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Applewhite posted:Just read my wife the entire one about when Jim was trapped in a world of pranks ("pretty goddamn funny") so she could understand the one where Jim tells Dwight about the Prankosphere being hell. I’ve never watched The Office ever and this thread managed to make me believe that Jim actually called Dwight "Balloon Boy" on the reg - and now you’re saying that it’s not true? To what extent have I been pranked here? Is clown paper a real thing? Staplers encased in jello? The beet farm? Are Jim, Meredith, Pam actually real characters in the show?
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May 19, 2022 16:42
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A Fancy Hat posted:This rules and I think you should watch an episode of the show and report back what you thought of it and how this thread colors your perception of the characters. Wow! These people are way worse than I thought, Dwight deserves everything that's coming at him and I seriously hope Michael gets his comeuppance.
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May 21, 2022 00:09
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poisonpill posted:Quite honestly I’d forgotten that Jim is supposed to be the hero of the show. How far has thread Dwight drifted from show Dwight? So far Dwight has proven to be a remarkably unpleasant individual. I have seen no signs of beet farms, no balloon boys, not a trace of anything that might suggest he is a pacifist or that he has any place near a woman. I have no idea if his character ever evolves because Michael is so god drat dumb and insufferable and never actually gets punished for it so I've vowed not to ever go further than season 2 episode 2 and I feel like this thread is a prank designed to make you watch The Office. Edit so far I don't think I've seen Dwight put in any work as a salesman. Jim has, though. Somewhat. Flowers For Algeria fucked around with this message at 04:10 on May 21, 2022 |
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May 21, 2022 04:07
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Holy loving poo poo I thought Mose was a dog
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May 25, 2022 19:16
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Jim modifies the Hebrew word of power written on Dwight’s forehead and adds him, Dwight, to his golem collection
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Sep 26, 2022 16:17
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poisonpill posted:Jim wears a holographic field generator on his body all day, making him look and sound like a schoolgirl from some weirdo anime series. For some reason, his insistence that he actually is a 1000-year-old demon trapped in a human body is met with a "Well, duh" by Meredith. "This actually explains so much," adds Oscar in a talking head segment.
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Sep 28, 2022 17:58
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Jim, whose odious politics and personality have made him the most reviled man in Scranton, perhaps even in all of Pennsylvania, decides to up the ante and prank an entire country. Under the name of Dwight Schrute, he lays a claim to the throne of Great Britain, presenting himself as a long-lost scion of the Coburg-Gotha family come back from exile. The vapid and lowly British press has a field day when the news erupts and soon the question is on everyone’s lips: could it be that this bizarre skeletal and floppy-haired fellow is indeed the rightful King? Aghast at these news, the real Dwight heads back to Germany in order to unearth the Schrute family tree and establish the truth - but the evidence he finds in the Bavarian registries is ironclad: the Schrutes are in fact descendants in direct line of Franz August Karl Albert of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, consort of Queen Victoria, whose elder son Dwilt’s birth in 1839 was hidden from public knowledge. Dwight knows that these documents are forgeries, for he has spent many days learning the Lore of the Schrutes with Grossmutter Hedda as a child. He can even name his ancestors all the way back to Odon Schrude "the Stammerer" (born in 1045 in a village near Augsburg)! But aside from the forgeries, his search is fruitless. He, Dwight, gathers the remnants of the Schrude family from Bavaria as well as the Schrutes of America - even uncle Heinrich makes the trip from Argentina. Grossmutter Hedda, now 105, barely coherent in between bouts of dementia, is brought along as the family Loremaster. All together, they journey to London in order to confront the impostor. The snakelike British press is present in the hall of Langham Hotel, where Jim has taken residence, when the confrontation takes place. A beet-red Dwight, and all 34 of his various cousins, uncles, aunts and assorted ancestors, gather around a smirking Jim. "Explain this," growls Dwight as he produces the parchments he borrowed from the Augsburg Rathaus. Jim’s grin grows wider, revealing his teeth all the way to his brownish molars. "My, my," he crows, "there it is at last, the incontrovertible proof of my claim, for all the world to see." He, Jim, rises from the armcahir he was sprawled over, snags the documents and proffers them to the cameras. "Behold! Ancestries, birth certificates! Dwight Schrute’s claim is shown to be true! The usurper Charles will be cast down! Thank you, good man." Dwight’s retort is cut short when Grossmutter Hedda ambles up to Jim. In an uncharacteristically sharp movement for such an old lady, her hand grabs Jim’s cheek and she stares straight in his beady eyes. There is a silence then, only broken by the crackling of the vile British paparazzi’s camera flashes. And then: "Dwilt! Der wahre Spross von Dwilt!" Her pronouncement is met with a thunder of exclamations in English and German. "No! This man is no Schrute! I am Dwight Schrute!" screams Dwight, but his protests go unheard in the din of the journalists’ inane babble. Dwight finally understand that he has lost when, at a gesture from Jim, two Life Guards grab him by the arms and drag him away. He is sealed away in London Tower for his many crimes. Charles III is quickly deposed and Dwight (Jim) adopts the regnal name Famous Jim the First. His first order as a monarch is to bury Elizabeth’s corgis alive alongside her body at Windsor Castle, and replace them with Mose as the royal family mascot - a move that is hailed as "bold" by the Telegraph and "visionary" by the Guardian. "And now, to appoint a new Prime Minister…" King Famous Jim the First mugs at the camera as he dials Kevin’s phone number.
