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Day 138: I roam the deserted streets, scavenging for the only remaining currency of value in this blighted hellscape: toilet paper.
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Mar 13, 2020 06:11
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| # ? May 17, 2024 10:04 |
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Day 2: I unsheathe my BUDK katana and sigh as a man tries to reach for the last bag of Cheetos.
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Mar 13, 2020 06:22
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day 40: drat. My life feels like a Cormac McCarthy novel.
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Mar 13, 2020 06:34
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In Kilkenny, Ireland, Brother John Clyn of the Friars Minor, another monk left alone among dead men, kept a record of what had happened lest “things which should be remembered perish with time and vanish from the memory of those who come after us.” Sensing “the whole world, as it were, placed within the grasp of the Evil One,” and waiting for death to visit him too, he wrote, “I leave parchment to continue this work, if perchance any man survive and any of the race of Adam escape this pestilence and carry on the work which I have begun.” Brother John, as noted by another hand, died of the pestilence.
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Mar 13, 2020 06:36
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Day 3: haven’t wiped in a week. Not sure how long I can survive this unforgiving new reality. Could’ve sworn I saw movement outside my house the other day, just as the sun was setting... but that’s impossible... just not possible
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Mar 13, 2020 06:39
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july 10 ate 17 meatball subs. when i woke up this morning there were three more crates of meatball subs lined up next to my bed. i know they weren't there when i went to sleep. how do they get in? we have blocked all the windows with meatball subs, and stuffed them in the gaps under doors as well. can meatball subs stop meatball subs? would we even realize the difference? father says that when we die we go to heaven, and that heaven is a place where there are no meatball subs. i cannot tell him that i don't believe him. i know that i will never see a place without meatball subs. in this life or the next.
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Mar 13, 2020 06:44
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Jabberlock posted:Day 138: I roam the deserted streets, scavenging for the only remaining currency of value in this blighted hellscape: toilet paper.
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Mar 13, 2020 06:58
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I am glad I killed everybody in my neighbourhood and stole their toilet paper. They didn't believe me when this started and also cannibalism makes me poo poo so much it turns out
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Mar 13, 2020 06:59
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Like you couldn't have even combined three or four of the most common premises like bean stockpiles, dead boomers, etc.
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Mar 13, 2020 07:01
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Does cannibal diarrhea pass your goddamn smell test?! We are living in a pandemic here.
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Mar 13, 2020 07:03
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Day 37: Huddled inside. Running out of hand sanitizer to distill into liquor. Watched a man get beaten to death, right outside my window, for eating a container of lo mein. I'm glad postmates still works, gotta love this gig economy.
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Mar 13, 2020 07:19
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Day 1: truly, idiocracy has become a documentary
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Mar 13, 2020 07:24
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everyone has died of the virus except me. which means i can jack off anywhere, even in the middle of the street, at noon.
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Mar 13, 2020 07:32
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which if you think about it is much too early to jack off. if you're jacking off before 3 pm you're probably unemployed or high on crystal meth or something.
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Mar 13, 2020 07:33
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Daikloktos posted:Like you couldn't have even combined three or four of the most common premises like bean stockpiles, dead boomers, etc. I didn't read em, lmao
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Mar 13, 2020 07:36
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Jabberlock posted:I didn't read em, lmao - Humanity vis a vis the warning signs, 2020
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Mar 13, 2020 07:37
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I thought people were just hiding the toilet paper from stupid rear end burners when they went into the store so they would get the gently caress out of town. This is something that’s gonna effect me now? gently caress that.
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Mar 13, 2020 07:56
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Day 3: Am Diabetic, Am Dead, Cannot participate in this fantasy
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Mar 13, 2020 07:57
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I actually made corona virus by having sex with bill oreilly and a hooker and some weird Asian dude at the same time, when I die it’s gonna get out that my dna was the template and everyone is gonna boo my corpse.
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Mar 13, 2020 07:59
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:I actually made corona virus by having sex with bill oreilly and a hooker and some weird Asian dude at the same time, when I die it’s gonna get out that my dna was the template and everyone is gonna boo my corpse. Boo My Corpse is my new prog rock band name and good luck taking me to court.
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Mar 13, 2020 08:02
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sweet thursday posted:Boo My Corpse is my new prog rock band name and good luck taking me to court. Hell yeah wanna open for Cyborg Holiday? 
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Mar 13, 2020 08:11
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:Hell yeah wanna open for Cyborg Holiday?
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Mar 13, 2020 08:14
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sweet thursday posted:As long as our audience is under 20 people. Just kidding of course it will be! *taps knees* WE ALL MADE A PACT NOT TO TALK TO HIM SCAB! 
