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Welcome to the https://twitter.com/TheSportsman/status/1020745481951952896 Are you interested in following Scottish football? Be prepared for the following symptoms, or as I like to call them: The Seven Stages Of The Grief Of Following Scottish Football 1) Shock and Denial Your first day of being a Scottish football fan, and you've watched your first game! Whether you shelled out an almost offensive amount of money to watch what is essentially 22 semi-professional athletes assault each other whilst an off-duty postman runs around blowing his whistle or took the cheaper option of hoping Oxford Utd weren't playing Fleetwood so BT Sport would actually show a Scottish game, you'll be in shock at what you're watching. Followed closely by denial.. surely, surely it's usually better than this? 2) Pain and Guilt You've already shelled out half a weeks wages on your chosen clubs shirt, proudly emblazoned with your favourite strikers name. There's no going back now, even as he signs a pre-contract with Accrington Stanley and you read, with a tear in your eye, the twitter comments saying he'll be a 'useful squad player' for them. The guilt you'll feel looking into your sons eyes as you tell him the first football match you'll ever take him to will be Livingstone vs Ross County on a Tuesday night will stay with you forever. 3) Anger and Bargaining No, gently caress it, this one really IS our year. You repeat these words to yourself and anyone who will listen over and over again, pouring over last years stats. If only the midfielders could go from chipping in 5 goals a season between themselves to suddenly being world class superstars and do 20. And they can. And they will. Ok, maybe not. But they might! They won't. Also, we need a 25+ goal striker. For free. 4) Depression, Reflection, Loneliness Getting into the season now and the depression kicks in. Your chosen team will beat your closest rivals, then get knocked out by a glorified pub team, then a new signing will break the clubs record transfer fee! Unfortunately for going in the other direction, a 200k development fee for your most promising player in a generation. The Chief Executive, for reasons completely beyond the comprehension of mere mortals like us, will call this 'a coup'. You should just find time to reflect on when you used to wear a Spurs shirt to the gym and called Atletico Madrid your 'second team'. Now you don't go to the gym. 5) The Upward Turn Let me know if any of you have experienced this. 6) Reconstruction & Working Through Finally you realise that this is it. It has got better, but not for the reasons you think it has. Yes, the standard is still pretty poor, but this league has personality. It has character. It has executives who are either wildly corrupt or horribly incompetent, and the really terrifying bit is that they might be competent at being corrupt. It has players playing in the top league of it's country that you can still actually run into in bars and nightclubs - literally everyone either has their own story or knows someone with one of when they had a random drink with a household name Scottish footballer. I once asked a then-Scottish international in a strip club if his physio had recommended he go there to get over his recent injury problems. He told me to gently caress off. And if that's not Scottish football, I don't know what is. 7) Acceptance & Hope Maybe your club will get into Europe! Proper Europe, like the group stages. And a proper Scottish club, not Zombies Ltd or Hard Border FC. And even if they don't, there'll be a whole rollercoaster along the way, on pitch and off pitch. Will Sevco ever be able to decide who gets to sell their shirts? Will we ever find out the rules for the permanent-Movember game Craig Levein and Derek McInnes are playing? Who will sell their ground to Tesco next? Will anyone come up with a more ridiculous mascot than Kingsley? Will Neil Lennon ever open his post? Anyway, the teams!  Aberdeen F.C. Aberdeen FC is Aberdeens third best export after oil and whenever Donald Trump fucks off from his bi-annual visit to his golf course. The greatest club to grace the earth, more European trophies than everyone else combined etc etc etc.  Celtic F.C. Hoping for a No Deal Brexit so we lose our extradition treaty with the Republic of Ireland.  Hamilton Academical F.C. Who would have ever thought a transfer policy of, "Just sign players who seem like quite nice guys?" could be so wildly successful?  Heart of Midlothian F.C. Who would have ever thought a transfer policy of, "Just sign players who seem like total arseholes?" could be so wildly successful?  Hibernian F.C. The poor mans Celtic, they continue Scottish footballs proud tradition of combining crushing mediocrity with flashes of brilliance.  Connah's Quay Nomads Don't really know much about this mob except they're the newest addition to the league. At least I think that's how it works?  Livingston F.C. They have possibly the smartest looking 'small stadium' in Scotland. They got rid of Kenny Miller but Lee Miller is somehow still managing to steal a wage from them. Maybe they just don't ask for first names.  Motherwell F.C. This lot definitely don't check first names, and must have been well happy when they signed Peter Hartley and Sherwin Seedorf. A leading contender for best named player of the league, they recently signed Casper Sloth. Looking forward to Pat Nevin saying he, "appeared in the box like a ghost, then drifted off". I'm copyrighting that, Pat.  Rangers F.C. Having recently been made redundant from a company which tried to 'phoenix' itself and failed in spectacular fashion I have an even greater level of hatred in my heart for these bastards than usual.  Ross County F.C. I met a Ross County fan this year!!! He was as boring as you'd expect.  St Johnstone F.C. Their fans sing a great song which goes like this Never ever have I ever felt so low When you gonna take me out of this black hole? Never ever have I ever felt so sad The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad  St Mirren This lot sing a similar song: Never ever have I had to find I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind I've never ever had my conscience to fight The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right  FITBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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Aug 7, 2019 03:17
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Tierney to Arsenal for £25million is confirmed, which is a new transfer record for a Scottish club.Coohoolin posted:Edit: also Scott McKenna's agent must be the dumbest motherfucker in Scottish football The whole thing seems a bit bizarre. If he handed in the transfer request on Sunday morning then that really only left till Tuesday for English clubs to make an offer since it was a safe assumption he'd travel to Rijeka on Wednesday, and wouldn't be available for a medical. Unless they're going to buy him after the transfer window shuts and take him in January... in which case why not wait till December when another half mil would be on his value? The only realistic option in Scotland is Celtic but they aren't going to buy him unless they move someone on. Which they haven't. So they probably won't, unless Ajer goes abroad or something. All a bit weird.
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Aug 7, 2019 22:07
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If anyone’s doing a new thread they’re going to have to be loving quick. And I seriously think I’m talking hours here, as opposed to days...
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Aug 11, 2020 12:45
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Lots of quotes for posterity from this thread. This was weirdly prophetic: duckmaster posted:Are you interested in following Scottish football? Be prepared for the following symptoms, or as I like to call them: Didn't quite call this right though: duckmaster posted:
Yep, normality resumed: Her Dryer posted:Aberdeen got beat by St Mirren lmao. That’s all teams outside the Old Firm dropping points already. Meanwhile Celtic and Rangers have scored 12 and 8 goals respectively in the first two games. Feels like this will be the first League campaign in ages where normally is resumed and the traditional two are going to be miles ahead of the rest. Wait till you see NEXT season: Coohoolin posted:Jesus christ Aberdeen is so loving bad this season Yep: jre posted:Also hearts are shite and going down Nope: Her Dryer posted:Hearts are... good?? lol it might actually come to this: Total Meatlove posted:Not sure if it’s possible but can a team just pull out of one league and enter the Europa full time?
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Aug 11, 2020 13:12
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Big Nic has said thats the yellow card. SPFL expected to call off the following: St Mirren v Celtic - Wednesday, 12 August at 18:00 Aberdeen v Hamilton - Wednesday, 12 August at 19:45 Celtic v Aberdeen - Saturday, 15 August at 15:00 The precedent has been set that they'll be postponements but it's the SPFL so gently caress knows.
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Aug 11, 2020 13:50
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