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Oct 20, 2022 19:24
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Jim sacrifices Dwight in a grisly ritual, tearing his, Jim’s, soul in two in the process. He then magicks one of his soul’s halves into a urinal cake, thus making himself immortal until the cursed receptacle is destroyed. Kevin is delighted to see that there is a seemingly indestructible urinal cake that glows angry red when you pee on it in the Dunder Mifflin toilets.
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Nov 1, 2022 23:51
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Jim hisses at Mose.
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Nov 4, 2022 23:19
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Jim gets an experimental surgery that takes two inches off of his, Dwight’s, height.
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Nov 5, 2022 23:53
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Jim never really existed: he was a figment of Dwight’s imagination all along, an aspect of his split personality. Dwight encases his own stapler in jello and places it in his drawer. A few moments later, he opens the drawer again. "MICHAEL!" Dwight smirks at the camera.
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Nov 7, 2022 16:15
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Jim replaces Dwight’s clothes with two skins.
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Nov 8, 2022 00:49
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Arcanine Jim uses Flamethrower on Dwight. It’s super effective! Dwight goes down!
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Nov 12, 2022 09:14
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Dangerous bandit Archer Jim and his team of brigands hound the poor city of Nottingham. Assistant to the sheriff Dwight Schrute is a frequent target of their cruel displays of violence. Jim mugs Angela.
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Nov 12, 2022 23:29
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jim stands on dwight's left, both men facing the same way. jim reaches over behind dwight's back and taps dwight on the right shoulder, to gain his attention. aware of his tricks, dwight turns to his left in order to admonish jim for his childish pranks - straight into jim’s extended digit. jim mugs the camera
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Nov 14, 2022 18:32
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jim stands on dwight's left, both men facing the same way. jim reaches over behind dwight's back and taps dwight on the right shoulder, to gain his attention. aware of his tricks and unwilling to play along, dwight remains stonefaced and looks straight ahead. his eyebrows shoot up in surprise when he feels a digit suddenly rammed in his butt. jim mugs the camera
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Nov 14, 2022 18:36
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Jim "has" sex "with" Dwight.
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Nov 27, 2022 11:55
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Jim seems oddly giddy at work and Dwight asks Jim what he’s up to. "Nothing at all, Dwight! I’ve just got Funky Halpert coming right up in a minute!" Jim starts squinting as the rest of the office cries in delight. Funky Halpert is coming by Dunder Mifflin? Kevin relishes the idea of trading chili recipes, Pam hopes he can help with the copier jamming… only Dwight remains skeptical. "Jim, I thought you hated Funky. Last time he was here you pitched a fit and started throwing office supplies at the windows. What’s with the smile?" Jim squints harder. Through gritted teeth, he growls: "No worries, Dwight, one Funky Halpert… coming… right… up!" At these words, he, Jim, lets out a deafening and obviously wet fart. The stench is overpowering. There is sulfur in there, cadaver too, hints of durian, feet and wet dog. Tears well up in Dwight’s eyes and Meredith faints in shock (she will have to be taken to the hospital). "Gee, get outta here with your boomboxes and your bandanas, now that’s what I call funking the place up!" Jim stares straight at the camera as he lets out another drawn-out fart.
