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Well I'm finally ready to admit I'm in over my head with my finances and ask for help. I am having trouble figuring out what to do, these are the options as I see them - credit consolidation, try to negotiate with my creditors directly, credit counseling, try to get a loan, or declare Chapter 13. SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU AREN'T INTERESTED IN HOW I GOT HERE - At the start of last year someone very close to me was told that their cancer might have come out of remission. I responded in a very unhealthy manner - drugs, alcohol, and gambling. Gambling was the worst because I was not content to just play small stakes games, I gambled high stakes all the time. By the time I found out it was just a false positive and the cancer had not returned, I was in the midst of a full-blown addiction. To make it worse I had been CC churning, so I had drat near "unlimited" access to the resource needed to get high. Way more credit than I have ever needed or used before. I always had a problem stopping gambling whenever I went, so I just rarely went, but this time was different. I was constantly hopping from casino to casino, spending all my money and nearly all my time there. I borrowed money from family, did a HELOC, and of course the incredibly stupid cash advances on credit cards. I want to be clear, this is all on me and I admit that. I don't blame the health scare, my parents, my girlfriend, an increase in risk taking from the Prozac, mid-life crisis, or any other rationalization I've heard. I hosed up royally, and I am not sure I will ever be able to forgive myself. I have since received mental healthcare where I was diagnosed with OCD, bipolar, manic something(?), anxiety, and a few other things. That combined with support and my own efforts have resulted in my not stepping foot into a casino yet this year, though I do go on benders more than I should. I feel incredibly ashamed and stupid, so you can save your time by not insulting me, but I wouldn't blame ya if you did. Anyways now that I have stopped the gambling, I am left picking up the pieces of my financial life, and I am hoping someone can help me navigate the best way forward. Gross Income ~ 78k Annually ~ 13.50/hr for about 25 hrs a week Expenses Mortgage - 1317.38/month/~205k remaining Loan - ~406/month/~8.8k remaining/13.49% interest Auto - 280/month/~16.3 remaining/3.6 APR Electric - ~240 F. Loan - 8850 Specifically asked me to pay them last, I plan to add an extra 1000 even though they said no interest CC1 - ~8980/Purchase APR 22.4%/Cash APR 27.24% CC2 - ~12200/Purchase APR 17.24%/Cash APR 27.24% CC3 - ~10500/Purchase APR 21.49%/Cash APR 27.24% CC4 - ~8900/Purchase APR 13.24%/Cash APR 27.24% CC5 - ~7100 CC6 - ~4000 CC7 - ~100 CC8 - ~850 CC9 - ~6000 Taxes - Owe ~3.5k to the Feds, not sure what happened other than the tax law. Never owed before. Internet/Phone - ~85 Cell phones - 247 Vices - Varies, but way too goddamn much Groceries - hosed up and slipped here by barely going shopping anymore and making poor decisions when we do go, not sure what is appropriate for 4 Water - ~50 Gas - ~300 Dining Out - Way too much, want to stop this immediately Auto Insurance - ~2.4k a year Auto Registration - I think ~200 a year Gym - ~100/month Union - ~400/yr Context ~34 yrs old Hoping to get a medical procedure done this year that costs about 35k Live w/ GF and her 2 kids Wants to learn to meal prep for real, beyond PB & J Have a Roth IRA with not much in there Contributing to pension for what it is worth So have at it, Goons. Tear me to shreds, tell me what to do, and help hold me accountable. themaninblack fucked around with this message at 02:40 on May 22, 2019 |
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May 22, 2019 01:28
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Are you actually tracking expenses or are these just estimates? You need to put a number on everything, hand waving voices as "too much" isn't going to make you realize what you're giving up by spending your money on dumb poo poo. You probably make too much for bankruptcy but have you looked into it?
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May 22, 2019 13:50
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themaninblack posted:
I feel like this item needs more detail, perhaps communicate to us how much you spend on vice via artistic dance or spoken word poetry.
