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We've tried: Scaring the baby out. Long walks. Unseeable things parents do in bed. Nipple Torture/Breast Pump Spicy foods Ideas? 2 Days overdue now. Things that have come to mind: Arcade Claw Machine Justin Bieber (it's a girl after all) Bungee jump Trampoline Skydiving |
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Sep 16, 2019 06:58
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I think sailors used to use press gangs. |
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Sep 16, 2019 07:13
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run her under the hot tap for a bit
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Sep 16, 2019 10:42
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The baby is the toothpaste and the mother is the tube, you know what tot do |
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Sep 16, 2019 12:16
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*sits at a table w u and ur wife* me: *loudly and clearly* wow, one, two, three of us, I'd sure love to play a game of Euchre, but u need four for that *waits expectantly*
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Sep 16, 2019 12:18
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Talk very loudly about how much job security and affordable housing is available to the next generation near your wife's abdomen. |
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Sep 16, 2019 12:29
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um tell them they need to work or you will get mad
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Sep 16, 2019 14:18
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oh a baby um nevermind
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Sep 16, 2019 14:18
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it's a full moon where i am, i'd suggest gettin out there skyclad and just having her scream her pain for a few hours till her will is manifest
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Sep 16, 2019 14:19
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while the mother is sleeping you place her hand into a bowl of water slightly above room temperature the baby will slide right out
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Sep 16, 2019 14:36
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"Hoo boy, I could not possibly eat this last donut holy moly maybe i'll leave it right here on the table unsupervised and go away and maybe come back later and then maybe i could eat it unless some other person took it and you know what i think i'd be okay with that, i might even think of them as a hero for saving me from the mental weight of knowing i couldn't finish all the donuts heck i might buy them another donut as a thanks okay guess i'm going now bye bye who knows when I'll be back at least not for 5-10 minutes"
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Sep 16, 2019 14:50
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Stencil the word "PULL" on her belly because sometimes when you write "PULL" on a door people push so maybe a little reverse psychology? |
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Sep 16, 2019 15:08
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go to settings and increase the fps |
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Sep 16, 2019 15:22
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Call crazy table deliveries and let them work their delivery magic
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Sep 16, 2019 15:32
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cool biRd pics posted:go to settings and increase the fps Careful with this one, while the physics engine gets funky and the baby can clip at a framerate over 60 there isn't a way to cap it at something higher than 60 though it's 60 or unlimited. If you can get over 144fps the baby will often get stuck in the doctor's head killing both entities. To get around this you want to run enough background programs or do something in game to get the framerate under 60 then back off to try and get the sweet spot of 92-117FPS required for this trick to work.
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Sep 16, 2019 15:36
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cool biRd pics posted:go to settings and increase the fps
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Sep 16, 2019 15:36
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Spray some WD-40 on it and gently tap it with a hammer until it loosens up.
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Sep 16, 2019 15:55
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Centrifuge |
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Sep 16, 2019 16:55
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GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:Centrifuge Excuse me while I whip something out https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Sep 16, 2019 18:07
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nut posted:*sits at a table w u and ur wife* I tried this, it gave her massive contractions - but they subsided. :/
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Sep 16, 2019 18:43
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<3 
<3 Vanisher
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Wife laughing, I cannot thank you enough for all of these, I'd quote them all <3
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Sep 16, 2019 18:45
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have you tried asking politely?
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Sep 16, 2019 18:45
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Leaving the womb is hard. Try luring the baby out with promises of a larger, more luxurious womb. |
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Sep 16, 2019 18:58
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Have you tried Mangosteen or NordVPN?
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Sep 16, 2019 19:00
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I have an idea, you're going to need Doritos... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugn_qmQ0NFo https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Sep 16, 2019 19:07
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Did we ever find out if the baby comes out of the lady's butt? Of so, I have some ideas. |
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Sep 16, 2019 19:11
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You just missed labor day so you gotta wait another year |
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Sep 16, 2019 19:19
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plug her mouth and blow into her nostrils until the air pushes the baby out hopefully accompanied by a long, loud, hilarious farting noise e: i'm not sure what I mean by "plug her mouth" ---------------- |
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Sep 16, 2019 22:28
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prorogue parliament without securing no deal brexit |
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Sep 16, 2019 22:29
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Open byob on your phone and lay it between your wife's legs. It'll come out to post in no time.
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Sep 17, 2019 00:04
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Goons Are Great posted:Open byob on your phone and lay it between your wife's legs. It'll come out to post in no time. https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3898915 https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Sep 17, 2019 00:18
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Have her put on something nice and go somewhere/do something where it would be really embarrassing if her water broke in the middle of it. |
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Sep 17, 2019 00:52
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google THIS posted:Have her put on something nice and go somewhere/do something where it would be really embarrassing if her water broke in the middle of it. buy expensive non refundable tickets to something
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Sep 17, 2019 01:32
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"honey, i think my water broke!!" she shouts, and i run into the room, surprised and yet still kind of excited to see she has a homemade electrolysis setup running
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Sep 17, 2019 01:34
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a cash incentive |
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Sep 17, 2019 01:38
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clearly you just need to laser off the ol' umbilical and make that baby pull itself into the world by it's own boot straps |
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Sep 17, 2019 01:39
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have you tried cooking several kilos of bacon and then eating it in front of your wife's distended belly while yelling BOY HOWDY YOU REALLY ARE MISSING OUT HERE, TINY BABY
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Sep 17, 2019 01:40
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alnilam posted:buy expensive non refundable tickets to something missing radiohead is how my son came to be :3
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Sep 17, 2019 01:40
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ok so i read a lot about babies and it looks like you're going to need forceps and something called an induction valve to pop the amniotic sac but since we don't have those i have a mariokart 64 cartridge, a gold plunger and a bunch of funyuns and we're gonna have to wing it
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Sep 17, 2019 01:42
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also not to scare your wife but i was legit three weeks overdue, please go to the hospital if it's more than a week and threaten a doctor with a home orchiectomy if you have to but it is totally normal to be late however UNCOMFORTABLE AS gently caress WHO DECIDED THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA I SWEAR TO GOD it is
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Sep 17, 2019 01:43
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