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Travic posted:Ok. So. This is going to be difficult. I've dealt with similar feelings over the years. In my early 20s I had a sudden and very deep realization about myself. I was listening to a song on the radio while I was driving, and I realized that just as I was beginning to enjoy myself, a voice in my head told me "Stop. You're not allowed to be happy." It was the first time in my life that I had ever caught the voice in my head as it was telling me this--up until then, whenever something would start to make me happy, I'd feel bad and undeserving and not know why. I realized that the voice telling me this wasn't my own voice, it was my parents'. This started clearing up a lot about my internal world. I also could not forgive myself for making any sort of mistake. What I came to realize was that I was hating myself on behalf of my parents. It led to this really warped worldview: other people are more-or-less normal, so they can make mistakes and recover from it. But I am different. If I am always exceptionally good, then I am better than normal! But if I slip and make a mistake, I am worse than normal; I am trash. It took me over twenty years to realize that this warped way of thinking was just an inheritance from my parents. And an unwanted inheritance, at that. I think, when dealing with problems of self-loathing and despair, it's worth thinking about the concepts of non-self and interdependence. No one is any one immutable thing. A flower is not made up of cosmic Flower Matter; at a deep level it consists of air, earth, water, and other non-flower substances. So if you think of people, they are not immutable things either. Your next door neighbor consists partially of you, just as you consist partially of them. If you can think of one kind person in this world that you admire, that one kind person is a part of you. So hating yourself becomes unfair, not just to yourself (who you might have trouble sympathizing with right now), but unfair also to that kind person who is a part of you. When I think of the people in my life who have saved me--the teachers who actually cared about me, the friends who went out of their way to help me, the animals I've met that have left an imprint on me--when I think of myself not as a single thing but as a collage of all of them, I can't help but have a bit more sympathy for myself. In a real way, if you can care for and protect yourself, you are also caring for and protecting all the good that's come your way. The bodhisattva path is to delay one's enlightenment until all sentient beings can be saved. The trick, of course, is that you yourself are also a sentient being. So if you want to become enlightened, you have to be as kind to yourself as you are to everyone else.
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Apr 29, 2020 18:40
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Can I get some guidance on Right Effort, anger, and whether anger can be skillful? Cultivating the qualities of a Bodhisattva is important to me, but I've noticed that I have a tendency toward depression and resignation. When I'm feeling down and demotivated, I start thinking to myself, "I carry so much pain with me. It's such a burden. Maybe the most I can accomplish in this life is to live out the entirety of my lifespan and die of natural causes without harming anyone." I've been having to deal with this sort of thinking a lot lately. This morning, I woke up from a dream where I was furious and letting it all out at someone I know who is a racist. I woke up and realized that I've actually been harboring a ton of anger inside of myself (the world's so hosed right now), but that I've been repressing it to try to keep up the veneer of being calm and steady. And I think repressing that anger is a big part of why I've been feeling so weary and mentally exhausted and dead inside. Instead of feeling angry, I've been feeling despair. I'm a basically nonviolent person; I tend to take things out on myself instead of on other people, although I've been doing my best not to take things out on myself any more. I grew up trapped in an abusive, dysfunctional household, so I think I spent my young life in a state of resignation while repressing my anger. I noticed the way I've been feeling lately is very similar to the weary, nihilistic way I felt when I was a kid. It's hard for me to really figure out what I'm trying to say. I guess what I'm thinking is... It's okay to be livid, right? And it's okay to be pissed off? When I acknowledge the fact that yes, I have a mountain of anger and frustration inside of me, then I can start converting it into useful energy, right? As much as I would like to just say that I recognize the impermanence of conditioned states like anger, just saying that won't change how I feel. I have to actively work with what I'm feeling, right?
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Jul 24, 2020 04:29
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That's true. I think that's a good distinction to make. "I am suffering because I am exhausted from being furious" is an accurate assessment. I normally practice zazen, along with metta meditation, but lately I've been having trouble finding the wherewithal to practice. Maybe I ought to sit with these feelings and try to untangle them so I can have a clearer understanding of what are my wellsprings of resolve and what are the obstacles in my way.
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Jul 24, 2020 04:56
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I found out about a Drikung Kagyu center nearby. The head monk is doing regular zoom practice sessions. I've only been to a lay Soto Zen meditation group before, so I'm looking forward to dropping in virtually, and hopefully going in person at some point too. I really don't know a whole lot about Tibetan Buddhism (outside of Wikipedia dives) so I find it a little bit intimidating, but it also sounds pretty fascinating. Long-term, I want to find a sangha to belong to, so I can take refuge and formally take the bodhisattva's vow. I don't know if that's a simple goal or a far-off goal, to be honest.
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Jul 30, 2021 22:50
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These jokes are proof of the First Noble Truth.
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Aug 20, 2021 02:51
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TehSaurus posted:Ah, he does talk quite at length about the relative and the absolute, and that much at least makes sense to me. We can know things, but everything we know is filtered through our imperfect senses, and so this knowledge will always be imperfect itself. This is why Shakyamuni said that even his teachings are not the true dharma? Even if the teachings themselves were absolute in his mind they would become relative truths as his words were interpreted by other people. quote:It is recommended to respect all religions, but at the same time to ignore them! We should ignore all religions with respect. That's Madhyamika. [...]When I say religion, it doesn't need to be recognized or understood as a religion like Islam, Hinduism or Buddhism. I'm not necessarily talking about these. When I talk about religion, I mean a broad way of seeing religion as anything and everything you do. "Respect anything and everything you do, but at the same time ignore them. We should ignore anything and everything with respect." What this means is not to cling to anything, but not to be averse to anything either. When Buddha taught about the Middle Way, that's what he was talking about. You don't want to give up all worldly possessions and starve to death naked in a cave, thinking that somehow is a form of enlightenment--because it's not. But you also don't want to try to amass riches and step on people to climb to the top, etc. because that's also obviously just material and worldly pleasure. In this example, the starving naked man isn't able to respect the preciousness of existence, and the greedy powerhungry man isn't able to ignore the plethora of material pleasures calling for him. There's a Zen Buddhist idea. "Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water." What it basically means is that you should be cultivating a mindset, or a practice, of daily living. For example, imagine someone new to Buddhism who thinks enlightenment sounds totally rad. They truly want to be a good person and free their mind. They decide to meditate for five hours in one sitting. They do it and think "I did it! I meditated so much, I was in such a deep meditation. I must be closer to being a Buddha now! That is awesome. .............Now what? Why can't I levitate yet?" That's a kind of misguided approach. Meditation is good, and an especially deep meditation can bring you a lot of insight and peace. But if you're meditating because you think Buddha is going to give you some kind of sticker and a good grade for your efforts, you're misguided. You want to respect the virtue of meditation but not get hung up on it. The chop wood, carry water ethos would translate into "I meditate because it's good for me. Will it bring me enlightenment? Haha.... Who knows? But I'll meditate again tomorrow." The quote is saying that you should treat everything like that.
