec 20, 2021 19:39
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Jim frames Ryan for insider trading.
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Dec 21, 2021 23:53
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| # ¿ May 14, 2024 14:24 |
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The Commander of the Faithful, Calpih Harun al-Rashid, disguises himself as Jim and is moved by the plight of Dwight, the humble beet farmer. He kidnaps Dwight, takes him to his palace, disguises HIM as the Caliph and advises his staff to behave as if it were all normal. Dwight awakes, nd acting as the Caliph, forgives his mother's debts, and writes into law many deeds for the common man. The next morning, Dwight has returned home, but still believes he is Calpih. His mother screams and cries to the neighbors, who accost him and hand him to the local sanitorium, where this delusion is beaten out of him. After a year of torture, Dwight regains his sanity and returns to his old life at Dunder Mifflin. However, he is shocked to see Jim, the very man who had escorted him away, sitting at the same desk he had met him with to begin with. Dwight breaks down in tears and rends his clothes. Jim laughs, and eases Dwight, revealing his true identity as Caliph. He grants Dwight and his family a thousand crowns and invites them to live in his palace.
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Dec 22, 2021 00:49
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