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May 22, 2019 14:10
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Also go buy a crockpot if you don't have one, if you do then look up crockpot recipes. Crockpots make lovely cheap meat into delicious tacos.
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May 22, 2019 14:16
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That is a huge hole and I have no idea how you would climb out of it without declaring bankruptcy. You seem to owe $71,000 in debt which costs you close to $15,000 per year in interest alone and you want to spend another $35,000 on top of that. You should probably get yourself banned from all the casinos near you by telling them you are an addict, talk to a bankruptcy attorney and plan to start over while hopefully keeping your house, and plan to postpone your medical thing until like 2021 while you save up money for it in advance since you probably won't be able to finance it after bankruptcy.
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May 22, 2019 15:44
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What in particular are the vices? What is the medical thing? If it's something like Lasik or whatever, please put it off. You are in no way, shape or form able to spend 35k right now. You don't have them. Simple as that. Do you contribute anything to your GF or her kids, do you share costs or somesuch? What's her income, how is she affected? I'm not very well versed in bankcrupty stuff but your debts are pretty nuts. Do I see it right that you have debt on a whopping 9 credit cards? Don't take out more loans, for the love of god. Look at all the loans you already have, is that working out for you? Please talk to a financial lawyer and figure out if bankcrupty is an option, or if they have any other useful plans for you. You should definitely improve your lifestyle to be healthier and financially more sound. You should definitely learn how to meal prep and buy smart. You should most definitely, absolutely get counseling for your addiction issues and get yourself banned from all the casinos in the area. But most of all, take this poo poo seriously as gently caress and don't let yourself off the hook. There is no point in being a sadsack about it or constantly shaming yourself. Accept the reality of it, accept that it's really hosed up and you have to learn to do better, and invest your energy in that. You can feel guilty and complain all you like, it's a natural feeling to have here, but use to as an actual motivator, not to self-pity. I don't want to insult you, I want you to get the gently caress on fixing this.
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May 22, 2019 16:36
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Met with several lawyers and talked to some other individuals who I have respect for. It is looking like I will be filing Chapter 13, it is just a question of when. My chosen lawyer has informed me that because of my additional jobs I am slightly above the threshold for Chapter 7. We will still try a means test, but she said it was very unlikely. Was a kick in the rear end finding out that my efforts to work harder and grind my way out actually ended up loving me, but that's water under the bridge. I do have the option to quit all other jobs and wait for 6 months or so and then file Chapter 7.moana posted:Are you actually tracking expenses or are these just estimates? You need to put a number on everything, hand waving voices as "too much" isn't going to make you realize what you're giving up by spending your money on dumb poo poo. Pryor on Fire posted:I feel like this item needs more detail, perhaps communicate to us how much you spend on vice via artistic dance or spoken word poetry. I am tracking expenses but I admit to getting sloppier as I became more demoralized. So, the numbers are a little rough. I wanted to get this post up quickly and I didn't have time to grab them right then. If I really reflect, I probably avoided digging them out because I'm ashamed. I apologize. To give you an idea, here are the approximate expenses the last 3 months, which are inaccurate to some degree but the numbers are inexcusable regardless. : Vices - 3468 (After seeing this number I might be the most sober I've been all year) Groceries - 1400 Dining Out - 1750 moana posted:Also go buy a crockpot if you don't have one, if you do then look up crockpot recipes. Crockpots make lovely cheap meat into delicious tacos. Cooking is something I need to learn how to do, I am very much a stranger to it. I want to get into meal prepping, both for my health and for financial reasons, also I really like the idea of just being able to cook. My girlfriend cooks using the crockpot sometimes, but I don't want to be reliant on others. Droo posted:That is a huge hole and I have no idea how you would climb out of it without declaring bankruptcy. You seem to owe $71,000 in debt which costs you close to $15,000 per year in interest alone and you want to spend another $35,000 on top of that. Your first sentence is what I finally internalized and led me to the conclusion that I needed to take a different approach. The whole bankruptcy thing was not considered lightly, I have a myriad of emotions about it. People tried to have me banned at the peak of my behavior but I always bullied or