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It helps a lot to ask questions, especially follow-up questions. People love talking about themselves, their children, their pets, their hobbies, etc.
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Oct 18, 2021 23:27
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I went to private school: the whole place was a "gifted program." The school didn't provide much in the way of disability services because it didn't legally have to, but they were open to letting my parents claw some accommodations for me. Most notably, they were 1) a paraprofessional my parents found who gave me ABA therapy and helped out in kindergarten (I think ABA was wrong for me on balance, but that's another post), and 2) the right to take notes on a laptop and take tests by typing or circling multiple choice answers on the test paper instead of filling in testing bubbles starting in middle school, because my bad motor coordination made me write and fill in test bubbles so slowly. We also got a math teacher to tutor me in middle school; STEM subjects have always been my worst. Finally, I got an Adderall prescription in high school, which helped me focus then, but it made my insomnia and anxiety worse in college so I don't take it anymore. Schooling was pretty good for me - teachers loved how eager I was to learn the material and follow the rules, and I thrived on the structure and clear feedback. Not at all like trying to make friends with other kids  .
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Oct 21, 2021 18:08
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Cast_No_Shadow posted:But I'm not a part of any autistic communities online or off so don't really communicate with people like me. I think I'd like to change that. Have you tried Autistic Twitter? It has its problems like every community, but I think you will get some good results by searching the #ActuallyAutistic tag. Watch out for the warrior parents! Some autism websites I like: Neuroclastic Thinking Person's Guide to Autism Autistic Science Person The Autistic Self-Advocacy Network's free book, Welcome to the Autistic Community Autism Against Fascism
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Oct 27, 2021 10:17
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mahershalalhashbaz posted:the best movie about autism is Beauty and the Beast (1991) 
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Nov 6, 2021 02:18
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The stuff that neurotypical people do without really thinking about it is actually surprisingly complicated! Just talking means 1) having a thought 2) working out a good way to express that thought to your audience in words 3) making the correct sounds with your mouth. No wonder so many of us need to script out our conversations in advance!
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Nov 26, 2021 18:27
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I don't think a lot of neurotypicals appreciate how many of us have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor.
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Nov 30, 2021 20:47
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Scripts are great, use scripts every day The neurotypicals use them, they just don't admit it. Like, how often do you hear an honest answer to the question "How are you?" And how often do people expect that honest answer? 99% of the time you're supposed to say something like "I'm fine. How are you?"
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Dec 6, 2021 03:34
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Masking is exhausting! I like going to social events and talking to people, but I crash afterwards. In the neurodivergent breakaway republic I will one day help found, every public building will have a quiet room: low lighting, padded seating, soundproofed walls, weighted blankets, and a basket of stim toys. People will be able to duck in at any time to decompress before getting on with their days. It will also be normal at house parties for one room or corner to be set aside as the quiet room/corner. E: any other ideas for Neurotopia? I wanna hear 'em Pththya-lyi fucked around with this message at 00:20 on Dec 7, 2021 |
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Dec 6, 2021 22:27
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In fact our train system will be the envy of the world!
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Dec 6, 2021 23:16
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signalnoise posted:I think it's neat to see attention given to the subject, but it looks more like a cash-in on the subject than a genuine contribution to discussion. I don't get that sense at all. This person seems like they're genuinely enthusiastic about fashion and have bought the clothing and accessories to suit their own needs and aesthetics. Unless I've missed it, they don't disclose a sponsorship on the guest post or their personal fashion blog, so I don't think there's a profit motive. I don't understand why you think something needs to be specifically advertised as an autism accommodation in order to be an autism accommodation. The product description for this weighted blanket doesn't mention autism, even though the weighted blanket was originally designed for autistic people and people with other sensory disabilities. That is because the company wants people with and without disabilities to buy blankets. Because people without disabilities are the larger demographic, they're the ones companies tend to target in their marketing. That doesn't mean that autistic people can't use weighted blankets anymore, or that anyone recommending weighted blankets to us is in the pocket of Big Weighted Blanket. It just means that weighted blankets are more accessible to us and to neurotypical people seeking stress relief. "Okay, but why use shirt pockets for personal storage and not bags?" I can think of two reasons: 1. Bags can be easily lost or stolen. This is much less true of pockets. 2. It sucks to rummage through a bag to find the one item you want, especially when you're already dysregulated. If you carry each item in its own pocket, it's much easier to find.
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Dec 11, 2021 18:56
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Okay, that makes sense. Thanks for clarifying!
