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Who do you wish to win the Democratic primaries?
This poll is closed.
Joe Biden, the Klansman 8 0.91%
Bernie Sanders, the Hand Flailer 578 65.76%
Elizabeth Warren, the Plan Maker 185 21.05%
Kamala Harris, the Cop Lord 4 0.46%
Cory Booker, the Super Hero Wannabe 0 0%
Julian Castro, the Twin 3 0.34%
Kirsten Gillibrand, the Franken Killer 3 0.34%
Pete Buttigieg, the Troop Sociopath 9 1.02%
Robert Francis O'Rourke, the Fake Latino 2 0.23%
Jay Inslee, the Climate Alarmist 4 0.46%
Marianne Williamson, the Crystal Queen 19 2.16%
Andrew Yang, the $1000 Fool 19 2.16%
Tulsi Gabbard, the Muslim Hater 8 0.91%
Amy Klobuchar, the Comb Enthusiast 1 0.11%
Just like in real life, nobody voted for Hickenlooper 2 0.23%
Jeffrey Epstein, the MCC Most Hated 9 1.02%
KKKillary KKKlinton 16 1.82%
Some other idiot not in this list 9 1.02%
Total: 879 votes
[Edit Poll (moderators only)]

 
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Party Plane Jones
Jul 1, 2007

by Reene
Fun Shoe

Main Paineframe posted:



Okay, I'm officially putting an end to talk in this thread about who you'll vote for in the general election. Yes, I know that each and every one of the thread regulars have primary candidates that they really hate. But nothing seems to cause more meltdowns here than talking about what happens after the primary, which is kind of out of scope for this thread anyway.

You can have all the nightmares you want about what happens if it ends up being your least favorite candidate vs Trump, but don't talk about them here or you're going to cat jail. Talk about it in some other thread, like this one.
---

The 2020 Democratic Primaries are an utter clowncar poo poo show. A number of candidates are running, and most of them are jokes. Here is a quick summary of what happened at the first two debates (which were necessary because the qualifications were so low that about 20 candidates qualified):

Winners: Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren, Marianne Williamson (lmao)

Improvement: Cory Booker, Julian Castro

Held Steady: Bernie Sanders

Owned: Robert Francis O'Rourke, Pete Buttigieg

Murdered on Live Television: Joe Biden

Irrelevant: everyone else

https://twitter.com/GoogleTrends/status/1144084843115896832

https://twitter.com/GoogleTrends/status/1144444773173907456

quote:

Summary of the candidates courtesy of Main Paineframe, to whom all complaints and hate mail should be directed


Cory Booker

Former mayor of Newark and current Senator of New Jersey. His hands-on approach as mayor got him plenty of good press for things like personally saving a person from a burning house, but that's largely been eclipsed by some dicey political stances, most famously when he bucked the Obama campaign to defend Romney and Bain Capital from the Obama campaign's cruel attacks against private equity funds. He's liberal on social issues, but conservative on most economic issues, and his close relationship to Wall Street and the healthcare industry is unlikely to win many friends on these forums.

In the primary so far, he's mostly campaigned as a moderate, resisting Medicare for All and talking up the virtues of compromise and bipartisan cooperation. However, he's recently drawn some attention by attacking Biden for talking too much about the virtues of compromise and bipartisan cooperation with segregationists and white supremacists. His debate performance was generally considered to be solid, but not stunning.


Julián Castro

Former mayor of San Antonio, and HUD secretary under the Obama administration. Beloved by the political establishment, but that hasn't translated to much support among the media or on the ground. His highlight issues are universal pre-kindergarden and lead cleanup; other than that, he's very liberal on social policies and supports moderate incremental improvements in economic issues.

He's released plenty of detailed policy plans, but he's so far failed to gain any real traction, and he did great in the debates; this longtime rising star may be one to watch.

Also, he has a twin brother in Congress, so if you want hilarious place-changing hijinks like in a bunch of B-grade 90s comedies, this should be your #1 pick.