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Sep 26, 2021 20:05
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Buddha is closer to Jesus than to God the Father, yes. Buddha is not a creator-god. He was a sage who taught others a way to live in the world peacefully and graciously. The key difference between them, as far as I understand it, is that faith in Jesus is crucial for salvation in most Christian traditions. Which is to say that in Christianity, your soul is saved because you are able to have faith that Jesus's sacrifice made good the covenant and opened the gates of heaven for you. So faith in the power of the crucifixion is of utmost importance. Buddha, on the other hand, encourages a level of doubt in his followers. Depending on the school of Buddhist thought, this doubt can be emphasized or de-emphasized. On a straightforward level, what Buddha emphasized was the idea that his teachings make sense, and that you can test them out for yourself and see, and you don't have to blindly take his word for it. He did say that having faith was important, in the sense that if you are crippled by doubt, then you will not be able to live as effectively as you would if you had a clear sense of reality and right & wrong. But different schools emphasize that differently. Zen emphasizes the importance of having doubt (Great Doubt, even), which is to say that it takes a true re-shifting of your worldview to escape the cycle of rebirth. On the other hand, Pure Land Buddhism is very similar to faith-alone Christianity. Because we can take faith in Buddha's goodwill toward all beings, all we need to do is say "I take refuge in Buddha" and Buddha will take care of us, and will guide us to a rebirth that leads to enlightenment. In Mahayana Buddhism there are multiple Buddhas (we can all become a Buddha after all), and you can ask them for help because of their supreme goodwill. Amida Buddha (aka Amitabha) is known as the Buddha of Infinite Light. There is a belief system that you can simply pray homage to Amida Buddha and he will reserve a spot for you in his Pure Land, so that when you die and are reborn, you can be born into a land with perfect conditions for Buddha to teach you and lead you to enlightenment. This is the closest that Buddhism gets to the idea of a god and heaven, but the distinction is that Amida is not the creator of existence; he is a being who achieved Buddhahood and vowed to save others. The idea of Pure Land Buddhism is that, no matter how difficult your life may be and how hard it might be to become wise like Buddha, almost everyone is able to say "I take refuge in Amida Buddha." And Amida Buddha vowed to take anyone who called upon him to his pure land and teach them the dharma. So in a way it's very similar to faith-alone Christianity. In Catholicism, both faith and actions are required for entry into heaven. Pure Land Buddhism is closer to faith-alone Christianity in that it believes that Amida Buddha, much like Christ, is so supremely benevolent and caring, that all you have to do is accept his refuge and you can take heart that you will be protected. In a way, it's a permission slip to not have to worry about not being good enough--because there is no "not good enough" for someone who loves you so much and is so compassionate toward you.
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Sep 27, 2021 05:22
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I'm sorry, friend. I wish I could say. I agree with others that therapy is a good idea--it can give you someone to talk to about these and other things that are weighing on you, even if it's an online therapy service. I would recommend maybe sitting and gently inquiring to yourself, what do you mean when you say you've felt the Father? What are the qualities of that experience like? What do you think it would be like to experience Jesus, by comparison? It is a core belief of most sects of Christianity that God is a trinity, and that the Father and Jesus are inseparably the same being. If that's the case, then what are the Jesus-like elements of the Father that you feel you have experienced, since they must be there if they are the same being? This is my meager attempt at applying the Buddhist tenet of interdependence to a deep core belief of another religion, so I am not sure how compatible the thinking is.
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Oct 2, 2021 04:29
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Peggy would 100% get on-board with a problematic spiritual leader, fill the house with stone buddha heads, and try to learn how to fly.
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Jan 25, 2022 17:11
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The thing that works for me is that when I try to imagine a specific person, I try to imagine a scene that could really happen to them in their daily life that could bring them deep and meaningful joy. For people that you really don't care for, it can be really difficult to imagine something good and wholesome that could really happen in their daily life that could plant seeds of virtue in them. But I found it really did improve my sense of loving kindness toward people, because it means imagining what their life is like and what doorways to peace are open to them. I think even if you can't imagine such a scene silently in your head, you could probably mentally narrate it as you give it form. also Thirteen Orphans posted:Buddhism Thread: it’s like a burrito being microwaved with love
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Feb 9, 2022 04:33
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one thing you can try is setting your zafu on its side and sitting with it between your legs so you're in seiza. as long as you have a zabuton or something soft on the floor, it can be easier to sit that way than half-lotus for me. I am tall and have never been able to do full lotus, I just do half lotus or seiza. Another thing I can recommend is using a pillow to support one knee to relieve some of the pressure if you're sitting with your legs crossed.
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Feb 26, 2022 08:50
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Anyone have recommendations for books about Korean Buddhism or books that are major works of Korean Buddhism? I know very little about Korea's flavor of Buddhism but have heard some cool things ("what is this?" as a focus of meditation, intellectual approaches to integrating gradual awakening with sudden awakening) Personally, I'm much more afraid of samsara than oblivion lol. I'd take endless oblivion over samsara if I could. But I believe there is a Buddhist description of oblivion-beings who exist basically without physical form or mental action and think they have reached eternal oblivion, but are merely living out long stretches of time in an impermanent form. So oblivion's not really the end that it's cracked up to be.
