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i bet vegans consume a lot of bacteria on their food and in the air they breathe and run over bugs with their vehicles as well save the bacteria and bugs |
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Aug 13, 2019 16:54
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| # ? May 4, 2024 12:48 |
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Framboise posted:i bet vegans consume a lot of bacteria on their food and in the air they breathe stop making fun of jainists
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Aug 13, 2019 16:57
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"Enough with this pussy vegan poo poo! It's time to start eating people, and not cooked people like a pansy would eat. In talking raw human flesh. Alive. Fighting. Screaming." -my ex |
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Aug 13, 2019 17:05
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Heather Papps posted:stop making fun of jainists unironic: I was not aware there were people who actually fretted about that. |
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Aug 13, 2019 17:08
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i worry every day i might breathe in a bug but for different reasons you know
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Aug 13, 2019 17:19
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Framboise posted:unironic: I was not aware there were people who actually fretted about that. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGYPTb9T3MU um this made me cry once when i was not in the best place. i watched all 3 of the karate kids and like every other time miyagi spoke i was weeping like a child. "never trust a spiritual leader who can't dance"
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Aug 13, 2019 17:23
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drat i'm gonna think twice about it sometimes i guess at the very least i'm gonna feel bad when I kill mosquitoes and stuff |
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Aug 13, 2019 17:50
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Framboise posted:drat that is what you deserve for making a funny joke!
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Aug 13, 2019 18:00
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i am very sorry |
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Aug 13, 2019 18:23
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i forgive you. i love all of the em·a·na·tions of the infinite light.
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Aug 13, 2019 18:26
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One time my ex left me. I'm super great, so, that was pretty weird!
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Aug 13, 2019 19:03
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weirdest possible poo poo your ex did: forgave me
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Aug 14, 2019 17:20
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she performed emergency surgery on me while I was blacked out and removed one of my kidneys. didn't even know there was anything wrong with it. woke up in a bathtub full of ice with the incision all stitched up. doctors said it looked like she'd done this before and admired her work. she ghosted me after that too. just want to thank her for evidently saving my life. I guess I got lucky that night. my doctors still laugh hysterically at me whenever I bring it up. |
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Aug 14, 2019 19:52
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one time my ex, i think he was on a major ambien blackout, he "jokingly" told me to sell his kidney and disappear from his life. He knows i have the ella enchanted thing and I have to do it! He's usually very sensitive and careful about it but ambien i guess  so tears in my eyes i did it, flawlessly too, and i walked away never to come back. I loved him.
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Aug 14, 2019 22:38
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my ex pushed me down a mountain side and into a cliff after i rescued her from a literal giant, then i referenced "our" joke and loving jumps down after me i mean, you could have, well. walked down the hill, but, as you wish.
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Aug 14, 2019 22:40
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my ex kick me in hole say this sparta
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Aug 14, 2019 22:52
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my ex let me rip a hole in her hot topic stockings and finger her in the theater under a jacked during the film 300 because we were horny teenagers and just literally goth/hipster trash
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Aug 14, 2019 22:59
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Android Blues posted:laid her hand on my shoulder, said "sorry, but i must leave now, so that i can travel back in time and then erase my memory to become you using a sophisticated flesh-reshaping device from the 27th century". don't know what that was about - think she was seeing someone else and just wanted to let me down easy?
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Aug 15, 2019 02:15
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invaded my dreams, apparently for the purpose of commercial product placements
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Aug 15, 2019 02:23
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consumed the flesh of her enemies to gain their power.
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Aug 15, 2019 02:33
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summoned an ancient demon even though i really didn't want one and then i got stuck with him when we broke up. felt bad taking ghaal'zhbar to a shelter so i guess he's mine now |
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Aug 15, 2019 02:42
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foretold the deaths of numerous celebrities in unnerving detail, then regularly asked me "do you really think that's the best idea?" for no apparent reason when I informed her about even exceedingly minor plans me at the restaurant: wow the chicken looks delicious my ex [furrowing brow]: do you really think it's wise to have poultry tonight?