Tulsi Gabbard

An Iraq War veteran, and a House member in Hawaii since 2013. Unusually for an American politician, she's economically leftist but leans right on social issues, which leads to a lot of Ron Paul-style unusual positions, such as anti-interventionism. Her most famous issue these days is probably her open hatred for Muslims, but she spent much of the 00s openly anti-LGBT as well and supported conversion therapy and banning gay marriage.

Often appears wearing plant life in some form, possibly indicating that she is secretly a druid.


Amy Klobuchar

A former prosecutor who, having served as a senator in Minnesota for over a decade, has gotten a lot of media buzz as the bipartisan moderate candidate who might win back the red-leaning states in the Midwest by attracting conservative votes. However, despite the pundits' predictions and lots of early media buzz, she's failed to gain much traction and hasn't brought anything interesting to the policy table. So far, her campaign's biggest headline-grabber has been leaks about her horrible treatment of staff, bullying and terrorizing them. Most famous for reportedly eating a salad with a comb, and then forcing a staffer to wash that comb as punishment for forgetting her fork.

Made reporters wait out in a snowstorm for her announcement. And there were a lot of them there, since she was supposed to be the Great Midwestern Hope.



Beto O'Rourke

Remember that guy who everyone loved more than Ted Cruz? Well, it turned out that was a pretty low bar to clear. This Texas House Representative was popular during his ultimately unsuccessful Senate run, but is finding a much frostier reception on the national stage. A pro-business moderate who won the 2018 Prize for Civility for his cross-country road trip with a GOP representative, his campaign has been criticized for preferring vague empty rhetoric, and he's had a hard time connecting with those newfangled kids with awkward moves like livestreaming a dentist visit. The media loved him for a few months, but as other candidates have done better at usurping his role as "somewhat charismatic white centrist with lots of aspirational talk", his polling has collapsed and he probably won't be getting far now that his trademark move of standing on counters has apparently lost its luster.

One of the biggest losers of debate night 1. Doing bits of his answers in Spanish backfired when other candidates and even the moderators started asking him questions in Spanish while he stared blankly.


Elizabeth Warren

Probably the only candidate almost everyone here has heard of, and the only one who's polling at more than a couple percent right now. A Harvard-educated lawyer, professor, and Massachusetts senator, she's most famous for her pro-consumer advocacy and being the driving force between the creation of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. However, she's competing for basically the same voters as Bernie Sanders. Her history as a Republican who changed parties in the 90s and her openly identifying as a capitalist have made it difficult to win over the leftists and socialists most likely to support her pro-consumer economic policies. On top of that, her campaign has made a lot of dumb moves, such as putting a list of negative rumors about her on her website, and advising her to take a DNA test to see if she really had Native American ancestry that could be used to justify her identifying as a native for much of her life.

Still, she's easily in the top three farthest-left candidates we'll see in these debates, and her numerous detailed policy proposals and impassioned in-person speeches mean that she's managed to stay in the game, even though she's not a frontrunner. Debate night 1 was expected to be an easy event for her against no-hopers and nobodies, and she didn't disappoint.


Joe Biden

You've heard about this guy. But if you only started paying attention to politics over the last decade, you've probably heard about the guy who stood next to Obama doing nothing for eight years while the Onion invented a parody character based on him. Unfortunately, that's not the Joe Biden who's running for president. The Joe Biden who's running for president is the Joe Biden who opposed anti-segregation busing, the Joe Biden who made student loans bankruptcy-proof, the Joe Biden who gave Strom Thurmond's eulogy, the Joe Biden who invades womens' personal space without consent at every opportunity, the Joe Biden who ran twice for president only to fail miserably both times, and the Joe Biden who still defends all of that and insists that he's never done anything wrong in his entire life. His primary campaign platform is based on working with Republicans, and he's openly declared that he's convinced that Mitch McConnell will work with him to pass bipartisan progressive legislation.

