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My whole life I've been cursing the act of bread buttering, rock-hard butter just tearing the poo poo out of that frail loving bread. Sure you can get spread, if you like eating poo poo. Sure you can leave the butter out, if you like rancid poo poo. I even thought about building some kind of heated bread buttering knife. Not a single minute of my life would go by without me thinking "There's GOT to be a better way!" WELL THERE IS! Here is my guide ( I guess you could call it a LIFEHACK) for perfect buttered bread every time; 1. Gently scrape the knife over the butter to get a thin layer of butter, super thin 2. Place the thin layer of butter on the bread 3. Repeat if you like eating more butter 4. Wait 30 seconds, just suck a dick or something 5. Spread the butter What else have I been doing wrong my whole life? Is there some way you're meant to eat/sleep I don't know about?
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Feb 29, 2020 04:47
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You should have asked
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Feb 29, 2020 04:48
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Oh here's another one I recently worked out; buy a cask of goon (that's cheap wine in a shiny foil bag) or a box of water that has a foil bag inside it drink all of the water/goon cut a hole in the foil bag remove the plastic liner store lettuce in the foil bag I have a head of lettuce that's been in there a loving MONTH and it's still pretty good looking.
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Feb 29, 2020 04:50
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The company I work for is from India. One of their mandatory trainings was on how to butter bread.
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Feb 29, 2020 04:52
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What angle am I supposed to hold the knife? Serious question, I think I'm incompetent and my parents just assumed I was smarter than this
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Feb 29, 2020 04:53
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Daikloktos posted:What angle am I supposed to hold the knife? Serious question, I think I'm incompetent and my parents just assumed I was smarter than this You want to drag the knife across the butter, not try and cut in to it! Also, hold the knife by the handle, not the blade, I think.
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Feb 29, 2020 04:56
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hold the knife tip over an open flame for 30 seconds, then use heated knife to melt the butter into the bread. or just microwave the butter for 15 seconds like a normal person.
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Feb 29, 2020 05:00
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room temp butter is good idiot not signing my post
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Feb 29, 2020 05:05
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Use a potato peeler for really thin butter
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Feb 29, 2020 05:07
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Or you could just not eat toast. The most pointless of foods.
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Feb 29, 2020 05:09
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Just looked it up on Wikihow, and apparently you're supposed to use the flat of the tip?!? I thought it was the edge...
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Feb 29, 2020 05:16
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Aishlinn posted:hold the knife tip over an open flame for 30 seconds, then use heated knife to melt the butter into the bread. or just microwave the butter for 15 seconds like a normal person. DO NOT DO THIS! THIS IS WRONG ADVICE! My wife would microwave the butter each time like a god damned idiot so you end up with horrible half melted loving butter over everything and it goes dark yellow and looks like poo poo and it will RUIN YOUR MARRIAGE e: gently caress
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Feb 29, 2020 05:19
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OP I have some questions about your dick sucking technique
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Feb 29, 2020 05:20
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just get a butter bell and you can keep it on the counter without worrying about it
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Feb 29, 2020 05:22
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Keep a small amount in a saucer on the counter at all times. You can spread it. When it's near done, take more butter from the fridge and add it to the saucer. Endless spreadable butter. wtf is wrong with you
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Feb 29, 2020 05:24
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Reene posted:OP I have some questions about your dick sucking technique Right on
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Feb 29, 2020 05:28
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shout out to my poor bois C O U N T R Y R O C K
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Feb 29, 2020 05:29
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Its a government conspiracy. We didn't want you to find out for national security.
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Feb 29, 2020 05:30
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OP is an arrtard
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Feb 29, 2020 05:30
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Well OP your parents clearly gave up hope of you ever amounting to anything remotely resembling a functioning member of society pretty early on so that's why you ended up as the man child that you are.
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Feb 29, 2020 05:32
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Bronze Fonz posted:Keep a small amount in a saucer on the counter at all times. You can spread it. This is also fake advice! DO NOT DO THIS OR YOU HAVE A DIRTY SAUCER ENCRUSTED WITH OLD BUTTER AT ALL TIMES! This is exactly what's wrong with the world today, how are kids meant to learn with this kind of disinformation being disseminated. ?
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Feb 29, 2020 05:33
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Don't eat butter. It's bad for you.
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Feb 29, 2020 05:34
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OP serious question... how do you poop? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ba8-Vjn2a8c
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Feb 29, 2020 05:34
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dude, just mix together your own half and half butter/olive oil. It tastes good and spreads real easy
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Feb 29, 2020 05:36
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Bronze Fonz posted:OP serious question... how do you poop? Asking the real questions. 
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Feb 29, 2020 05:41
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Ez8 posted:Asking the real questions. See my other thread for poop related quesitons: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3915630
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Feb 29, 2020 06:15
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What penis are you going to suck for >30 seconds? That's either gonna be the worst and/or shortest BJ ever. Plus you run the risk of being called a big ol' cocktease by whoever you give your pisspoor BJ to.
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Feb 29, 2020 06:54
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Wutang-Yutani posted:Oh here's another one I recently worked out; just eat that fuckin lettuc already gently caress
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Feb 29, 2020 07:02
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Vietnamwees posted:What penis are you going to suck for >30 seconds? That's either gonna be the worst and/or shortest BJ ever. Plus you run the risk of being called a big ol' cocktease by whoever you give your pisspoor BJ to. Yeah, expect a slap across the head if you do that. OP's buttering skills are good but cocksucking skills need major improvement.  Just suck that thing off properly until it spurts onto your slice then eat it off the floor like the bitch you are, OP.
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Feb 29, 2020 07:03
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I bet I could get a dick off in thirty seconds. Some of you guys need to believe in yourselves more
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Feb 29, 2020 07:07
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the main thing about buttered toast that people dont know about is folding it once and dunking it in coffee. no one knows...
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Feb 29, 2020 07:23
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Lol why yo butter hard op
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Feb 29, 2020 07:25
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why dont we just put a pat of butter onto toast and use the kitchen heat gun on it? thats what its there for
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Feb 29, 2020 07:34
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I also learned on Wikihow it's proper etiquette to tear your bread or rolls into smaller chunks
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Feb 29, 2020 08:00
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Doc Fission posted:Or you could just not eat toast. The most pointless of foods. I like it, it has calories. And it goes well with butter.
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Feb 29, 2020 08:02
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I just alternate between spoonfuls of butter and hunks of bread when I'm too depressed to work a spread knife
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Feb 29, 2020 08:07
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I smash the bread directly into the butter then I jam it in my stupid loving face
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Feb 29, 2020 08:25
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If you need some butter often but not all of your butter you cut some off, put it a container and keep it on your kitchen bench. Keep the rest in the fridge.
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Feb 29, 2020 08:26
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A Grand Egg posted:If you need some butter often but not all of your butter you cut some off, put it a container and keep it on your kitchen bench. Keep the rest in the fridge. EVER TRIED CLEANING THAT CONTAINER?! no thanks.
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Feb 29, 2020 08:56
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have you tried a sponge with soap and water to clean it?
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Feb 29, 2020 09:10
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