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oh Michael, so glad for you to rejoin us. I couldn't help but overhear you in the bathroom... tried the bidet, did you? *chuckles like a bidet owner* it's quite all right, everyone gets curious. I can't help but envy you, Michael -- to experience it for the first time. what was it like? *whispers the words into your ear like a bidet whispers water into your butthole* refreshing? exhilarating? purifying? |
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Mar 13, 2020 04:07
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| # ¿ May 16, 2024 11:58 |
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Gertrude, my dear! Welcome, welcome. Allow me to give you the grand tour. Let's start with the bathroom. Yes, Italian marble, you have a keen eye. But THIS--*lifts seat*--this is the piece de resistance. I beg you, Gertrude: take a dump like you used to
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Mar 13, 2020 04:16
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I own a variation of those Japanese toilet seats that plays a charming tune and sprays scented water, except mine plays organ music and sprays cabernet sauvignon
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Mar 13, 2020 04:17
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You think you're one if us, just because you blast your rear end with a garden hose every morning? Nouveau riche imposter! Rrrrank amateur!
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Mar 13, 2020 15:12
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i need more... MORE POWER *slams the nitrous into the bidet*
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Mar 13, 2020 17:21
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Heather Papps posted:could this be an issue with the city water? i am wondering if a dedicated cistern for bidet use might be the next logical step. Hi Heather. I've ran into a lot of issues with city ordinances i.r.t. constructing personal reservoirs. You may want to consider relocating to a completely unincorporated zone, or, if you're really serious about pressure & volume, setting up an offshore facility with a desalination system
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Mar 13, 2020 19:47
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Heather Papps posted:also, is it possible that the phases of the moon are affecting my bodies needs vis a vis pressure? Like many bidet enthusiasts, I have long contemplated the destruction of the moon. The only available workaround is to use MySecretSplash93's custom bidet API that can sync your unit to lunar cycles. Unfortunately, the latest release conflicts with rectalTyphoon's API that adjusts pressure based on proximity to the equinoxes.
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Mar 13, 2020 21:03
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:gently caress you! That's my name! You know why, mister? You drove a TUSHI to get here. I drove an eleven hundred dollar TOTO Washlet. THAT'S my name. And your name is you're wiping. You can't play in the man's game, you can't clean them - go home and tell your wife your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life: Get them to clean on the line which is cleft. You hear me, you loving assholes? A-B-C. A-Always, B-Bidet, C-Clean. Always bidet clean. ALWAYS BIDET CLEAN. A-I-D-A. Anus, Immaculate, Directed, Action. Anus - Do you have an anus? Immaculate - Is it immaculate? I hope it is, 'cause it's poo poo or get off the pot. You poo poo or you hit the bricks. Directed - Have you told them the stream is directed for Christ? And Action. A-I-D-A. Get out there - you got the prospects coming in. You think they came in to get out of the rain? A guy don't pop a squat on the john unless he wants to bidet. They're sitting out there waiting to clean their buttocks. Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it?
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Mar 14, 2020 06:53
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the year is 2021. toilet paper is extinct, and my control of the only rear end-cleaning technology in the neighborhood has transformed me into that warlord from mad max: fury road do not, my friends, become addicted to a whistling-clean rectum. It will take hold of you, and you will resent its absence
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Mar 15, 2020 15:40
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| # ¿ May 16, 2024 11:58 |
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:Restaurant was clean. Service was excellent. Food was fairly priced, fresh, and well made. But the bathroom facilities were like something from a third world hellhole. Not even a squeeze bottle of water to bidet with. Review for Cheep Laundromat (Restaurant): the only food is a gumball machine that hasn't been used since 2017, but if you put your rear end in the washers you won't have to bidet for a week. 5 stars
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Mar 21, 2020 01:29
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