He's spent the last week or so embroiled in trouble because he talked about his good working relationship with his old segregationist buddies. When Booker and De Blasio called him out and said bipartisan cooperation with literal white supremacists was unacceptable, he demanded that Booker apologize. Despite this and many other stupid moves, he's the frontrunner by a wide margin right now, to the dismay of pretty much everyone left of Bush, and most of the candidates are gunning for him right now.

His aides and advisors have been keeping him away from crowds and cameras as much as possible, fueling all sorts of speculation and rumors about his speaking ability, and he just got completely murdered during the debate. It's unlikely he's gone for good, but even the media and his own staffers are throwing him under the bus, so it doesn't look good for Diamond Joe.


Pete Buttigieg

The Harvard-educated mayor of South Bend, Indiana, this guy has been treated as a young Democratic rising star for a couple years now. He's reasonably charismatic and the media absolutely loves him, but he has a preference for talking inspirational fluff rather than politics, and he doesn't have much of a political record to look at. Is gay and married. His support has been surging in recent months as he's largely stolen Beto's role, but his base is overwhelmingly white so far.

A recent police shooting of a black male under questionable circumstances in South Bend has thrown his failure to win over minorities into the spotlight, and he's widely considered to have badly mishandled his response to the shooting. He usually ranks in third or fourth place in polls, and his campaign has been fairly uninteresting so far. Did mediocre at best in the debate, where his failings in South Bend were brought up repeatedly.



Kamala Harris

Former Attorney General of California and current California Senator, this self-proclaimed "America's prosecutor" was expected to be a big contender, but she's been lagging. A standard center-left Democrat, socially liberal and economically centrist.

Her major distinguishing feature is her history as a California prosecutor. Her preference for tough-on-crime rhetoric and a tendency to see prosecution as the solution to every problem have come back to bite her in the era of Black Lives Matter, which has made it difficult for her to win over progressives.

She was originally expected to be the party establishment pick and attract most of the Dem loyalists and donors, but she's been largely eclipsed by Biden and has struggled to remain a contender, polling poorly even in her home state. She took a big bite out of him on the debate stage, though.


Bernie Sanders

The guy everyone either loves to love or loves to hate, the independent self-proclaimed socialist Senator from Vermont who challenged Clinton in 2016 needs no introduction. He's been the fairly consistent #2 in polls, and unlike Biden, his speech performance hasn't declined despite his age. Everyone knows who this guy is, and I'm sure there'll be plenty of talk about him. No meltdowns, please.


Marianne Williamson

An author and activist whose only political history is finishing fourth in a House race in California. Despite that, she's got better positions than at least half the candidates on this stage...for the most part. She wouldn't be out of place in the Green Party, mixing strong progressive policies like M4A and the Green New Deal with downright wacky stuff like antivax talk.

Her signature issue is reparations for slavery, having come out with the earliest and biggest proposal.

She's not a serious contender for the presidency, but her mixture of cool and crazy talk has earned her a meme fanbase after the debate.



Andrew Yang

A serial entrepeneur and venture capitalist, this is his first entry into politics. Even though he's an East Coaster, his policies are about what you'd expect from a Silicon Valley character. He often identifies the problems facing society, only to come up with solutions that are either badly flawed or downright stupid, like combating bad laws by passing a Constitutional amendment forcing all laws to have an automatic expiration date. Unfortunately, the demographic he's been most successful with are extremely online conservatives, who love his meme-heavy campaign and his inclination to talk about the problems most politicians tend to ignore (like AI and automation), and he's responding by being more appealing to them and going on their favorite shows and stuff.

His most famous and most widely advertised issue is the "Freedom Dividend", a UBI proposal that would give everyone $1k a month...except that you have to give up any other government benefits to get it, so the poor will benefit less than everyone else.

He's not polling well, but his willingness to talk about issues that no one else really wants to talk about make him a bit of a wildcard. It's unlikely he'll win, but he might be able to become a Ron Paul-style meme candidate...except that if the debate is any indication, he's not that great a speaker either.





