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Since the story starts in the "middle" I tried to ignore any issues with context or description. One thing I want to point out is I do not understand what is attacking him, I thought it was like, an appendage growing out of his hand. Main Criticism: Get inside your protagonist's head more, to show the impact of the events surrounding him. Your anime protagonist shrugs off getting his face melted like it was nothing! I critiqued in Google Docs, please let me know once you are done wth it and I will delete this link. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FN6ET3Jg_jfwFZ1Zc_Q3R2wqNRgh3Clib7cLYD5UDxw/edit?usp=sharing
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Nov 3, 2019 17:38
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Would help if my link let people view comments: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FN6ET3Jg_jfwFZ1Zc_Q3R2wqNRgh3Clib7cLYD5UDxw/edit?usp=sharing Edit: Please note that in your summary, you don't mention the protagonist can't feel Exmond fucked around with this message at 14:44 on Nov 4, 2019 |
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Nov 4, 2019 14:40
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