Dildo Watch 2019

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > Dildo Watch 2019

How many during the game? This poll is closed.
Zero, some in the parking lots	2	5.00%
One heroic soldier	10	25.00%
Many and/or streaker and/or fan on field in full gimp / furry outfit	6	15.00%
Every arm a bow, every hole a quiver.	22	55.00%
Total:	40 votes

[Edit Poll (moderators only)]

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

It's Patriots @ Bills week and that means it's time for the rootinest tootinest fanbase to get all wildin' up and sneak in some funtime toys for the big game

https://i.imgur.com/DdelCob.mp4

Please keep your eyes peeled for as many Bills related phallic objects snuck into the stadium somehow???

# ? Sep 28, 2019 03:38

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 2, 2024 14:45

Cavauro: Jan 9, 2008

bill belichick and tom brady have entered the stadium

# ? Sep 28, 2019 03:40

schmitty9800: Feb 10, 2003

I bet Goodell has everyone on some sort of infrared secret cam where he can see exactly whos got a dildo on them now

# ? Sep 28, 2019 04:15

Rod Hoofhearted: Jun 18, 2000; I am a ghost

drat, I was hoping someone was selling a dildo watch that you can wear on your wrist and tell time with.

# ? Sep 28, 2019 05:41

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

https://twitter.com/jeffphowe/status/1177574256047284225?s=20

"some fan" is the most optimistic statement I've ever heard.

# ? Sep 28, 2019 07:32

Mega64: May 23, 2008; I took the octopath less travelered,

And it made one-eighth the difference.

�If�.

This is the 3-0 Patriots against the 3-0 Bills for the AFC East on the line. I�ll be shocked if the field isn�t raining dildos as the Bills Mafia channels their gently caress energy to will Josh Allen to a 69% completion.

# ? Sep 28, 2019 10:49

fartknocker: Oct 28, 2012; Damn it, this always happens. I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score. It's not fair.; Wedge Regret

Mega64 posted:

�If�.

This is the 3-0 Patriots against the 3-0 Bills for the AFC East on the line. I�ll be shocked if the field isn�t raining dildos as the Bills Mafia channels their gently caress energy to will Josh Allen to a 69% completion.

69% completion, 420 yards, Internet explodes.

# ? Sep 28, 2019 13:10

sweet thursday: Sep 16, 2012

fartknocker posted:

69% completion, 420 yards, Internet explodes.

6.9 average yards per run

# ? Sep 28, 2019 13:15

Cavauro: Jan 9, 2008

people having 69 sex with each other

# ? Sep 28, 2019 14:04

vyst: Aug 25, 2009

Cavauro posted:

people having 69 sex with each other

Sinful

# ? Sep 28, 2019 14:07

sweet thursday: Sep 16, 2012

When a dildo is on the field do the Patriots get a penalty for having 12 players

# ? Sep 28, 2019 14:21

Quiet Feet: Dec 14, 2009; THE HELL IS WITH THIS ASS!?

New rules

1: when a dildo is on the field, play stops and the ball is replaced with the dildo.

2: in addition to getting the dildo into the end zone for a touchdown, the dildo must also be carried in the "end zone" for the score to count.

# ? Sep 28, 2019 15:09

Raku: Nov 7, 2012; Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Roll Tide

Quiet Feet posted:

New rules

1: when a dildo is on the field, play stops and the ball is replaced with the dildo.

2: in addition to getting the dildo into the end zone for a touchdown, the dildo must also be carried in the "end zone" for the score to count.

Only tight ends are allowed to touch the dildo

# ? Sep 28, 2019 15:31

vyst: Aug 25, 2009

I assume the center has to also snap the dildo? That's an important detail I wanted to confirm

# ? Sep 28, 2019 15:39

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

vyst posted:

I assume the center has to also snap the dildo? That's an important detail I wanted to confirm

the center shoots it out by clenching his cheeks

# ? Sep 28, 2019 16:08

Raku: Nov 7, 2012; Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Roll Tide

instead of trainers shooting gatorade in your mouth they're all squeezing lube everywhere

# ? Sep 28, 2019 16:13

WalletBeef: Jun 11, 2005

Voted 1 , no Goku

# ? Sep 28, 2019 22:47

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

Raku posted:

instead of trainers shooting gatorade in your mouth they're all squeezing lube everywhere

Replace the Gatorade bottles with dildo water bottles.