:siren: This thread will now return to a 3 day probe minimum, behave you fucks. :siren:

Party Plane Jones fucked around with this message at 21:01 on Aug 16, 2019

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Majorian
Jul 1, 2009

Inverted Offensive Battle: Acupuncture Attacks Convert To 3D Penetration Tactics Taking Advantage of Deep Battle Opportunities
https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/1160305065325977600

I don't care if the debates between Bernie and Trump don't move the needle; they're gonna be fun to watch.:dance:

Luckyellow
Sep 25, 2007

Pillbug
I don't think it would be so fun. I mean, you'll still have to hear and see Trump so it's not all fun and games.

FlamingLiberal
Jan 18, 2009

Would you like to play a game?



OP, it's KKKillary KKKlinton, get it right

Failed Imagineer
Sep 22, 2018
Nate Bronze still serving up those infuego takes

https://twitter.com/NateSilver538/status/1160322738285961219?s=19

Majorian
Jul 1, 2009

Inverted Offensive Battle: Acupuncture Attacks Convert To 3D Penetration Tactics Taking Advantage of Deep Battle Opportunities

Luckyellow posted:

I don't think it would be so fun. I mean, you'll still have to hear and see Trump so it's not all fun and games.

Trump is appalling on many, many levels, but let's be honest - the dude's entertaining to watch a lot of the time.


I, Nate Bronze, being of sound mind and not at all under the influence of lots and lots of booze, believe that this is an appropriate take to make almost a year from the convention and several months before the primaries.

e: also a whole shitton of Clinton strategists went to Harris and other candidates IIRC.

Majorian fucked around with this message at 23:56 on Aug 10, 2019

The Glumslinger
Sep 24, 2008

Coach Nagy, you want me to throw to WHAT side of the field?


Hair Elf
Gonna bring this poo poo over to this thread

https://twitter.com/EmmaKinery/status/1160297794869088258

:cripes:

PT6A
Jan 5, 2006

Public school teachers are callous dictators who won't lift a finger to stop children from peeing in my plane

Majorian posted:

Trump is appalling on many, many levels, but let's be honest - the dude's entertaining to watch a lot of the time.

No, this is a crazy take. He is infuriating to watch at all times, there's not even any value to hate-watching him like there can be with other awful things.

The Glumslinger
Sep 24, 2008

Coach Nagy, you want me to throw to WHAT side of the field?


Hair Elf
Oh, and something on the lighter side

https://twitter.com/jbillinson/status/1159945614882484226

Party Plane Jones
Jul 1, 2007

by Reene
Fun Shoe

FlamingLiberal posted:

OP, it's KKKillary KKKlinton, get it right

ah yes thanks

Failed Imagineer
Sep 22, 2018

PT6A posted:

No, this is a crazy take. He is infuriating to watch at all times, there's not even any value to hate-watching him like there can be with other awful things.

Yeah, this. I can't stand to watch him for literally 5 seconds, I can feel my brain developing spontaneous CJD. If you enjoy that poo poo then you were probably somebody who enjoyed browsing beheading videos on rotten.com and never improved yourself

Majorian
Jul 1, 2009

Inverted Offensive Battle: Acupuncture Attacks Convert To 3D Penetration Tactics Taking Advantage of Deep Battle Opportunities

PT6A posted:

No, this is a crazy take. He is infuriating to watch at all times, there's not even any value to hate-watching him like there can be with other awful things.

Nah, part of what makes him dangerous is that he can be funny. The way that he disemboweled his opponents during the Republican primary had genuinely hilarious moments. That's part of how he wins.

Calibanibal
Aug 25, 2015

Trump and Bernie aren't loving funny. At all.

sexpig by night
Sep 8, 2011

by Azathoth

it fuckin sucks that they put a fuckin A+ stud like him with the nerds like Hickenlooper and Swawell just because they're all nobodies.

Failed Imagineer
Sep 22, 2018

Calibanibal posted:

Trump and Bernie aren't loving funny. At all.

