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oh cute, premix. we actually mix the rum and the chata ourselves
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Nov 25, 2019 18:05
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this year the holiday ham is made out of real holiday
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Nov 25, 2019 18:17
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Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:Places billboard outside home showing you real time how much electricity I'm wasting on my Christmas display Complete with neighborhood and global leaderboards and weekly events
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Nov 25, 2019 23:15
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What's that? You bought a veteran's day sale mattress? I bought 911. Maybe you should be thanking me for my service
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Nov 26, 2019 00:13
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The guests arrive to find that the table is set with a rifle, a shovel, a hunting knife, a can opener and a lone tin can. There's a note a top the rifle which reads "The yams and the corn are in the backyard. The turkeys are in the backyard eating the corn. The cranberries are in the tin and I would recommend you leave them there."
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Nov 26, 2019 03:23
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Oh. You actually support Santa and his practices? You know that he doesn't pay his workforce, right? |
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Nov 26, 2019 04:07
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Mr. Dick posted:The guests arrive to find that the table is set with a rifle, a shovel, a hunting knife, a can opener and a lone tin can. There's a note a top the rifle which reads "The yams and the corn are in the backyard. The turkeys are in the backyard eating the corn. The cranberries are in the tin and I would recommend you leave them there." out back they find a few logs, an axe, and another note. the note reads "split the wood, start the fire. by the time you've killed the bird, dug the yams and picked the corn you should have enough heat to cook yourself a drat fine meal. i have hidden 4 bottles of scotch inside the building. if you find them, you deserve them."
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Nov 26, 2019 12:26
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Heather Papps posted:out back they find a few logs, an axe, and another note. The guests delegate their chores according to ability. Each one finds a note over the course of their labors. The guest who split the wood found one on the stove as they went to place their tinder and kindling. Felling the turkey required only a sharp knife and a quick hand as the bird had overdosed on its own tryptophan and was brooding in a docile stupor. A note was found next to the butchers hook. One by the yam patch, one by the onion and brussels sprouts patch, another on the cutting board and one by the persimmon tree. A final note was found, by a guest sneaking away for a good toke, on the patio. The contents of all the notes was the same, a single question: “What are you thankful for?” Every guest gave the same answer: “Generational wealth” ---------------- |
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Nov 27, 2019 06:56
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Mr. Dick posted:The guests delegate their chores according to ability. Each one finds a note over the course of their labors. The guest who split the wood found one on the stove as they went to place their tinder and kindling. Felling the turkey required only a sharp knife and a quick hand as the bird had overdosed on its own tryptophan and was brooding in a docile stupor. A note was found next to the butchers hook. One by the yam patch, one by the onion and brussels sprouts patch, another on the cutting board and one by the persimmon tree. A final note was found, by a guest sneaking away for a good toke, on the patio. hahaha |
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Nov 28, 2019 23:15
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Melted slush from the snowball I threw at you drips down your neck. You don't mind so much though when you realize the snow is imported from a rapidly declining glacier whose likes will never be seen again; a certain catharsis comes over you as you realize how fortunate you really are... |
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Nov 28, 2019 23:21
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I turn on every set of christmas lights in my house, as i use the exposed power meter disk to slice cheese for our guests.
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Nov 30, 2019 06:59
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Korean Boomhauer posted:I turn on every set of christmas lights in my house, as i use the exposed power meter disk to slice cheese for our guests. |
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Nov 30, 2019 14:58
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Korean Boomhauer posted:I turn on every set of christmas lights in my house, as i use the exposed power meter disk to slice cheese for our guests. powerful image
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Nov 30, 2019 15:07
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Korean Boomhauer posted:I turn on every set of christmas lights in my house, as i use the exposed power meter disk to slice cheese for our guests. That's future poo poo
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Nov 30, 2019 15:18
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My yule log was artisanally crafted in the finest of national park conservation forests. The matches used to light it? Plucked from the grandest of Howard Johnson hotel nightstands in the year nineteen hundred and eighty seven.