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Aug 15, 2019 02:46
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Told me to read Book Two of the Forgotten Realms Avatar Trilogy known as Tantras sequel to Shadowdale and followed by Waterdeep |
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Aug 15, 2019 02:55
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couldn't fall asleep unless i sang her the theme song to disney's talespin cartoon. if i didn't do both of the parts in the ohh-ee-ayy call and answer part she'd say i was doing it wrong and made me do it again. |
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Aug 15, 2019 03:04
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would laugh uproariously at any depiction of an alien impersonating a human, regardless of whether the depiction was humorous, dramatic, poignant, or terrifying once or twice I caught her saying "it's so true" between the peals of laughter
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Aug 15, 2019 03:23
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He would really get into the ol' roleplaying thing. I'd come over and he'd get right into character: "Look, i told you we're NOT together." "No i WON'T watch sappy movies and cuddle on the couch because WE'RE NOT DATING" and my favorite: "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW MY NAME" Haha, Steve was such a kidder. Or Greg. Whatever. |
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Aug 15, 2019 03:34
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made me meet her parents what do i care about old people for?
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Aug 15, 2019 04:06
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made me meet MY parents
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Aug 15, 2019 04:48
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she had me walk around a lot of denver after flying halfway across the country to meet her for the first time and finding out the hotel i booked with either lost my reservation or deleted it my feet were covered in blisters after the fact and rather than allow me to come home to stay the night in her guest room (she lived with her parents still), had me stay at the world's most disgusting hostel (denver international youth hostel; you can look the place up; it's permanently closed and the reviews are pure horror stories) because it was the only place that had any vacancy (it was the 4th of July) rather than carry my luggage all day i had been somehow convinced, via sheer exhaustion by the owner of the hostel to leave my luggage in his office, including my laptop, because i felt uncomfortable leaving things in the hostel room as there were no locks on the lockers later that night i looked around the room i would be staying in. the kitchen was filthy, people coming in and out all day and night long, hanging around on the fire escape there was a bathtub in another room, it had dressers sitting in it another room had nothing but more dressers and chairs and poo poo in it now mind you i had been walking around the city all day in the middle of summer. i was filthy and sticky with sweat. however the only shower was in the basement. i had a small bag of clothes on me that wasn't stored with the owner, so i ventured downstairs, passing a man who was eating kraft macaroni and cheese straight from the pot who was holding the locked door open with his knee. the basement was pitch black. down a hallway there was a glow, people watching TV. they turned and stared at me. i turned right into the bathroom with the shower. finally a moment of privacy. the plumbing in the shower was jank and looked like it was macguyvered by a teenager. there was black mold on the floor. regardless, i showered so i could at least feel more alive. i went back up to the room. the door was wide open. mr. mac and cheese was still holding it open except he was dead asleep, the macaroni spilled on the floor, ground into the dingy carpet by passers-by. i laid in an open bed. i stuffed my wallet down my pants for safekeeping should i possibly fall asleep. i had since realized this was merely a location to get people off the streets. there was noise all night. shouting matches outside. constant rustling. people coming in and out of the room where i was separated from them by nothing but a thin curtain. one man looks in at the foot of my bed and flicks a lighter. just stares at me. i try so hard to text my ex. no answer. never an answer. i laid there for what felt like an eternity, petrified. i felt like i would get mugged at any time. the odds of that were much higher than zero. finally the sun rose. i ventured downstairs to get my poo poo from the locked office and get the gently caress out. the sign said that the office would be open at 8am. the owner didn't come until around 9. i stood outside and paced around, dying to leave. the man finally comes and can't understand why i'm so impatient. he gives me all of my things back. when he saw me stuffing some items into my laptop bag he noticed a packet of poptarts sticking out. he made a gesture that he wanted them. i was not about to argue. i got the gently caress out of there and hobbled a few blocks in a completely unfamiliar city until i found a mcdonalds where i could be in a semi-clean environment with food and drink. my feet were throbbing and bleeding; some of the blisters had burst. i then limped my way to the denver library to have a place to relax until i could connect with my mom back home to help me find a better place to stay. i did finally get in contact with my ex later that day after getting settled in. apparently she had a "rough night" too because she had to ride the bus home with a bunch of drunk people and that was apparently way way worse than what i went through. despite everything her parents were very cool and caring people and i can't help but wonder why she never inherited that trait |