cajoled them out of doing it. I'm not even sure someone can ban someone else on their behalf. I haven't been to a casino all year, and though I get the occasional urge, I do feel that I am in control of that particular addiction. I do have a tendency to just hop from addiction to addiction, and it is something I'm working on with a professional. Ritznit posted:What in particular are the vices? What is the medical thing? If it's something like Lasik or whatever, please put it off. You are in no way, shape or form able to spend 35k right now. You don't have them. Simple as that. Vices are drugs, alcohol, and nicotine - though I've dropped the drugging. It is not Lasik. It is an oral surgery that is needed. GF does not have an income, I'm sure it will have an impact, but it will pale in comparison to the bullshit I pulled digging this hole. Yes, 9 credit cards (a couple that I'm not carrying a balance on) - I had stellar credit at one time and was churning, never paid a penny in interest. I just lost my goddamn mind and hosed up/ Loans are a moot point, no chance of getting an approval anyways. I talked to several lawyers and settled on the firm that I felt was far and away the best. I asked if I should consider not filing and she paused for 30 seconds or so and said if I was just 20k in debt she would recommend against bankruptcy, but with the numbers I'm looking at she thinks that's the best path forward. Obviously she could have ulterior motives, but I never got the feeling that she was telling me what to do or trying to hard sell me on hiring the firm. She spent around 2 hours just talking with me and crunching numbers and explaining things. Appreciate the last paragraph. I fell into a negative feedback loop of self flagellation and would decide I'm so hosed anyways might as well go to the bar, another 50 bucks is a drop in the ocean - that's how vices got that high, that will certainly be changing. You weren't insulting at all. I am getting on fixing this, and sometimes the best way to fix something is to just admit you hosed up badly and rebuild. It will definitely make my YNABing easier, as well.
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May 24, 2019 06:20
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themaninblack posted:To give you an idea, here are the approximate expenses the last 3 months, which are inaccurate to some degree but the numbers are inexcusable regardless. : Are those figures per month, like the rest of your figures? As in, $41,000 per year for booze, blow and blunts? ....can't be, can it? If that's a 3 month period then you are 'only' spending $21,000 pa on vices and eating out. All of which you could stop instantly, right now. Is that correct?
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May 24, 2019 11:21
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Shut up Meg posted:Are those figures per month, like the rest of your figures? It is a total over the last 3 months. Yes, I will be doing that. I am trying to learn about meal prepping right now, I grew up in a house where no one really cooked but I should have learned how a long time ago.
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May 26, 2019 02:07
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themaninblack posted:It is a total over the last 3 months. Yes, I will be doing that. I am trying to learn about meal prepping right now, I grew up in a house where no one really cooked but I should have learned how a long time ago. On the plus side, what this does mean is that once you have gone through the pain of Ch.7, you should be able to get your life back on track with relative ease. i.e. your problem is due to a 'single' incident, rather than multiple, chronic bad issues. Now is the time to take stock and analyse everything. You should be able to give an exact figure for every single expense in your life, then when you know that, you work on managing them. But do run your plan and numbers past someone who is not a lawyer and see whether it is the only option.
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May 27, 2019 20:09
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Shut up Meg posted:On the plus side, what this does mean is that once you have gone through the pain of Ch.7, you should be able to get your life back on track with relative ease. Unfortunately, due to my second job and attempting to work my way out of the issue, I likely don't qualify for Ch. 7. If I dropped the second job and waited 6 months to file, I would qualify - even with my upcoming raise at my primary job. So I am hoping to get some feedback on whether I should keep my second job and file Ch. 13 as soon as my Dec. income falls off, or quit my second job and wait 6 months to file Ch. 7. I actually use YNAB and was doing extremely well financially prior to giving into addictions. I can provide the info, I saw it happening when I was in the midst of it, but I kept loving up. Since I have accepted that I have a problem and am getting mental healthcare, I am reservedly optimistic that resetting my financial life and doing it right from the "start" is the best course for me. I have talked to credit consolidation companies and the like, frankly I don't see the benefits over bankruptcy. No loans are forthcoming near as I can tell. If I am missing some other option, please let me know.
