|
|
Starting a new job, doomed from here on out at work to be referred to as "Robert Two"
|
#
?
Nov 16, 2019 07:40
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 29, 2024 21:40 |
|
|
|
Robert waves another car in front of him at the intersection while glancing nervously at the clock. He's already five minutes late for work but how could he pull out in front of anyone? Suddenly he hears a beep behind him. A cold sweat springs from his brow. |
|
#
?
Nov 16, 2019 10:48
|
|
|
robert stopped to pick up some groceries, when the cashier says "wow robert are you sick? your voice isn't as cheerful as normal!" robert is taken aback he thinks to himself "my voice? cheerful? he passes the pause off on the cold he actually does have, and smiles as she bags his kale
|
|
#
?
Nov 16, 2019 22:21
|
|
|
|
Robert is sweating, he knows how to do it, he wants to do it, but he's not sure hes capable of doing it. Is he really ready to commit a federal offense? "Tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow." he says to himself while putting the scissors down and leaving the "do not remove" tag of his mattress be.
|
|
#
?
Nov 17, 2019 00:04
|
|
|
|
Robert wonders if it's really a good idea to tell his parents he has a girlfriend so they'll stop worrying about him so much. Then he takes one more look at the extra chips in his basket, smiles, and hits Send. |
|
#
?
Nov 17, 2019 01:41
|
|
|
|
google THIS posted:Robert wonders if it's really a good idea to tell his parents he has a girlfriend so they'll stop worrying about him so much. Then he takes one more look at the extra chips in his basket, smiles, and hits Send.
|
|
#
?
Nov 17, 2019 01:46
|
|
|
FutonForensic posted:The cashier spoke to Robert. "There's a two-for-one on lemons. If you go get another lemon, you get that lemon as a free lemon" Robert decides to take advantage of the special on lemons, and puts 16 of them in his bag. Approaching the 15 item express lane, he wonders if the cashier will recognize that he has 16 of one (1) item, or will admonish him for having 16 things in total, and decides it's best not to press his luck. Later, lying awake in bed, Robert worries that he made someone's day harder for having to restock the lemons he left tucked into the magazine rack. |
|
#
?
Nov 17, 2019 02:17
|
|
|
His morning tea goes un-lemoned. |
|
#
?
Nov 17, 2019 02:18
|
|
|
cream and sugar, right robert? robert notices the cream and sugar have been already added you know it! robert is lactose intolerant and diabetic
|
|
#
?
Nov 17, 2019 02:40
|
|
|
hiding in a sugar cane field from my diabetic stalker/serial killer is why I'm still here today. posting, from a sugar cane field |
|
#
?
Nov 17, 2019 04:36
|
|
|
|
Robert is exacting in his coupon clipping, trimming them along the center of the dotted line every time. The perfection of the coupon cuts go unnoticed by the cashier, who unceremoniously dumps them in with the other coupons.
|
|
#
?
Nov 17, 2019 09:26
|
|
|
|
the girl asks robert his name. for a fleeting moment, the desire to pronounce it "roh-BEAR" wells up inside him, intoxicating, nearly uncontrollable. the cool version of his name, the exotic one, the seductive one. but like countless times before, he represses the urge through a sheer effort of will. when the time is right, robert tells himself, I'll know.
|
|
#
?
Nov 17, 2019 15:22
|
|
|
robert visits his elderly parents for christmas. it is a long drive, and robert never drives above the speed limit, and when trucks ride his rear end and honk at him his body somehow becomes smaller, folding in on itself as the lights of a big rig bear down. he pulls into the driveway, and before he has made it out of his car, his mother is at the door "robbie! you're home!!!" robert smiles robert stands up straighter, and hugs his mother
|
|
#
?
Nov 17, 2019 15:48
|
|
|
|
Robert's telephone rings. It's a number he doesn't recognize. Should he answer? "He...hello" But it's already gone to voicemail. Listening to the message later he finds out it's from Blue Apron asking him if he's sure he wouldn't like to extend his free subscription to the payment model and offers a website where he can reverse his earlier cancellation. He glances nervously at the fast food containers around his apartment and at the unopened prepped meals in his fridge. "They... must know." Blushing with shame he punches in the address, credit card already in hand. |
|
#
?
Nov 17, 2019 18:12
|
|
|
|
"Bobbo! What's the good news, Bob?" says William, senior director of Robert's department (despite being 10 years his junior), with a wide fake smile. "you finished that report yet?" Robert seethes. William has never called him anything but Bob, Bobbo, Bobby, and once, slightly drunk at a Christmas party, Bobert. "I'll have it on your desk by Friday Bill, and it's Robert" he dreams of telling him. "I'll have it on your desk tomorrow, William" "See that you do Bob." |
|
#
?
