What if in Harry Potter they had guns instead of wands

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > What if in Harry Potter they had guns instead of wands

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Chewbecca: Just chillin' : )

# ? Feb 9, 2020 10:24

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 17:33

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

"The gun chooses the wizard. Let's try a Beretta with unicorn engraving..."

# ? Feb 9, 2020 10:50

watho: The real world will, again tomorrow, function and run without me.

isn�t that just the movie wanted? specifically the movie not the comic it�s based on gently caress that comic it sucks the movie isn�t good either but it�s not that

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/BigClutteredJoey-mobile.mp4
thank u vanisher for the sig
and thank u nesamdoom for the good loops

# ? Feb 9, 2020 14:22

Macnult

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

"The gun chooses the wizard. Let's try a Beretta with unicorn engraving..."

# ? Feb 9, 2020 16:43

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

if harrys parents had a gun, he wouldnt be an orphan

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Feb 9, 2020 17:33

cda: by Hand Knit

Nosfereefer posted:

if harrys parents had a gun, he wouldnt be an orphan

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Feb 9, 2020 18:33

cda: by Hand Knit

harry and ron stalking the halls of hogwarts, making columbine look like a day at the quidditch pitch

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Feb 9, 2020 18:34

cda: by Hand Knit

Some of You Guys are Alright, Don't go to Potions Tomorrow

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Feb 9, 2020 18:35

biosterous

the only one who can stop a death eater with a gun is a good (teenage) wizard with a gun

^{^{thank you saoshyant for this sig!!!}}
^{^{gallery of sigs}}

he/him

# ? Feb 9, 2020 19:39

Heather Papps: hello friend

"i think these lugers are twinned?!?!?"

the bullets hang in mid air, pushing each other back and forth and harry and voldemort rapidly fire and reload.

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Feb 9, 2020 20:06

google THIS

Roland Deschain: (opening a package) This isn't what I ordered, what the gently caress is this stick?

# ? Feb 9, 2020 20:28

biosterous

defense against the dark arts class is all about tacticool movement, rad disarm techniques, fancy reloads, etc

^{^{thank you saoshyant for this sig!!!}}
^{^{gallery of sigs}}

he/him

# ? Feb 9, 2020 20:32

magic cactus: We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.

google THIS posted:

Roland Deschain: (opening a package) This isn't what I ordered, what the gently caress is this stick?

Thanks to Saoshyant for the amazing spring '23 sig!

# ? Feb 9, 2020 21:11

nut

cda posted:

Some of You Guys are Alright, Don't go to Potions Tomorrow

# ? Feb 9, 2020 23:05

Escape From Noise

Turning a wand into a zipgun

# ? Feb 10, 2020 05:39

joke_explainer

EXT. DIAGON ALLEY - DAY

The Terminator walks past the long display window of an enormous magical pawnshop emporium. Signs declare, among other things, GUNS and AMMO is red block letters. The Terminator passes the magical pranks section, and the figures on a set of magical paintings distort and break-up sequentially as he walks by, returning to normal behind him.

He enters the store.

INT. PAWN SHOP - DAY

TIGHT ON GLASS COUNTERTOP as an AR-180 ASSAULT RIFLE WITH SCOPE is laid beside a number of other guns: a COLT K-MODEL .45 ACP, a SMITH AND WESSON .38 FOUR-INCH, a BERETTA .225 ACP.

TERMINATOR (V.O.)
...the Remington 1100 Autoloader...

WIDE as the CLERK, who looks like a sick lizard, pallid and paunchy (clearly a hufflepuff), takes the rifle from a wall rack. He lays it beside the arsenal of perfectly legal anti-human artillery already on the glass counter. The Terminator scans expressionlessly for additional selections.

CLERK
Anything else?

TERMINATOR
A phased plasma pulse-laser in the forty watt range...

CLERK
(annoyed)
Just what you see, pal.

He indicates the display case and wall racks with a minimal gesture.

TERMINATOR
The Uzi 9 millimeter.

CLERK
(setting it out)
You know your weapons, buddy.

Terminator examines each in turn, working the actions with curt, precise movements.

CLERK
(continuing)
Any one of them's ideal for home defense. Which'll it be?