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Mar 13, 2020 08:17
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:WE ALL MADE A PACT NOT TO TALK TO HIM SCAB! Clamdestine you beautiful bastard you will outlive us all
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Mar 13, 2020 08:18
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day 247: just gnawed off my own arm out of hunger. and to think all of this could have been avoided if my loving boss had let us work from home. thanks fuckwit
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Mar 13, 2020 08:19
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sweet thursday posted:Clamdestine you beautiful bastard you will outlive us all I have been alive since 1732, I already have. (so tired tho) 
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Mar 13, 2020 08:39
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This is a very real story: I was opening up the kitchen at work on Monday, and a coworker came in laughing his rear end off about a homeless guy who came up to him wearing a mask and carrying a bottle of hand sanitizer, offering him sanitizer for fifty cents a squirt. About five minutes later, I’m out front smoking, and what must have been the same guy approached me and offered me hand sanitizer for thirty cents a squirt. That’s a 40% drop in about five minutes.
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Mar 13, 2020 08:43
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Hand sanitizer used to be cheaper than booze. Now homeless people are buying it as an investment. It’s amazing somebody hasn’t got up enough money to get a greyhound ticket to a bunch of cities to stockpile hunks of crack from all the “first time is free kid” dealers from all those towns and retired to a cardboard box on some tropical island. 
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Mar 13, 2020 09:01
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day 94: just stumbled upon a mass grave filled with antivaxxers who died of stupidity
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Mar 13, 2020 12:24
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Today Immortem Joe celebrated the birth of a new child. We gathered in the courtyard and Joe released the floodgates for a full 7 seconds. We all scrabbled on the ground to collect as much Purell as we could before the thirsty sands took it from us. Today was a good day.
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Mar 13, 2020 12:31
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Day 28: I have seized the local radio station and replaced all music with versions of "Big Iron."
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Mar 13, 2020 12:35
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We gather in secret on each full moon in a deep cave hidden in the forest. We wear heavy, hooded cloaks and masks, so none of us can ever be tortured by the authorities into revealing each other's identities. They say we are a menace to the social order, that we must be exterminated, and that no crime is greater than the one we commit when the Arch SoyBoy heats up the Holy Wok, anoints it with the Sacred Sesame Oil, and cooks us up some Kung Pao Chicken.
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Mar 13, 2020 13:29
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Day 327: Still no toilet paper. God I miss toilet paper. Even one ply would be fine at this point. Day 390: Have heard rumors of toilet paper outside Washington DC. I begin making the 300 mile trek tomorrow. Wish me luck. Day 457: It was a lie, it was all a filthy lie. God forgive me, I killed so many on my journey here. I'm so tired. We're all so tired. And nobody can wipe their rear end any more. Day 530: I cannot live like this any more. The toilet paper is gone, it's not coming back. I have tried leaves but it's just not the same. In my nightmares I could not imagine a world more horrific than this. I pray nightly to be taken in my sleep to the land of toilet paper, but death eludes me. Tonight I shall grab it myself. I only pray the toilet paper gods show mercy on my soul and welcome me to their realm.
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Mar 13, 2020 13:37
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Itchy. Tasty.
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Mar 13, 2020 14:19
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Day 69: Broke my last arrow. Only half a wet roll of toilet paper to show for it. The lean times are comin'
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Mar 13, 2020 14:23
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I'm writing this note to remind myself that I have stashed 4 scrap metal and some gauss rifle ammunition in the chest by the stairs. I can use this key to unlock the chest
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Mar 13, 2020 14:45
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People of Junktown, hear me now! While we wipe down our iPhones with used diapers soaked in bleach, the Lords and Ladies of Trashville dab the sweat from their brows with pristine Clorox Wipes! While we attend EDM parties with filthy rags tied to our faces, the elite feed their furbabies with milk from impermeable N95 masks! No longer will we allow this gross injustice to stand! Tonight we march! Tomorrow we wipe our asses with triple-ply! Onwards!!
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Mar 13, 2020 14:53
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Day 5789 Since we got rid of the internet the world has become a paradise. That was the problem all along, I can't believe we didn't realize it.
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Mar 13, 2020 16:10
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Day 532 I am become all that is bean
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Mar 13, 2020 16:11
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| # ? May 17, 2024 10:04 |
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Everyone is else works from home but I bike in each day to sit 9 to 5 and answer the phone. Alone, in the office, its like a dream. A Grand Egg fucked around with this message at 16:47 on Mar 13, 2020 |
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Mar 13, 2020 16:45
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