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Son of Thunderbeast posted:What's up with the books? I never read them dated racist depictions of nonwhites IIRC
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I just said to our five year old, in deference to her explanation for why she should still get a cookie after deliberately smearing egg all over various surfaces, "Stalin didn't care, and neither do I. Go upstairs and get your pajamas ready, please". Unsure if this is terrible parenting but I think "Stalin didn't care, and neither do I" is my new catchphrase.
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Jan 3, 2022 00:25
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I put our 5 year old into a ski clinic. Outdoors, many instructors, lots of kids. She can't do it and got booted, and it's pure pandemic poo poo: more or less, she's fine with the kids, she's fine with some of the women, but she freaks out around men and especially beards. This is totally unsurprising to me, since we've taken great care to make sure she's gotten some decent normal socialization around kids through all this, and her (mostly outdoor) preschool is run by 2 women. Her exposure to unknown men is very limited because it's not like we've been hosting dinners or even going to big backyard BBQs through this. I'm not freaking out about it, and I am doing my best to not make her feel bad: the plan for skiing is, we're switching to solo lessons with a single female instructor that will be the same from lesson to lesson, and even if the same amount of money spent that way only gets her ~6 hrs of instruction instead of 20, it's gonna be a lot more useful. And frankly, if she can't do that, then I'll have to just keep working with her myself. The thing is, she WAS able to engage a bit with the group during the first week and she made more progress in an hour than she does in 5 hours with me, so I'd like to try to get her working with a instructor even if it means initially accomodating her anxieties. Has anyone else dealt with this, and do you have any productive advice? I'd rather her be dealing with this now than have had COVID three times in the past 2 years, obviously, but at the same time I think this is a real issue we're going to have to find a way to address. The plan is public school in the fall; that'll all be women teachers, initially, but it's gonna be a whole lot of new adults. (Small school, maybe 4-5 teachers total).
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Jan 26, 2022 15:55
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PerniciousKnid posted:We haven't been going anywhere that would involve new faces besides the playground, but I guess now I'm worried about it! great news! I'm here at the mountain, and kiddo has been working one on one with a young woman instructor for more than an hour. we had to warm up with a meet and greet, we brought some photos of stuff from home for her to show the instructor as an ice breaker, and looking down on her from the lift she seems to be both trying, and sometimes suceeding at skiing. we'll worry about bearded men later, right now if she will let a stranger teach her to ski i am loving ecstatic.
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Jan 28, 2022 17:43
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Big Mad Drongo posted:Was just informed my 20-month-old had her first active shooter drill. this is enraging. it sounds like here in Vermont they don't start that poo poo until at least middle school but I'm already planning a fight over it; so far my experience here is that it's small enough that it's actually possible to effect some amount of changes in some things. that is, I stand zero chance of changing state policy but lots of people hate this poo poo and i can probably make sure it's a frequent topic in the local papers, at minimum, for YEARS. my wife and i had our first meal out by ourselves since feb 2020 last night at a restaurant with an open air heated patio, we also went early to avoid potential crowds. now we're leaving the five year old with my parents for the week, which leaves us with the one year old and I'm between jobs this week. i dunno about sleep but the house is going to be quieter than i can remember it, i might have to bang pans together or shoot cans in the basement to compensate Cabbages and VHS has issued a correction as of 12:41 on Apr 18, 2022 |
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Apr 18, 2022 12:38
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Spoiler: I am not a risk to myself or others I want to harm myself because I feel loving awful because our 1 year old just popped positive for lead, not "WOAH GET TO CHELATION" hot but "hmm this needs a followup and you should look for lead sources". We bought a post -80s construction house with lead concerns in mind. Got the water tested several times. Got lead test kits, tested fixtures, tested old maple sugar gear (got rid of a bunch as a result), tested surfaces, etc. What didn't I test? I didn't test the loving clawfoot bathtub right at the water line. I tested the fixtures, I think I tested the rim, but, that gray area where the water level hits? Nope, didn't test it. I still have the loving lead tests, so when my wife mentioned that as a possibility I busted them out and -- blood loving red (red means lead) all along the loving inside of the tub. Other kiddo has taken baths in there for a lot longer, she also did not test positive on these same tests -- and she lacks her younger siblings tendency to put anything and everything including dumb amounts of bathwater in her mouth. But, I feel awful, loving negligent as gently caress, I am glad the state does these tests because at least it alerted us to a problem fairly fast and when her levels are not so scary that there is already clear risk of permanent harm, but, you know, there's no loving safe amount of lead, any amount of it will mineralize in bones, etc. Also makes me realize my skeleton may be like 5% lead by weight because I also loved to put everything in the world in my mouth but I grew up only ~6 years post lead ban, not 45. I just feel loving awful though and I'm never going to not feel awful about this because, sure, we buy a new tub and patch the hole, but, damage done? We'll never really know.