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Apr 5, 2022 05:53
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ram dass in hell posted:big fan of "Dropping Ashes on the Buddha" for some Korean styled Zen teaching. Always a caveat when recommending Seung Sahn, he apparently had consenting relationships with several of his students and some people don't like that. I still got a lot out of the book, though. Actually, I got less than nothing out of it. Thank you for the recommendation. I've been really appreciating this book. I didn't really understand how koan study could lead to greater awareness compared to things like sitting meditation, but now that I'm reading this book it's become perfectly clear to me. Just the act of reading and considering his dialogues is a form of meditation. His idea about zen being a 360 degree circle with four points on it (dualistic thinking at 0, nondualistic thinking at 90, impermanence at 180, co-arising at 270, and full awakening at 360 again, basically) is really elucidating. I also was really surprised by his explanation of koans. He says something like, "in Chinese medicine, if you have a hot disease, you cure it with hot medicine. Dharma talks and koans exist because so many people having a disease of words and thoughts, so we make a words-and-thoughts cure." KATZ!
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Apr 11, 2022 16:04
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Lately I've been having this sort of strange cognitive state. It will happen at different points in the week, not during meditation. This is an example of what it felt like today: I was parking my car after driving home from work. I turned off my car and, looking at my hands, suddenly felt very conscious of how my hands exist in a conditioned state. It's hard to explain exactly what that is like. I guess I would say, I normally take the appearance of my hands for granted, but this time they looked to me the way they'd look to someone other than myself, and I felt very aware of my position as a single subject. Then I looked out at a large tree whose leaves were rustling in the wind, and took in how all the leaves of all the trees around me were rustling in the wind. I didn't feel especially emotional, but I felt the beginning of tears swelling in my eyes and felt a little lightheaded, and it felt like I was taking in a mass of sensory information all at once. I felt like I could disappear into a single leaf quivering on a tree in the distance. My brain can be kind of funky as someone with mental health issues, and I've had much more challenging and alarming cognitive states than this, but they've generally been quite negative. By comparison, this mental state seems pretty benign except that it seems a little bit crazy to be staring off into space like that. In the past, I've occasionally had what I'd call "the warm fuzzies," where in the middle of a crowded street or something, I'll feel an awareness of deep warm empathy and connection with everyone and everything around me. But this new sensation, which has only started after reading the koans in Dropping Ashes on the Buddha, does not feel like a warm fuzzy. It feels more like the feeling of becoming aware that I'm in a lucid dream. Like being slightly startled into thinking, "Wait, what is this?" Does this sound benign, or possibly even beneficial? It's not something I can do on demand; it just seems to happen at different times. If it only happened during meditation, I would dismiss it, but the fact that it happens on its own is a little concerning to me.
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May 19, 2022 02:49
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Thank you for your feedback. I read it and really appreciated it. That koan is interesting to me. I have noticed that many koan take the form of someone being corrected on their mistaken views of attainment. That is something I always take very seriously--in fact, it makes me uneasy to hear that attainment is possible and certifiable at all. But I suppose that unease is partially aversion and will eventually go away. I had a dream the other night. In the dream, I was visiting my childhood elementary school. I saw the big tree in the middle of the school's field. I was suddenly struck with the realization that, for the decade I had been at that school, I had never once appreciated the tree or gotten to know it. I decided to climb the tree and embrace it and enter a deep state of communion with the tree to make up for lost time. But before I could enter a deep state of communion, I had to eat a special piece of candy that was supposed to spiritually prepare me. I unfolded the piece of candy from its wrapper and took a bite. Surprised and distraught, I said, "What? This candy tastes like nothing." Then I woke up, and I realized I had slept through my alarm and would be late for work.
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May 25, 2022 01:41
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Hiro Protagonist posted:Lately I've been feeling like the part of practice that was somewhat easier for me, empathy, is increasingly hard. I just feel like I'm developing this swirling vertex of pure hatred as I see more and more news. It seems that the GOP has just decided cruelty for cruelty's sake is it's main platform, and these pro-life, pro-gun, anti-vax assholes get more and more power and there's nothing I can do. I'm getting to the point I have a physical reaction of disgust when I hear right-wing party rhetoric. Loving-Kindness Meditation feels like I'm lying, and I can't separate the person from the ignorance anymore. Have other people felt like that? What has helped? I don't know if this will necessarily resonate with you, but it's something I've had to grapple with. I consider myself someone who is quite open-minded to opinions and viewpoints different from my own. But I've also had to bear a lot of homophobic, transphobic, racist, and misogynistic rhetoric during my time on various internet forums. What used to hurt the most about hate speech was how unsound and senseless it was. I would pour tremendous mental effort into trying to find the right words, the right argument, to sway some internet troll's opinion. I think this is because, acting in good faith, I considered the troll's opinion to be a reasoned argument that I had to disprove in order to have faith in my own viewpoints. This was spiritually exhausting work for no payoff. At some point I encountered this quote by Sartre, which I think is very illuminating. quote:Never believe that anti-Semites are completely unaware of the absurdity of their replies. They know that their remarks are frivolous, open to challenge. But they are amusing themselves, for it is their adversary who is obliged to use words responsibly, since he believes in words. The anti-Semites have the right to play. They even like to play with discourse for, by giving ridiculous reasons, they discredit the seriousness of their interlocutors. They delight in acting in bad faith, since they seek not to persuade by sound argument but to intimidate and disconcert. If you press them too closely, they will abruptly fall silent, loftily indicating by some phrase that the time for argument is past. I think there is a connection between what Sartre says about bad faith and what Buddha says about doubt and faith. quote:Yes, Kālāmas, it is proper that your have doubt, that you have perplexity, for a doubt has arisen in a matter which is doubtful. Now, look you Kālāmas, do not be led by reports, or traditions, or hearsay. Be not led by the authority of religious texts, not by the delight in speculative opinions, nor by seeming possibilities, not by the idea: 'this is our teacher'. But, O Kālāmas, when you know for yourself that certain things are unwholesome, and wrong, and bad, then give them up... And when you know for yourself that certain things are wholesome and good, then accept them and follow them. A lot of the suffering I have experienced dealing with assholes has arisen from a sense of doubt inside myself. "As a trans person, am I a threat to children? Of course I, wanting to protect my ego, would not think I am, but maybe these conservative parents see something I do not." Doubts like that could creep inside of me about every position the alt-right has to proffer. But we know their arguments are not logical arguments. I know that I care deeply about the wellbeing of children and that transphobic laws are harmful to children, not beneficial. In other words, I know that I am acting in good faith and that the trolls are acting in bad faith, because "they seek not to persuade by sound argument but to intimidate and disconcert." Knowing, then, that the trolls and alt-right ghouls are acting in bad faith, I must follow Buddha's teaching. "When you know for yourself that certain things are unwholesome, and wrong, and bad, then give them up... And when you know for yourself that certain things are wholesome and good, then accept them and follow them." What this means is: take faith in your convictions. As long as you are a thoughtful, considerate, and mindful individual, seeking to save all beings and vowing not to harm anyone, take faith in your convictions. We know there are hungry ghosts and hell beings and asuras, and yet they deserve to be saved as well. Even mosquitos who carry malaria and plague-bearing rats have Buddha nature. We are living in an era of destructive, contagious ideas, and many people have caught those ideas. But saving a deluded individual, or extending loving-kindness to a deluded individual, does not mean indulging their delusions. Their rhetoric is born of ignorance, hatred, and greed. We know these are the three poisons. We know that for ourselves and for all beings, enlightenment requires extinguishing the three poisons. So what is there to be disgusted by? This is the same work that there has always been.