TERMINATOR
All.

The clerk digs deep and finds a scrap of a smile.

CLERK
Maybe I'll close early.
Cash or charge?

Instead of replying, The Terminator takes a box of shotgun shells from a stack on the display case.

CLERK
Sorry, I can't sell the ammo
with the guns. You'll have
to---Hey!

Terminator has calmly begun feeding the shells into the shotgun.

CLERK
(continuing)
You can't to that...

TERMINATOR
(evenly)
Avada Kedavra... baby.

He raises the barrel and pulls the trigger. The gun THUNDERS.

# ? Feb 10, 2020 07:56

Macnult

joke_explainer posted:

EXT. DIAGON ALLEY - DAY

The Terminator walks past the long display window of an enormous magical pawnshop emporium. Signs declare, among other things, GUNS and AMMO is red block letters. The Terminator passes the magical pranks section, and the figures on a set of magical paintings distort and break-up sequentially as he walks by, returning to normal behind him.

He enters the store.

INT. PAWN SHOP - DAY

TIGHT ON GLASS COUNTERTOP as an AR-180 ASSAULT RIFLE WITH SCOPE is laid beside a number of other guns: a COLT K-MODEL .45 ACP, a SMITH AND WESSON .38 FOUR-INCH, a BERETTA .225 ACP.

TERMINATOR (V.O.)
...the Remington 1100 Autoloader...

WIDE as the CLERK, who looks like a sick lizard, pallid and paunchy (clearly a hufflepuff), takes the rifle from a wall rack. He lays it beside the arsenal of perfectly legal anti-human artillery already on the glass counter. The Terminator scans expressionlessly for additional selections.

CLERK
Anything else?

TERMINATOR
A phased plasma pulse-laser in the forty watt range...

CLERK
(annoyed)
Just what you see, pal.

He indicates the display case and wall racks with a minimal gesture.

TERMINATOR
The Uzi 9 millimeter.

CLERK
(setting it out)
You know your weapons, buddy.

Terminator examines each in turn, working the actions with curt, precise movements.

CLERK
(continuing)
Any one of them's ideal for home defense. Which'll it be?

TERMINATOR
All.

The clerk digs deep and finds a scrap of a smile.

CLERK
Maybe I'll close early.
Cash or charge?

Instead of replying, The Terminator takes a box of shotgun shells from a stack on the display case.

CLERK
Sorry, I can't sell the ammo
with the guns. You'll have
to---Hey!

Terminator has calmly begun feeding the shells into the shotgun.

CLERK
(continuing)
You can't to that...

TERMINATOR
(evenly)
Avada Kedavra... baby.

He raises the barrel and pulls the trigger. The gun THUNDERS.

# ? Feb 10, 2020 08:13

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

"Ok class, simply hold your gun thusly and repeat the words of power. And.. BRAP BRAP BRAP."
The class in unison, holding their guns to the side gangsta-style, "BRAP BRAP BRAP!"

# ? Feb 10, 2020 10:06

Escape From Noise

Harry NEVER misses arm day!

# ? Feb 10, 2020 14:37

cda: by Hand Knit

joke_explainer posted:

EXT. DIAGON ALLEY - DAY

The Terminator walks past the long display window of an enormous magical pawnshop emporium. Signs declare, among other things, GUNS and AMMO is red block letters. The Terminator passes the magical pranks section, and the figures on a set of magical paintings distort and break-up sequentially as he walks by, returning to normal behind him.

He enters the store.

INT. PAWN SHOP - DAY

TIGHT ON GLASS COUNTERTOP as an AR-180 ASSAULT RIFLE WITH SCOPE is laid beside a number of other guns: a COLT K-MODEL .45 ACP, a SMITH AND WESSON .38 FOUR-INCH, a BERETTA .225 ACP.

TERMINATOR (V.O.)
...the Remington 1100 Autoloader...

WIDE as the CLERK, who looks like a sick lizard, pallid and paunchy (clearly a hufflepuff), takes the rifle from a wall rack. He lays it beside the arsenal of perfectly legal anti-human artillery already on the glass counter. The Terminator scans expressionlessly for additional selections.

CLERK
Anything else?

TERMINATOR
A phased plasma pulse-laser in the forty watt range...