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May 5, 2022 12:55
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sonatinas posted:I’m sorry you are going through this. Im in an 1920 house and shared your same concerns. I live in a zip code next to the highest amount of elevated lead in kids in michigan(it ain’t flint) and the main culprit is actually kids breathing in lead paint dust from doors and windows opening and closing. so far our experiences with our pediatrician have been good; my own googling had already lead me to iron supplementation as well as (obviously) finding and removing any obvious sources. the tilting thing for me is, I had the lead test kits on hand, I'd tested substantial parts of that bathroom, and this just wasn't on my radar at all. Additionally, we almost replaced the tub the first year we were here because it's like 55" long and 14" soaking depth and not very useful for grown rear end adults, but, having no idea it was a safety concern, that didn't seem like a great use of a grand at the time. So, here we are, now spending probably a grand and a half because of general price increases in everything since 2018, and having exposed our kids and to some extent ourselves to lead for that period of time for no fuckin good reason other than "oops dad didn't swab the waterline of the tub" part of me wants to take those test kits to everywhere around here that sells vintage clawfoots; i bet anything that hasn't been re-enamaled very recently will pop red. Red, for lead. And dead. Redrum. Here's a totally normal picture of a bunch of kids toys with the blood splatter of a hot lead test above it. 
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May 5, 2022 16:16
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Bar Ran Dun posted:the water line of the tub, goddamn. yea, you can see the yellow splatter above it, which is lead negative makes sense: hard water + soap line gradually eats away at the finish, eventually lead containing poo poo that's been enameled away starts to leech in. Motherfucker, though. This is my state health dept's lead brochure: https://www.healthvermont.gov/sites/default/files/documents/2017/01/ENV_AL_leadhazardsinhometemplate6.18.08PDF.pdf -- no mention of this https://www.epa.gov/lead/protect-your-family-sources-lead -- EPA doc, similar. However, if you google "clawfoot tub lead" then you find a lot of information, and a lot of it is from people who sell re-enameling or bathtubs so of course this is in their interest and these are not peer reviewed studies, but one company said they tested a bunch of clawfoots and found lead in 100% of them.  ...the replacement tub will probably be acrylic microplastic soup!!
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May 5, 2022 17:00
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IAMKOREA posted:Man that's hosed. Like i think in lead pipes an oxide layer builds up so there is very little leaching, but in a tub that you regularly scrub and clean as a normal rear end adult/parent who is responsible that oxide layer would never persist and you would get leaching. poo poo sucks dude. Anyway man you keep like blaming yourself in these posts and you need to let that poo poo go it's not your fault. this is all good information, and, no, we haven't done anything other than stop using the tub and have a follow up blood test that's more accurate, which we're waiting for the results of. Getting samples tested will not be hard; among other things the maple industry around here ensures good access to lead fluid testing, because stuff made on old gear will have lead in it, and while I think that's been illegal for commercial use for a while, lots of people do whatever they're going to do with 25 year old galvanized lead-welded pans because replacing them with tig welded ones costs thousands of dollars. She had played with some old toys at one point, which both her sister and myself had played with, but her sister doesn't have her tendency to stick poo poo in her mouth, and when I was a kid they didn't even do this testing. It wouldn't shock me if there was another vector; one thing I read online, a kid ended up with 3x these levels for months and it turned out to be suckling a zipper on a sleep sack. That's especially hosed up because I am assuming that a sleep sack is not some heirloom item and so it's probably cost cutting bs putting cheap metal in the zipper, but I'd be outraged (if not actually surprised) if that's legal. This kid will put literally anything in her mouth. I have spent periods of time on my hands and knees cleaning a room, and then watched her immediately use her tiny fingers to dig some random piece of metal wire out from a crack between the floorboards and try to eat it. I'd say we have a pair of eyes actually on her >95% of the time she's awake, and she's almost never unattended for more than ~15-20 seconds, but without dedicated live-in help, 100% eyes-on is pretty hard. So, "the possibilities are limitless", except that the construction here is all 1999 and later which does rule out a lot of stuff. The bathtub and a handful of toys are the only things from the really leaded age that she's had exposure to. Not much to do except keep lead testing surfaces as they occur to me and wait for results. And to think one of the reasons I left Buffalo was the assumption other places might be free of these problems. I was pretty doomer already at that point (2008) but not as mentally broken (fixed?) as I am now by a long shot.
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May 6, 2022 14:57
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Yay! The follow up blood test that's more accurate was much lower -- 2.1 ug/dm, instead of 14! Just a little ~6.5x margin of error. That's within the "normal" range except that no amount of lead is normal especially not in a small kid, but that gets into a range that both worries me less from the perspective of harm already irrevocably done, and makes it more likely the bathtub could be the only problem. I will do the bathtub water test, and other than that, I think we just replace it, do a follow up test in a couple months, and there's not much else to do. But, the state dept has a number and if they are willing to send someone out here to look around for anything we've overlooked, by all means. So I guess the good news is our kid didn't get nearly as badly poisoned as the initial test indicated, also I'll probably be able to sit down in my own bathtub in some short period of time. In other dad news -- trying to sell my motorcycle tomorrow. It pains me, but, these days any time I have to touch paved roads with cars in the other lane at 50, I just have a sense of "this is stupid, I am too clumsy to be doing this poo poo at 41 years old". I am not ruling out getting a (probably electric) dirt bike at some point down the road, but, I think it's time to say "hey, I've been dicking around on these things for 12 years now, I've ridden them into the ground on dirt and pavement and managed to not be badly hurt, and I'd rather not become one of the bad statistics". Dirt bikes worry me a lot less, yes you can gently caress yourself up bad but it's more hardcore safety gear (lock-rotation helmets), generally lower speeds, and basically no risk of being clobbered by something bigger than you unless you hit a moose (which I came close to once lol).
