If we were as impressed as people expected us to be

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > If we were as impressed as people expected us to be

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google THIS

Wow. Do you hear that? That motorcycle is loud. EXCUSE ME, SIR! SIR? I REALLY LIKE YOUR MOTORCYCLE! I SAID I REALLY LIKE YOUR MOTORCYCLE! YEAH, I LIKE THE SOUND IT MAKES! IT REALLY MAKES YOU SEEM TOUGH AND VIRILE! I SAID IT...NEVER MIND! NICE BIKE, MAN!

# ? Mar 28, 2019 22:47

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# ? May 9, 2024 09:17

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

"Man oh MAN! I haven't smelled anything that rancid since I worked at the poo poo processing plant! You smell like poo poo! You smell WORSE than poo poo! You should bottle that scent; I bet you could clear a warehouse full of those beetles that crawl around in a pile of batshit in those national Geographic specials, that one with the massive pile of bat poo poo? All them bugs would run away from your fart-riddled plague rear end!"

# ? Mar 28, 2019 22:51

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

holy poo poo.....YOU drank ALL of those beers!? it's like the most BADASS trophy wall i've EVER seen!?? drat man... spuds mckenzie has NOTHING on you!

# ? Mar 28, 2019 23:05

google THIS

Oh. My. God. I am in the presence of true greatness. I don't even know how to act! Seriously, this may be the greatest thing I've ever seen! The fourth largest snow globe collection in the world?! I mean, wow!

# ? Mar 29, 2019 00:14

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

google THIS posted:

Oh. My. God. I am in the presence of true greatness. I don't even know how to act! Seriously, this may be the greatest thing I've ever seen! The fourth largest snow globe collection in the world?! I mean, wow!

# ? Mar 29, 2019 00:20

vanisher

google THIS posted:

Oh. My. God. I am in the presence of true greatness. I don't even know how to act! Seriously, this may be the greatest thing I've ever seen! The fourth largest snow globe collection in the world?! I mean, wow!

# ? Mar 29, 2019 00:43

Goons Are Gifts

google THIS posted:

Oh. My. God. I am in the presence of true greatness. I don't even know how to act! Seriously, this may be the greatest thing I've ever seen! The fourth largest snow globe collection in the world?! I mean, wow!

# ? Mar 29, 2019 01:51

FlaxAxis: sup #entitlitos

oh man you weren't kidding. that really IS a BIG TRUCK! wow! I didn't even know they made them that big. how do you even get in that thing?
and what an IMPRESSIVE collection of window stickers. Is that a FIRST EDITION calvin pissing on a chevy logo? color me impressed!
I can't wait to see how black the exhaust smoke is. everybody in traffic must be super jealous :swoon:

vanisher = sig champ

# ? Mar 29, 2019 02:34

FutonForensic

google THIS posted:

Oh. My. God. I am in the presence of true greatness. I don't even know how to act! Seriously, this may be the greatest thing I've ever seen! The fourth largest snow globe collection in the world?! I mean, wow!

# ? Mar 29, 2019 05:32

FutonForensic

holy moly. this dick pic... so flaccid... so greasy... so crooked. i'm slavering to get nasty with this wiener that looks like an overbaked pilsbury croissant. great job!

# ? Mar 29, 2019 05:35

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

FutonForensic posted:

holy moly. this dick pic... so flaccid... so greasy... so crooked. i'm slavering to get nasty with this wiener that looks like an overbaked pilsbury croissant. great job!

# ? Mar 29, 2019 07:12

redm

no way, oh you like all kinds of music?

_{sig by Manifisto}

# ? Mar 29, 2019 07:38

Android Blues

Luvcow posted:

holy poo poo.....YOU drank ALL of those beers!? it's like the most BADASS trophy wall i've EVER seen!?? drat man... spuds mckenzie has NOTHING on you!

# ? Mar 29, 2019 11:35

bird.

he's so intriguing i must click his "about me" page.... oh goodness... William Faulkner quotes?!? how does he plumb such depths

# ? Mar 29, 2019 16:58

google THIS

Wow. (whistles appreciatively) You are cynical. I mean, I thought I had met people with bleak outlooks before, but they're sunshine and rainbows compared to you. You must be so intelligent. And you paid to post on a forum, too? I rest my case.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 18:22

redm

oh I get it your racism is ironic very nice

# ? Mar 29, 2019 18:27

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

"Holy roller-skating, tap-dancing Christ... is that a FIDGET SPINNER???"

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Mar 29, 2019 18:32

bird.

is that Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace on your bookshelf?

# ? Mar 29, 2019 18:35

redm

Ohhh, stainless steel silverware huh? WELL LA-DEE Gd DAh

# ? Mar 29, 2019 18:47

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

"I can't believe you memorized "Dianetics" by L. Ron Hubbard; that's incredible!"

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Mar 29, 2019 18:49

google THIS

You know that Socrates cave thing? Well, that's how it felt just now when you explained to me why video games are a real sport.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 18:55

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

*struggling to breath, eyes watering as i double over dry heaving, stumbling to me feet as i try desperately to control my laughter* "your pickup truck has testicles!!!?" *collapsing on the ground as the laughter overtakes me again*

# ? Mar 29, 2019 18:55

redm

[smoking a bubble pipe as I listen to the person next to me blather on about a free dog they got from the pound]

such a selfless act of rescue on your part, my altruistic chum... :lofty:

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:16

google THIS

redm posted:

[smoking a bubble pipe as I listen to the person next to me blather on about a free dog they got from the pound]

such a selfless act of rescue on your part, my altruistic chum...

