helping my uncle jerk off a horse

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > helping my uncle jerk off a horse

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cda: by Hand Knit

We call him "Uncle Jerk" because he never helps us masturbate the horse

# ? Apr 20, 2019 02:46

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# ? May 2, 2024 19:27

treasure bear

keep accidentally milking cows instead

# ? Apr 20, 2019 02:48

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

there's no jerking in horse-ball!

# ? Apr 20, 2019 03:02

pig slut lisa: irl is good

did he need help getting on the horse as well?

# ? Apr 20, 2019 03:32

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

then he said he had to help his uncle jack get off on a horse! get it?

# ? Apr 20, 2019 03:33

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

beginning to think this might not really be a family tradition because everyone is giggling uncontrollably as they watch

# ? Apr 20, 2019 03:37

vanisher

Gonna have to

risk: green

help uncle jack

risk: yellow

get off

risk: red

of the horse

risk: green

after he finishes jerking it off

risk: flashing red

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Apr 20, 2019 03:39

Twenty Four

I'm not sure how you can't click on a thread with this title, just saying.

# ? Apr 20, 2019 13:10

alnilam

my name is Jack and every summer i watch my siblings overbearingly try to get their children into the equestrian hobby. i know the part i must play.

# ? Apr 20, 2019 13:32

Goons Are Gifts

# ? Apr 20, 2019 13:33

Bo-Pepper: Want some rye?
Course ya do!

alnilam posted:

my name is Jack and every summer i watch my siblings overbearingly try to get their children into the equestrian hobby. i know the part i must play.

The �equestrian hobby� is what we all call uncle jed�s jack off hut

# ? Apr 20, 2019 13:59

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Saturday night and he's still hangin' around
Tired of living in your one horse town
You'd like to gently caress a little hole in the ground
For awhile...
So you go to your uncle, he's wearing your jeans
Sitting on your horse, you know what that means.
It's like some pornographic magazine
And you smile

Uncle Jerk is on your horse tonight
You're pretty sure your horse is cryin'
Uncle Jerk gets off your horse tonight
Holy loving poo poo, that horse is smiling!

Oh yeah, ...
Your auntie's gone out, she's on a date
You were gonna sit at home and masturbate
Your uncle is gonna be done soon, but you just can't wait
So you call...
"911, what is your emergency?"
"I just don't like the way he's staring at me and my horse"
Ah, but still your fingers gonna pick your rear end
After all...

So you decide to make a video
You get your cell phone and record it all
You think about instagramming it but
What for?
So you got everything, ah, but nothing's cool
They just found your horse's corpse in the swimming pool
And you guess you won't be going back to school
Anymore.
So you play your albums, and you smoke your pot
And you meet your uncle in the parking lot
Your heart is aching for the horse you haven't got
Anymore.
And if you can't understand why your horse is so dead
Why you've got to keep your uncle in your barn instead
He has a 21 inch penis that sleeps in its own bed
And that's too long

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Apr 20, 2019 14:02

Stoner Sloth

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

there's no jerking in horse-ball!

There's no rule that says... oh wait, my mistake - there is most certainly a rule against this, laws in fact too. Awww shoot.

sigs by the awesome Manifisto, Vanisher, City of Glompton, Pot Smoke Phoenix, Nut, Heather Papps,Prof Crocodile, knuthgrush, Ohtori Akio, Teapot, Saosyhant, Dumb Sex Parrot, w4ddl3d33, and nesamdoom!! - ty friends!

# ? Apr 20, 2019 14:51

Stoner Sloth

Splatmaster posted:

Saturday night and he's still hangin' around
Tired of living in your one horse town
You'd like to gently caress a little hole in the ground
For awhile...
So you go to your uncle, he's wearing your jeans
Sitting on your horse, you know what that means.
It's like some pornographic magazine
And you smile

Uncle Jerk is on your horse tonight
You're pretty sure your horse is cryin'
Uncle Jerk gets off your horse tonight
Holy loving poo poo, that horse is smiling!