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May 6, 2022 19:38
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sonatinas posted:if I won the lottery that’s what I’d get. my spouse said we would adopt as well so kid gets a sibling and the joy of turning those knobs and patch cables This is, maybe 5-10% the cost of that room you showed, but this is my setup and we're getting to a point where the kids like it:  I have the Axiom25 down low so the 1 year old can use it. 5 year old can pound on the main keyboard, so I hook that up to Studio One VSTs, then hook the Axiom25 up to the 0coast, get some good sounds going and let them go nuts. I am not really comfortable posting vids of my kids on here, but I have one from last week where the older kid is pounding away and then yells "TAKE IT AWAY, [little sister]!" and points at her rockstar style. No idea where she picked that up, but, cute as gently caress. The OP-1 is loving dangerous because it looks so much like a god damned gameboy, try convincing a 5 year old it's actually a super expensive piece of kit that needs to be used gently... One goal that I have is that one of these kids asks their 3rd-ish grade science teacher questions about analog oscillators that the teacher cannot answer. We will see. edit: "5-10% was based on other poster's 30k estimate but it would not shock me if that's more like $500k in eurorack lol" Cabbages and VHS has issued a correction as of 18:01 on May 30, 2022 |
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May 30, 2022 17:53
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unlimited shrimp posted:Videogames for a five year old: so good or no good? I've been letting our older kid play PBS mobile games since she was 3.5 or so. Two years later and she is starting to show an interest in "real games" and "controllers" and I will probably try to get Mario Kart or something going for us to mess around with. Given what the future sort of looks like from this point in time, my kids developing problematic escapist tendencies is the least of my loving concerns, especially if it's poo poo like games and books that doesn't make you a full blown drug addict.
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Jun 14, 2022 19:53
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preparing for kindergarten which basically means processing my MPOX anxiety constantly
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Aug 1, 2022 13:30
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hey CSPAM parents, advice desperately needed about an increasingly aggressively obstinate 5.5 year old. Have been told by pediatrics that our concerns are valid and while this doesn't seem "super bad", a behavioral evaluation is encouraged. Also the waitlist for that is over a year, so, here we are. Background: two kids, 5.5 and 1.25 years old. Older kid has been somewhat impulsive/loose cannon since she was walking, very high energy, distractable, defiant, etc. None of that fazes me, I have all the same poo poo and I was a hellion. For a long time, basic reward based strategies worked well enough: happy or sad faces on a chart along various axis ("nice to mom and dad", "did bedtime well", etc), TV/video game time (PBS stuff, all) awarded based on how many good marks she gets. (So no "punishment" for bad, just no reward). As her sister has gotten bigger, more mobile, and of course more destructive, we've seen a lot of changes in the older kid. Some might be jealousy, also, she has been in preschool and summer preschool and while the behavioral reports from there are all fine, and when I pick her up I hear all the other kids happily wish her goodbye or hello when I drop her off, I can't discount that social interaction with peers is a factor in some of this. So, bascially: she won't do what we say, she will in fact try to see how close she can come to doing the exact opposite, she no longer seems to care about being deprived TV & games for LONG periods of time, and she has taken to kicking, hitting and throwing stuff at her mom and me when she's upset. To be very clear we are NEVER physical with her, we do not spank her, we do not have any indication that other kids have hit her.... except her 1 year old sister, who, you know, is a 1 year old who also hit me in the face with a plastic firetruck 2 weeks ago, hard enough to substantially reinjure a long dormant neck injury I had. We try to remind kig kiddo, she is bigger, she is more mobile, she has a room she can go to. She very rarely actually hits her sister, but we have seen her do it at least once which is enough for "well those two can't be together unsupervised for even 5 seconds anymore" which is not the most convenient situation. Prior to things going downhill lately, I had made some progress paying the older kid 25 cents per 15 minutes to "babysit" -- this was with me very close by keeping an eye, but she was doing a fine job. So -- I am stressed as gently caress. My job is stressful, if I lose it we're kinda super hosed until I find another one, my wife is behind in her professional certification desires because of kids and COVID, we're both in independent therapy, etc We love the hell out of both kids, and, when she's not being a tyrant she's great! This is a kid who will happily do 15 mins of meditation and yoga with me most mornings! I try to encourage her to channel to that energy when she's spinning out of control, but she's just too young to connect the dots like that and all I can hope is that I am giving her a foundation of mindfulness and calm that may eventually serve her some purpose in the deserts of the future. For now, we're just trying to find ways to navigate this more happily, and coming up blank. Also, I am anxious as hell about the general state of the world, so is my wife, and while we try to not say doomer poo poo and answer our kids' questions in non-doomer terms they can understand, it would be illogical to not assume that 2 years of COVID stress, combined with MPX, combined with general collapse anxieties, is impacting mine and my wife's behaviors in ways the kids are picking up on. Not sure what to do about that. We almost aborted a trip to go get ice cream yesterday because older kid was so completely out of control in the leadup, but, my view is: poo poo like nice summers where you can just go get ice cream may well be a limited loving commodity. I don't mind depriving my kid screen time, who gives a gently caress, and actually she seems to have figured out she can have as much fun playing outside, which is great from an addiction perspective and not helpful from a behavior modification one. Anyway, point is, even if she's being a tyrant and even if it kind of rubs me wrong to "reward" tyrannical behavior, I think "family trips for ice cream" are a benefit to the whole family and I'm not going to let her gently caress that up for me and the rest of us if I can avoid it. FWIW we had a good time getting