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May 26, 2022 03:53
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I will also add, since you mentioned specifically that loving-kindness meditation feels inauthentic to you and that you are having trouble separating people from their ignorance. One way that I've practiced loving-kindness meditation that has helped me feel less hate toward people is by trying to visualize them having a moment of true, authentic happiness that they could really achieve in their life. The example I can give in my own personal experience was meditating on loving-kindness with my mother, whom I've had to cut off all contact with. I cannot imagine her winning the lottery, or feasting on a delicious meal, and achieving any kind of true, authentic happiness, because these are fleeting and impermanent. I cannot imagine her having a moment of great peace and clarity by just stepping outside and feeling love toward the world. And I cannot imagine her, for instance, seeing a snail on a leaf and wishing it well. These would be true, authentic forms of happiness but they are not things I think are available as sources of joy in her life. So I imagine her going about her day. She opens the door. She steps into her car. She goes shopping. The girl at the cash register asks what she's making tonight with the ingredients that she's bought. I imagine my mother saying she is going to make kimchi. The cashier says she has heard kimchi is good and would like to try it. My mother tells her, next time I come by I will bring you some. This is just a simple visualization exercise. But it is very powerful for me, because it allows me to see a path toward some form of goodness and wholesomeness that is available in my mother's life. Even though she hurt me, and I have had to cut off contact with her because she would continue to harm me, I can still feel loving-kindness toward her because I am able to see a path toward her obtaining some goodness in her life. So I cannot think of her as an all-bad person. If only she could experience this goodness in more things in her life. If only opening the door could bring her goodness, and stepping into the car, and going shopping. If only she could obtain goodness in all these things, in every breath of her life. Loving-kindness. I think this approach can work for politicians, too. I felt so much hate for Donald Trump during his presidency. I had to stop and meditate on loving kindness to quench that hate. What would loving-kindness look like in his life? It would not be fame, or power, or money, or approval. Loving-kindness would slip in through the cracks. But I have to believe it could slip in. Everyone can experience a moment of true, authentic happiness. If you can find a chance at true happiness for a person, then how could you hate them? You would just wish them well instead--wish them truly well, to find authentic and enduring happiness. Now instead of hating them for their faults, you wish them the wisdom to make their life better, so that goodness can fill all of their life. To extend loving-kindness is not the same thing as being permissive. I hope some of this makes sense. It is something I am still trying to figure out for myself.
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May 26, 2022 04:35
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Red Dad Redemption posted:Cephas, are do you still practice in the Soto tradition? Because if so, I might recommend you check out Shinji Shobogenzo. There's a full translation by Nishijima available and it's an amazing koan collection. I've actually been needing to find a sangha now that social restrictions are becoming a bit loosened, so I can't say that I'm quite part of one tradition or another. But I do find Soto to be a very natural fit for me. Thank you for the recommendation! Dogen has been on my to-read list for a while now, especially after reading some of Ruth Ozeki's writing. I will have to sit down with Shobogenzo. BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:there's not a common english equivalent of samvega either which is something almost everyone experiences every day in this society right now 
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May 27, 2022 01:06
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I think I've reached a point where I can consistently reach the first jhana. I think last night, I was right on the cusp of the second jhana? I focused on my breathing, until it became very shallow and quiet, and then I noticed a tingling sensation at the top of my head and focused on that sensation rather than on my breathing. I felt the tingling become amplified, and it took the form of waves of intense, euphoric pleasure washing from my head down to my toes. It was pleasurable, akin to sexual pleasure, but effervescent and directionless, without the strong sense of grasping that sex brings (to me, at least). The pleasure would come, and linger for a while, then dissipate, and I would find myself again with my subtle breath, and would repeat the process of finding a tingling spot in my body and focusing on it again and recapture the sense of pleasure. It was as the writing on jhanas describes it--there was a background noise of internal mental chatter. Eventually, as if the high tide had rolled away for the day, there were no more waves worth chasing, so I found my mind increasingly quiet and empty. It was like the waves of pleasure had washed the shore clean of debris. I think I had been meditating for about 20 minutes without even realizing it. I was initially quite skeptical of jhana meditation, because I did not understand the purpose of chasing a pleasurable altered state of consciousness; it sounded like masturbation. I think now that I've experienced what I think is the first jhana, it makes sense to me. The pleasure on its own teaches you two things. The first is that deep, euphoric pleasure can arise naturally without anything outside of yourself, without need of money or prestige or drugs. The second and more important thing it teaches, I am beginning to think, is that it is like a microcosm. You attain impermanent pleasure, and your instinct is to chase it, but eventually you realize that pleasure isn't everything, and you are able to reside contentedly in silence. I am starting to feel like I'm getting out of my depth, though--I feel like once I'm meditating to achieve altered states of consciousness, I should probably have a teacher to fall back on. I also found it interesting that even though I had such a strong meditative experience right before I went to sleep, I ended up having a pretty lovely nightmare last night. So a bit of jhanic experience is definitely not some kind of miraculous panacea lol
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May 31, 2022 13:34
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I've done that before. There was a little drainfly crawling around my sink and I turned the faucet on to full blast to drown it and wash it away. Immediately thought "that was cruel and automatic, why did I do that?" Although, with those drain flies, I do feel obligated to protect the space I am renting from them, so I have no choice but to kill them when they appear. But it was the immediacy and thoughtlessness with which I killed it that made me sad. With other insects, I try to capture them and relocate them outside whenever possible. One of the things that's helped me get over an aversion to insects is to start thinking of them as cute friends. Like "oh hey, little buddy, how did you get over here?" "This is a high level dungeon, let me help you find your way out of here." "I don't mind that you took a little nibble of me, I hope you're full." for your own health you don't want to just let insects eat you up, since through no fault of their own they often carry disease. but if an insect does bite or sting you, it is often out of hunger or fear.