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Dec 12, 2021 00:19
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I haven't seen Rain Man, but I hear there's a lot of bad stereotypes in it and that makes me not want to see it. Also Sia tried to make her movie Music "like Rain Man, but with girls," and I think the critical and audience response to that movie proves that approach doesn't fly today.
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Dec 14, 2021 18:12
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Michael Falk, Autistic Reporter is great, because it centers Michael and his experience navigating the absurdities and contradictions of neurotypical society while still remaining sympathetic to the NT perspective. "Four American Troops Tragically Killed Along With 23 Afghanis" is my favorite for pointing out the hypocrisy in mourning only the war dead on "our side:" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vb5rHthCXoA E: I should admit I'm grading it on a curve because most creators only started focusing on providing good autistic/ND rep over the past ~5 years, and these videos were made before then. Pththya-lyi fucked around with this message at 22:31 on Dec 15, 2021 |
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Dec 15, 2021 22:10
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Masking's tough, no question. It can definitely help you deal with society, but it puts stress on you that's got to be released somehow. That's why we tend to burn out () and that's why I'm glad I let the mask slip a little when I got into the neurodiversity movement. I discovered hand flapping a couple years ago (maybe rediscovered? I don't remember a lot of the ABA training I got because I was so young) and it's a good way to take the edge off when I'm feeling stressed. Another nice thing is that it's an easy way for others to know I'm feeling that way, but they have to know what it means and that it's benign. That's why I still only do it in front of people I trust. Hopefully one day society will get to the point where we can all stim loud and proud.
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Dec 24, 2021 02:44
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"You can't be autistic, you're not like Rainman/Sheldon from TBB/my five-year-old nephew."  E: The worst one is "you don't look autistic." What does "autistic" look like? Pththya-lyi fucked around with this message at 04:40 on Dec 24, 2021 |
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Dec 24, 2021 04:03
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Hiro Protagonist posted:All this to say, how do people on the borders of the spectrum deal with it? The feeling like you're not NT, but not autistic? I am similar to you: I got an early diagnosis and intervention, and would probably not be diagnosed as an adult by many clinicians. I still think of myself as autistic because I have too many autistic traits that I just can't think of another explanation for. If I show fewer autistic traits than I did when I was a child, it is because I have gained skills and coping mechanisms as I have grown and matured, not because I have become "less autistic." I believe you're the same way: you still are autistic, you've just learned how to mask well and deal with neurotypical society. Again, I think this is down to people having a narrow idea of what autism looks like. The less you are like the white male middle-class children that the foundational autism research was conducted on, the less likely you are to get pegged as autistic. Hiro Protagonist posted:I went through a LOT of therapy, and went through some real poo poo when my middle school found out about my diagnosis and wanted to my parents to hire a "handler" for me because they heard autistic people were prone to violence. They didn't do it, but I spent my middle school years with a microscope on me, any grades I got or things I did being hyper examined to determine if I was "safe". For context, there was no inciting incident, they just found out and it was like a switch was turned on. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You did not deserve it. While more research is needed, Studies suggest that autistic children and young people are more likely to be the victims of violence and abuse rather than the perpetrators. E: FilthyImp posted:Ah, my favorite time of the year, when I open a present and fight the urge to say "Thanks, this is a really cool thought. But, uh, please return it and get your money back because I don't think I'll use it much" I got an adult coloring book. Adult coloring is supposed to be relaxing but it fills me with anxiety. I have to pick the right colors, if I pick the wrong ones the picture will be ruined
Pththya-lyi fucked around with this message at 14:16 on Dec 28, 2021 |
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Dec 28, 2021 10:03
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I like Autistic Twitter okay, but you gotta watch out for the intercommunity slap fights and the autism warrior parents. E: and William Shatner, of all people Pththya-lyi fucked around with this message at 03:47 on Dec 31, 2021 |
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Dec 31, 2021 00:24
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Pixelante posted:I'm curious how you folks feel about this article about Encanto being an accidental representation of being autistic in a NT family. I like it fine! As the article points out, there's a lot of cases where storytellers accidentally create a character that resonates with a marginalized group. It's practically an autistic pastime to pick out characters who are definitely autistic, even if the author probably didn't intend to make an autistic character. (For example, some people read Elle Woods from Legally Blonde as an autistic woman who successfully mastered the subculture she grew up in, struggles to switch to the norms of a different subculture, but succeeds by using her intelligence, hyperfocus, and special interests to her advantage.) As for Encanto, I haven't seen it, but I can relate to the "extreme empathy" the article describes and to the experience of being surrounded by people who love you but don't know how to support you.