ice cream once my wife got through her tears in the car from the insane trauma of the whole lead up ("I hate you" was used as weaponized speech a couple times, of course followed shortly by "I WANT A HUG!") Any advice at all is loving appreciated, we're just dealing with this incident by incident at this point. Also she tends to obey me much more readily than her mom, but I am not sure if that's good or not; I am quicker to raise my voice, and also quicker to simply pick her up and remove her from a situation physically if she is being completely noncompliant. edit: the violence she displays seems solely geared at her mom and I. She has bopped her sister once or twice but not at all with the same vitriol and usually in the context of "play", or "younger kid pulled a toy away and older kid got upset and pulled it back too hard". In terms of her mom and me, she will just look us straight in the eye and then punch us. She threw a playskool chair at my leg hard enough to give me a huge bruise and a small hematoma that persisted for a few days. Beyond her obvious unhappiness about some things, a big concern is that the first time she DOES do any of this poo poo to another kid, it's going to cause her a MASSIVE world of problems she has no idea about which can lead to state interventions, lists, etc. gently caress that noise, need to get this under control. lobster shirt posted:feeling a lot more nervous about getting these anatomy ultrasound results today than i was over the weekend. really hope everything is good news! i'm sure it will be. but we do live in texas so a bad result could be pretty difficult to deal with. keeping those fingers crossed. Good luck, and condolences on your cartoonishly evil and chistofascisct patriarchal state leadership. Cabbages and VHS has issued a correction as of 13:50 on Aug 1, 2022 |
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Aug 1, 2022 13:46
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and to be clear I am trying to navigate all this in the most compassionate way possible for everyone involved and it's hard this is taking a huge emotional toll on my spouse at the same time I suspect my kids' adulthood is going to coincide with Lots Of Bad poo poo and I'd like them to have as happy a childhood as possible and I am not exactly concerned with raising the perfect Eagle Scout citizens in 2022, I also just need to not have kids that are getting isolated from the general population because they throw things at people
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Aug 1, 2022 13:54
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Thanks everyone --- in no particular order:Greg Legg posted:Don't beat yourself up! Everything you have posted is SUPER loving COMMON right now. I think it's because of the disruption caused by covid. I had almost a dozen behavior referrals within the first month of the school year starting. quote:You mentioned that there is a wait list for the behavior assessment, but when does she start kindergarten? You should be able to get an assessment done through the public school system. quote:gently caress man I wish I had more to say. The good news is that of all the referrals I got at the start of the year, it was the kids whose parents are doing the stuff you're doing (I thought the chart was cute) that made progress. This is both reassuring, and also somewhat alarming because the concept of her not being able to make progress on this stuff hadn't really crossed my mind, but, of course it exists as some nonzero thing. Iridium posted:yeah i won't weigh in on whether it did or didnt help slow the virus or what the real risk/reward was from a public health perspective, and it may well have been worth the damage that was done idk, but anyone with a school age kid will have seen firsthand that, regardless, it hosed them up badly. Bar Ran Dun posted:just went through this process and it can be super stressful too. Do you mind elaborating just so I know what to be prepared for? Bar Ran Dun posted:outside of preschool how isolated are you pandemic wise? More or less, we decided pretty early on that keeping her as socialized as possible was our #1 priority and the only thing we were willing to waver from pretty hardcore COVID protocols on. This didn't mean sending her into unmaksed wee kid parties, but it did mean that even though we skipped halloween 2020* we did it in 2021 and did a number of other things for the sake of socializing kiddo, which we would not have done for our own sake. I will certainly admit we feel isolated and somewhat despondent and anxious about the state of America (more nationally than locally, for now), and I have to assume kiddo is smart enough to be picking up on that nervous energy. Wife and I are both in therapy to try to deal with our own poo poo as well as possible through all of this; our therapists as well as pediatrician think we're basically doing everything we can. *We didn't "skip" halloween, as much as, I set up a spooky LED-candle lit walk around our property withj some built in jump scares, and then her best friend came over and they walked the path with the moms while the other dad and I moved along from jump-scare station to jump-scare station, doing things like dragging heavy chains along the barn ceiling as they walked through, popping up in masks, etc. We had "candy station" and both girls liked it a lot and actually it was a cool enough thing that I thought "wow a bit more work and a little licensing and I could just charge for this as a Haunted Woodswalk". But, of course that's another project that died in my mind, given life's reality right now. Microplastics posted:It is almost certainly this. I doubt any kind of peer influence is playing a part, if behaviour outside the home is fine. I tend to agree, and, I have approached this with the following messaging more or less: "Whatever you feel is okay, even if it's painful, it's just how you feel and that's normal and we can't always control it. We do have some control over how we act, and when you feel really bad, if you can talk to us about it or draw about it or go play outside about it, that's a good response. Hitting us or throwing things is a bad response". I think I mentioned I do meditation and yoga with her pretty regularly and the kid can just sit still and apparantly watch her breath for 5-15 mins depending on the day. If she ever connects that to the way she instantly freaks out about circumstances changing slightly I think it will be a lightbulb moment for her, but, all I can do is sort of paint the door as bright as possible. When we're actually meditating, if something awful happens like her sister comes along and pulls her hair.... she's still usually able to just recenter, "remember, we're just focusing on breath, tuning out distractions is good so lets just think of your sister as a REALLY DISTRACTING THING". Zero problems with her on the meditation mat or the yoga mat