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Crit: we don’t need the faux-intellectualism in the first paragraph. “Corey” is a dumb name for a mantis (or a person). You probably don’t need to give the mantis a name. “The mantis” will do just fine. There’s an interesting idea in the story of a mantis whose only hope for meaningful connection means imminent death. Follow through on that. Perhaps he finds it in the spider, only for the spider to betray him by doing what spiders do. You have some lush descriptions here. Use full sentences unless you have a really, really good reason not to, though.
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May 18, 2019 17:52
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| # ¿ May 15, 2024 16:48 |
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