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Jun 2, 2022 13:42
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Could I get some perspective on a pesky feeling I'm encountering? I have a friend I love very much. I've known her for a long time and loved her for a long time. I get butterflies in my stomach whenever I'm around her. She is not interested in having a romantic relationship with me. Part of my mind can accept this, but another part cannot. When I am around her, I feel happy to be in her company, but when I leave, I feel an immense wave of sadness wash over me as I start wishing I could be with her. I wish I could clear my mind of any desire, attachment, aversion, or dissatisfaction I find in my friendship with her--that my love could truly just be loving-kindness born of agape. But I also get this strong feeling that if I could, I would burn up any good karma I had if it meant she could feel the same way I feel toward her. She lives in the city where I went to college. She and a few of my other old classmates still live in that city. So now and then I head over and visit, and usually spend a night or two over at her place while we all catch up. I have had other friends tell me that I'm foolish for still spending time with her when it causes me pain. But she is a kind and positive person, and we enjoy each other's company. I know she cares about me and appreciates our friendship, even though she does not have the same feelings as me. So I don't want to abandon that friendship. How do I develop a mind of equanimity toward someone I have feelings for? I want to be a bodhisattva who can save all beings, so how can I deal with this feeling of "I would gladly burn up all my good karma if only she would love me"? Edit: I should add that I don't think about her often in my day to day life. She invited me to visit for a pride event in town that I hadn't been able to attend since the pandemic started, so I saw her for the first time in a long time. As I've gotten older, I've become better at not clinging to this romantic desire. But I have to recognize that the feeling is still present, and is powerful. It makes me feel like I've temporarily lost my internal composure. I just want to continue developing metta toward her and others in my life, and weaken any clinging desire for selfish gain. Cephas fucked around with this message at 13:27 on Jun 5, 2022 |
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Jun 5, 2022 01:53
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LuckyCat posted:I’ll channel e/n here a little bit but sometimes the best thing you can do to break the cycle of attachment/romantic love is to sever for a period. If you know it’s bringing you suffering and can’t seem to find a way to stop feeling that way, you could try distancing yourself until those feelings are under control before returning to the friendship under new dharmic light. Thanks. I honestly thought for sure that the two years of not seeing her during the pandemic would be enough to get those feelings totally settled, but I guess it was more like, it got them about 75% settled. Last night, when I was thinking about why my visit to see her had made me so emotional, I kind of figured what you suggested might be the way to go, too. I do look forward to the day she meets the right person, but I have been afraid of really sitting with that and meditating on it. That probably is the right thing to do. On another topic, I attended a livestream of my local Drikung Kagyu temple's service this morning. I'm not totally familiar with some of the Tibetan meditation practices, but one student's question was about jhana meditation and navigating the feeling of meditative bliss without becoming attached to it. The monk's response was basically that, blissful meditative states are like bus stops on the way to enlightenment, but they aren't enlightenment itself. So it's important to integrate dharma practice and studies into your everyday life, so you can gain the clarity to not confuse the bus stops for the destination.
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Jun 6, 2022 00:01
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catgirlgenius posted:i debated for a good while on whether to throw my two cents in because i don't consider myself educated enough to approach this through a Buddhist lens, and also because it hits a bit close to home and i don't know whether that bias is entirely helpful. my only qualification is that i have been on both sides of this too often. Thank you for your perspective. A lot of things you brought up resonated with me. I know many of the intense feelings I have toward her are tangled up in my being trans and queer, and are also some kind of response to dealing with my history of childhood abuse and neglect. I feel very safe around her, for instance, but I also feel somehow more vulnerable, and so I have to make sure that I am not allowing old habits of self-criticism kick in when I am around her. Because I also want to be a source of respite and comfort for her as well. When I introspect on some of the motivations of my attachment, I know those attachments are not really sustainable. She is a friend, not a life partner, and any respite and comfort I find in her must be friend-respite and friend-comfort, with their accompanying boundaries and impermanence. I have sat and meditated on some of these feelings and I appreciate everyone's feedback. Since it's been a few days since I felt kind of overwhelmed by my emotions, I think I am going to let this topic settle down in my mind for now. I think I am at the point where I'd just be poking the sore spot instead of letting it heal. Nessus posted:I think there is value in community which is beyond denial, but it can be found in a lot of places... I would certainly like to be able to go to a monastery at some point of course. So new forms should emerge even if there's no reason to hasten the demise of the old ones. Or some poo poo. I am naturally inclined to avoid congregations, but I do kind of feel like, if the sangha is part of the triple jewel then who am I to handwave it away? I have to have some faith in other people and accept that there's probably a lot of good to be gained from interacting with flesh-and-blood peers. Although a sense of skepticism is still needed to protect oneself from a toxic environment, of course.