This anti-New York bias of yours is very telling imo

Shear Modulus
Jun 9, 2010




nate bronze's obsession with saying klobb is actually secretly doing way better than all the other <1%ers continues

PT6A
Jan 5, 2006

Public school teachers are callous dictators who won't lift a finger to stop children from peeing in my plane

Calibanibal posted:

Trump and Bernie aren't loving funny. At all.

Counterpoint: Bernie always looking like he's trying to catch the server's attention at a deli is hilarious.

Salean
Mar 17, 2004

Homewrecker

PT6A posted:

Counterpoint: Bernie always looking like he's trying to catch the server's attention at a deli is hilarious.

Wow another highly antisemitic jab at bernard saunders

HootTheOwl
May 13, 2012

Hootin and shootin

FlamingLiberal posted:

OP, it's KKKillary KKKlinton, get it right

I would have gone with "the pedofile murderer." or "the suicide stager"

Majorian
Jul 1, 2009

Inverted Offensive Battle: Acupuncture Attacks Convert To 3D Penetration Tactics Taking Advantage of Deep Battle Opportunities

HootTheOwl posted:

I would have gone with "the pedofile murderer." or "the suicide stager"

Bloody Hand of the Deep State.

zetamind2000
Nov 6, 2007

I'm an alien.

Tom Steyer has sent me more mailers than all of the other candidates combined and he can't even get into the thread's poll smh

beejay
Apr 7, 2002

Edit: Ooops, I don't think I can post this. I'm just freaking out. Sorry.

beejay fucked around with this message at 01:08 on Aug 11, 2019

Ogmius815
Aug 25, 2005
centrism is a hell of a drug

Edit: quoted post was deleted by OP.

yronic heroism
Oct 31, 2008

Majorian posted:

Nah, part of what makes him dangerous is that he can be funny. The way that he disemboweled his opponents during the Republican primary had genuinely hilarious moments. That's part of how he wins.

It’s the situation, not the comedian. You’re hopefully mistaking the schadenfreude of watching a bunch of Republican Senators and Governors get clowned and placed in situations of Office level cringe with Trump being funny. Actually Seinfeld is a better example as far as shows go: you can be completely indifferent to his standup and still get a lot from the show.

Relatedly, this is why Trump (or Palin) speeches are only funny to their chud audiences.

Nemo2342
Nov 26, 2007

Have A Day




Nap Ghost
https://twitter.com/thehill/status/1160339311679741953

Good to see one shithead support another.

Violator
May 15, 2003


sexpig by night posted:

it fuckin sucks that they put a fuckin A+ stud like him with the nerds like Hickenlooper and Swawell just because they're all nobodies.

Throw some glasses on him and he’d be dad-hot like FBI Director Skinner on the X-Files.

MOVIE MAJICK
Jan 4, 2012

by Pragmatica
Someone tell this non-us oblivious dude what it would take for Andrew Yang to win? I like him.

Majorian
Jul 1, 2009

Inverted Offensive Battle: Acupuncture Attacks Convert To 3D Penetration Tactics Taking Advantage of Deep Battle Opportunities

MOVIE MAJICK posted:

Someone tell this non-us oblivious dude what it would take for Andrew Yang to win? I like him.

His UBI idea would basically come at the cost of slashing what remains of the social safety net to ribbons. And that's kind of all he's got, in terms of policy.

e: And to answer your question, "The death of literally every person in America who isn't Andrew Yang and his immediate family."

Majorian fucked around with this message at 01:39 on Aug 11, 2019

HootTheOwl
May 13, 2012

Hootin and shootin

MOVIE MAJICK posted:

Someone tell this non-us oblivious dude what it would take for Andrew Yang to win? I like him.

A literal act of god.

ross perot in hell
Jul 9, 2019

by VideoGames

MOVIE MAJICK posted:

Someone tell this non-us oblivious dude what it would take for Andrew Yang to win? I like him.

