Why didn't anyone ever teach me how to butter bread?

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BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

I�m ghee

# ? Mar 2, 2020 14:46

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# ? May 8, 2024 02:54

The Walrus: Jul 9, 2002; by Fluffdaddy

lol if you don't use one of those upside down in water butter holders. always soft and fresh tasting butter.

# ? Mar 2, 2020 15:14

serious norman: Dec 13, 2007; im pickle rick!!!!

- Grape out hard butter from the package straight from the fridge with a spoon.
- Try to spread it on the slice breaking it, making a mess
- crumple it like a peace of paper
- Shove in mouth hole.

# ? Mar 2, 2020 15:52

Brute Hole Force: Dec 25, 2005; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Tip posted:

You're buttering bread to make cold sandwiches? The gently caress.

Good bread, good butter, good salami.

You can thank me later.

# ? Mar 2, 2020 23:47

i am harry: Oct 14, 2003

Just leave the butter out of the fridge has someone said this??

# ? Mar 3, 2020 00:00

Flyball: Apr 17, 2003

i am harry posted:

Just leave the butter out of the fridge has someone said this??

OP buys near-rancid butter, which can't be left out without quickly going all the way rancid. He knows that one should never go full rancid, but not that it's possible to purchase fresh butter.

# ? Mar 3, 2020 00:23

Relayer: Sep 18, 2002

Don't they make some kind of weirdo french butter dish thing where you like have the butter all smashed into this upside down cup, which goes inside another cup that has water in it, and the water prevents oxidation of the butter and keeps it from going rancid for a really long time?

# ? Mar 3, 2020 00:26

Mr. Meagles: Apr 30, 2004; Out here, everything hurts

Relayer posted:

Don't they make some kind of weirdo french butter dish thing where you like have the butter all smashed into this upside down cup, which goes inside another cup that has water in it, and the water prevents oxidation of the butter and keeps it from going rancid for a really long time?

ya they used that for centuries but now people just leave their butter in the fridge and then hack at the near-frozen butter log like a confused ape

# ? Mar 3, 2020 00:29

hemale in pain: Jun 5, 2010

Why don't you just get your manservant to warm the butter up for you like a normal person???

# ? Mar 3, 2020 00:35

numberoneposter: Feb 19, 2014; How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

OP you need some help tying your friggin shoes OP????

# ? Mar 3, 2020 00:43

dads_work_files: May 14, 2008; important_document.avi

OP, mayo is always ready to spread, it's the faithful creamy friend that's forever at your command.

Generously slather two slices of bread in mayonnaise (both sides), season with salt and maybe a little pepper, then roll into a tight cylinder and insert.

# ? Mar 3, 2020 00:50

numberoneposter: Feb 19, 2014; How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

spread dem cheeks, OP

# ? Mar 3, 2020 00:51

BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

Just buy salted butter if you�re afraid of it going rancid.

# ? Mar 3, 2020 01:51

Guildenstern Mother: Mar 31, 2010; Why walk when you can ride?

I just can't wrap my head around not toasting sandwich bread. You people are animals.

# ? Mar 3, 2020 02:20

GORDON: Jan 1, 2006; by Fluffdaddy

hemale in pain posted:

Why don't you just get your manservant to warm the butter up for you like a normal person???

Argyle! This sweet cream butter is turgid!

# ? Mar 3, 2020 02:36

Zippy the Bummer: Dec 14, 2008; Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES

Guildenstern Mother posted:

I just can't wrap my head around not toasting sandwich bread. You people are animals.

in most cases i would agree, but some sammos are quite excellent with two thick spongy slices of fresh sourdough, you know the kind where the bread is slightly cool and smells sweet and sourdough-y and you just want to rub your face on it

# ? Mar 3, 2020 02:47

AARD VARKMAN: May 17, 1993

Guildenstern Mother posted:

I just can't wrap my head around not toasting sandwich bread. You people are animals.

Some things just don't work on toast. Pimento cheese and PB&J come chiefly to mind.

# ? Mar 3, 2020 03:23

dads friend steve: Dec 24, 2004

Relayer posted:

Don't they make some kind of weirdo french butter dish thing where you like have the butter all smashed into this upside down cup, which goes inside another cup that has water in it, and the water prevents oxidation of the butter and keeps it from going rancid for a really long time?

Just what my toast needs: wet butter

# ? Mar 3, 2020 04:04

Relayer: Sep 18, 2002

dads friend steve posted:

Just what my toast needs: wet butter

Try it my friend. I know, it screams of wet butter but it just doesn't play out that way in the heat of battle.