Oh yeah, ...
Your auntie's gone out, she's on a date
You were gonna sit at home and masturbate
Your uncle is gonna be done soon, but you just can't wait
So you call...
"911, what is your emergency?"
"I just don't like the way he's staring at me and my horse"
Ah, but still your fingers gonna pick your rear end
After all...

So you decide to make a video
You get your cell phone and record it all
You think about instagramming it but
What for?
So you got everything, ah, but nothing's cool
They just found your horse's corpse in the swimming pool
And you guess you won't be going back to school
Anymore.
So you play your albums, and you smoke your pot
And you meet your uncle in the parking lot
Your heart is aching for the horse you haven't got
Anymore.
And if you can't understand why your horse is so dead
Why you've got to keep your uncle in your barn instead
He has a 21 inch penis that sleeps in its own bed
And that's too long

# ? Apr 20, 2019 14:51

google THIS

Splatmaster posted:

Saturday night and he's still hangin' around
Tired of living in your one horse town
You'd like to gently caress a little hole in the ground
For awhile...
So you go to your uncle, he's wearing your jeans
Sitting on your horse, you know what that means.
It's like some pornographic magazine
And you smile

Uncle Jerk is on your horse tonight
You're pretty sure your horse is cryin'
Uncle Jerk gets off your horse tonight
Holy loving poo poo, that horse is smiling!

Oh yeah, ...
Your auntie's gone out, she's on a date
You were gonna sit at home and masturbate
Your uncle is gonna be done soon, but you just can't wait
So you call...
"911, what is your emergency?"
"I just don't like the way he's staring at me and my horse"
Ah, but still your fingers gonna pick your rear end
After all...

So you decide to make a video
You get your cell phone and record it all
You think about instagramming it but
What for?
So you got everything, ah, but nothing's cool
They just found your horse's corpse in the swimming pool
And you guess you won't be going back to school
Anymore.
So you play your albums, and you smoke your pot
And you meet your uncle in the parking lot
Your heart is aching for the horse you haven't got
Anymore.
And if you can't understand why your horse is so dead
Why you've got to keep your uncle in your barn instead
He has a 21 inch penis that sleeps in its own bed
And that's too long

# ? Apr 20, 2019 16:19

FutonForensic

Splatmaster posted:

Uncle Jerk gets off your horse tonight
Holy loving poo poo, that horse is smiling!

# ? Apr 20, 2019 16:41

Putty: HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

Uncle jerk spends too much time on the balls

# ? Apr 20, 2019 16:44

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Putty posted:

Uncle jerk spends too much time on the balls

THERE'S NO JERKING IN HORSE-BALL!

# ? Apr 20, 2019 17:12

Twenty Four

Stoner Sloth posted:

There's no rule that says... oh wait, my mistake - there is most certainly a rule against this, laws in fact too. Awww shoot.

lol

# ? Apr 20, 2019 17:16

Goons Are Gifts

Splatmaster posted:

Saturday night and he's still hangin' around
Tired of living in your one horse town
You'd like to gently caress a little hole in the ground
For awhile...
So you go to your uncle, he's wearing your jeans
Sitting on your horse, you know what that means.
It's like some pornographic magazine
And you smile

Uncle Jerk is on your horse tonight
You're pretty sure your horse is cryin'
Uncle Jerk gets off your horse tonight
Holy loving poo poo, that horse is smiling!

Oh yeah, ...
Your auntie's gone out, she's on a date
You were gonna sit at home and masturbate
Your uncle is gonna be done soon, but you just can't wait
So you call...
"911, what is your emergency?"
"I just don't like the way he's staring at me and my horse"
Ah, but still your fingers gonna pick your rear end
After all...

