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My brother is getting married this summer (August). He and his fiance want me to officiate the ceremony. I'm absolutely down for this. The process of getting my state (Virginia) to empower me temporarily is honestly drat easy. The kicker here is I've never done this. They'll be writing their own vows but honestly I've been watching videos of various ceremonies and I can't seem to cook up the proper words for the ceremony. The bride, my future sister in law, is vehemently atheist and obviously doesn't want anything religious involved in her marriage ceremony. Look I know this OP is kind of vague but for real I'm lost here and everything I've looked up is either cringe-grade atheist or what I think may be too religious for her tastes. Seriously I legit need help here. Like their vows are their own thing so I'm not worried about that. But gently caress me I can't figure out what I should be writing along the lines of an officiator conducting a marriage leading up to said vows and closing the ceremony. Do any of you guys have any kind of experience officiating marriages?
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Apr 27, 2019 10:06
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I have never officiated a wedding, but I have been to several secular wedding ceremonies including my own. Make the ceremony short and sweet. No long speeches. Secular Humanists do a ceremony that doesn't mention the existance or non-existance of God. This is a point list from UK Humanists:
Handfasting is som wiccan thing. Add or remove stuff. https://humanism.org.uk/ceremonies/non-religious-weddings/example/
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Apr 27, 2019 13:12
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I think a good place to get some ideas would be sitting down with them as a couple and talking to them a bit about their relationship, how it all started, how everything progressed, and then to think about what that has meant for everyone in both families and the friends who are all at the wedding. don't worry so much about the ceremonial aspects, or what officiating is "supposed" to involve - let the basis for what you say be the specificities of the couple and the families you are helping to join together
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Apr 28, 2019 18:08
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I've officiated a couple of weddings. One was a "normal" wedding (just not religious) and the other was a little more faith-based. I used the same basic structure for both with a slight modification for my sister's, where they wrote their own vows. I can just post my script or send it in a PM if that will help you in any way, but it's pretty straightforward. Lots of talking about how great marriage is, though challenging, and how they need to depend on each other. Mine opens up with this (obviously edit for the audience/situation you expect, and definitely ask the bride/groom/whomever if they want to read it ahead of time): quote:We gather today to celebrate the union of X and Y, and witness and support the commitment they share with each other. As attendees to this union, we’re some of the most important people in their lives, and we’ve been brought here together as proof of that. What "components" are you expecting? Unity sand/candles, prayers (or a generic moment of reflection/thankfulness), or what? Also I'm based out of Michigan, if that helps. Edit: neglected to mention that every wedding is obviously an individual event. Following or considering the above posters' advice would be smart. My first wedding I was also very nervous about my speech and so I tried to write one as traditional as I could manage from what I have seen. My speech was requested for the second wedding I did with only slight situational alterations. BONESAWWWWWW fucked around with this message at 04:50 on Apr 29, 2019 |
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Apr 29, 2019 04:42
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Earwicker posted:I think a good place to get some ideas would be sitting down with them as a couple and talking to them a bit about their relationship, how it all started, how everything progressed, and then to think about what that has meant for everyone in both families and the friends who are all at the wedding. don't worry so much about the ceremonial aspects, or what officiating is "supposed" to involve - let the basis for what you say be the specificities of the couple and the families you are helping to join together Yeah we talk about it somewhat frequently. They've got an idea of what they want as far as tone and stuff but they're as clueless as me as far as how to structure something like this. BONESAWWWWWW posted:I've officiated a couple of weddings. One was a "normal" wedding (just not religious) and the other was a little more faith-based. I used the same basic structure for both with a slight modification for my sister's, where they wrote their own vows. I'd absolutely love to see any of the materials you have. Nah they don't want anything like the sand or the candle. But yeah I'm gonna write all this stuff out and absolutely get their rubber stamp.
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Apr 29, 2019 23:20
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In the time-honored goon tradition of opening yourself up to criticism, here is a link to my speech. I didn't want to post the massive wall of text here but I understand the value of having it for any future person who is curious so if any future reader wants it and that link dies, just shoot me a PM or something. I've probably cannibalized it from a few different sources so definitely don't think that's all my original work, unless you like it then it definitely was all me. From the second wedding I did, I was requested to read a bible passage. I know this isn't your situation but there's this old classic you've probably heard a million times: quote:---Bible Reading--- I remember being in a situation like yours where the stuff I was finding online was either extremely cringe-atheist or extremely religious. In the end though it may just be that people want to hear you ramble about how great marriage is and how it will last forever no matter what. I wouldn't overthink it. Just make sure the rings are exchanged and that there's a kiss at the end.