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May 27, 2019 20:24
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I agree with everyone else that bankruptcy is probably the best step for you (but I don't know enough about it to know if Ch 7 or Ch 13 is better for you). Ban yourself from all the casinos and make sure your therapist works with you to develop better coping mechanisms for when you get stressed or feel overwhelmed -- you should never respond to bad news by going on this sort of bender ever again. If your 1400 total for groceries is a three-month total, that means your average for groceries for your family of 4 is less than 500/month? Crock pots are great and you should definitely learn how to cook, and they'll keep your eating out costs down and it can be a good hobby/distraction/skill to learn. You hosed up pretty bad, that's true. But it seems like the only thing that's still "you self-sabotaging your life" is the fact that you still sometimes go on benders. So unless I'm missing something, "absolutely no more gambling for you, ever, full stop, end of discussion", "stop going on benders (manage your emotions in a healthier way)", and "reset to zero with a bankruptcy" does seem like it would get your life back on track.
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May 27, 2019 20:42
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Honestly it would be cheaper if you just gave up drugs and stuck to what is obviously alcoholism for the time being. And yeah, are those groceries for the whole three-month period, or are you spending that much at the grocery store per month? As for cooking, the best method to get into it is just practice. Commit to cooking 6 nights a week at least. Crock pot or no. Start with something simple. Eventually, you'll be so used to it that it will feel normal, like putting on your clothes in the morning, instead of a huge chore. On weekends (if you still have those, with two jobs), cook something more work-intensive, as a fun activity with your wife and children. Go shopping with them and pick out the ingredients and explain why you need them. This has the benefit of helping your kids avoid the same mistake in their futures.
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May 27, 2019 21:26
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Colin Mockery posted:I agree with everyone else that bankruptcy is probably the best step for you (but I don't know enough about it to know if Ch 7 or Ch 13 is better for you). I'd be happy to elaborate on the differences, but basically Ch. 13 means I am on a 3-5 year payment plan and Ch 7 means that the debt is immediately wiped (though I'd have to quit my second job and wait 6 months). I will definitely be working with my therapist, but I'm not sure it is necessarily a response only to stress or feeling overwhelmed. It is a three month total, but I imagine things will go higher once I start cooking and grocery shopping more responsibly (with of course fast food going down). Also summer, so no more school lunches. Mineaiki posted:Honestly it would be cheaper if you just gave up drugs and stuck to what is obviously alcoholism for the time being. I'm not sure I'm an alcoholic so much as I am hedonistic, lacking moderation, and have a strong dislike of being sober. That's not really a defense of myself or maybe that's a distinction without a difference. Either way, I don't plan on sticking with alcohol. I think once I finally decide what I'm going to do financially I can fully focus on being a good role model for my children and taking care of myself. I really appreciate the advice on cooking, that makes a lot of sense.
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May 28, 2019 02:19
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I think Chapter 7 is by far the best option as it should discharge your debt. I'm not sure how to structure things so you qualify without committing fraud, ask a lawyer. Your asset values may be a problem too, you may have too much equity in the car/house. Again, ask a lawyer. I hope you're getting help as your vices are way too high for your income.
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May 28, 2019 03:35
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SiGmA_X posted:I think Chapter 7 is by far the best option as it should discharge your debt. I'm not sure how to structure things so you qualify without committing fraud, ask a lawyer. Your asset values may be a problem too, you may have too much equity in the car/house. Again, ask a lawyer. What 'e said. Also, just to clarify: is your GF the mother of your children and a stay at home mom? You went on a multi-month bender, which means that as you were working 2 jobs at the time, your family must have hardly seen you. Did they know you were in a casino, or did you claim you were working late? It also means that the CC bills were coming in: did she know you were gambling all that money and allowed it/were unable to stop you, or did you hide it from her? Now I think about it more, this is a little more serious than have a week-long bender and waking up with a hangover, a tattoo and a huge debt. There are definitely some other issues you need to address here.
