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Dad goes to costume party wearing only a potato over his dingus. I'm a dictator.
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Mar 2, 2020 16:51
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What was the one legged man doing at the ATM? Checking his balance
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Mar 2, 2020 17:17
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A Dad asked me once if I had Russian fingers and Roman hands.
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Mar 2, 2020 17:19
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Kindergarten Camp posted:What was the one legged man doing at the ATM? So I pushed her.
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Mar 2, 2020 18:37
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A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing a blue mask over his eyes, holding a toy sword and with a woman on his back. Someone asks "What have you come as?" He replies, "I'm a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle." "Ok, I get the sword and the mask, but why are you giving a woman a piggyback?" "That's Michelle."
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Mar 2, 2020 18:40
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Workin' hard or... hardly workin'?
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Mar 2, 2020 19:02
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(Real serious) Did you hear about that kidnapping at the school today? it's okay, they woke him up.
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Mar 2, 2020 19:14
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GreatGreen posted:Workin' hard or... hardly workin'? The 2020 version: Working remotely or remotely working?
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Mar 2, 2020 19:50
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Does anybody in this thread want some updog?
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Mar 2, 2020 19:51
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I always refer to the crummy 1-ply toilet paper in public restrooms as John Wayne Toilet Paper. When someone asks why I called it that, I hitch my leg out like a cowboy, grab my belt and say "well, partner, because it's rough. And it's tough. And it won't take poo poo from anyone!"
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Mar 2, 2020 20:04
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Sunswipe posted:A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing a blue mask over his eyes, holding a toy sword and with a woman on his back. Someone asks "What have you come as?" He replies, "I'm a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle." "Ok, I get the sword and the mask, but why are you giving a woman a piggyback?" "That's Michelle." this is legit great* *disclaimer: I'm a dad, may be biased
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Mar 2, 2020 20:04
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FlimFlam Imam posted:What did the Buddhist monk say to the hotdog vendor? I gave him  and when I asked for my change, he said "Change comes from within"
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Mar 2, 2020 20:19
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Woofer posted:Does anybody in this thread want some updog? Or some snew?
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Mar 2, 2020 20:29
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How about a henway?
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Mar 3, 2020 01:13
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ultrafilter posted:How about a henway?
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Mar 3, 2020 01:37
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Oh, about three or four pounds. (That one works better when spoken.)
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Mar 3, 2020 01:41
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What do you call a deer that can't see? No idear.What do you call a deer that can't see and has no legs? Still no idear.What do you call a deer that can't see, had no legs and no dick?  Still no fuckin' idear!
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Mar 3, 2020 02:07
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Driving through our neighbourhood, I saw a sign that read "Large Garage Sale". I said to my wife "well, if I'm ever in need for a large garage, I know exactly where to go."
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Mar 3, 2020 02:10
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What did the left eye say to the right eye? Just between you and me, something smells down there... How much does it cost a pirate to get their ears pierced? A buck an ear! How does an astronaut get a haircut? Eclipse it!
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Mar 3, 2020 03:16
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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered six offender
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Mar 3, 2020 04:13
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My wife is perfect in every way but one: Horrible taste in men
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Mar 3, 2020 04:14
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My wife dated 61 other men before she settled down with me...that’s why she always calls me her 60 second man!
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Mar 3, 2020 04:53
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How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Four. A left ear, a right ear, Scotty the engine ear, and a final front ear.
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Mar 3, 2020 13:28
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Doctor Reynolds posted:How much does it cost a pirate to get their ears pierced? I always heard “how much does a Pirate pay for corn?”
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Mar 3, 2020 14:55
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Big moron and little moron we’re sitting on a bridge. Big moron fell off. Why didn’t the little moron? He was a little more on.
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Mar 3, 2020 15:59
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Floodixor posted:The best dad joke is a dad joke about a dad joke: This one has my vote! When is a door not a door? When it's ajar!
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Mar 3, 2020 16:33
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A steak pun is a rare medium well done
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Mar 3, 2020 16:37
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Tomfoolery posted:A steak pun is a rare medium well done News reports today mention a clairvoyant little person wanted for robbery. He's currently a small medium at large.
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Mar 4, 2020 17:32
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Rupert Buttermilk posted:News reports today mention a clairvoyant little person wanted for robbery. He's currently a small medium at large. Police are working tirelessly to find him.
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Mar 4, 2020 18:01
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The police suspect the same criminals also stole all the police station's toilets, but unfortunately have nothing to go on.
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Mar 4, 2020 18:49
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Fanged Lawn Wormy posted:Big moron and little moron we’re sitting on a bridge. Big moron fell off. Why didn’t the little moron? Big mood for this and the 90 degrees one.
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Mar 4, 2020 19:38
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Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? A: His wife has been dead for years! And not a joke per se but my father would relish in the moment someone would vaguely in the FOV of the television to announce "You make a better door than a window!" 
Gay Weed Dad fucked around with this message at 21:06 on Mar 4, 2020 |
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Mar 4, 2020 21:03
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What's green and red and spins real fast? A frog in a blender! I have more that are all just as bad
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Mar 4, 2020 21:54
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"may i carry your bag, sir?" nah, she can walk doctorfrog fucked around with this message at 22:04 on Mar 4, 2020 |
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Mar 4, 2020 22:00
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A man is wanted for entering the police station earlier today and throwing a large trifle at the officer behind the front desk... We have so far been unable to reach the custardy sargeant for comment.
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Mar 4, 2020 22:11
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I know what's updog, but what's snew?
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Mar 4, 2020 22:44
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Drunk Nerds posted:My wife is perfect in every way but one: Horrible taste in men My wife's best trait is her low standards 
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Mar 4, 2020 22:46
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I was involved in a carjacking earlier Managed to not get any on the upholstery though!
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Mar 4, 2020 22:59
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UltraRed posted:I know what's updog, but what's snew? Nothing much, what's new with you?
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Mar 4, 2020 23:05
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| # ? May 3, 2024 15:10 |
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my dad is the best dad. joke!
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Mar 4, 2020 23:20
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