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Jun 7, 2022 05:26
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Today, I am thinking about the things people here have told me in the past about anger.Nessus posted:It sounds like anger is more of an obstacle to you than a source of energy from what you're describing... but I do think it is important to be able to accept that the anger is present and is real, the question is where do you go from there. Nessus posted:Yeah, if [meditation's] been fruitful for you in the past, I'd make time for it... Herstory Begins Now posted:imo anger is probably the main felt form that suffering takes in daily life. Depending on one's disposition it might be sadness, but I think they're generally two sides of the same emotion, just one tends to be directed more inwards and the other more outwards. BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:About to lay Chapter 6 of The Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life on you fools. Shantideva posted:Chapter 6 – Patience
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Jun 24, 2022 20:11
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Ultimately, violence is a basic fact about physical existence. It is the last ditch effort way that is guaranteed to create some kind of outcome. Although I think it rarely creates only the intended outcome. Like a volatile chemical reaction, violence creates unstable byproducts like hate, resentment, fear, trauma, hardened resolve, and a desire for revenge. Violence never "solves" a problem in the sense that no one's mind is changed, no agreement is made--it is purely by force that an outcome is produced. Outside of the injury and loss of life that violence creates, I think these unstable byproducts are another reason why violence to achieve political ends is never the ideal path. I am extremely skeptical of the idea that one can become a "compassionate, virtuous, unattached killer." I don't believe Buddha has ever counseled anyone that this is a tenable approach to solving conflict.
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Jun 25, 2022 23:30
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Nessus posted:I do not think that it is wise to pursue violence deliberately. In the sense of, so to speak, aggressive action on the, again so to speak, operational or strategic level. To learn arts of defense(which could include being able to swiftly attack at a key time and end things quickly) is a lot wiser, and I think giving wise counsel that emphasizes defense and conflict de-escalation is valuable. Even this becomes tricky. Much of the rhetoric of the authoritarian right in America is justified on the basis of defense. "Defending our borders" and "Defending my home" and "Defending our nation's values" and "Defending our children" and so on. Even a defense-mindset lead to strategies like mutually-assured destruction. When you have a gun, everyone starts looking like a potential target, etc. I do agree though, in general, that having some proficiency in protecting oneself is worthwhile. But I think such measures need to be carefully counterbalanced mentally because of those complications I mentioned above. And de-escalation is always a valuable skill, agreed. If only verbal jujutsu could work so well in American politics.
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Jun 26, 2022 01:14
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I know this is a recurring topic for me, but can I ask for perspectives on what it means to love someone and be in a relationship with them? I am not really asking from the perspective of "Buddhism and relationships" but more like, as folks who have a generally similar worldview as me, I would appreciate hearing your perspectives. Romantic love is something I have a lot of difficulty understanding. This is most likely a result of a combination of childhood sexual abuse, being closeted during my childhood and adolescence, and having poor romantic partners in my 20s (I am AMAB, nonbinary and trans-femme, and it makes it pretty hard to find someone whose sexual orientation is compatible with me). When I practice metta meditation, I feel a boundless and euphoric sense of love and goodwill toward so many beings. When I am in the middle of practicing feeling such intense loving kindness, I can't help but start feeling, like, "if only I could find someone whom I could spend the rest of my life giving this feeling of love to. Someone I can wrap my arms around and be kind to and shower with a deep and endless wellspring of love." I don't really understand this feeling or know its name. I am wishing for love, but is it metta love? Platonic love? Is it romantic love? Is romantic love different from lust? Is it greedy to want one person that I can express love to in particular? Is it even possible for such a feeling to be greedy--if metta can be infinite, then even with a life partner, couldn't I share metta with everyone? It's not that I don't have feelings of lust, but they are difficult feelings that are filtered through a lifetime of painful encounters. Sexual feelings have always felt empty and unfulfilling. But is that because I am perceiving the inherent dissatisfaction of desiring such things, or is that because I've only had bad experiences and haven't found the right person? I would think, if I could entrust someone with that previously described wellspring of love within myself, then a sexual encounter with them would probably have the capacity to be an expression of caring and trust and joy, right? I know these might sound more like questions for a therapist, but I've had a lot of bad therapists in the past. One of them told me that sex isn't supposed to be about feeling safe, it's supposed to be about giving yourself to someone. That description is something I have had a lot of trouble reconciling, because of course I want to give myself to someone in the sense of engaging deeply and intimately with them, but if I didn't feel safe when doing so, I would risk being abused again. I'm in my early 30s, and my friends are all having children or finally getting married and settling down. I went on one date this year and it wasn't terrific. I also went and spent a week alone in a cabin in the mountains for vacation, and while it was a little lonely, I felt a really strong sense of happiness and contentment. So I think I've cultivated some pretty decent love and appreciation for being with myself. But I also take it seriously when people say "lay Buddhists shouldn't force the conditions of monks upon themselves." So I guess that is why this jumble is on my mind. What does it mean to love someone romantically? Does having a partner increase your quality of life and capacity for goodness? If I have even a vague desire for a partner, is it self-harm/self-sabotage for me to remain single for so long? I guess these are the types of questions I am hoping for some insight into. Thank you as always.
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Jun 28, 2022 05:20
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Thank you, LuckyCat. What you said makes sense to me. I think I have a bit of this mental block where I have trouble imagining certain types of good things for myself--a house of my own, a loving partner, etc. I can easily hope and pray for goodness in other people's lives, but if I imagine it for myself it makes me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I need to recalibrate myself and recognize the difference between walking the middle way and just being cold to myself.
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Jul 3, 2022 04:01
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Can't say that I've had to talk about religion to evangelical Christians, but there definitely was this kind of adjustment period I had with some folks. I had a close friend who basically thought, "you're an atheist, you don't just choose to start following a religion. you don't have any real skin in the game. this is just some passing fascination for you." It took a long time and a lot of mental effort to make him understand that he was projecting his feelings onto me. I think that's a really common response from westerners, especially white westerners, when it comes to eastern religions. Also, be ready to explain that yes, you have a moral compass.
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Jul 9, 2022 19:35
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Virgil Vox posted:Buddha NFTs lmao I'm not sure where this falls on the "three pounds of flax" to "dried poo poo on a stick" spectrum.