afterwards. Stuff can deteriorate pretty fast after, though! ikanreed posted:What do you try in the moment? Stern voiced warning? Time outs? Redirection? Asking them to think about others? When she is really in the thick of it she can't be reasoned with. If she will walk to a timeout in her room on her own, she's allowed to take whatever toys she wants with her. If she pushes things to the point where I have to simply pick her up as gently as possible and carry her screaming to her room, then she goes with whatever toys are already there. This has about a 50% hit rate of causing her to self-recuse before being carried. As soon as she calms down and stops screaming I try to approach her gently, make it clear I am not mad but I am sad she's so unhappy and that I'd really like to try to understand why; to the extent she knows, sometimes she says things that make sense ("I am mad at my sister, she hit me! I am mad that I am not allowed to play video games!") and sometimes she either doesn't know or says things that don't track like "because I love you", "because it's funny", etc. I do then remind her about other people, I reminded her she's loved and her mom and I will never hit her back no matter how much she misbehaves but we really want to help her find better habits, and also express sympathy and empathy that she must be feeling pretty bad and confused to act like this, and, again, that's just how she feels and even if it sucks, it's fundamentally okay. I try not to raise my voice or be commanding and intimidating. I am not always good at this. My own father who I love very much did the same thing, I think to a greater extent, and by all accounts his dad was a right bastard who would really, really do the same thing in a toxic way -- his dad was a bastard hypercapitalist, and HIS dad was a right bastard who had like 3 different families he kept abandoing. I think there's a karmic trickle down here and each successive generation has been somewhat less of a right bastard.... but the tendency is far from extinguished. I am never threatening but a couple times when stuff has just been totally beyond the pale I have said pretty inappropriate stuff like "what in the name of holy gently caress are you doing?!" Iridium posted:and just like long covid it may be years before we really understood what happened/is happening, and what the real effects are/will be. I think by the time we have that data we're going to be more concerned with "NYT OP-ED: COVERAGE OF THE ONGOING CENTRAL AMERICAN "WATER WARS" WHICH ARE NOW "SPIRALING" INTO THE TEXAN REPUBLIC ARE HIGHLY DISTURBING TO YOUTH, MEDIA NEEDS TO TONE DOWN HYPERBOLE IN COVER OF THESE MILD HYDRATION RELATED DISAGREEMENTS" by Monica Ghandi.  We're also trying to address this by spending more 1:1 time with her. I have a trip out of town this week for a dr's consult and decided to bring her (after clearing it with dr, she'll just need to sit there quietly in a mask with a video game during the appt) and then the next day we're going to go to the Worcester Ecotarium together before we head back home. (I told her I think that's where we learn how to be EcoTerrorists, which got me a black look from my wife, I need to read less CSPAM before breakfast). Likewise my wife has taken her on some day trips, and might do an overnight with her. It would be real nice if we could stick kid sister somewhere for 24-48hrs and do a 3-of-us trip or staycation, and that should eventually be possible, we are at a point where we have to find childcare options for the younger kid, but god drat is everyone slammed around here, if I could stomach the thought and liability I'd open a daycare. Cabbages and VHS has issued a correction as of 14:12 on Aug 2, 2022 |
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Aug 2, 2022 13:56
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AxGrap posted:My general thought is if you are *never* mad or loud how can they know when something is actually very serious/dangerous as opposed to more gentle run of the mill attitude or behavior course corrections. My wife was scared I was going to throw the phone at her, or something equally unhinged. To me, there's just no world where that happens, I take poo poo out on myself and I would have gone to another room and started punching the wall until I broke my thin rear end bones, but I would never raise a hand to her or the kids. At the same time, I think she's a highly thoughtful and rational person, and so if in that moment she felt like her safety was at risk, that makes me feel super lovely and also makes me think I am projecting a level of toxicity and anger in those moments which I must learn to do a better job handling. I do remember my dad during an argument with my mom just outright throwing his cereal bowl into the ground, at his feet. IIRC, It was either a Richard Batterham bowl which he deeply loved, or one he had made himself (he was a potter), so I see a sort of similar act of "physical rage manifests as a self-sabotaging act which also scares the living hell out of anyone in the vicinity". My dad did not do this poo poo very much at all, but I think I probably remember every time it happened in some detail. We're talking 5-6 events over the 18 years I lived there, but obviously that poo poo sunk in, and obviously I carry that same toxic tendency to become unable to internalize. The hard part for us is I can feel this coming on and my gut instinct is always to flee which usually works fine, and then we both calm down and we can talk about whatever was really going on over the next few days. Where I get kind of crazy is if I feel "pinned down", as in, I am desperately trying to flee a situation before it escalates, and my partner sometimes becomes obsessed with "we have to solve this NOW or we'll never want to work through it". I am sympathetic to that, it's loving HARD to come back to something lovely a day later when everything feels better. But to me, that's the work to do, because I don't think trying to process stuff when we're both so worked up that I am trying to leave the room before I smash my phone, is healthy. Yes, I talk about all this with my therapist. I think I've actually made substantial progress on my anger issues over the years but also the world is getting hotter (literally, and politically) around me and so it's like a mad game of keeping pace and trying to fortify my coping mechanisms ever more against an ever more stressful world. God knows what poo poo will be like when my kids are my age, which is one reason I am so gung ho to teach them some meditation now. But, I am 100% doing this from the perspective of "this helps build good mental discipline that can benefit you in all areas of your life" and not as some alarmist thing -- in fact the idea of doing this occurred to me long before I had my big  moments on climate etc, simply because I speculate that if my own parents had done this it might have made my teen years better.