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Jan 1, 2022 20:01
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I overuse one punctuation mark, and it is simply -- the dash
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Jan 9, 2022 06:29
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SatansOnion posted:Shakespeare did a lot of stuff like that, on purpose even My high school English teacher told us that if you think Shakespeare is making a sex joke, he most likely is
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Jan 9, 2022 23:23
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Too many people think you can't be happy and autistic at the same time
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Jan 18, 2022 18:47
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http://www.thinkingautismguide.com/2022/01/autism-checklist-of-doom.html I bet most of you will recognize at least one of these experiences in your own life. Holy poo poo, is society bad to us.
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Jan 21, 2022 01:36
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A YouTube video that explains Neurodiversity 101 by comparing neurodiverse traits and experiences to the character of Spider-Man. It touches on masking, among other issues. I like it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ah1h3jTkpBU
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Jan 24, 2022 07:31
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There's also the fact that we are forced to mask because we are expected to understand and empathize with neurotypicals, but neurotypicals are not obligated to understand and empathize with us. Rejecting the mask means rejecting this double standard.
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Jan 24, 2022 21:51
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I finally watched Encanto last night and I've decided that a bunch of Madrigal family members are neuroatypical. Here are my armchair diagnoses: Abuela Alma: PTSD Tia Pepa: Anxiety Disorder Tio Bruno: OCD Luisa: Anxiety Disorder Dolores: Autism Camilo: ADHD Mirabel: Autism My rulings are final. No appeals
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Jan 26, 2022 23:35
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My husband mentioned off-handedly that I speak in a monotone and I was like "Wait, what?"
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Jan 29, 2022 02:00
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Yeah, that's what I do when I suspect someone is autistic. I also try to not make eye contact with them: though I do it reflexively because of childhood ABA training, I know it's uncomfortable for most of us.Nirvikalpa posted:I have a question: what is the most annoying thing about neurotypicals? Most of them want us to conform to their way of doing things and are unwilling to accommodate our needs. But autistic people are "inflexible."
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Feb 9, 2022 14:30
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I got diagnosed when I was little, but my parents did not disclose to me until I was a teen and Dad noticed me reading a popular science article about autism. If any parents out there are wondering if they should disclose their child's diagnosis to them, I'm going to tell you now: just do it. You may think it's better for your kid to "grow up without a label," but their peers and teachers are going to label them anyway. And most of those labels are going to be a lot nastier than any diagnostic term.
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Feb 11, 2022 05:04
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Organza Quiz posted:Wtf who doesn't tell their kid and important fact like that about them. Short answer: Ableists. Longer answer: Lots of people worry that if their kid knows they are neurodiverse, the kid will grow up feeling limited by that label. This has more to do with society's attitude around disability -- that disability is "limiting" and disabled people are always miserable in their awareness of their disability -- than the material reality of growing up neurodiverse. I don't have data to back this up, but I get the sense that getting a diagnosis is a happy experience for most neurodiverse people. Yes, it means getting a stigma put on you, but you probably grew up stigmatized as a "weirdo" or worse already. Knowing how and why you're different and how you can find support feels freeing. This song from "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" is about getting a BPD diagnosis, but I think a lot of neurodiverse people can relate to the optimistic feeling the song expresses: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uic_3vlI5BE Fake edit: https://twitter.com/Joi_the_Artist/status/1488546858448211969?s=20&t=w-8BXp9AB9SD7u-Ie2TM-g
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Feb 11, 2022 18:39
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Le Faye Morgaine posted:I haven't finished the thread yet, but I am starting a job working with autistic adults as a direct support professional, and my experience with the community is very lacking. If you're looking for bite-sized infodumps, I recommend blogs that regularly get contributions from autistic people, like Neuroclastic and Thinking Person's Guide to Autism. I would especially point you to these TPGA articles on dealing with meltdowns and other problem behaviors as the most relevant to your current job. Remember that autistic people, like all people, are not just a cluster of behaviors: we have internal motivations that may not be immediately obvious to you. We often have sensory issues that can make certain situations overwhelming; we may have problems with regulating, communicating, or even identifying our true feelings. You will most likely have to do a bit of extra effort to draw out what's going on under the surface, and you will not be able to make everything perfect for your clients. But I think if you put in work to understand your clients' motivations and the causes of their struggles, and to support them and their goals, you will see them do well under your care. E: Oh, and how could I forget Welcome to the Autistic Community, a FREE, plain-language ebook explaining the ins and outs of being autistic? If you read one chapter, it should be Chapter 9: Being An Ally, but the entire book is useful to anyone who who is autistic, thinks they might be autistic, or wants to support autistic people in their lives. Pththya-lyi fucked around with this message at 22:52 on Feb 16, 2022 |
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Feb 16, 2022 22:15
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I honestly really enjoyed Please Stand By, which I saw last night. Even though it's a fiction movie not directly based on any real person, and the main character is played by a neurotypical actress, I appreciated it for centering the autistic character's perspective and agency. Plus, it's about being a Star Trek fan, so you might like it if you're into that.