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May 28, 2019 08:46
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themaninblack posted:It is a total over the last 3 months. Yes, I will be doing that. I am trying to learn about meal prepping right now, I grew up in a house where no one really cooked but I should have learned how a long time ago. Hey I grew up in a house where everyone cooked and I still didn't learn. I guess I took it for granted. I actually just started cooking a month ago and honestly it is one of the easiest things. It is very easy to follow a recipe. I was always daunted by looking at a recipe but it is basically telling you how to do a formula step by step. I would just recommend watching some youtube kitchen videos and you will learn way quicker. Once you get a basic understanding you should be able to just read recipes and get them done without having to look at someone else cooking it. Cooking has probably saved me a poo poo ton in terms of dining out. You honestly don't even need much time to cook, these days I cook for 1 hour and I can do my breakfast/lunch and do dinner later. One thing I would recommend is that you don't buy a huge amount of groceries just buy what you need each day for a specific dish. Because I've sometimes bought lots of veggies for one specific dish but I didn't want to cook that every day or meal prep it. If you want to meal prep ya it makes sense bulk buying.
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May 28, 2019 17:35
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I think "getting into meal prep" turns it into this huge, ugly, time-intensive task that it doesn't have to be. At least not at first. Chances are, if you're making a meal at home, you're going to end up with leftovers. That's your lunch at work. Soups and stews make for a ton of leftovers. Make some chili. One thing that helped me was making something I knew how to make and kind of liked, and steadily deepening my involvement in the process each time I made it. So like spaghetti is just dry noodles and sauce from a jar. But then another time, I cook meat and/or vegetables separately and fold them into the sauce, making it more my own. Next, I forgo sauce from a jar and make my own sauce with canned tomatoes and tomato paste. Next, try doing the same with mostly (or all, but it takes longer) fresh tomatoes. Then try making your own pasta. And so on. Last night we made spaghetti and meatballs in marinara sauce and we made all of the components from scratch (note: I am spending a lot more on nice tomatoes than I should be, maybe don't jump into this first). I would have regarded that as an impossible task not one year ago.
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May 29, 2019 00:33
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Mineaiki posted:I think "getting into meal prep" turns it into this huge, ugly, time-intensive task that it doesn't have to be. At least not at first. Chances are, if you're making a meal at home, you're going to end up with leftovers. That's your lunch at work. Soups and stews make for a ton of leftovers. Make some chili. Just going to jump on that last point. The economies of scale in mass food production mean that making some things from scratch is more expensive than just buying them. Frozen pizzas with toppings are probably cheaper than making them yourself (either way is hilariously cheaper than ordering delivery). Compare costs whenever you’re looking at making something from scratch vs buying ready off the shelf. It’s a giant PITA, but that’s sort of where you’re at. Some fruit and vegetables are hilariously cheap. They’re also filling, good for you, and aren’t difficult to prepare. Typically, grocers will charge you extra for very minor prep work (cutting a melon, de-husking corn, etc) — they also sell produce unworked. Don’t pay them extra to pre-prep your produce and make it spoil faster. At my local grocer, de-husked corn is more than 2x the cost of locally sourced sweet corn with the husk. If you have a friend that’s good at cooking, ask them to teach you how to hold and use a knife. It’s not difficult, but also not intuitive. Failing a friend, look at some YT vids or something. Last thing you need is an ER trip from a slipped knife.
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Jun 3, 2019 13:33
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Who cares about meal prep. Just grocery shopping and buying pre-made crap would be a significant savings at this point. Gym / Cell phone numbers are very high. Your girlfriend making some sort of income would be a massive help. You say you're still 'going on benders', what does that mean? Have you looked into medication based treatment for your alcohol issues? I bet if you were married you'd easily pass the test for chapter 7. I think chapter 13 will kick the can down the road, I'd want to pursue Chapter 7.
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Jun 3, 2019 20:27
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