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Dec 14, 2022 23:46
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Dwight wakes up to the tinny sound of music blasting from a mediocre radio and an uncomfortable sensation in his lower legs. Immediately, he realizes he is not in his bed - his surroundings are unrecognizable and almost clinical. He sits himself (Dwightself) up on the bed. Disoriented, Dwight takes a few moments to assess his situation. He is in a square chamber with transparent glasslike walls along most of its perimeter, with only a plain metallic surface on one side. The chamber is small, only three meters or so to a side (Dwight respects the innate superiority of the metric system and eschews imperial units). There is no obvious exit to it, but looking through the transparent walls reveals that the chamber is located within a larger room with a round door. He is seated on an oval bed that is too small for him. A toilet sits in a corner, pristine. The radio is rested on a small box, alongside a clipboard and a nondescript white mug. Mystified, Dwight stares at the now silent radio. As if on cue, the music starts again, a thirty-second synthesized tune. His legs are starting to ache now. Abandoning the radio, Dwight focuses on them and an oath escapes his lips. His calves and feet are each ensconced in their own mechanical contraption of plastic and metal. His efforts to remove them are fruitless. The music starts again. The first chord is D major. The devices on his legs are uncomfortable but not actually painful. Gingerly, Dwight attempts to leave the bed and to stand up. He is surprised to see that they do not actually hinder his movements or his balance - all they do is give his steps a springy quality. How odd. Dwight approaches a wall. It is not actually made of glass and looks very solid. On the wall of the outer room, he notices a bulbous camera. "Hello? Is anyone there?" There is no answer. The camera is staring straight at him. Dwight frowns, then raises his voice. "Let me out!" The only response comes from the radio as the tune starts looping again. Dwight starts pounding on the walls, including the metal sheet, to no avail. The walls go all the way up to the ceiling, so there is no exit to be found there either. Dwight is about to scream again when, with a crackle reminiscent of an ancient PA system, a disembodied voice starts resonating within the confines of his cell. "Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center…" The voice is slightly robotic but its tone is Jim’s. Dwight even detects the hint of a smirk in its inflections. Wherever he is, it’s likely that there is a camera.
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Dec 19, 2022 18:49
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Michael, who is a devout Christian, decides that "in the spirit of Christmas", the entire office should form a choir and sing carols every night in December. Jim’s screechy voice and terrible sense of rhythm make it unbearable for everyone involved.
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Dec 20, 2022 18:31
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Jim shows up to work in a stained T-shirt and a full beard. He starts rambling with an eastern european accent and punctuates most of his sentences with "and so on and so on". This is all to make Dwight believe that his incessant sniffing is part of a Slavoj Zizek costume - in fact, Jim has inoculated himself with a highly contagious and lethal variant of the common cold. Jim sniffs, then mugs at the camera.
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Dec 20, 2022 23:41
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Dwight arrives at Dunder Mifflin only to notice Jim painstakingly drawing a giant X in white clown paint in the middle of the parking lot. "What’s this one about, then?" "C’mon, Dwight, yaknow, X marks the spot! This is where it happens!" Distrustful of Jim’s antics and mystified by his nonsensical answer, Dwight gives the X a wide berth and goes to work. Nothing ever happens with the X. As the days and weeks go by, it is slowly washed away by the rain and passing cars. Dwight still avoids it on principle, however, as he can sometimes see Jim staring at the X and muttering phrases like "Yeah, any second now" or "This is it, this is the place". His other coworkers don’t even care: they drive and step over the marking without noticing it any more. Dwight finds that he can’t stop thinking about the X. It’s not that he’s obsessed, per se–he’ll glance at it from time to time, space out for a few moments while his brain tries to figure out the mystery. Finally: "Dude, it’s reverse psychology." Dwight snaps out of his reverie. Andy is certainly not the brightest bulb out there but his words just make sense. How much time has he lost to these bouts of wonder? How long had he been staring into space this time? The quality of his work has suffered lately and his charity activities are all but abandoned. Could that be the actual prank? And how had he not thought of that? "What you gotta do, D-Dawg, is face your fears!" Andy’s next piece of advice is sound, although the X isn’t a fear at this point, only a mystery and a superstition. In order to conjure it away, Dwight decides he’ll do the rational thing and stand right on top of the X in order to show himself that there never was anything to it. He goes down to the parking lot, accompanied by Andy. The X is still there, a faint outline. It takes more courage than it should, but Dwight steps onto it. "Well?" Dwight doesn’t have the time to answer as a concert grand piano crashes on top of his head. He sits there, dazed, while a comical tune starts playing on the piano keys that have replaced his teeth.