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Feb 28, 2022 00:39
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I am not going to say "never put a child in ABA," because that's not realistic for some people. Alternative therapies may not be available, and there's at least one case of parents getting reported to social services for trying to pull their child out of ABA. Furthermore, though the founding philosophy behind ABA (i.e., strict behaviorism) is fundamentally flawed, some ABA practices can be used ethically. (Though I do worry about how the certifying board and online ABA defenders tend to respond to criticism. "Not all ABA," like "Not all men," isn't a very helpful response to people currently facing abuse, and I shudder to imagine what kinds of things an organization that sanctions subjecting children to painful electrical shocks will go to bat for.) Plus, a lot of autism therapies will advertise themselves as ABA so they can get covered under insurance even if they don't use ABA practices. So you really have to do your due diligence when selecting an autism therapist for your child. Some things to consider: -Ethical autism therapy will focus on helping the child gain skills for navigating a neurotypical world, not on suppressing quirky but harmless behaviors. -Kids should be allowed to express negative emotions and enforce their own boundaries. They should not be forced to smile and act happy even when they're miserable, or to hug or kiss people they don't want to hug or kiss. Negative emotions and behaviors should be met with compassion, not punishment. -40 hours is a lot of time for a child to spend on therapy. Think how draining full-time jobs are for most adults -- now imagine how much harder it is for a little kid! They need breaks just like we do! Furthermore, long therapy sessions take away from time the child could spend socializing with peers or engaging in unstructured play, which is important for all children's brain development. -An important part of ABA is the use of positive reinforcement. While this can be a useful tool, take care that it's not used to coerce the child into accepting major discomfort for the sake of things they love. Positive reinforcement can also diminish internal motivation, so watch out if your kid is becoming too driven by the prospect of rewards and punishments. -Corporal punishment, such as spanking or putting hot sauce in the mouth, should not be tolerated. -Therapists should be flexible and match their work to the child's interests and needs. If something isn't working, they should try a new method or work on something else for a while instead of forcing the kid to get with the program. Special interests should be incorporated into instruction instead of discouraged. -Many autistic people experience apraxia, or difficulty with motor planning. This means an autistic person may understand what a therapist wants them to do and want to do it, but be unable to figure out how to make their body do the thing. Sensory processing issues may make certain textures, sounds, etc. uncomfortable or even painful to an autistic person. An autism therapist should be open to the possibility that a child is not obeying their instructions because they physically can't. -If a therapist catastrophizes about autism or the consequences of not doing their specific therapy, dismisses a parent's or guardian's concerns instead of working with them, or doesn't allow the parent or guardian to sit in on therapy sessions, that is a red flag. If the child starts exhibiting new or increased problem behaviors or negative emotions after starting the therapy, that is also a red flag. -Listen to autistic adults who've been through ABA and other autism therapies. They have insight into what worked and what didn't. More advice here. Pththya-lyi fucked around with this message at 21:46 on Mar 21, 2022 |
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Mar 21, 2022 21:43
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bees x1000 posted:Any of you adults out there remember how you felt/thought/saw the world when you were 4-5 years old? My boy is very smart and observant but because 95% of his verbal communication involves reciting his favorite movies/books/songs, it's very difficult to understand what he's picking up on and what's really going on in his head. Sounds like your son is performing echolalia, the repetition of spoken words. I used to do this a lot when I was very small: forming sentences correctly was something I had to think about very hard, so it was often easier to repeat a phrase from a Disney movie instead of forming one of my own. I still use echolalia as an adult, though in different ways now that I have functional language skills. Sometimes I use memes and in-jokes with friends, sometimes I'll repeat instructions I've just gotten ("Buy eggs and milk. Right.") to show I understand what I'm supposed to do. Your son may be using neologisms, using phrases that have a specific meaning to him that are not clear to the people around him. One example of neologisms I have read about is an autistic person being told they couldn't watch their favorite video because "The TV is broken today," associating that phrase with emotional upset, and using the phrase "TV is broken" to express that emotion. This example and other ways autistic (and even non-autistic people) use echolalia are laid out in this blog post. One way to deal with neologisms is to model appropriate phrases for a situation. If your kid keeps repeating your question "Do you want a cookie?" when he means "I want a cookie," start saying "I want a cookie" when you are offering your child a cookie. If the child keeps echoing you saying "You're okay" when he's clearly scared and wants to be comforted, start saying "I'm scared" when you're comforting him. If you're not sure what a phrase means, examine the context. What is going on in the story when the character says the phrase? What is your child's emotional state when they use it? What kinds of events seem to trigger the phrase? Be open to the possibility that -- at least part of the time -- your son is not trying to communicate an idea at all and is just stimming by repeating a phrase. Best of luck!