CLERK
(annoyed)
Just what you see, pal.

He indicates the display case and wall racks with a minimal gesture.

TERMINATOR
The Uzi 9 millimeter.

CLERK
(setting it out)
You know your weapons, buddy.

Terminator examines each in turn, working the actions with curt, precise movements.

CLERK
(continuing)
Any one of them's ideal for home defense. Which'll it be?

TERMINATOR
All.

The clerk digs deep and finds a scrap of a smile.

CLERK
Maybe I'll close early.
Cash or charge?

Instead of replying, The Terminator takes a box of shotgun shells from a stack on the display case.

CLERK
Sorry, I can't sell the ammo
with the guns. You'll have
to---Hey!

Terminator has calmly begun feeding the shells into the shotgun.

CLERK
(continuing)
You can't to that...

TERMINATOR
(evenly)
Avada Kedavra... baby.

He raises the barrel and pulls the trigger. The gun THUNDERS.

# ? Feb 10, 2020 14:38

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

*harry potter (played by arnold swartzsnegger) empties magazines into the death eaters*
"they should call you lead eaters!"

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Feb 10, 2020 23:51

cda: by Hand Knit

Nosfereefer posted:

*harry potter (played by arnold swartzsnegger) empties magazines into the death eaters*
"they should call you lead eaters!"

# ? Feb 11, 2020 00:51

Macnult

�arry poppah

# ? Feb 11, 2020 00:52

DOPE FIEND KILLA G

i think that'd really change the tone of the scene where ron's wand backfires in chamber of secrets

# ? Feb 11, 2020 02:41

DOPE FIEND KILLA G

DOPE FIEND KILLA G posted:

i think that'd really change the tone of the scene where ron's wand backfires in chamber of secrets

though you could still say he ate some slugs i guess

# ? Feb 11, 2020 02:42

wearing a lampshade

Nosfereefer posted:

*harry potter (played by arnold swartzsnegger) empties magazines into the death eaters*
"they should call you lead eaters!"

# ? Feb 11, 2020 02:43

nut

the sorting gat?

# ? Feb 11, 2020 02:55

nut

im about to sort u from ur life

looks like ur in house dead

# ? Feb 11, 2020 02:55

Macnult

DOPE FIEND KILLA G posted:

i think that'd really change the tone of the scene where ron's wand backfires in chamber of secrets

DOPE FIEND KILLA G posted:

though you could still say he ate some slugs i guess

# ? Feb 11, 2020 02:59

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

nut posted:

im about to sort u from ur life

looks like ur in house dead

# ? Feb 11, 2020 04:12

Yinlock

snape: *calmly firing a 9mm into a cauldron* potter you fool

# ? Feb 11, 2020 05:12

joke_explainer

Yinlock posted:

snape: *calmly firing a 9mm into a cauldron* potter you fool

lol

# ? Feb 11, 2020 06:13

joke_explainer

Wizards firing off their guns inside buildings or just at the sky to teleport away

# ? Feb 11, 2020 06:13

Macnult

Yinlock posted:

snape: *calmly firing a 9mm into a cauldron* potter you fool

lmao

# ? Feb 11, 2020 06:24

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Yinlock posted:

snape: *calmly firing a 9mm into a cauldron* potter you fool

# ? Feb 11, 2020 06:56

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

Yinlock posted:

snape: *calmly firing a 9mm into a cauldron* potter you fool

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Feb 11, 2020 21:28

take the moon: by sebmojo

cda posted:

Some of You Guys are Alright, Don't go to Potions Tomorrow

# ? Feb 11, 2020 21:50

take the moon: by sebmojo

HP Denton choosing the GEC wand

"the GEC wand might be useful"

# ? Feb 11, 2020 23:44

take the moon: by sebmojo

*calmly shoots draco malfoy off his flying broomstick* nothing in this rulebook from a parallel universe where we use wands says we cant shoot other players with our guns

# ? Feb 11, 2020 23:56

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 17:33

take the moon: by sebmojo

special investigation into waterboarding at azkaban "it's okay cuz Voldemort has Wands of Mass Destruction"

# ? Feb 12, 2020 00:07

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > What if in Harry Potter they had guns instead of wands

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