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Dec 30, 2022 09:24
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Toby places Dwight’s stapler in a jello mold, together with water, green dye and powdered gelatin. The mixture fails to properly congeal and a disgusted Toby just dumps the whole thing in Dwight’s bottom drawer. Dwight discovers the mess a few moments later when the drawer starts leaking and sighs. Toby attempts a pained smile at the camera.
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Jan 4, 2023 17:13
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"Wow, Dwight, you look like poo poo today!" Dwight, whose entire head has been replaced by an equally sized dog turd during the night, is unable to answer as he lacks a mouth.
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Jan 4, 2023 17:20
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It is young Beetrum’s sixth birthday. As a gift for his son, Dwight has brought home a floppy haired talking doll who introduces itself as Jimmy. In the following days, Beetrum is accused of a series of ever escalating pranks. When a prank involving a hammer and copious amounts of jello ends up sending Meredith to the hospital, Dwight realizes that Jim (who hasn’t been seen for over a week at this point) must have transferred his soul into the doll, probably through some insane voodoo ritual. He doesn’t have the time to act upon his realization. Jimmy, an eternal grin etched on his plastic face, raises his knife to stab Dwight in the balls.
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Jan 17, 2023 14:47
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Jim kicks Dwight in the hypotenuse. Dwight remarks that this makes no sense, which only prompts Jim to kick again, harder this time.
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Jan 17, 2023 17:37
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FunkyAl posted:Jim breaks into Dwight's house and "switches his socks" so that he (Dwight) will put alligators on his feet instead of socks. Unfortunately, halfway through the prank, Jim realizes one of the alligators is a crocodile. Jim suffers a post-traumatic flashback of the film Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile and runs screaming, as loud as he can, through a pane of glass and out of Dwight's window. Dwight stirs momentarily and then pulls the crocodiles tail over him like a blanket. Upon waking up, Dwight is flummoxed by the Jim-shaped hole in the glass.
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Feb 2, 2023 09:24
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Jim kicks Dwight in the nuts so hard they untether, perforate his stomach and come out of his mouth in a graceful arc. Before they even hit the ground, he, Jim, grabs them and squeezes them into powder.
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Mar 2, 2023 23:32
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And in those days, the sons of Man dwelled plentiful in the Land of the Sun. Their tents sheltered robust families and the Angels beheld their daughters beauteous. Thus did the sons of God sit amongst them. Alas, disdainful of their former splendor, they came to yearn for the love of the maidens of the Earth. And from this union sprang gibbering yellow giants. Man degenerated in the following ages. Ere long, evil grew, like foul leprosy. By his wicked deeds Man outraged the Heavens - and God did repent from having created the world. Behold what proclaimed the voice of the Lord then! "Curse these men, for they have turned away from my face and outraged me with misdeeds! Justice is despised, holy bonds are sundered while crime remains triumphant! Vice stains them, even the brows of babes! I shall exterminate them all!" Dwight found grace in the eyes of God however, for he was a man of justice and integrity. God told him: "My clemency is waning and the time has come for my wrath. Thou shalt build a tall, wide and deep wooden ark. Then, let thy wife, thy sons, thy sons’ wives and thy dog into it to be confined, along with selected couples of all the beings of the Earth. With thee and thine I make this covenant. Now go with haste, for my work must begin soon, that the wicked may be punished." Dwight did what God had commanded then. And the rains of the Deluge overwhelmed the world. From the depths of the abyss to the top of the skies, furious winds and waters crashed with a terrible roar. The sun hid behind a funereal veil, and it was as if the shadow would last forever. The rain fell for forty days from the Heavens and the waves rose over the ruins. The men fled to the hills, abandoning their cities in the face of the scourge, as eagles flew over the devastation. Yet the flood rose, certain of its victims, paying no heed to their cries of dismay, and it overcame the highest peaks. Then were the roars of the furious monsters and the clamor of men extinguished, like a sigh - for everything that lived on Earth had been destroyed. The Ark, well shuttered by Dwight’s hand, drifted on that grim ocean towards the boundless horizon, in the middle of night eternal. Now God recalled Dwight and his (God’s) promise to him. "I wonder how long it’s gonna take him to figure out. I can’t remove all this water anyway, where the hell would I put it?" For a moment, the dark clouds cracked over the Ark, as a Cosmic grin.