So you decide to make a video
You get your cell phone and record it all
You think about instagramming it but
What for?
So you got everything, ah, but nothing's cool
They just found your horse's corpse in the swimming pool
And you guess you won't be going back to school
Anymore.
So you play your albums, and you smoke your pot
And you meet your uncle in the parking lot
Your heart is aching for the horse you haven't got
Anymore.
And if you can't understand why your horse is so dead
Why you've got to keep your uncle in your barn instead
He has a 21 inch penis that sleeps in its own bed
And that's too long

# ? Apr 20, 2019 18:03

Android Blues

vanisher posted:

Gonna have to

risk: green

help uncle jack

risk: yellow

get off

risk: red

of the horse

risk: green

after he finishes jerking it off

risk: flashing red

# ? Apr 20, 2019 18:46

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

vanisher posted:

Gonna have to

risk: green

help uncle jack

risk: yellow

get off

risk: red

of the horse

risk: green

after he finishes jerking it off

risk: flashing red

# ? Apr 20, 2019 21:48

google THIS

It's always amused me that in animal husbandry they call it "digital manipulation."

# ? Apr 22, 2019 03:31

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

google THIS posted:

It's always amused me that in animal husbandry they call it "digital manipulation."

They what now?

# ? Apr 22, 2019 06:51

FactsAreUseless

This isn't the OP's first thread about horse sex

# ? Apr 22, 2019 09:30

Stoner Sloth

FactsAreUseless posted:

This isn't the OP's first thread about horse sex

Not his first rodeo eh?

# ? Apr 22, 2019 10:05

Goons Are Gifts

FactsAreUseless posted:

This isn't the OP's first thread about horse sex

Woah woah woah wait right there champ, since when does jerking off your uncle on a horse constitute the definition of sex?

# ? Apr 22, 2019 12:11

Goons Are Gifts

At least we are not talking about eating a hot dog on a horse, because then this thread would probably be bannable

# ? Apr 22, 2019 12:12

Goons Are Gifts

Wait is this a sequel to the sex number thread?

Oh god I fell into the honeypot, didn't I

# ? Apr 22, 2019 12:13

cda: by Hand Knit

FactsAreUseless posted:

This isn't the OP's first thread about horse sex

Masturbation isn't sex, smart guy

# ? Apr 22, 2019 12:24

Slush Garbo: FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

Uncle Jerk is on the horse again.

Not sure I can sit through another intervention...

# ? Apr 22, 2019 21:01

cda: by Hand Knit

Hugh Malone posted:

Uncle Jerk is on the horse again.

Not sure I can sit through another intervention...

We call him that because he jerks people off for drug money

# ? Apr 22, 2019 21:19

FutonForensic

# ? Apr 22, 2019 23:17

google THIS

FutonForensic posted:

# ? Apr 23, 2019 00:01

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

FutonForensic posted:

# ? Apr 23, 2019 00:02

google THIS

Helping my uncle, Jerk Jack Wank Stroganoff, to legally change his name so people stop making jokes whenever he needs assistance dismounting from his horse, Wigginboner.

# ? Apr 23, 2019 00:10

ragedx: Vodka is just awesome water

cda posted:

Masturbation isn't sex, smart guy

Sure it is. My hand wife never let me down.

# ? Apr 23, 2019 14:20

Farecoal: There he go

helping a horse jerk off my uncle

# ? Apr 23, 2019 15:27

google THIS

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

They what now?

When people need to collect semen from animals, for artificial insemination or to make Jon Arbuckle's favorite beverage, they sometimes do it by the most direct of methods. And that is the euphemism they use to refer to it.

# ? Apr 23, 2019 15:28

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# ? May 2, 2024 19:27

ragedx: Vodka is just awesome water

google THIS posted:

When people need to collect semen from animals, for artificial insemination or to make Jon Arbuckle's favorite beverage, they sometimes do it by the most direct of methods. And that is the euphemism they use to refer to it.

it's also a very fun pastime

# ? Apr 23, 2019 15:31

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > helping my uncle jerk off a horse

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