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Apr 30, 2019 03:50
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You could've just PM'd it to me, dude. But lol either way I really appreciate you posting your script. Seriously if anybody has more information on officiating a marriage without it being cringe-atheism or religious, I'd love your input! Just plain secular seems to be the goal from what I gather from my brother and his future old lady. Like I know this is kind of a niche topic outside of ordained ministers and justices of the peace but I'm hoping at least a handful of goons have experience with this poo poo so I can compare notes and hopefully produce something agreeable come August. Honky Dong Country fucked around with this message at 06:39 on May 2, 2019 |
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May 2, 2019 06:33
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I officiated a wedding once. I made the couple write everything that I had to say and I don't remember it so I can't help you there, but one thing they did not include was the part where I was supposed to say "please be seated" at the beginning. I was so nervous about speaking in front of an audience that I never noticed the entire chapel was standing through the entire (thankfully short) ceremony, and didn't even realize it until people pointed it out to me at the reception. So don't do that.
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May 2, 2019 18:11
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Yeah, that part was important. I had it bolded and highlighted when I printed my speech out. Don't forget!
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May 2, 2019 19:08
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Friend posted:I officiated a wedding once. I made the couple write everything that I had to say and I don't remember it so I can't help you there, but one thing they did not include was the part where I was supposed to say "please be seated" at the beginning. I just officiated a wedding a month ago and did the exact same thing lol. so op, don't forget to tell people to sit down after the bride comes in. for the script I used, I used the script generator on the universal life church's website: https://www.ulc.org/wedding-script talked to the couple about what parts they wanted, generated the script, and then rewrote parts of it to be more personal
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May 14, 2019 16:15
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Hey I know this thread is a bit back now but I took all the advice I was offered here in stride. I wrote the ceremony alongside my brother and his new wife and performed it all last Saturday and everything went well. Thank you everybody! The bit about remembering to tell everybody to sit the hell down was hilariously good advice because they absolutely were waiting on me to tell them to do so. Like the music died down after the wedding party took their places and I gave it a beat or two so as not to seem rushed but I could tell people were waiting on me to let everybody know. But really what as offered in this lil thread was legit helpful and thank you all. Honky Dong Country fucked around with this message at 02:46 on Sep 6, 2019 |
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Sep 6, 2019 02:29
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My friends asked me to officiate their wedding, and I've been doing it for friends and friends of friends ever since. I officiated my sister-in-law's wedding, and it was so wonderful since I was already a friend of the groom. I'm in NJ, and the original officiation was in NYC. NYC has their own hoops to jump through to confirm that officiants are legitimate members of the clergy. You have to apply to be an officiant registered with the city. The solution was a $30 payment to the Universal Life Church to have someone send paperwork compliant to NYC's requirements. It even came with a handy clergy parking pass! For future visitors to the thread, make sure you confirm the officiation requirements with the state and municipality. NJ didn't give a drat about paperwork or anything like that. Other states may be the same as NJ. For extra points, I think for like $10 extra you can have your title listed as whatever the heck you want on the church paperwork and the municipality didn't care. I got to call myself an ecumenical rabbi. Drive-by baptisms on the streets, mohel in the sheets.
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Dec 23, 2019 15:38
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I think the MOST IMPORTANT thing that you need to do is to actually become legally able to officiate this wedding.
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Dec 24, 2019 09:19
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| # ? May 7, 2024 08:18 |
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Friend posted:I officiated a wedding once. I made the couple write everything that I had to say and I don't remember it so I can't help you there, but one thing they did not include was the part where I was supposed to say "please be seated" at the beginning. This. This was a thing I forgot in the first ceremony I ever officiated. The Universal Life Church has a ceremony generator on their website that will build you a pretty good template using some basic info about your couple. I also like to ask the couple if there is an cultural touchstone that they would like to have included in the ceremony somehow. I'm pretty big on quoting Emerson's essay on Love, there's a bit in there about a spark from one heart catching another on fire that just makes sense to me. I had a couple once who wanted me to read out a poem by E.E. Cummings. ULC ceremony generator: https://www.themonastery.org/training/weddings/wedding-ceremony-script Emerson on Love: https://emersoncentral.com/texts/essays-first-series/love/ E.E. Cummings Poem: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/49493/i-carry-your-heart-with-mei-carry-it-in I always set up my ceremonies in a doc so that I can bind them pamphlet style with some nice cardstock and have something decent looking to hold and read from if need be. I normally gift that to the couple after the ceremony. Vietnamwees posted:I think the MOST IMPORTANT thing that you need to do is to actually become legally able to officiate this wedding. Definitely get yourself squared away with the state ASAP. I live in AZ now, and they would let a stick of gum solemnize a marriage if they could. I did one in Ohio once and it took weeks for the state to process my application for a license to minister.
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Jan 21, 2020 01:42
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