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unknown butthole posted:son, I'm gay *grandpa bursts through the door* Hi Gay, I'm Dad!!
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Feb 28, 2020 20:42
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What's Beethoven's favourite food? BA-NA-NA-NAAAAA (to the tune of Beethoven's 5th Symphony) mom and dad fight a lot fucked around with this message at 20:49 on Feb 28, 2020 |
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Feb 28, 2020 20:46
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Why did the two tampons not talk to each other? because they're both stuck up cunts (That might be more of a mom joke? idk)
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Feb 28, 2020 20:47
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The only joke your mom ever gave was you
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Feb 28, 2020 21:01
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Wild T posted:The only joke your mom ever gave That your dad joke or directed at me? Either way, funny poo poo man.
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Feb 28, 2020 21:27
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What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros? Ell-if-I-Know
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Feb 28, 2020 21:41
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What's a dogs favorite sport? Bassett Ball. Charles Bark Lee does a mean dunk. There's a lot of ejections for ruff play though.
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Feb 28, 2020 22:00
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Professor Shark posted:Post your best dad joke and vote on the winner. The winner will receive a pm with a custom #1 Dad! .jpg personally designed by yours drooly! kid: I got a haircut dad: which one?
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Feb 28, 2020 22:22
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Did you hear about the officer that caught two kids playing with a firecracker and a car battery? He charged one and let the other one off.
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Feb 29, 2020 05:43
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I love all of my kids equally
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Feb 29, 2020 18:08
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FoolyCharged posted:Alright kiddo, I'm going to go out real quick for a cigarette. Dad!
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Feb 29, 2020 22:13
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Associate Christ
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But really I've considered taking up smoking so I can ghost my family like this.
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Feb 29, 2020 22:14
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Did you know diarrhea is genetic? It runs in your jeans.
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Feb 29, 2020 22:20
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Two cannibals are eating a clown. One looks at the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"
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Feb 29, 2020 22:25
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 She's not wrong.
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Feb 29, 2020 22:45
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The river can't be very deep... It's only halfway up that duck.
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Feb 29, 2020 22:57
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LGD posted:Did you know diarrhea is genetic?
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Feb 29, 2020 23:04
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Guy walks into a bar and says "Ow."
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Feb 29, 2020 23:23
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Helping someone open a jar, cracking it open, but not removing the lid so you can be like "oh man I can't do it" as you give it back to them and they pop the lid right off.
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Feb 29, 2020 23:26
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What's a concert that only costs 45 cents?? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback! 
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Feb 29, 2020 23:38
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Kid:Dad you got a hair cut looks good! Dad:I got a few cut not just 1!
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Mar 1, 2020 00:06
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You want something to drink? Cool. While you're up getting it, get me a beer.
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Mar 1, 2020 00:11
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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground BEEF
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Mar 1, 2020 00:34
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Where do generals keep their armies? in their sleevies
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Mar 1, 2020 01:02
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I have some jokes about paper, but they're all tearable.
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Mar 1, 2020 03:54
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jazzyhattrick posted:The river can't be very deep...
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Mar 1, 2020 04:20
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Madness posted:Kid:Dad you got a hair cut looks good! You horrible monster
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Mar 1, 2020 18:12
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The best dad joke is a dad joke about a dad joke: When do you know when a joke is a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!
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Mar 1, 2020 18:18
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I had an excellent dad joke on Friday on a Zoom meeting with a client and partner. The consultant at the partner as the meeting started knocked over a glass at his desk, spilled water all over his laptop trackpad. He was the one presenting this big proposal to the client. Consultant: "I'm sorry, nothing is working right now, please be patient. I'm trying a couple things to see if I can resolve this." Me: "You might even call it a 'fluid situation'" 
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Mar 1, 2020 18:38
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sticksy posted:I had an excellent dad joke on Friday on a Zoom meeting with a client and partner. 
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Mar 1, 2020 22:16
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Man what that's not even a joke
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Mar 1, 2020 22:19
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Could say it doesn't even Hold water
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Mar 1, 2020 22:34
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Chumbawumba4ever97 posted:What's brown and sticky? What's brown and sounds like a bell? DUNNNNNNGGGG
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Mar 1, 2020 23:53
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https://twitter.com/allowe/status/1234388422795522049?s=20
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Mar 2, 2020 09:11
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Antivehicular posted:What's brown and sounds like a bell? Want to hear a clean joke? The boy had a bath.
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Mar 2, 2020 13:08
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mom and dad fight a lot posted:What's Beethoven's favourite food? What's Darth Vader's order at the French bakery? Pain, pain, pain, tarte tatin, tarte tatin
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Mar 2, 2020 13:24
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How do you make a hot dog stand? Take away its chair!
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Mar 2, 2020 14:57
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The Zack posted:How do you make a hot dog stand? What did the Buddhist monk say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.
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Mar 2, 2020 15:40
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kolby posted:my dad would do this and then he would push me down and start pounding my face into the floor until there was blood everywhere same but with jumper cables
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Mar 2, 2020 16:14
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Hear about the guy with 5 dicks? His condoms fit like a glove.
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Mar 2, 2020 16:50
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