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Robert approached the supermarket shelf. 2 for 1 with your Savers Club card! "But I don't have a Savers Club card," Robert sighed, empty shopping basket in hand. |
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Nov 14, 2019 04:18
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It's time to restart your computer for an update! "But I have so many tabs open," Robert pleaded. "I don't want to lose all my tabs." |
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Nov 14, 2019 04:18
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Maria invited Robert to her Halloween party. "Bring some cups. I think we are going to need more cups." Robert carried a sleeve of cups to the punch table. But there were already plenty of cups, and no room for more. |
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Nov 14, 2019 04:19
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Robert arrived promptly at the theater for a concert. "Sorry sir we aren't seating anyone yet, it will be another 10 or 15 minutes." "But my seat is in there," Robert worried. "There is nowhere to sit out here." |
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Nov 14, 2019 04:19
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hes trying his best
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Nov 14, 2019 04:31
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The cashier spoke to Robert. "There's a two-for-one on lemons. If you go get another lemon, you get that lemon as a free lemon" But I'm already checking out, panicked Robert, and I only came to the store to get one lemon.
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Nov 14, 2019 06:45
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FutonForensic posted:The cashier spoke to Robert. "There's a two-for-one on lemons. If you go get another lemon, you get that lemon as a free lemon"
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Nov 14, 2019 06:52
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the paper towels are priced thusly: one for two dollars, and six for five dollars. "easy," saith robert. "I need only one roll of paper towels, and the price for a single item is the lowest." yesss, it is ssssso said smeagol-robert. maybe ssssso, but when you price the paper towels per item, the six pack is ssssignificantly cheaper. "that is absurd," said robert. "I go through paper towels so slowly, and beside that, I have no room to store the six pack." what about the time you spilled ssssoda all over your kitchen, hissed smeagol-robert. you ran out of paper towels so quickly. wouldn't it have been nice to have more? also you can ssstore them over the refrigerator, there's ssssspace there. "you have a point," said robert at length. "also there is a rewards card, and if I spend ten dollars I get two dollars back." also do not forget the buy three get one free promotion, said smeagol-robert. it would be foolisssh indeed not to take maximum advantage . . .
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Nov 14, 2019 07:25
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Hmm maybe I'll get married and have a family
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Nov 14, 2019 07:27
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FutonForensic posted:The cashier spoke to Robert. "There's a two-for-one on lemons. If you go get another lemon, you get that lemon as a free lemon" Later, as Robert switched on his turn signal and made a responsible shoulder check, Robert reflected, It could have been worse. Unbidden, the time lemons were buy two get one intruded on his mind. He gripped the steering wheel more tightly. |
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Nov 14, 2019 16:02
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Major panic at work. Systems failing. Nobody knows what to do. Stress levels off the charts. Raised voices, raised blood pressures. Robert, calmly, browsing classic cars on autotrader. "This is nothing", he says. "I remember one winter back in '89 when there were three simultaneous bomb threats, a building on fire, and a kitten stuck up a tree, and it was just me and Gaston on shift, because everyone was caught in a blizzard, and Gaston says to me 'you think this is bad, try raising three teenage daughters!'. Well, we got through it. Just tell those guys to turn off the hockey game and get working. Did I ever tell you about my old RX7?" And you know what? If Robert's not worried, you're not worried. A sense of calm falls over the workplace. You open an autotrader tab and start looking for old RX7s. |
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Nov 14, 2019 16:22
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The cashier manually adjusted the till to accept only one lemon, eying up Robert. "Do you collect air miles?" Robert shook, "..I left my card at home sorry". Robert did not collect air miles.
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Nov 14, 2019 16:25
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Finger Prince posted:And you know what? If Robert's not worried, you're not worried.
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Nov 14, 2019 17:37
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robert's colleague from the ham factory: whoah my fortune cookie has two fortunes! What does yours say, Robert? robert: *looking down at the cracked shell of an empty cookie* M-mine says I'm the yin to the world's yang! robert's boss: robert, that was culturally insensitive
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Nov 14, 2019 18:23
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Robert scrolled through Twitter. "I have opinions too!" he insisted. He kept scrolling. |
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Nov 14, 2019 18:44
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Robert scritched his chin anxiously as he read the words on the screen: LURKERS MUST POST. I do not want to post, thought Robert. If people know I exist, I could get banned. Robert deftly powered off the screen before the pressure consumed him.
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Nov 14, 2019 19:21
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subway employee: Cheese and toasted? robert: no subway employee: to which? robert: both
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Nov 14, 2019 19:26
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so i was wondering if maybe, you konw, you could see a romantic future with me? jessica? hi, sorry, i don't want to interrupt your phone time but this is very important to me. oh, a swarm? okay never mind. i will send you an email.
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Nov 14, 2019 19:32
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*Robert gazes at the meal in front of him, his steak overcooked, his burned fries resembling a funeral pyre, his roasted vegetables charred and dry like stones in a desert* *The waiter approaches* Waiter: How is everything? Robert: It’s fine thanks |
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Nov 14, 2019 19:35
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Critics panned the latest blockbuster movie. "It is something we have seen a thousand times before." Robert wavered. "Yeah I didn't like it either I guess." |
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Nov 14, 2019 21:07
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Tijuana-A-Go-Go posted:*Robert gazes at the meal in front of him, his steak overcooked, his burned fries resembling a funeral pyre, his roasted vegetables charred and dry like stones in a desert*
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Nov 14, 2019 21:25
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Tijuana-A-Go-Go posted:*Robert gazes at the meal in front of him, his steak overcooked, his burned fries resembling a funeral pyre, his roasted vegetables charred and dry like stones in a desert* Robert prefers his food well done. |
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Nov 14, 2019 21:30
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"enjoy the movie," says the ticket seller. "you too," says robert. after a few steps it hits him. he pauses, turns, opens his mouth, decides better of it. as soon as the ticket seller is busy with another customer, robert flees, never to return. in the ensuing weeks and months he changes his route through town so he doesn't have to walk or drive past the theater.