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Mar 23, 2023 03:09
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Jim, foppishly overdressed and overgroomed in a Balenciaga outfit, has an even more disquieting look than when he used to be lanky and scarecrow-like. Dwight steals a glance at him and gulps, ill at ease. Jim stares at the camera lifelessly.
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Apr 5, 2023 07:13
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The cast of The Office and the cast of The Big Bang Theory morph into a show called The Big Bang Office. "Bazinga!" yells Jim as he kicks Dwight in the nuts extra hard.
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Apr 5, 2023 18:47
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Joke Miriam posted:What if Jim killed Dwight? Again?
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May 19, 2023 22:53
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Jim hits Dwight with a baseball bat, flinging him straight into the sky where he, Dwight, disappears with a small flash of light.
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Jun 7, 2023 15:28
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Jim places Robin's stapler in jello.
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Jul 1, 2023 18:16
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Jim surgically removes Dwight's cock and balls so that now he (Dwight) sports a Ken crotch. Jim mugs to the camera. He no longer needs to be in Dwight's presence in order to kick him in the nutsack.
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Jul 27, 2023 13:14
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Jim places Dwight on a treadmill that matches his speed. "I'd like to see you try taking off now, Balloon Boy!" he cackles maniacally. Dwight deploys his graceful angel's wings and flies away unhindered. His prank foiled, Jim grinds his teeth.
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Aug 7, 2023 17:41
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All the members of the Office team recieve a mysterious email from Michael simply titled "uRGENT: esc". It turns out to be an invitation to Michael's house that afternoon to watch the Eurovision Song Contest final, with attendance "mandatory, under pain of termination". This elicits a collective groan, but given the nature of the threat, everyone (even Stanley) leaves the office at 2 PM and makes their way to Michael's place. The afternoon is appropriately cringy, between Michael's usual antics and the show's over-the-top nature. The performances alternate between utterly forgettable and annoyingly catchy. Just as England's song is about to come up, Jim stands up. "I'm gonna go grab a bite in the kitchen, anyone wants something?" Kevin orders bacon, Michael a beer, Pam an apple juice. On the TV, the stage goes dark. A lanky hooded figure appears from backstage with the mic, all alone. Then, with a blast of feedback: "This one's dedicated to my Balloon Boy!" A huge picture of Dwight appears behind the figure. It has red eyes, devil's horns and a cruel smile uncharacteristic of the real Dwight who stares at the screen, transfixed. The figure rips his hood and cloak off to reveal Jim, nude except for a pair of red tennis shoes. Then the music starts. It is louder than anything before, discordant, tritones aplenty over which Jim starts screeching his song, Dwight is a Blight. The lyrics are confusing: they tell the tale of Dwight, a beet farmer/paper salesman (it is unclear) whose various outlandish but monstrous acts motivate the singer's hatred of him. Somehow, the atrocious song drives the audience in a frenzy. Unprompted, they start chanting "Blood! Blood!" whenever there is a lull in the song. Dwight is evil, he's just a huge moron. Dwight is a blight, kill his dog, kill his mom! Dwight is the devil, oh I wish he was dead! Dwight is a blight, OFF WITH HIS HEAD! With that last pronouncement ending the final chorus, the song dissolves into feedback again and the crowd roars in appreciation. The camera pans to a group of fans who are enthusiastically trying to rip the head off a yellow shirt wearing member of the audience. "So, what'd I miss?" Jim's question seems to break the hypnotic spell that has befallen Dwight. He glances at his colleagues. They are staring at him, glassy-eyed. "...off with his head..." mumbles Kevin, and Creed grumbles in acquiescence. Dwight then turns to Jim. Back from the kitchen, Jim is now distributing all kinds of knives to the rest of the Office team. He smirks at the Eurovision Song Contest camera crew that has inexplicably appeared in a corner of the living room. As Meredith and Pam, freshly armed with cleavers and still staring at him, move to stand up, Dwight sighs. He knows how this is going to end.
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Sep 5, 2023 07:20
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Jim spanks Dwight extra hard on his (Dwight's) buttocks, turning them bright red. "I've heard of a Balloon Boy," he guffaws, "but a Baboon Boy? This takes the cake!"
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Sep 7, 2023 11:51
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m mg m.
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Sep 20, 2023 22:25
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Jim sics Jo's hounds on Mose.
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Sep 23, 2023 12:42
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