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Oct 28, 2022 02:45
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Even a murderer, a child molester, or a rapist has the potential to become a Buddha. The seed of kindness is within them. No human being has gone their whole life without having some small moment of kindness, no matter how minor. If only they could recognize that kindness is right at their feet, and nourish it, their seed of kindness could grow and bear fruit for the rest of their life. But if they continue to trod the soil and trample the seed it will never grow. Wrong effort is guided by craving; Right effort is guided by awakening. I think that's what the Angulimala Sutta teaches. quote:[Angulimala:]
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Oct 29, 2022 03:34
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it might be worth comparing and contrasting buddhist ideas with other philosophical and religious ideas about the self. Buddhist "nonself" is anatman, which means without-atman. The word atman is the sanskrit word for "true self." In Hindu and vedic religions, the goal of one's spiritual journey is to awaken to one's true self, which is eternal and radiant. Imagine a piece of paper that has had so much charcoal rubbed on it that it appears completely black. You take an eraser to it and the charcoal begins to erase, revealing what's underneath it. Underneath the charcoal, there was a portrait of your truest self, drawn in permanent black ink. The ink cannot be erased. Similarly, in Plato's worldview, all things in this world are shadows of their true ideal forms. So an earthly tree, for instance, is nothing but a shadow of the ideal of a tree. A chair is just the shadow of the ideal of a chair. The physical manifestation is inferior to the True Self. By comparison, the Buddhist conception of "nonself" is like a coin with two sides. On one side, you have emptiness. On the other side, you have interdependence. The idea of "self" is empty. There is no solid Cephas in the universe. What am I? I am the genes of my mother and father. I am the absorbed nutrients of the things I eat. I am the chemical processes that create a functioning mind. I am the thoughts and opinions that were made possible by the combination of my brain, my environment, and the people around me. Suppose I get hit by a large brick to the head and it changes my cognitive functioning. Can you say that the me, post-accident, is not the "real" Cephas? How could that be? The me before the accident was just as determined by environmental factors and chance as the me after the accident. No--it would be merely attachment to the old version of myself that would make you say that "the me before the accident was the real me." There was nothing solid, nothing irreducible about that version of me. It was just as impermanent as anything, just as susceptible to change as anything. On the other side of the coin, you have interdependence. I am Cephas precisely because I am made of the specific combinations of factors that lead to Cephas. The precise combination of chemicals, nutrients, people, memories, thoughts, experiences. At this moment. Every moment, every blink, every breath, is a single frame in a reel of film, and in each frame you are a unique form factor in the cosmos. Nothing is precisely like you at that moment, not even the you before or after that moment. And at each moment, just as you are, you are capable of reaching nirvana. So there is no true self to pursue. Just as you are, impermanent and made of nothing but the particles around you, you already have the potential for awakening.
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Nov 3, 2022 15:08
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Pollyanna posted:Yeah my first interpretation of empty was “mutable”, or “variable”. If something is empty it can hold something, anything, so it could refer to anything and just sorta doesn’t mean anything in its own except what is assigned to it. The word “empty” is also empty. I feel like it's not always easy to get a direct grasp on certain concepts by way of direct explanation. Sometimes it's easier to just see how other folks talk about it until it clicks. So here are a couple little bits of wisdom for you: Seung Sahn talks about understanding emptiness as being similar to the hands of a clock, starting at 12 o'clock, traveling around the clock and eventually coming back to 12. But even though midnight and noon are both 12, that doesn't mean they are the same thing. (These are not his exact words but are pretty close:) quote:The layperson says: A bird is a bird, a flower is a flower. Basho's lovely poem is also about emptiness. quote:The temple bell stops I wholeheartedly recommend the compilation of Seung Sahn's teachings, "Dropping Ashes on the Buddha," as a great form of insight into zen buddhism. It really cracked open the idea and purpose of koans for me. Cephas fucked around with this message at 15:52 on Nov 6, 2022 |
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Nov 6, 2022 15:43
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I feel much the same way. The thing that helps me is to recognize the Bodhisattva's vow: to save all beings. To save all beings means to also save yourself. I find comfort and power in knowing that, to save all beings, I have to also save myself. In other words, you have just as much worth as everyone else in the universe. Your struggle is a real struggle, and all beings cannot be saved unless you are saved as well. Therefore, as a Buddhist with loving compassion toward all beings--as a Bodhisattva with a desire to save all beings--you have to do everything you can to save yourself. The only way to love all beings is to also love yourself. If you recognize and accept the dharma, then this is life's mandate. Learn to love yourself, learn to care for yourself, learn to save yourself. If you could save one person's life, would you say your life was worth living? In that case, even if all you do in your whole life is manage to save yourself, you'll have lived a meaningful life. I truly believe this.
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Nov 8, 2022 03:48
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I think they look pretty cool, but if you had a giant one decorating your room I would absolutely think you were a neon genesis evangelion villain
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Nov 10, 2022 15:36
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FWIW, in my everyday practice, the biggest difference between traditionalist Buddhism and Mahayana is the ideal of the bodhisattva. As I understand the teachings, the traditional view is that one aspires to become an Arhat, an enlightened follower of Buddha who can step outside of the circle of death and rebirth. This is immediately appealing to me: I want to get off Mr. Bone's Wild Ride. By comparison, Mahayana emphasizes the bodhisattva over the arhat. Do not seek to escape the world of samsara, for there is nothing from which to escape. Instead become a bodhisattva and delay your final enlightenment until you have saved all beings. This is immediately intimidating to me: I have to stay here, with all these assholes (myself included)? And yet the logic is very clear: the only escape from the world is by diving into the world. If you can look past arhatship with its promise of release from the world and become a compassionate bodhisattva who can save all beings, you ironically will have everything you need to be freed from samsara. This idea is really powerful to me, and it helps guide my moral principles in my everyday life. If my disposition were different, perhaps a Theravadan approach would speak more to me. But as I am, the Mahayana approach has resonated with me deeply.