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Dec 4, 2019 16:36
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sig by Prof. Crocodile
BYOB spells: Mutually Assured Kindness|
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me nodding toward the holly strung up on the wall: yuuuup, that's real holly grew it myself too yuuup you'll die if you eat the berries [the empty house echoes the sound of me sipping my cinnamon frocho]
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Dec 4, 2019 17:46
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Sipping mulled wine. Oh. A spice mix you got at Trader Joe's, huh? Yeah. I guess that's okay. |
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Dec 4, 2019 17:48
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:Sipping mulled wine. *through puckered lips* i like to coat my wine glass rim with the spice mix
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Dec 4, 2019 17:48
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nut posted:*through puckered lips* i like to coat my wine glass rim with the spice mix I make my own spice mix. You know. Hand ground nutmeg, hand curled cinnamon sticks,hand peeled mace... |
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Dec 4, 2019 17:53
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:I make my own spice mix. You know. Hand ground nutmeg, hand curled cinnamon sticks,hand peeled mace... laughs and nods to hide my embarrassing lack of knowledge about the prehistorical society of Mull
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Dec 4, 2019 17:55
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nut posted:laughs and nods to hide my embarrassing lack of knowledge about the prehistorical society of Mull Haha! If anyone's worried about the Mull People attacking us to get at our precious spices, don't worry! I've got plenty of citrus juice and milk on hand. |
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Dec 4, 2019 17:59
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nut posted:me nodding toward the holly strung up on the wall: yuuuup, that's real holly
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Dec 4, 2019 19:00
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for the office christmas party potluck, i have brought a traditional gift of goat cheese, an orange, and three fresh boughs of pine needles |
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Dec 4, 2019 19:04
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canyoneer posted:for the office christmas party potluck, i have brought a traditional gift of goat cheese, an orange, and three fresh boughs of pine needles nice nice cool very good gifts hey why don't you put those very very traditional gifts beside mine up there *motions to frankincense, myrrh, and gold*
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Dec 4, 2019 19:12
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going to the city park with a machete to harvest a plump christmas goose |
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Dec 4, 2019 19:15
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canyoneer posted:for the office christmas party potluck, i have brought a traditional gift of goat cheese, an orange, and three fresh boughs of pine needles nut posted:nice nice cool very good gifts hey why don't you put those very very traditional gifts beside mine up there *motions to frankincense, myrrh, and gold*
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Dec 4, 2019 20:28
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An auditorium with nice wooden flooring. Luscious billowing folds of purple-laced black curtains obscure all but the display nearest the entrance. It is a scale model of a small, idealized town decorated for the holidays. It shows a startling amount of detail. Storefronts are decorated in tassel and drapery, jolly merchants stand smiling and waving. Families gather around the immaculately decorated central Christmas tree. Through the street rides a pageant. Santa in his sleigh, a marching band and beautiful girls throwing footballs to the people on the sidewalks. The entire scene is bathed in light. Everything glows, skinned with undulating colors and suffused with a warming brightness. In front of the town model there stands a cutaway model of a single home. While not small, the house has no ostentation or extravagance to it. Especially for its model sized diminution the house displays an almost living solidity and cohesion. All of its facets are sturdy, designed and built to last tens of generations. The modeler’s careful weathering, abrading and denting giving it the appearance that it is already several generations old. A feast, partially consumed, sits on the kitchen table. By the table sits an ancient set of grandparents, hand in hand, contentedly napping. While there is no tree in the house, the large arched window in the center of the living room aligns with the tree in the town square. Through the pair of windows on either side of the central window children can be seen playing in the house’s snow covered backyard. People younger than the couple in the kitchen and older than the kids in the backyard occupy the rest of the house, talking, drinking, reading, napping and playing. The interior of the house glows with lighting similar to the town, but dimmer and more diffuse, outlining the comfort and contentment of the scene. Suddenly a black shroud, weighted at its corners, drops from the ceiling and covers the models. A man descends, standing on a narrow crescent of gleaming chrome. He is bald, but with platinum facial hair. His eyebrows, mustache and long goatee are all waxed to long, thin tips. He is wearing a glove on his left hand. His crop top shirt has a single sleave covering the right arm it is attached to the body of the shirt by straps. His pants are full length, tucked into tabi boots. The entire outfit is made of skintight, black neoprene. His descent halts when he is inches above the shrouded model town. He slowly looks across the assembled crowd, smiles and says “That...that was the old Christmas." He pauses, as his arm slowly gestures towards the opening curtains he says “This is the new Christmas.” ---------------- |
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Dec 12, 2019 06:57
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Dec 12, 2019 08:29
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ohhh coal? haha yeah surely that will teach them to clean up their act. Our kids? Oh, well we like to replace their innards with straw before stitching them back on Christmas Eve--it's really gotten Derek to clean up his act.
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Dec 12, 2019 16:14
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I feel a tug upon mine skirt. "Grand-mama! Please, will you read to us A Christmas Carol?" "Yes, my dearest one, gather your siblings and fetch me a latte on which to sip. I shall regale ye with the tale of our family's greatest shame. The story of Great Great Uncle Scrooge being guilted from his riches by those filthy awful poors and the ghostly agents of welfare."
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Dec 12, 2019 19:44
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Turkey is okay if you want to show your friends and family that you put in minimal effort towards their meal. For me though, it's goose stuffed with truffles and lovingly covered with gold leaf. |
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Dec 12, 2019 19:49
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all of this demonstrance certainly is impressive, but i'll be spending this christmas away in a manger with no crib for a bed
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Dec 12, 2019 21:11
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owlhawk911 posted:all of this demonstrance certainly is impressive, but i'll be spending this christmas away in a manger with no crib for a bed Collect call from a Ingkay Erodhay. Do you accept the charges?
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Dec 12, 2019 21:20
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Six-Of-Hearts posted:My yule log was artisanally crafted in the finest of national park conservation forests.
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Dec 12, 2019 21:21
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Heather Papps posted:you call this wassail? ---------------- |
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Dec 12, 2019 21:52
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Six-Of-Hearts posted:Collect call from a Ingkay Erodhay. Do you accept the charges? hard no, had a bad dream. i hear egypt's nice this time of year
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Dec 12, 2019 22:17
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what do you mean you dont hire a turkish man to throw presents down the chimney |
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Dec 13, 2019 01:29
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*pulls out my physical copy of twas the night before christmas in front of my son at the belleview mall* would you maybe be so kind as to show me where in this ancient text it mentions the sunglass hut kiosk beside santa
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Dec 13, 2019 01:38
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| # ? May 3, 2024 15:51 |
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honey listen honey wait okay listen black peter is a part of our heritage honey listen it is going to be okay trust me no one is going to get mad. i'm dirty from chimneys, this isn't blackface DO WE HAVE TO HAVE THIS ARGUMENT EVERY CHRISTMAS?!?
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Dec 13, 2019 01:48
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