He isn't going to win, and the people who like him are bad people op. He's not smart, he's not charismatic, he has bad political campaigning and debating instincts, he has no base other than silicon valley dweebs who want to jerk off about the singularity, and racists who want to dismantle the social safety net, which he has literally flat out stated that his UBI proposal is a trojan horse, for this purpose. He has no chance and is really running because he is a rich tech investor, and inflating his personal brand however he can will get him a better deal with his next startup company or whatever he does next. 0%

Gresh
Jan 12, 2019


Why is Kamala Harris one of the winners OP?

Acebuckeye13
Nov 2, 2010


If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling
1-800-GAMBLER


Ultra Carp

Shear Modulus posted:

nate bronze's obsession with saying klobb is actually secretly doing way better than all the other <1%ers continues

I know exactly one unironic Klobuchar supporter in real life and while I'm sure that there are plenty of dweebs who love policy but think Warren is too radical out there in this great big world of ours, I'd be shocked if there were enough of them to fill a minor league stadium, let alone get Klobacher to whole numbers.

Majorian
Jul 1, 2009

Inverted Offensive Battle: Acupuncture Attacks Convert To 3D Penetration Tactics Taking Advantage of Deep Battle Opportunities

Gresh posted:

Why is Kamala Harris one of the winners OP?

I think that's one of 538's truly appalling takes.

PerniciousKnid
Sep 13, 2006

Acebuckeye13 posted:

I know exactly one unironic Klobuchar supporter in real life and while I'm sure that there are plenty of dweebs who love policy but think Warren is too radical out there in this great big world of ours, I'd be shocked if there were enough of them to fill a minor league stadium, let alone get Klobacher to whole numbers.

She's not a random white guy, that sets her apart from most of The Field.

Acebuckeye13
Nov 2, 2010


If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling
1-800-GAMBLER


Ultra Carp
Pretty sure those are the first debate night rankings, when Harris tore Biden apart on bussing. As it stands the OP should probably be updated to include some second debate rankings as well.

Gyges
Aug 4, 2004

NOW NO ONE
RECOGNIZE HULK

MOVIE MAJICK posted:

Someone tell this non-us oblivious dude what it would take for Andrew Yang to win? I like him.


Sanders, Warren, Harris, Biden, Buttigieg, Castro, Booker, Williamson, Klobuchar, Gabbard, Inslee, Hickenlooper, Delany, the Montana Governor, the Colorado Senator, that one billionaire, and Gillibrand would have to drop out.

Condiv
May 7, 2008

Sorry to undo the effort of paying a domestic abuser $10 to own this poster, but I am going to lose my dang mind if I keep seeing multiple posters who appear to be Baloogan.

With love,
a mod


https://twitter.com/AndrewYang/status/1160298535360892928?s=20

Majorian
Jul 1, 2009

Inverted Offensive Battle: Acupuncture Attacks Convert To 3D Penetration Tactics Taking Advantage of Deep Battle Opportunities

"I, an out-of-touch rich dude who wants to cut social programs, am the opposite of Donald Trump."

steinrokkan
Apr 2, 2011



Soiled Meat

Majorian posted:

His UBI idea would basically come at the cost of slashing what remains of the social safety net to ribbons. And that's kind of all he's got, in terms of policy.

e: And to answer your question, "The death of literally every person in America who isn't Andrew Yang and his immediate family."

His "UBI: is the ultimate scam, he has stated that it would be funded from raised VAT... which means that we are talking about the poor paying more in taxes, to get a fraction of it back in a lump payment a year later. There is nothing to like about him, even in his Chapo interview, which was as much of an opportunity to pitch his ideas in a leftist framework as he's ever gonna get, he failed to do so.

steinrokkan fucked around with this message at 02:00 on Aug 11, 2019

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Condiv
May 7, 2008

Sorry to undo the effort of paying a domestic abuser $10 to own this poster, but I am going to lose my dang mind if I keep seeing multiple posters who appear to be Baloogan.

With love,
a mod


whoever voted for joe "poor kids can be just as smart as white kids" biden in the poll should be tarred and feathered

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