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Aug 15, 2019 04:56
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i know that this is for ironicposting but all of the above is a 100% true story, she's just weird and always lacked basic empathy i just felt like telling a story also she unironically wants to ban cars and can't seem to understand why such an idea is not feasible outside of big cities |
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Aug 15, 2019 04:57
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Convinced me to live a reverse Gorean lifestyle. |
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Aug 15, 2019 06:05
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Also that is a crazy as heck story. Dang! I'm glad you got out relatively okay. I'm guessing. |
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Aug 15, 2019 06:07
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Framboise posted:i know that this is for ironicposting but all of the above is a 100% true story, she's just weird and always lacked basic empathy Bells ring as the youth enters the corner store and his head snaps left to identify the sound. He has fifteen dollars in his pocket, and no longer has a home. Drifting through the aisles, he looks at lip chap and balm. It’s winter, he says to himself. I’m going to have chapped lips. He picks up a stick and moves on. It’s windy. I’ll need some sort of bandana. He browses the selection and chooses one. It’s freezing. I’ll need fire to keep my lungs warm. He walks up to the counter and asks for a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Pays for his purchases, exits, head swinging to the right to make sure the sudden sound isn’t a warning of danger. The clerk exhales, grateful that the young man with wild eyes is no longer within his sphere of responsibility. He stands at attention until the door closes then loses himself in a soap opera from home, leaning against a stool behind the counter. Warm and content. Outside the youth is pursing his lips, applying balm. He’s tying the bandanna around his neck and pulling it over his nose, testing then retying. Satisfied after the third try, shaking hands turn attention towards nicotine and light a cigarette. He draws deeply, begins his march. Snow and feet fall together, smoke and vapour exhaled into the atmosphere at regular intervals. His mind is a hive of agitated wasps and each step he takes rattles them further. Seven days ago things came to a head. Eight days ago he was on top of the world. Five days ago he was involuntarily committed to the mental health facilities of Hamilton General Hospital. Three days spent strapped to a bed, shrouded in mist. Nurses, policemen, doctors - all coalesced into a singular authoritarian amalgam. He’s been awake for more than 24 hours, which isn’t even close to the longest he’s stayed up these past months, but lacking a bed or access to food it’s much less sustainable. At first glance you wouldn’t say he was tired. If anything he was kinetic energy on two feet - humming with what most passers by and former acquaintances assumed to be a chemical high, which it was. After a form. All strength falters, even strength born of chemical imbalance. The cold driving him down roads and alleys, unconsciously, to a coffee shop. The coffee shop. The coffee shop where she works. No bells announce his entrance, but wind screaming in flings his hair and clothes about him in what he imagines is a dramatic and melodramatic fashion. Those looking in his direction as he enters feel waves of pity or disgust, depending on disposition. In a moment he’s ordering a large green tea with honey, shelling out the last of his change for hot water, leaves and bee vomit, paying admission for the right to sit inside unmolested. The barista is a classmate. Former classmate, he corrects himself. He hasn’t attended class since the first snowfall. He tries to reckon how many months that may have been but can’t. She asks him how he’s doing reflexively, wiping down the counter, not looking up, regretting her words as she hears them. A dam bursts, and everything that’s happened to him pours out, unfiltered. The death of his grandfather in the fall, the start of the trouble with his roommates, the times he wept openly at commercials, the unrequited love that had blossomed into something beautiful only for him to trample it ignorantly underfoot. The time the police were called to his apartment because he terrified his neighbour with a note left at her door, the middle of the trouble with his roommates, how after staying awake for days he began to hear the music of the spheres. It’s only when a large bearded gentleman behind him coughs that the stream dries up. In the baristas eyes he sees sympathy, universal human compassion. The bearded man sees confusion and sadness but mostly terror. He lightly pushes the young man out of his way and engages the barista in the business of coffee, parental protectiveness welling up. The desire to shield her from the torrent overtaking her overwhelming his fear that this urchin will spin around and stab him. He doesn’t. He takes his tea, and shuffles to a corner booth. He sits and extracts a small black notebook from his bag, opens to a page marked KINDNESSES VS CRUELTIES and adds a check mark in one column and an X in the other. Three more notebooks are retrieved from the bag, opened and arranged. When he looks up from the table he sees the motions of closing shop, so he prepares himself for the snow and night that has fallen. As he makes his way to the exit, an employee emerges backwards from