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- grew a salvadore dali mustache and instead of speaking just twisted the stache into cursive words. which i had to read thru an app, that i programmed myself, on account of im millenial - wanted anal except in my armpit? somehow? - i spent a few months wandering inside one dude who turned out to just be the Forest Temple from Ocarina of Time: Master Quest. - for a while i lived with a widower in the house he shared with his recently departed wife, his whole thing was that i had to make him dress up in his wife's clothes and we could only make love in absolute silence, in candlelight. - enjoyed chutney |
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Aug 9, 2019 04:40
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had a portal to the underworld between her legs.
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Aug 9, 2019 05:06
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magic cactus posted:had a portal to the underworld between her legs. get this Our Bodies Ourselves poo poo out of here, every woman GOT A HUGE BOOTY you just gotta ignore it. crimes |
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Aug 9, 2019 05:33
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:get this Our Bodies Ourselves poo poo out of here, every woman GOT A HUGE BOOTY you just gotta ignore it. So true. |
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Aug 9, 2019 05:40
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Me and my ex watching The One starring Jet Li. It is the scene where evil Jet Li is about to be executed for killing countless other Jet Li (the plural for Jet Li is Jet Li not Jet Lis). In the scene a tall model lady walks in and releases a small mouse from a compartment in one of her heels, the mouse then wanders up to the glass and you can hear the music rising in tension, a guard reaches towards the mouse and the woman activated a red thing on her ring, the mouse explodes and you hear OOOOH WA AH AH AH it's Down With the Sickness by Disturbed synced up to the mouse exploding and Jet Li is freed and starts beating people up. This is one of the best scenes in all of film history rivaling the thumbs up in Terminator 2 or Eddie Murphy farting several times in The Nutty Professor. But my ex she turn to me and say "That was so dumb." Goons needless to say my hands turned white from how hard I was clenching my fists in anger I had to do everything in my power to restrain my anger and not open up my hate and let it flow into me and get down with the sickness by telling her off!! I was single within two minutes since I was having trouble dealing with these changes when she opened up the demon within me. Unbelievable |
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Aug 9, 2019 06:05
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Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:Me and my ex watching The One starring Jet Li. It is the scene where evil Jet Li is about to be executed for killing countless other Jet Li (the plural for Jet Li is Jet Li not Jet Lis). In the scene a tall model lady walks in and releases a small mouse from a compartment in one of her heels, the mouse then wanders up to the glass and you can hear the music rising in tension, a guard reaches towards the mouse and the woman activated a red thing on her ring, the mouse explodes and you hear OOOOH WA AH AH AH it's Down With the Sickness by Disturbed synced up to the mouse exploding and Jet Li is freed and starts beating people up. someday you'll find The One, dude |
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Aug 9, 2019 06:07
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SCROTO TURBOSPERG posted:someday you'll find The One, dude Love is High Risk. ---------------- |
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Aug 9, 2019 06:15
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Posted feet. Constantly. |
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Aug 9, 2019 06:48
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Married some other guy. Now I'm just his wife's boyfriend. |
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Aug 9, 2019 07:00
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Turns out she was just 30-50 hogs in an elaborate skin suit.
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Aug 9, 2019 08:47
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GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:Married some other guy. Now I'm just his wife's boyfriend.
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Aug 9, 2019 10:19
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GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:Married some other guy. Now I'm just his wife's boyfriend.  hey consider asking that dude if he wants to donate to the orb lady running for president ---------------- |
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Aug 9, 2019 11:43
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One time a month, EVERY loving month, she just HAD to pour blue fluid on a tampon. Every. drat. Month. |
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Aug 9, 2019 12:43
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It's called "womanhood" dude. |
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Aug 9, 2019 12:44
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Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:Me and my ex watching The One starring Jet Li. It is the scene where evil Jet Li is about to be executed for killing countless other Jet Li (the plural for Jet Li is Jet Li not Jet Lis). In the scene a tall model lady walks in and releases a small mouse from a compartment in one of her heels, the mouse then wanders up to the glass and you can hear the music rising in tension, a guard reaches towards the mouse and the woman activated a red thing on her ring, the mouse explodes and you hear OOOOH WA AH AH AH it's Down With the Sickness by Disturbed synced up to the mouse exploding and Jet Li is freed and starts beating people up. holy loving shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit crimes |
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Aug 9, 2019 15:21
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laid her hand on my shoulder, said "sorry, but i must leave now, so that i can travel back in time and then erase my memory to become you using a sophisticated flesh-reshaping device from the 27th century". don't know what that was about - think she was seeing someone else and just wanted to let me down easy? |
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Aug 9, 2019 15:29
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ingested me, and became Us. now have four arms, endless hands - both our exes subsumed into whole. do not miss them |
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Aug 9, 2019 15:37
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-was a perfect tauroid of irridescent wings just couldnt live up to that. crimes |
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Aug 9, 2019 15:38
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For my last girlfriend, I was the ex.