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Aug 2, 2022 15:08
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I think I got some substantial insight into "misbehaving" kiddo this weekend. I had a doctor's appointment out of town; I took her with me, and besides being kind of bored in the car but tolerating it (we alternate music picks and mine are mostly stuff she likes anyway) and having to play games in a mask for an hour at my actual appointment, I think it was a lot of fun for her. She'd heard about airbnbs but never stayed in one and then the next day before we came back we spent 2-3 hours at a sort of combination science museum and semi-ethical zoo (no large animals, etc). It had a train and a planetarium, we did masks everywhere and actually it seemed like most people did indoors at least. Anyway, she had some of her normal stuff like not wanting to eat anything that's not sweet, picking out dinner foods and then not liking them, etc, but we negotiated through all of it with no breakdowns. To be fair, I buckled on one toy purchase I normally would have held a firm no on (already got her one thing), but, we were on a "vacation" that was already a grand between a rental, a rental car, the appointment itself, gas and food, and I didn't think a $20 stuffed fox breaks bank or brains at that point. She made a bunch of comments throughout about how it was nice/interesting to do a just-us trip, and even when she seemed burned our in the car 4/5 the way home, I asked her if she'd had fun and she thought for a second and said "yes, I'd say I enjoyed it"  Point of all that is, no problems and then everything went to absolute poo poo within an hour of getting back. She was initially very happy to see mom and sis, but became increasingly noncompliant and finally when I had temporarily recused myself I heard a clatter and some raised voices from downstairs, and it sounds like what happened is that her little sister was sitting on the (mini) trampoline in the living room and she just... pulled her off, bump on the floor, while my wife was standing right there. Unhelpful behavior but it's real obvious it's got everything to do with mama/younger sis dynamics. We put her on a new behavior chart; any physical violence == zero sugar the next day. I've noticed through this progression she's become a pickier eater and basically will only reliably eat carbs and sweet stuff, as someone with lifetime ADHD I know that can be a big factor and I think we just have to work diet/sleep/meditation/exercise on a schedule right now. Bar Ran Dun posted:different categories can create very different perceptions of your child. you have to qualify under certain special Ed categories to get help beyond a 504 plan. some of the categories have reputations. Note that I, myself, am a semi reformed nutcase and I did a lot of dumb poo poo in gradeschool, from selling an inoperative-but-technically-a-machinegun Uzi to a kid for $20 at one point (lol Montana) to shitloads of acid before 1st period (lol the pickard missile silo), and I don't actually think any intervention attempted ever did jack poo poo despite extremely involved and on the ball parents; I just got lucky enough to live through it all without much of a criminal record and the fell upwards because I was white and Computer Gifted at the right moment I was dx ADHD and shoved on amphetamines when I was 13, ritalin + SSRIs at 14, didn't start loving with recreational drugs until I was 17 and my thinking at the time was "I've been forced to take horrid poo poo for years, why not try the fun ones?" -- so, yeah, I have a biased and hosed up view of the pediatric psychological system we have.
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Aug 7, 2022 16:36
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condolances on the HFM, goon hope everyone feels better soon it's so unfair, we don't even have hooves
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Aug 9, 2022 17:08
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oh wait, "hand foot mouth", why do i always think hoof did someome say hoof? 
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Aug 9, 2022 17:10
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so uh anyone else losing their loving minds about Monkeypox? I don't want to start K with one kiddo and daycare for the 1.5 year old during this but not doing those things is going to cause immense problems for us and our kids my PCP sends his kid to the same school we will be; I CC'd him on a message about all this to my family. As of a week ago he'd told me he wouldn't be thinking of yanking kids; I told him to please let me know if his thinking on that changes. He's a reasonable guy, I haven't seen him unmasked since 2019 and these days he rocks auras. Organic Lube User posted:You put red marks on my kid and I'm not sure I'm not a reasonable enough person to not burn down your building. With you in it. having kids has definitely caused me to rethink my hard pacifism on some occaisions and also made me conclude I want to avoid any and all involvement between my kids and the state, excluding public school which is good for now and also we can't afford private school here.