And a week later, frowning thoughtfully as they explain why they took the dog back, accepting that their explanation is sincere and not at all a cover for the fact that they're too lazy and irresponsible to take care of an animal.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 21:11

Peanut Butter: Wee mannie

"You don't say! Little khrystale started walking a whole two months early? Wow! I mean, she'll surely be a genius! She knows 'mama', 'dada' and 'gramma' too?! I heard Stephen Hawking couldn't even talk at her age. Right? She's going to be so smart"

# ? Mar 29, 2019 21:23

Peanut Butter: Wee mannie

no frickin way I can't believe you passed your driving test the first time! holy poo poo dude! that must put you in like *checks notes* the top 20% of drivers! that's insane dude, i hope you got a medal

e: i'm so frickin stoked for you dude

# ? Mar 29, 2019 21:26

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

"Dear Penthouse Letters,

I never thought it would happen to me! Some stranger I had never met before started reminiscing with me about the good ol' days, and out of nowhere, BAM! I get propositioned!

This random person said they were gonna pay ME to kick THEIR rear end!

I've never been so happy in all my life...

Signed,

Liquor in the Front Kicker in the Rear"

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Mar 29, 2019 21:32

Goons Are Gifts

Oh God, you are unbelievably amazing! You know, I thought this day was bad but then you came around after my hard day at work and shared your amazing loud music in this train with me and us all! I want to tell you that you are a good person.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 22:12

redm

My word the bass of your car stereo is so strong it sounds nothing at all like an angry hornets nest from the outside

# ? Mar 29, 2019 23:41

Lil Swamp Booger Baby

Sir, sir excuse me, yes sir hello may I speak to you? I just wanted to say, y'know, big BIG fan of what you said and your education, I wanted to say man, when you said guys have a penis and girls have a vagina...
Just, oh my goodness bear with me I'm so flustered sorry, you followed that up with men have XY chromosomes and women have XX? Unbelievable! I NEVER would have thought you, someone whose understanding of the human reproductive system was entirely informed by a Highschool Health class you got a C in and barely paid attention in, would COMPLETELY shut down all the experts and academics and sociologists and biologists and psychologists and everything!

It's just astounding to think how right you must be and how wrong they must be. Haha yes! You're right, it's clearly a liberal conspiracy those scientists are engaged in, absolutely, totally! I'm sure everyone with credentials and clout disagreeing with you is just more proof you are right.

Well, wow, really glad I could let you know how much I appreciated your nuanced, educated opinion! I'm gonna go on Facebook right away and share a radio station page meme about men trying to get into women's bathrooms by starting expensive HRT you have to struggle with your insurance company to get and developing breasts and spending hundreds on clothes while being constantly harrassed and potentially assaulted or murdered so they could maybe stand in a bathroom with women in it for a couple of minutes!!

# ? Mar 30, 2019 00:19

kalel

[cut to Salieri reading this thread] and I knew, at that moment... that I was reading the very word of God.

# ? Mar 30, 2019 00:36

Stooge

hahaha wow what a fantastic story, please continue to tell me about times you and your friends got "sooooo high" and watched old disney films haha

# ? Mar 30, 2019 10:29

pixaal: All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

Oh man you got the first comment on that YouTube video! that's so cool! I'm not cool enough to get a first post, maybe someday but man grats and you even just say first post nothing else because nothing else needs to be said it's already almost too cool

# ? Mar 30, 2019 20:43

pixaal: All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

You aren't silly looking I swear you are the scariest ging I have ever seen with inflating your stomach and looking several times you size

this is all over my shoulder because you are so scary I started running the moment you did it

# ? Mar 30, 2019 20:45

blaise rascal: "Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Pearl...."

You went to hooters TWICE? In ONE WEEK? Wow, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that you are straight

ty vanisher, ty khanstant

# ? Mar 30, 2019 22:34

redm

nice flatbill cap with the tag still on it, it really compliments the rest of your walmart wardrobe perfectly

# ? Mar 31, 2019 20:31

google THIS

N-...no way. You read the book this movie is based on? And you say the book wasn't adapted exactly, detail for infinitesimal detail, to two-ish hours of screen time? And you're really mad about it? Wow, my boxers just spontaneously transformed into panties, just so they could drop.

google THIS fucked around with this message at 00:40 on Apr 1, 2019

# ? Apr 1, 2019 00:37

Goons Are Gifts

Oh no really, that's cool! Just continue to talk on the phone using your amazing wireless headset so loud that everyone hears both you and the guy you are talking to, I find this very brave, honest and refreshing!
Oh no, I wasn't eavesdropping on your 90 decibels phone call, I just wanted to tell you what a great business man you are!

# ? Apr 1, 2019 00:49

pixaal: All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

All the tea in China you say?

# ? Apr 1, 2019 03:23

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# ? May 9, 2024 09:17

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

wow, so you're the king of macedonia, the conqueror of the world? i'm so impressed! please, block the sunlight some more!

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Apr 4, 2019 19:35

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > If we were as impressed as people expected us to be

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