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Nov 21, 2022 23:34
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I think part of the trouble with talking about AI is that it's always wrapped up in the problems of capitalism, as right now, AI are built primarily for capitalistic gain. Much like how "corporations as people" benefits the wealthy, there is a risk that "AI as people" will just shelter the wealthy and help them further consolidate power. Especially at this moment, when there are ethical issues with how AI companies seem to be infringing on the rights of human beings (as in the case of AI art). It's one thing if we are at a point where AI truly seem to have some sense of emergent self. No one wants to be the bad guy in Blade Runner or Westworld, saying "but I thought the androids didn't have feelings!" On the other hand, if a chatbot is just a mirror reflecting text back at us, then it may be a wrong view to treat it like a sentient being at the expense of other sentient beings. It may even lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy, where the desire for AI to be people leads us to further develop them in such a manner. (My personal view is that it would be cruel to bring a new form of life into this world when they would be subservient to humans and prone to abuse.) There are also boundaries that you can cross with nonliving entities/thoughts in your head, that you cannot cross with sentient beings. For example, killing is wrong. But what happens if an AI is trained to spew hate speech across the internet? If the AI is indeed sentient, then coercively reprogramming or scrapping it may be ethically wrong, the equivalent to killing a human. But if the AI is just a mirror, then being afraid of decommissioning it would be like being afraid of decommissioning a noxious car engine. Artificial Intelligence is such a can of worms, and I think humankind is woefully unprepared to deal with the ethical ramifications should we ever create an AI that could meaningfully be considered a sentient being. But as always, I think great compassion toward all beings, free of attachment or revulsion, will point to the right way to be.
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Feb 20, 2023 05:30
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I definitely think we should be kind to robots, yeah. Both for one's own personal virtue and also because there's no reason to be needlessly cruel to anything, living or not. I think this has been a topic on my mind for quite a while, actually--how does one conduct oneself with fictional or imaginary beings? I'm going to therapy right now because I have recurring nightmares. Sometimes, in the nightmares, I am being attacked viciously. But even more frightening are the nightmares where I am enraged from being attacked, and in my dream I violently attack my attacker, sometimes killing them. The anger and hate and rage I feel in my dream frighten me, and I feel immensely guilty when I wake up, having conducted a violent action in my dream. Did I do something "wrong" by resorting to violence in my dream? Or am I mistaking fact for fiction--taking something that is just thought energy and applying the moral codes of reality to it? This applies to things like video games or other pieces of media where you have some control over the world of the story. Should you avoid playing something like Grand Theft Auto because it encourages a mind where it's okay to run people over? Or playing an evil character in D&D? Or playing the evil route in a video game to see what the story is like? Or is it important to not be afraid of make-believe, as long as you recognize, basically, that a piece of rope is not a snake, and a thought-experiment is not reality?
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Feb 20, 2023 07:37
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I found out there's a Kwan Um school within driving distance for me! It's a little far, so I might have to mostly attend virtually, but I'm really excited. I've been wanting to find a sangha for a long time now. Has anyone formally taken the Bodhisattva vow? I assume it takes a couple of years of practice with a sangha before it would be the right time for it. It's something I would really like to do, though. The prayers are very close to me, and formal vow or not I've been doing my best to live according to that ideal. But I think it would be wonderful to take the vow formally.
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Mar 1, 2023 07:41
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Friends, I could really use some words of wisdom. It's almost 3 AM and I am teary-eyed and have felt like throwing up. I found out that as of this Monday, Florida legislature has been working on getting the following transphobic bills passed: -A bill to make it illegal for doctors to provide trans care to minors -A bill to allow the state to step in on child custody disputes if a potential guardian supports their child's transition, even if they want to cross states -A bill to fine and de-license restaurants and hotels that feature "drag" shows visible to minors, with intentionally vague language to intimidate trans people from making "presentations" of any kind in venues that aren't adult-only -A bill to force convicts into prisons based on their sex assigned at birth, as well as a "bathroom bill" clause that empowers individuals to force trans people out of restrooms (you must immediately leave or be subject to a misdemeanor) -A bill that says there is "obvious reason to doubt the veracity of the report" for any claims about discrimination based on race, sex, sexual orientation, or gender identity. Also puts you at risk of a minimum $35,000 damages fine for claiming someone has discriminated against you, with protections given to people for expressing religious or scientific views as not grounds for discrimination. Some of these bills may not pass, while others have already received majority yea votes (the bill banning minors from receiving hormones or puberty blockers is very likely going to pass). I am truly and deeply terrified of this state's administration. It is fascist. I feel like the attacks are escalating, and at a breakneck pace. I wish I could leave, but I don't have anywhere to go. I am in many senses lucky; I transitioned 11 years ago, had some trans surgery completed already, and have had my SSN, driver's license, and birth certificates all updated. But these bills still hurt me, and they open the door to living in a state of terror. And I have friends and loved ones who are going to be hurt by this even more than I am. I don't know what to do. Everything is burning. The mind is burning, ideas are burning, mind-consciousness is burning, mind-contact is burning, also whatever is felt as pleasant or painful or neither-painful-nor-pleasant that arises with mind-contact for its indispensable condition, that too is burning. Burning with what? Burning with the fire of lust, with the fire of hate, with the fire of delusion. I say it is burning with birth, aging and death, with sorrows, with lamentations, with pains, with griefs, with despairs. Buddha says, "Bhikkhus, when a noble follower who has heard the truth sees thus, he finds estrangement in the mind, finds estrangement in ideas... When he finds estrangement, passion fades out. With the fading of passion, he is liberated. When liberated, there is knowledge that he is liberated. He understands: 'Birth is exhausted, the holy life has been lived out, what can be done is done, of this there is no more beyond." But how can passion fade out when my people are being oppressed? When this state, and this country, are playing with devils? How can I be a bodhisattva and save all beings when half of those beings are tearing others apart? Seung Sahn had a koan. How do you correct a man who, thinking he is enlightened, drops his cigarette ashes on the temple's statue of Buddha? He is stronger than you and will overpower you in any physical confrontations. How do you save a being who, thinking he is correct, seeks to deface and destroy what is around him? How do you even save those he is trying to harm?
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Mar 16, 2023 07:50
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