# ? Sep 28, 2019 23:06

Raku: Nov 7, 2012; Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Roll Tide

seiferguy posted:

Replace the Gatorade bottles with dildo water bottles.

adjust the field so it's the 0 yard line in the middle and 69 at both endzones

# ? Sep 28, 2019 23:31

Acebuckeye13: Nov 2, 2010; If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling
1-800-GAMBLER; Ultra Carp

Man, the NFL turned into a hardcore sex league so gradually, I didn't even notice.

# ? Sep 28, 2019 23:32

Bob Socko: Feb 20, 2001

Here is a video where you can watch dildos be made: https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/sex-toys-dildo-factory-video

If it�s not clear that this is not work safe, it is you who are the dildo.

# ? Sep 29, 2019 00:50

Finger Prince: Jan 5, 2007

Cavauro posted:

people having 69 sex with each other

In the stands? Or on a broken table at the tailgate?

# ? Sep 29, 2019 04:11

Quiet Feet: Dec 14, 2009; THE HELL IS WITH THIS ASS!?

Bob Socko posted:

Here is a video where you can watch dildos be made: https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/sex-toys-dildo-factory-video

If it’s not clear that this is not work safe, it is you who are the dildo.

drat, I watched this and was just fired from my job at the dildo factory.

# ? Sep 29, 2019 04:17

General Dog: Apr 26, 2008; Everybody's working for the weekend

OP, might I suggest that you turn off your monitor?

# ? Sep 29, 2019 04:33

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Security may be checking for dildos, so I propose a solution.

During pre-game a trebuchet is constructed in the parking lot, and payloads of dildos prepared to be launched over the walls onto the playing field.

# ? Sep 29, 2019 05:47

sweet thursday: Sep 16, 2012

CannonFodder posted:

Security may be checking for dildos, so I propose a solution.

During pre-game a trebuchet is constructed in the parking lot, and payloads of dildos prepared to be launched over the walls onto the playing field.

That's pretty complicated. You know we're all born with a gaping anus right?

# ? Sep 29, 2019 05:50

HOTLANTA MAN: Jul 4, 2010; by Hand Knit; Lipstick Apathy

why not just put the dildo up your rear end and take it out of your rear end and throw it on the field

# ? Sep 29, 2019 09:41

Cavauro: Jan 9, 2008

Finger Prince posted:

In the stands? Or on a broken table at the tailgate?

In the thread.

# ? Sep 29, 2019 10:07

Symphoric: Apr 20, 2005

Security is gonna be making everyone do jumping jacks before they let them into the stadium.

# ? Sep 29, 2019 10:49

xbilkis: Apr 11, 2005; god qb
me
jay hova

Kalli posted:

https://twitter.com/jeffphowe/status/1177574256047284225?s=20

"some fan" is the most optimistic statement I've ever heard.

quote:

Of all the ways Buffalo gets ridiculed, a nationally-televised dildo injury would zip straight to the top.

�What if Josh Allen is running, steps on it and tears his ACL?� Wheat asked. �What are the ramifications? What if Tom Brady got injured?

As if a Tom Brady dildo injury wouldn't immediately become the #1 moment in Buffalo sports history

(Also it's incredible that a Bills exec is on the record considering the possibility of his team's QB suffering a sex toy-related ACL tear)

# ? Sep 29, 2019 12:36

Ches Neckbeard: Dec 3, 2005; You're all garbage, back up the truck BACK IT UP!

Somebody replace the stick in that exec's rear end with a dildo.

# ? Sep 29, 2019 14:57

Quiet Feet: Dec 14, 2009; THE HELL IS WITH THIS ASS!?

Tom Brady Dildo Injury is an S-tier username.

# ? Sep 29, 2019 14:59

fartknocker: Oct 28, 2012; Damn it, this always happens. I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score. It's not fair.; Wedge Regret

xbilkis posted:

As if a Tom Brady dildo injury wouldn't immediately become the #1 moment in Buffalo sports history

Stop stealing my fanfic ideas.

# ? Sep 29, 2019 16:34

Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

Now wait, do you throw a dildo with your own team's logo on it, or do you throw a dildo with your opponent's logo? What is the proper dildo throwing etiquette?

# ? Sep 29, 2019 17:30

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Silly Burrito posted:

Now wait, do you throw a dildo with your own team's logo on it, or do you throw a dildo with your opponent's logo? What is the proper dildo throwing etiquette?

All dildos should be labeled "Goodell".

# ? Sep 29, 2019 17:39