kitchen. Miro. Miroslava. Her. They had met treeplanting. She hadn’t immediately taken his breath away with her beauty, but had slowly and unintentionally stole his heart with every science fiction reference, rant against the patriarchy and spontaneous Les Mis songs. Every game of Settlers and planting day wasted chatting. A summer spent worshiping her openly was returned with warm friendship and ignorance of the depths of his affections, and he spent the year trying his best to forget the face she’d make when he’d played a phenomenal word in Scrabble. Useless, because the next planting season found him pitching his tent beside hers again. By the end of the summer he knew he’d never be able to let her go. Their third year would be their last, and at the end of season celebration he’d finally admit that he was helpless at her feet, and an altogether new season had bloomed. The memory of that embrace was a fire burning in his chest, even now. She hadn’t noticed him, was backing out of the double swinging door with boxes on a dolly. He froze. When she had finished university she moved back to her hometown, which was where he lived, and he promised their future would be bright. They had courted with letters since planting season ended, and being in the same city was intoxicating. One fall day he went to get his first tattoos and he found himself unconsciously clutching her hand while the needle dug black ink into flesh. Eyes closed, feeling only pain, and Miro. He could have lived the rest of his life on that bench, just to always hold her, and told her so through clenched teeth. She laughed and said he could have her forever, without the pain. Months later she wouldn’t even say his name, and he couldn’t remember exactly what he had done to destroy his life. The last time he’d seen her had been through a haze of tears, being placed in the back of a police car. At the end of the problems with his roommates he’d been kicked out, and after two days on the street he’d attempted to return to get some clothes. He felt he was being reasonable but he was screaming expletives into the receiver at Joy and Sophia. When the police arrived to restrain him the indignity of captivity and the path his life had taken overtook him and the last clear image before his confinement was Miro, carrying groceries past his old apartment to her home. The fading sun lighting her hair into a halo, mouth open in shock. Just enough time for her eyes to water, and the officer forces him into the seat. Slams the door. He dashes to the bathroom, and waits until she’s moved the boxes into a storage room. As the door closes he draws upon every reserve of stealth and escapes. The coffeeshop vomits him onto the street, and he doesn’t stop until a dozen blocks away. He lights a cigarette backwards, then catches his reflection in a store window. Snow has collected on his facial hair. Saturated clothes clinging to a gaunt frame. For the first time in many months his illness doesn’t transform the image. He is pathetic, he is sick, he is lost, he is alone. Utterly alone. He tries to say his own name aloud but finds it difficult. Not sure he’s even right, he fumbles the expired drivers license from his wallet. He collapses into the darkened stoop, and weeps as dying embers are extinguished. Seven days ago things came to a head, today the emotions finally broke through. Five days ago he had, up until tonight, the worst day of his life. In two weeks he would give up, make the call his parents had been praying on for months, and move back home. In six days he’ll destroy another old friendship simply trying to survive. In nine months he’ll find a new love that eclipses that which he had for her, and find joy in life again. Tonight, he is alone. He can barely remember his name.
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Aug 15, 2019 06:08
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Six-Of-Hearts posted:He would really get into the ol' roleplaying thing. lol
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Aug 15, 2019 10:25
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Her: Now remember: It's not gay if there's guns in the room. Me: Babe, seriously. We met on a sapphic dating app. Her:  Just go get the B.A.R.
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Aug 15, 2019 16:26
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sig by Prof. Crocodile
BYOB spells: Mutually Assured Kindness
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made me start filing my nails after i trimmed them
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Aug 15, 2019 16:28
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GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:made me meet MY parents |
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Aug 15, 2019 19:54
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Aug 15, 2019 20:08
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one time i broke up with a girl, and then tried to pull me back in by ex sexin me, but like, asking me to do butt stuff to her. i did it cause i am polite but it did not work, we did not get back together.
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Aug 15, 2019 22:18
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| # ? May 4, 2024 12:48 |
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Six-Of-Hearts posted:He would really get into the ol' roleplaying thing. my ex suggested we roleplayed and i was like hell yea at first but then she didnt even understand the most basic of stat systems and then she kept wanting to do it doggystyle, which is NOT how a lvl 69 lawful good paladin would bust ---------------- |
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Aug 16, 2019 10:38
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