# ? Mar 3, 2020 04:07

The Walrus: Jul 9, 2002; by Fluffdaddy

PB and j on toast is sublime. especially natural chunky peanut butter with salted butter applied to boath toasts first.

# ? Mar 3, 2020 04:07

Relayer: Sep 18, 2002

The validity of toasting depends entirely upon the constitution of the bread, the thickness of the bread, the ratio of meat\filling to bread, to cheese (if applicable). You can't reduce toasting to a binary good or bad, you loving idiots.

# ? Mar 3, 2020 04:17

Flyball: Apr 17, 2003

dads friend steve posted:

Just what my toast needs: wet butter

The butter and water don't touch each other.

# ? Mar 3, 2020 04:27

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

Wutang-Yutani posted:

My whole life I've been cursing the act of bread buttering, rock-hard butter just tearing the poo poo out of that frail loving bread.
Sure you can get spread, if you like eating poo poo.
Sure you can leave the butter out, if you like rancid poo poo.
I even thought about building some kind of heated bread buttering knife.
Not a single minute of my life would go by without me thinking "There's GOT to be a better way!"

WELL THERE IS!

Here is my guide ( I guess you could call it a LIFEHACK) for perfect buttered bread every time;
1. Gently scrape the knife over the butter to get a thin layer of butter, super thin
2. Place the thin layer of butter on the bread
3. Repeat if you like eating more butter
4. Wait 30 seconds, just suck a dick or something
5. Spread the butter

What else have I been doing wrong my whole life? Is there some way you're meant to eat/sleep I don't know about?

You're supposed to tear off a piece and butter it individually (from a small pad you've placed on a side plate), then it doesnt matter.

Buttering your entire bread at once is for boor idiots.

# ? Mar 3, 2020 04:32

gary oldmans diary: Sep 26, 2005

a knob of butter
a knob

� � � � � � � of butter

# ? Mar 3, 2020 04:52

CRIP EATIN BREAD: Jun 24, 2002; Hey stop worrying bout my acting bitch, and worry about your WACK ass music. In the mean time... Eat a hot bowl of Dicks! Ice T; Soiled Meat

wtf is a butter bell

# ? Mar 3, 2020 04:59

Obsidianheart: Apr 26, 2017; Throwing off the shadow of a better man.

Put the stick of butter in a ziploc bac.
Put the ziploc bag in your left armpit.
Wait.
Viola!
Warm, spreadable butter always ready.

You could even stick a straw in there and just go nuts.

# ? Mar 3, 2020 05:48

a_pineapple: Dec 23, 2005

Add a 1 tsp of herbs de Provence to your butter and whip it all together. It�s very delicious and will get you laid. In fact I had a thick piece of sourdough and herbed butter for breakfast this very morning!

# ? Mar 3, 2020 06:09

dads friend steve: Dec 24, 2004

a_pineapple posted:

Add a 1 tsp of herbs de Provence to your butter and whip it all together. It�s very delicious and will get you laid. In fact I had a thick piece of sourdough and herbed butter for breakfast this very morning!

So do you heat up the sourdough before you gently caress it or?

# ? Mar 3, 2020 06:18

gary oldmans diary: Sep 26, 2005

just use olive oil

# ? Mar 3, 2020 06:22

Number_6: Jul 23, 2006; BAN ALL GAS GUZZLERS

(except for mine); Pillbug

Y'all are so far behind in your butter (or margarine) spreading technology. The Hot Topper is the modern way to deal with this problem of the ages:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-JmPRKhzO4

# ? Mar 3, 2020 06:47

Obsidianheart: Apr 26, 2017; Throwing off the shadow of a better man.

Number_6 posted:

Y'all are so far behind in your butter (or margarine) spreading technology. The Hot Topper is the modern way to deal with this problem of the ages:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-JmPRKhzO4

I have never known desire to possess an item as I feel now.

# ? Mar 3, 2020 07:06

spleen merchant: Jul 1, 2007; Fun Shoe

The secret to buttering bread is a closely guarded one, you're not meant to spread it.

# ? Mar 3, 2020 10:40

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

If you have access to wondrous marvels of technology such as a hair dryer, you may engage it to soften up the icy bricks of butter before chopping at it with a dull knife like a confused ape. I suggest full blow.

# ? Mar 3, 2020 15:21

gleebster: Dec 16, 2006; Only a howler; Pillbug

CRIP EATIN BREAD posted:

wtf is a butter bell

That's the bell at the back of the house that the dairymaid rings after she delivers the fresh butter to alert the stillroom maid to bring it inside. After that, the scullery maid brings some to cook, who will add it to the breakfast tray. By the time it gets to table, the toast is stone cold, but at least you didn't have to lift a finger.

# ? Mar 3, 2020 16:30