Nov 17, 2019 20:00
|
|
|
|
Robert dutifully waits in line at the DMV, on his actual birthday, to renew his car registration. He told himself he was going to renew online and save the hassle this year but he kept putting it off. This is no less than he deserves, he thinks to himself. This is his penance. |
|
#
?
Nov 18, 2019 03:34
|
|
|
|
Robert, joining the guys from work every week for poker night, always folding, timidly at any raise or nervously towards the end of every single hand. He is always a good sport and re-buys in once he loses all his chips after a slight ribbing from his coworkers. Surely they must like him and enjoy his company, why else would they invite him every week?
|
|
#
?
Nov 18, 2019 12:57
|
|
|
|
Robert tries to feel better about himself by imaging his life as a quirky existential dramedy film, but it puts him right to sleep. |
|
#
?
Nov 18, 2019 15:50
|
|
|
|
toast is so misunderstood, thinks robert, again
|
|
#
?
Nov 18, 2019 16:29
|
|
|
Manifisto posted:toast is so misunderstood, thinks robert, again it is fine by itself, he says as he eats his 2 pieces of ancient grain flax bread, lightly toasted, no butter, no jam, nothing. i like this, thinks robert
|
|
#
?
Nov 18, 2019 16:44
|
|
|
|
robert lies about making GBS threads his pants to his friends so he can have a story about it too
|
|
#
?
Nov 18, 2019 22:30
|
|
|
It rained hard, but Robert had a sturdy umbrella. "It's hard to hold a candle in the cold November rain," he thought to himself. The song filled his mind like the clouds filled the sky. "Those days weren't so long ago." After he arrived at his office, he met Laura in the hallway. Their eyes met briefly. He smiled and so did she. She started to speak, but Robert could only hear the song, still playing in his mind. He gave a nod and kept walking. |
|
#
?
Nov 18, 2019 22:46
|
|
|
robert recognized someone from university, so, he took of his glasses, and pretended to be cleaning them while increasing his pace. after he was a few meters ahead of charles, he finally put his glasses back on, and his heart rate returned to normal
|
|
#
?
Nov 18, 2019 22:47
|
|
|
|
Robert imagines himself making a grand statement, letting the world know how he really feels, escape the isolation of his head. But that would be melodramatic. He doesn't really have it that bad, all these people, they're probably busy with their own problems, why should he monopolize their time on things he can solve himself? Robert climbs into his car and tries to think about the minestrone he is planning to make on the weekend. |
|
#
?
Nov 18, 2019 23:23
|
|
|
Jaguars! posted:But that would be melodramatic. He doesn't really have it that bad, all these people, they're probably busy with their own problems, why should he monopolize their time on things he can solve himself? 
|
|
#
?
Nov 18, 2019 23:37
|
|
|
|
barista: dark or medium roast robert: ya
|
|
#
?
Nov 18, 2019 23:43
|
|
|
|
I believe in Robert |
|
#
?
Nov 19, 2019 00:40
|
|
|
|
Robert spends another Saturday re-arranging his amiibos. If he can get it just right, a Roberta is sure to notice. Robert lives in a studio apartment with bare walls and a computre sitting on malk crates, the off-brand milk crate |
|
#
?
Nov 19, 2019 00:41
|
|
|
|
Robert enters week two of trying to decide between white and egg shell white |
|
#
?
Nov 19, 2019 00:47
|
|
|
|
Robert sent his oatmeal back because it was too spicy again |
|
#
?
Nov 19, 2019 00:48
|
|
|
|
FreshCutFries posted:Robert sent his oatmeal back because it was too spicy again robert was intimately familiar with oats and knew they were not spicy...could it be the meal, robert thought
|
|
#
?
Nov 19, 2019 00:51
|
|
|
|
Robert? Robert looks around. Surely there's another Robert that was here before him. Robert? Robert's brow begins to sweat. He mops it with a sponge he was saving for a snack. Gerald? Thank God. Another crisis handled, the Robert way. |
|
#
?
Nov 19, 2019 00:53
|
|
|
"Single women in my area want to meet ME?" mutters Robert in disbelief, his mouse cursor hovering over the ad. He shakes his head, looking guiltily around his empty apartment. He closes his eyes and gives the ad a single click.
|
|
#
?
Nov 19, 2019 18:47
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 29, 2024 21:40 |
|
|
|
If it was Robert Dobelina, Del would have never written that song. |
|
#
?
Nov 20, 2019 06:20
|
|