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Apr 22, 2022 01:47
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If it were me, I'd probably be more comfortable at a coffee shop than a bar -- preferably one with couches or comfy chairs to sit on. IME coffee shops are quieter than bars. But if this meetup happens in the evening, I bet that puts a wrench in things.
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May 5, 2022 23:07
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Welcome, neurosibling!
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May 20, 2022 16:50
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nesamdoom, you sound like one of those people who goes "Well, I was spanked as a child and I turned out fine!" when they're struggling with some major problems. It isn't your fault you've been mistreated and traumatized in the past, but that doesn't mean what happened to you should happen to other people. Two points about your kid being a phone-addicted teen with no ambitions: 1. That sounds pretty normal, actually. Like, that describes a ton of neurotypical teens, and yeah, a lot of those kids are going to be "failures," but a lot of them won't. It's natural to want your kid to grow up successful in the eyes of society, but social and financial success aren't everything. Many "successful" people are miserable, many "unsuccessful" people are content. As long as she's getting her basic needs met without being abused or exploited, I don't think there's a problem here. 2. Could it be that your daughter is using her phone to socialize with her peers in a way that's more appropriate for her than face-to-face communication? Chat channels and social media posts offer several advantages to autistic communicators: asynchronous responses mean more time to gather one's thoughts and form a cogent response, the lack of facial expressions and body language means no non-verbal information to process, holding a device and typing provides manual stimulation, text communication eliminates the need to speak words for those who struggle with talking. Furthermore, people form online communities based on mutual interests -- it's fantastic to drop into a ready-made group that's just as obsessed with that thing you love as you are. She may even be in contact with autistic peers, providing her with support she may not get from her IRL social groups. I worry that if you cut off her phone use in the name of making her socialize face-to-face, you'd be cutting her off from one of her best ways to communicate, build social skills, and maintain friendships. That isn't to say that your daughter's phone use is not without its problems. Online bullying and cancelling are risks for all social media users, screen time may affect her sleep habits or grades, etc. I think it's reasonable to try and help her find things to do that aren't online. For instance, I find that I am more engaged with the people and things around me when I am knitting than when I am on my phone or computer: the repetitive motion is a good stim, but it usually doesn't suck me in like the screen does. Are there any hobbies that your daughter might like to try? Drama classes can help autistic people communicate better with neurotypicals, sports can build coordination, crafts are a good stim, books tell us stories that help us process the world around us. All these things have communities associated with them that may provide your daughter with IRL friends. I wouldn't try to force her to do something she hates, but it's worth thinking about.
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Jun 6, 2022 17:54
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I think you should share your concerns about your daughter's future with her and offer your support. If she was under your roof you'd be well within your rights to set rules she has to live by if she wants to stay, especially if she were younger. (I didn't pick up on her being almost an adult). But people don't change unless they want to. Trying to force a change most likely won't accomplish anything but putting a strain on your relationship. I understand it's hard to detach yourself from your worries for her: she is your child and you obviously care about her. But you can't make that change for her -- you can only control your own actions and reactions. Again, unless she is being exploited or abused, or unless she is not getting basic needs like food or shelter met, I do not think you should make a move beyond an offer of whatever support you are comfortable giving. Otherwise, for the sake of your own well-being, please don't take responsibility for your daughter's behavior or how her mother chooses to parent her.
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Jun 8, 2022 06:48
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I'm not usually a put-poo poo-in-my-mouth kind of person, but I am a rip-stuff-into-tiny pieces -- mostly leaves and woodchips -- and a play-with-jewelry kind of person. Eventually I found knitting and that is a good stim for me. Also I learned to flap again after discovering the neurodiversity movement and it owns bones (try it sometime!) And of course I'm a typical phone-addicted Millennial. But it's hard, finding the right sensory diet. My husband tried to get me to use worry beads years ago, but they were just too bulky and awkward to carry around. I know a lot of people use silicone chewy necklaces to satisfy their urge to bite, but YMMV.
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Jun 11, 2022 22:24
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speaking as a childhood-diagnosed autistic: self-diagnosis is valid, gently caress the haters
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Jul 8, 2022 20:25
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