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Aug 9, 2019 16:17
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GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:Married some other guy. Now I'm just his wife's boyfriend. p-p-pleased to m-m-meet you! crimes |
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Aug 9, 2019 16:52
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Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:Me and my ex watching The One starring Jet Li. It is the scene where evil Jet Li is about to be executed for killing countless other Jet Li (the plural for Jet Li is Jet Li not Jet Lis). In the scene a tall model lady walks in and releases a small mouse from a compartment in one of her heels, the mouse then wanders up to the glass and you can hear the music rising in tension, a guard reaches towards the mouse and the woman activated a red thing on her ring, the mouse explodes and you hear OOOOH WA AH AH AH it's Down With the Sickness by Disturbed synced up to the mouse exploding and Jet Li is freed and starts beating people up.
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Aug 9, 2019 17:32
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instead of a manic pixie dream girl she reacted calmly and rationally to all of the awful awful poo poo i put her through. and dumped me, unceremoniously, into a dumpster.
crimes |
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Aug 9, 2019 17:46
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owned an AR (but after i knew him). but how does it make sense for a man with a barely average penis to own something like THAT |
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Aug 9, 2019 17:51
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depressed scientist reality woman |
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Aug 9, 2019 17:54
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Put a living, breathing dog in my heart
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Aug 9, 2019 20:10
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was a married bachelor |
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Aug 9, 2019 22:26
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Voted for my political rival Mickey Mouse. |
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Aug 10, 2019 03:42
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Associated with me.
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Aug 10, 2019 03:45
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uploaded his entire porn stash to each school computer individually. Then he stood there (wearing his fake cat ears, as always) with his hands over his face moaning "Oh no... don't looOOook~...."
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Aug 10, 2019 16:27
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One day while we were watching a movie i turned to find her dipping french fries in her strawberry milkshake. And she was all: "WHAT? It's good!"
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Aug 12, 2019 02:41
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sig by Prof. Crocodile
BYOB spells: Mutually Assured Kindness
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she had long hair but put gobs and gobs of gel in it for some reason. never put it up or anything. i never knew this until i first visited her because it was an LDR also she's also a terrible person so nothing of value is lost Six-Of-Hearts posted:One day while we were watching a movie i turned to find her dipping french fries in her strawberry milkshake. And she was all: "WHAT? It's good!" man i can't judge too hard. you ever go to wendy's and dip your fries in a frosty? it's amazing also what is your avatar from |
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Aug 12, 2019 03:43
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I've never done that. My brain screams "its gross". A friend animated my av from this
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Aug 12, 2019 14:06
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True story: My ex was an artist and she did an exhibition which featured, among other things, some paintings she did with menstrual blood. I told her no-one would buy them because that sort of thing was old hat. They sold rightaway. Someone in the area apparently collected menstrual artworks and came to the exhibition just to get them. |
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Aug 12, 2019 14:23
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That was the day I realised I know nothing about art. |
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Aug 12, 2019 14:23
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Six-Of-Hearts posted:I've never done that. My brain screams "its gross". cool thanks but no seriously absolutely try it someday. it's not as weird as you think and i'm being dead serious. it's a great balance of sweet and salty and you might be very surprised not gonna deny that dipping in a strawberry milkshake seems weird though, but i'd openly try it |
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Aug 12, 2019 14:25
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Starshark posted:True story: My ex was an artist and she did an exhibition which featured, among other things, some paintings she did with menstrual blood. I told her no-one would buy them because that sort of thing was old hat. They sold rightaway. Someone in the area apparently collected menstrual artworks and came to the exhibition just to get them. It's a renewable resource |
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Aug 12, 2019 20:16
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GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:It's a renewable resource
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Aug 13, 2019 14:27
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Starshark posted:True story: My ex was an artist and she did an exhibition which featured, among other things, some paintings she did with menstrual blood. I told her no-one would buy them because that sort of thing was old hat. They sold rightaway. Someone in the area apparently collected menstrual artworks and came to the exhibition just to get them. maybe mention the dude who bought this is a fetishist and that his appreciation for this art likely involves a lot of smelling the painting to the ex and watch her melt down. also, master level pro tip: black ink for tattoos uses bone char, so unless a vegan specifically requested vegan ink they have animal products in their skin. it loving rules watching people try and argue with me then google then have a little mini existential crisis
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Aug 13, 2019 15:11
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Heather Papps posted:maybe mention the dude who bought this is a fetishist and that his appreciation for this art likely involves a lot of smelling the painting to the ex and watch her melt down. And under the skin? More bones. Take that, vegans! |
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Aug 13, 2019 16:45
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GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:And under the skin? More bones. Take that, vegans! and get this! your tongue is made of meat!!! there is always meat in your mouth dumb people with conviction
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Aug 13, 2019 16:54
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