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Aug 23, 2022 17:20
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preschool day 1 for the unmaskable 1.5 year old Insh'allah
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Aug 29, 2022 19:30
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Son of Thunderbeast posted:Thoughts and prayers, hope your kid stays safe and covid/pox-free. I'm still trying to see about monkeypox vaccines for my family. Seriously considering claiming that I'm in an open relationship and have lots of gay sex that my partner is involved in so we can all get it, if we can't find a way to get it in Canada or something I've identified as some kind of queer since I was 15 and pre covid I would have happily made out with dudes that seemed into me when out at shows or whatever, and even though this hasn't been a thing in a while, my wife knew the deal when she met me and none of that is a problem COVID put a nix on the idea of making out or more with random guys, and, queer or not there's no fuckin vaxx's to be had here and also my 1.5 year old is like 10000X at risk as I am, so... gently caress everything, demon cracker nation
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Aug 29, 2022 20:08
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my kid tried to get away with an obvious falsehood this week, and I said (not meanly) "so, just how stupid do you think I am, exactly?" and she thought for a second and said "twenty thousand percent!" wife is heading to a wedding this weekend so I will be solo dad tomorrow (and building a Corsi for her return, ha); my sister is coming on Sat night so that should be fun though we may not get to hang out too much because she tends to fall asleep along with the 5 year old usually (a thing I also often do when I read her to sleep -- "classic" Nancy Drew knocked her out after like 5 pages last night and when I put it down I thought gently caress it and fell asleep myself until she started kicking me repeatedly in her sleep at 1030. Only my second weekend alone with both kids since kiddo 2 was born, I am glad my sister is coming because the first time was pretty chaotic and the kids watched more TV than I really like.
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Sep 22, 2022 18:04
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AxGrap posted:If I feel like we are doing too much screen time I get a big piece of wood or cardboard and paint, if it's big enough that's a solid afternoon haha yea, my habit of incessantly buying stuff, plus geo isolation that makes Amazon our best bet for some staple-good things, means we usually have sort of unreasonable amounts of cardboard, kiddo instantly decides based on shape "that's a car, that's going to be a rocket, that one we just paint all over" Frankly I enjoy being in solo mode except for those moments when the older kid won't stop screaming because she minimized the PBS kids app and can't get back to it meanwhile the younger kid desperately needs to be changed and the cats won't shut up. So, aside from that 40% or so of waking time, it's great XD
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Sep 22, 2022 19:16
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DR FRASIER KRANG posted:yeah it turns out not everyone had a great dad! who knew? I can be an overly stern prick to my kids when they're misbehaving and it's something I very much have my attention and effort on. My own dad had the same tendency, I would say more strongly, even though we always had and continue to have a close and good relationship. His accounts of my grandfather make it sound like he was even more stern, very distant, and had all this stuff in spades. That guy's father was a right fuckin prick who left his family, started another, then left THAT family and started another. My own take is that this stuff percolates down through the bloodlines, but it can get better.
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Sep 23, 2022 18:23
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if any canadians need children's advil / tylenol mailed to them, PM me (there is a catastrophic shortage of these for Dumb Reasons, apparantly)
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Nov 4, 2022 01:35
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Janitor Ludwich IV posted:what are you feeding your kids that requires you to keep vomit bags on hand our 1.5 year old routinely vomits on the way to daycare because the end of the trip is a set of hairpin curves that occur at a steep downward grade which just does objectively awful things to the human vestibular system  during the winter we drive 90 mins a day on steep incline ice and snow to get her there and we're basically grateful we got the slot, the more local option isn't a thing for 1-2 years at least.
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Nov 4, 2022 13:09
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Mustached Demon posted:toddlers are really weird about food it's ok rn our 5 year old has to be negotiated into wearing basically anything but the 18 month old has developed a taste a spicy peanut noodles and stuff very interesting
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Nov 4, 2022 16:44
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The Top G posted:Anyone here feel strongly about it, one way or another? I think it's a generational thing and I'd be shocked if CocoMelon is damaging in some weird way that Spongebob episodes from 20 years ago or even Garfield & Friends episodes from 35 years ago, are not. Vapid TV is vapid TV, and I don't think that consumption in some reasonable amount (and not just used as an opiate-babysitter) is loving fine that said cocomelon specifically is banned by name in our house when I am home and can hear it, because I find it uniquely loving annoying even compared to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse so, I'd say I'm feverishly anti-cocomelon, but for entirely selfish "this is a kind of trash I personally dislike" reasons. I don't love a lot of the bullshit they like; Gumball Adventures can be obnoxious and I think the animation is kind of gross, but I tend to just tune it out. Cocomelon gets turned off, they can watch that garbage at their friends' houses if they have friends with parents who are more tolerant of it. Dawncloack posted:And now I catch whatever my kid gets from kindergarten?? What gives!? I'm in the same boat and my only solution at this point is a rabbitAir minusA2 in my office, corsi cubes around the house, and if my kids have the sniffles I wash my hands a lot more and also have even started masking when I am in close proximity to them if they have symptoms. It sucks to have to strap on an n95 to then try to comfort a screaming kid, but, I am also pretty sure the thing that gave me COVID was comforting my kid and having her just hacking in my face. If I have to do that again (when), n95, and my bug glasses if she's really hacking. I can't deal with getting sick anymore, I had fever for 18 out of 24 consecutive days and then I got COVID. If I wasn't a full time remote worker I would probably have lost my job to sick time; as is, I worked through a bunch of days I would have preferred not to, still took like 10 days off. Sunday will be skiing with a 7 year old... in <10F weather. Always fun!! I don't make her go, but if we do I tend to let her call the shots so weather like that probably means stops at midstations and base every run but that's fine. Ski it while you can and all.