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Nov 14, 2019 22:45
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thanks rob! robert smiles, inwardly, as he enters the tip into the keypad. 10 dollars is generous, he thinks. i've been coming to this pub for a few months now, and i really like it here. you're welcome, he says. his finger slips an extra zero he doesn't notice till the receipt prints, and the barmaids eyes widen. have a good night! he says, a cartoonish dust cloud in his shape remaining as he escapes well robert thinks guess it's time to find a new bar.
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Nov 14, 2019 22:51
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Robert saw  and wondered if his post was truly justified. "Well, I don't have anything of merit to add to this conversation. My reply would just be a +1 to the thread consensus, so I won't."
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Nov 14, 2019 23:13
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robert typed a long post. it was funny, he previewed it and edited it. then he thought to himself, "am i really adding anything of value?" robert closed his browser, turned off his laptop, brushed his teeth and went to bed.
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Nov 14, 2019 23:15
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When you first meet Robert you wonder why he doesn't go by "Rob" or "Bobby," but within ten minutes you're like, "I get it." |
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Nov 15, 2019 00:20
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Manifisto posted:"enjoy the movie," says the ticket seller.
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Nov 15, 2019 00:20
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google THIS posted:When you first meet Robert you wonder why he doesn't go by "Rob" or "Bobby," but within ten minutes you're like, "I get it."
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Nov 15, 2019 00:28
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google THIS posted:When you first meet Robert you wonder why he doesn't go by "Rob" or "Bobby," but within ten minutes you're like, "I get it."
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Nov 15, 2019 14:41
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robert idles over the stove, pepper mill in hand, he loves pasta, but can he handle the spice
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Nov 15, 2019 15:33
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Robert perks up, "finally a thread for me!", he is hushed by the librarian. Excitedly, he skims the thread, his wide grin melting to a frown, "Why are they making fun of single guys with no kids?"
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Nov 15, 2019 15:35
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Robert loosens the cracking mechanism and safely slides it out the side hole before unwrapping his christmas cracker, careful not to scuff the small plastic yo-yo that will later join his collection at home after the festivities end at 6:30PM sharp
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Nov 15, 2019 15:47
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nut posted:Robert perks up, "finally a thread for me!", he is hushed by the librarian. robert has the second earliest reg date, but has never been probated or banned
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Nov 15, 2019 16:05
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Robert dreams of having the opportunity to ask, "Do you have stairs in your house?" One day, he overhears someone casually mentioning Something Awful Dot Com in conversation. From that day forward, he dreams of having the opportunity to ask, "Do you have stairs in your house?" and actually doing it. |
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Nov 15, 2019 16:30
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hunh, you know, thinks robert "my name is pretty close to richard. i wonder if he'd like me."
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Nov 15, 2019 19:32
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To this day he is still waiting for his first "Dear Robert,".
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Nov 15, 2019 21:31
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Robert sincerely replies to tweets from corporations.
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Nov 16, 2019 04:56
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Robert is bemused by the paintings at the art exhibition. "It's no Thomas Kinkade," he thinks to himself.
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Nov 16, 2019 05:03
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| # ? Apr 29, 2024 19:38 |
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mark robert armstrong laughed aloud, at byob. dad, okay, so like, remember that website i told you about? back in brantford, when i went nutz, and like, ended up moving home for a while, and like, some internet detective called my cell phone to tell me i should commit suicide? anyways, there is this funny thread, let me read you a few of the posts. okay so normally, when someone makes a good thread, they'll do a post or two in a row, to like, set the tone. uh, okay? pauses his CSI rerun mountaincat posted:It's time to restart your computer for an update! FutonForensic posted:The cashier spoke to Robert. "There's a two-for-one on lemons. If you go get another lemon, you get that lemon as a free lemon" google THIS posted:Later, as Robert switched on his turn signal and made a responsible shoulder check, Robert reflected, It could have been worse. Unbidden, the time lemons were buy two get one intruded on his mind. He gripped the steering wheel more tightly. my mother, reading her newspaper, laughs. my father, robert lee armstrong, says "i don't think this is funny" i laugh, and say, wait, dad, listen to this one Finger Prince posted:Major panic at work. Systems failing. Nobody knows what to do. Stress levels off the charts. Raised voices, raised blood pressures. my father smiles. nut posted:subway employee: Cheese and toasted? Tijuana-A-Go-Go posted:*Robert gazes at the meal in front of him, his steak overcooked, his burned fries resembling a funeral pyre, his roasted vegetables charred and dry like stones in a desert* my father laughs Manifisto posted:"enjoy the movie," says the ticket seller. my father frowns google THIS posted:When you first meet Robert you wonder why he doesn't go by "Rob" or "Bobby," but within ten minutes you're like, "I get it." my father laughs nut posted:robert idles over the stove, pepper mill in hand, he loves pasta, but can he handle the spice my mom cracks up, and my father says "okay i'm trying to watch teevee" and i just start laughing really hard and walk outside to smoke weed, thanking all that is holy that i am moving out in a month, having completed the construction/landscaping/renovation work on the house needed to prep it for them to sell in the next year or so.
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Nov 16, 2019 05:19
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