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Welcome to the https://twitter.com/TheSportsman/status/1020745481951952896 Are you interested in following Scottish football? Be prepared for the following symptoms, or as I like to call them: The Seven Stages Of The Grief Of Following Scottish Football 1) Shock and Denial Your first day of being a Scottish football fan, and you've watched your first game! Whether you shelled out an almost offensive amount of money to watch what is essentially 22 semi-professional athletes assault each other whilst an off-duty postman runs around blowing his whistle or took the cheaper option of hoping Oxford Utd weren't playing Fleetwood so BT Sport would actually show a Scottish game, you'll be in shock at what you're watching. Followed closely by denial.. surely, surely it's usually better than this? 2) Pain and Guilt You've already shelled out half a weeks wages on your chosen clubs shirt, proudly emblazoned with your favourite strikers name. There's no going back now, even as he signs a pre-contract with Accrington Stanley and you read, with a tear in your eye, the twitter comments saying he'll be a 'useful squad player' for them. The guilt you'll feel looking into your sons eyes as you tell him the first football match you'll ever take him to will be Livingstone vs Ross County on a Tuesday night will stay with you forever. 3) Anger and Bargaining No, gently caress it, this one really IS our year. You repeat these words to yourself and anyone who will listen over and over again, pouring over last years stats. If only the midfielders could go from chipping in 5 goals a season between themselves to suddenly being world class superstars and do 20. And they can. And they will. Ok, maybe not. But they might! They won't. Also, we need a 25+ goal striker. For free. 4) Depression, Reflection, Loneliness Getting into the season now and the depression kicks in. Your chosen team will beat your closest rivals, then get knocked out by a glorified pub team, then a new signing will break the clubs record transfer fee! Unfortunately for going in the other direction, a 200k development fee for your most promising player in a generation. The Chief Executive, for reasons completely beyond the comprehension of mere mortals like us, will call this 'a coup'. You should just find time to reflect on when you used to wear a Spurs shirt to the gym and called Atletico Madrid your 'second team'. Now you don't go to the gym. 5) The Upward Turn Let me know if any of you have experienced this. 6) Reconstruction & Working Through Finally you realise that this is it. It has got better, but not for the reasons you think it has. Yes, the standard is still pretty poor, but this league has personality. It has character. It has executives who are either wildly corrupt or horribly incompetent, and the really terrifying bit is that they might be competent at being corrupt. It has players playing in the top league of it's country that you can still actually run into in bars and nightclubs - literally everyone either has their own story or knows someone with one of when they had a random drink with a household name Scottish footballer. I once asked a then-Scottish international in a strip club if his physio had recommended he go there to get over his recent injury problems. He told me to gently caress off. And if that's not Scottish football, I don't know what is. 7) Acceptance & Hope Maybe your club will get into Europe! Proper Europe, like the group stages. And a proper Scottish club, not Zombies Ltd or Hard Border FC. And even if they don't, there'll be a whole rollercoaster along the way, on pitch and off pitch. Will Sevco ever be able to decide who gets to sell their shirts? Will we ever find out the rules for the permanent-Movember game Craig Levein and Derek McInnes are playing? Who will sell their ground to Tesco next? Will anyone come up with a more ridiculous mascot than Kingsley? Will Neil Lennon ever open his post? Anyway, the teams!  Aberdeen F.C. Aberdeen FC is Aberdeens third best export after oil and whenever Donald Trump fucks off from his bi-annual visit to his golf course. The greatest club to grace the earth, more European trophies than everyone else combined etc etc etc.  Celtic F.C. Hoping for a No Deal Brexit so we lose our extradition treaty with the Republic of Ireland.  Hamilton Academical F.C. Who would have ever thought a transfer policy of, "Just sign players who seem like quite nice guys?" could be so wildly successful?  Heart of Midlothian F.C. Who would have ever thought a transfer policy of, "Just sign players who seem like total arseholes?" could be so wildly successful?  Hibernian F.C. The poor mans Celtic, they continue Scottish footballs proud tradition of combining crushing mediocrity with flashes of brilliance.  Connah's Quay Nomads Don't really know much about this mob except they're the newest addition to the league. At least I think that's how it works?  Livingston F.C. They have possibly the smartest looking 'small stadium' in Scotland. They got rid of Kenny Miller but Lee Miller is somehow still managing to steal a wage from them. Maybe they just don't ask for first names.  Motherwell F.C. This lot definitely don't check first names, and must have been well happy when they signed Peter Hartley and Sherwin Seedorf. A leading contender for best named player of the league, they recently signed Casper Sloth. Looking forward to Pat Nevin saying he, "appeared in the box like a ghost, then drifted off". I'm copyrighting that, Pat.  Rangers F.C. Having recently been made redundant from a company which tried to 'phoenix' itself and failed in spectacular fashion I have an even greater level of hatred in my heart for these bastards than usual.  Ross County F.C. I met a Ross County fan this year!!! He was as boring as you'd expect.  St Johnstone F.C. Their fans sing a great song which goes like this Never ever have I ever felt so low When you gonna take me out of this black hole? Never ever have I ever felt so sad The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad  St Mirren This lot sing a similar song: Never ever have I had to find I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind I've never ever had my conscience to fight The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right  FITBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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Aug 7, 2019 03:17
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12 bad teams.