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Jan 19, 2024 18:43
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HootTheOwl posted:I'm more worried she's going to find my phone or any of my gaming systems I've been reading to our 7 year old, Robert Aspirin's Myth Adventures books. I liked these a lot when I was 11-15, they are kind of standard joke-fantasy fare and do have some amount of stuff that doesn't read as well in 2023 as it did when I was 14 in 1995. There is nothing super offensive, and I've barely edited it reading it to her, just skipped sentences here and there that would be over her head. There's very light sexual references, but then also just some generally not great depictions of women, which I do read to her, and use as teaching moments to talk about generally lovely depictions of women in fantasy/SF and how that has, to some extent, changed or been challenged. (this has been a common theme in a lot of stuff we've read, sf/fantasy or not!) Anyway, I was always told I had a "strong vocabulary" as a kid, but, I noticed our kid just straight up reading one of these books to herself recently, which surprised me slightly; they're not incredibly dense but they are much wordier than the stuff she brings home from the school library, mostly. I told her if she had any questions about anything to just ask. This caused me to think pretty hard about what's actually on all of our bookshelves, but, I didn't see any reason to move anything. Possibly the most offensive thing I own is a 1st-English Printing copy of Spengler's Decline of the West that we got along with other books when my wife's grandfather died. My phone on the other hand, yea, we're back to lock screens and that's possibly the only PIN code to poo poo she for sure does not know because it's long, it's not reused anywhere, and it's not written down anywhere. It's actually kind of terrifying how powerful my phone is in terms of doing stuff in my life that has material effects and part of me wants to become one of those litephone freaks. She can game on whatever she wants, and my computers are incomprehensible piles of babel which do not have porn littered on the drive but do have many, many boring PDFs about A/V synthesis. Honestly I'd like to see her playing more video games, it would be another thing we could do together and might re-ignite my own interest in gaming . She likes watching me play some stuff (Disney Speedstorm, myriad platformers) but until just recently she's only wanted to play PBS Kids phone games. My spouse got some real cheap gameboy-sized emulator things that come stacked with 400 NES roms on them, and now she has been playing Mario and Tetris. Progress! My standing offer to my kid is that if she wants her own gaming system or any other piece of consumer hardware that costs as much as a PS5 MSRP at launch (inflation adjusted to however long it takes) -- all she has to do is beat mario 3 with no warp whistles. Emulated is fine, just no save states or speed hacks etc. I remind her of this offer about once every six months, I think at some point the lights will go on and I will suddenly see a flurry of Mario 3 related efforts. Chad Sexington posted:this just seems logistically unlikely lobster shirt lives in a luddite community and secretly posts from an old Nokia phone that's kept hidden under hay bales. Cabbages and VHS has issued a correction as of 13:29 on Jan 20, 2024 |
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Jan 20, 2024 13:26
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 hell world anyone else?? last doubt indeed Cabbages and VHS has issued a correction as of 22:24 on Feb 28, 2024 |
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Feb 28, 2024 22:22
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| # ¿ May 19, 2024 02:44 |
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taking my kids to see Bluey Live! tonight and I'd be loving lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to it. My partner sprang for the VIP package so I guess we get to Meet Bluey  Chad Sexington posted:Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal. Maybe I'm just misremembering my childhood, but I thought grandparents were supposed to be pestering their kids for opportunities to spoil the grandchildren. my mom is obsessed with seeing our kids but is having memory issues that make it very hard. My dad is still entirely with it mentally but is very stressed by everything happening with my mom, but, even before that was a factor he's just never seemed to have that much interest in our kids? He will hold them for a couple minutes or read them a book, but my mom is all over them forcing constant interaction and my dad would generally rather be off puttering in his computer room with art software. IIRC he was a bit more interested in my older siblings' kids, but, only a little bit. No idea what `normal` is though, my parents are aging Zen Weirdos. KirbyKhan posted:Just pop your kid in front of a chat-gpt and go through marketing prompts if you want to teach branding to your child. Only good use case of Copilot or Mid journey I've seen so far: making a parent look like a wizard who can turn vague descriptions into pictures.    "using technologies that have entire threads devoted to how they are destroying the world, to amuse my kids" seems to be a norm in this thread at this point 
Cabbages and VHS has issued a correction as of 16:05 on Apr 18, 2024 |
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Apr 18, 2024 15:59
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