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Aug 7, 2019 03:20
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We're going to be the only football once the ice caps melt. And Scottish fitbaw Twitter is flourishing. https://twitter.com/Oldfirmfacts1/status/1158050368380723200?s=19
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Aug 7, 2019 08:13
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Mon ih dons
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Aug 7, 2019 08:41
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My bluegrass band decided to schedule rehearsal for tomorrow evening at 7 so I'm missing the Rijeka game, ffs. Edit: also Scott McKenna's agent must be the dumbest motherfucker in Scottish football Coohoolin fucked around with this message at 14:16 on Aug 7, 2019 |
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Aug 7, 2019 14:09
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Tierney to Arsenal for £25million is confirmed, which is a new transfer record for a Scottish club.Coohoolin posted:Edit: also Scott McKenna's agent must be the dumbest motherfucker in Scottish football The whole thing seems a bit bizarre. If he handed in the transfer request on Sunday morning then that really only left till Tuesday for English clubs to make an offer since it was a safe assumption he'd travel to Rijeka on Wednesday, and wouldn't be available for a medical. Unless they're going to buy him after the transfer window shuts and take him in January... in which case why not wait till December when another half mil would be on his value? The only realistic option in Scotland is Celtic but they aren't going to buy him unless they move someone on. Which they haven't. So they probably won't, unless Ajer goes abroad or something. All a bit weird.
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Aug 7, 2019 22:07
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Tierney away to Arsenal 
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Aug 7, 2019 22:09
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Also not exactly enthused at the though of McKenna, he's not better than any of the defenders we already have bar Hendry perhaps
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Aug 7, 2019 22:11
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I very much hope he doesn't go to Celtic because it's always depressing when the old firm buy to weaken. Much prefer him to go to some side in England so I can forget about his refrigerator sized body.
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Aug 8, 2019 00:50
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Having a normal one
Coohoolin fucked around with this message at 19:01 on Aug 8, 2019 |
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Aug 8, 2019 17:03
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BisonDollah posted:We're going to be the only football once the ice caps melt. that picture of the Rangers changing room at Killie was only eclipsed by the fact that they scored their goals at 16' and 90'. staunch.
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Aug 8, 2019 19:28
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So when are Rangers going to be shut down again for going into administration?
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Aug 9, 2019 09:36
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Admin #350?
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Aug 9, 2019 11:11
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  Hearts : "Optimal condition for elite football"  https://streamja.com/2aqr Ajer 
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Aug 10, 2019 14:27
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jre posted:
Still better than whatever shite they’ve got at Killie.
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Aug 10, 2019 16:31
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Aberdeen got beat by St Mirren lmao. That’s all teams outside the Old Firm dropping points already. Meanwhile Celtic and Rangers have scored 12 and 8 goals respectively in the first two games. Feels like this will be the first League campaign in ages where normally is resumed and the traditional two are going to be miles ahead of the rest.
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Aug 11, 2019 16:58
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I'm depressed af. We're going to have an extremely hard time scoring goals whenever Cosgrove isn't available.
Chas McGill fucked around with this message at 17:18 on Aug 11, 2019 |
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Aug 11, 2019 17:16
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Jermaine Defoe has played 25, scored 13 and assisted 7 goals in his Rangers career. He’s still so loving good.
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Aug 11, 2019 21:09
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Coohoolin posted:Having a normal one I wonder what this guy will have to say after tonight.
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Aug 13, 2019 21:45
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Lmao Celtic.
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Aug 13, 2019 21:50
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Total Meatlove posted:Jermaine Defoe has played 25, scored 13 and assisted 7 goals in his Rangers career. or the SPL is loving shite
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Aug 13, 2019 22:20
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Jose posted:or the SPL is loving shite  https://twitter.com/CelticFC/status/1161377480768442368
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Aug 13, 2019 22:24
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Awful from Celtic, the board have been lazy and taking the 10 in a row attempt for granted. Last 6 months has been astounding. Massive cutting of the cloth despite money in the bank. Heads should roll.
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Aug 13, 2019 22:43
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lol
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Aug 13, 2019 22:48
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BisonDollah posted:Awful from Celtic, the board have been lazy and taking the 10 in a row attempt for granted. Last 6 months has been astounding. Massive cutting of the cloth despite money in the bank. Heads should roll. Manager made some bad decisions tonight. McGreggor at left back was the usual disaster when we do that. Why the gently caress did we not sub brown when it was clear he was done after 70 minutes.
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Aug 13, 2019 23:10
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Jose posted:or the SPL is loving shite He’d improve Newcastle
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Aug 13, 2019 23:25
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I would do a big lol if Celtic didn't win the SPL this year and hosed up 10 in a row.
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Aug 14, 2019 08:41
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jre posted:Manager made some bad decisions tonight. McGreggor at left back was the usual disaster when we do that. Why the gently caress did we not sub brown when it was clear he was done after 70 minutes. Lennon the yes man. The only hope I had was we'd retain all our best players and strengthen like gently caress this summer. It'll be a dirty bastard fight of a season but we still have enough on the park to come out on top. Just going to do it the hard way as Celtic usually do when it comes to the nitty gritty.
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Aug 14, 2019 09:58
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BisonDollah posted:Lennon the yes man. The only hope I had was we'd retain all our best players and strengthen like gently caress this summer. It'll be a dirty bastard fight of a season but we still have enough on the park to come out on top. Just going to do it the hard way as Celtic usually do when it comes to the nitty gritty. Will the togetherness of the dressing room see you through or the clear (and expensive) quality on the bench?
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Aug 14, 2019 11:29
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Oh yeah Celtic always have it tough. It's a wonder they haven't been relegated with all the adversity they've had to contend with in the last few years.
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Aug 14, 2019 13:32
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Chas McGill posted:Oh yeah Celtic always have it tough. It's a wonder they haven't been relegated with all the adversity they've had to contend with in the last few years. The wage bill was only equal to the whole Romanian league, how could they compete?
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Aug 14, 2019 15:05
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Lol rangers issued a complaint to killie about... their own supporters behaviour.
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Aug 14, 2019 21:36
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Coohoolin posted:Lol rangers issued a complaint to killie about... their own supporters behaviour. They issued a complaint about the ticketing and stewarding before the game (crushes are bad even when it’s those dirty Huns) and in the same statement said the behaviour at full time was unacceptable and they’re cracking down on the dipshits getting on the pitch? Idgi?
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Aug 15, 2019 11:22
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Hibs are poo poo.
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Aug 16, 2019 11:03
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Aberdeen are poo poo. Hibs are still poo poo.
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Aug 18, 2019 16:37
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McInnes stays!
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Aug 18, 2019 17:26
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Edouard is a dream boat, Morelos still a fraud. How can he not score against our poo poo defence lol
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Sep 1, 2019 14:01
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To be fair he was only given 30 minutes and the tactics were loving awful.
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Sep 1, 2019 16:14
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Total Meatlove posted:To be fair he was only given 30 minutes and the tactics were loving awful. He's played 10 old firm games and has 0 goals and 0 assists. Fraud Eduard has 5 in 7 1:0 https://streamja.com/73JR 2:0 https://streamja.com/PgPG Also 7 million for Kent ? what the actual gently caress are they thinking
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Sep 2, 2019 19:29
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Good player who balances our attack and will likely sell on for more, has experience with setup and staff?
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Sep 2, 2019 23:07
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