UKMT April 2020 - The Betacoronavirus and the Virgin Atlantic

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crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Be careful with DIY, goons. A friend of my mum's apparently stocked up on stuff to redecorate her house while everyone is indoors and she fell off a ladder painting her landing at the weekend and has knackered her hip. Bad time to have to go to A&E. People always think it won't happen to them. There will probably be better times to build your dream sex dungeon :nono:

Guavanaut posted:

That headline is an anagram of 'Fisting Wax Tesco Info' which made me wonder what the Sunday Sport's take on covid is, but their site is subs only.

e: ^^^ will the covid beat IDS for national deaths to date?

Early on they had one where an old couple had to wear masks on their holidays with hilarious tanning consequences and I was told from an informed source that their latest front page was the seat sniffing bloke from years ago suing the council for putting him on lockdown because he can't indulge in his favourite passtime. It's really quite predictable

# ¿ Apr 1, 2020 14:13

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# ¿ May 11, 2024 05:14

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Pesky Splinter posted:

Recommending a copy of Collins Complete DIY manual, which has been useful for me when attempting the most basic of DIY, because I've no idea.

It's a pretty good step by step of most stuff, although I haven't touched any electrics or plumbing for risk of being zapped to death, or drowning in poo poo.

I think at this stage there is enough material for a goon version of this :grovertoot:

# ¿ Apr 1, 2020 14:16

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Pesky Splinter posted:

https://twitter.com/thesundaysport/status/1243980418698883072

"snurging"

Is that with a hard or a soft G, I wonder

# ¿ Apr 1, 2020 14:23

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

History Comes Inside! posted:

Why are so many people struggling with the idea that it's not ok to just go "oh well, if I get it I get it" and go on about your life like nothing is loving happening because other people exist?

I've just had a blowup with a colleague who decided she couldn't bear being at home anymore so got together a big group of her mates to go wandering around last night. The point of "you don't go anywhere that you don't absolutely need to because you're raising the risk to everybody by potentially traipsing the virus to/from wherever you've decided to go" is utterly lost on her.

It's frustrating but not surprising given how few people about in this time and place give a gently caress about anything or anyone but themselves

# ¿ Apr 1, 2020 15:20

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

hemale in pain posted:

just the flu bro.

think this could of potentially been us. i'm still confused how the government 'scientists' spent so long with a flawed model when everyone else seemed to be aware of the death rate from just reading the news about china. it be really fascinating to be in the room when they realized that there'd be minimum 250,000 deaths if they stuck with the policy of not doing anything.

i also wonder how many people suggested they just go a long with it to save face rather than going back on their decisions

e: it's probably the only time it's been good that the public is so loving stupid they'd forget and forgive boris johnson even if he came to their house and took a poo poo in their living room

Cummings/bojo wanted to grasp the opportunity to keep the UK's economy going full tilt while all those touchy feely continental scardy pusses shut everything down and everyone dies eventually so who gives a poo poo. The only real question imo is who came along and said "no, that's too psychotic even for us gtfo"

# ¿ Apr 1, 2020 16:30

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Laissez faire pandemic response :thumbsup:

# ¿ Apr 1, 2020 16:48

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Jose posted:

950k universal credit claims since lockdown started

Whole lot of people about to learn how bad benefits are

A lot of people making space for an extra large television set and picking out jewellery from the Argos catalogue are going to be in for a nasty surprise imo

# ¿ Apr 1, 2020 21:41

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Everyone just flop around nekkid

# ¿ Apr 2, 2020 02:33

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

ThomasPaine posted:

Do these people not realise that China is powerful enough that they could respond to any attempt to strongarm reparations out of them by shrugging and saying 'make us lol', we've come a long way from the 60s

Jfc all he had to do was say cool you're the expert please explain I've obviously misunderstood when he was first cut off, and he wouldn't even have come off that badly. Why the gently caress do these people act like this.

It's ego, op. They all want their big Jeremy Paxmans gotcha moment and live in fear of too many people realising the scale of their ineptitude :/

josh04 posted:

https://twitter.com/BBCSport/status/1245652929672916996

It's happening!

Satire is impossible.

# ¿ Apr 2, 2020 12:52

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

And now all the goons grump and huffpuff about it :manning:

# ¿ Apr 2, 2020 20:04

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

cant cook creole bream posted:

Remember when Brexit was the thing which would destroy this country?
Good times.

Oh we still have that cherry to add to the poo poo sundae later in the year, dont worry

# ¿ Apr 2, 2020 20:22

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

I remind ye it be punishable by death for to depict or imagine the Queen Her Majesty lay any egg but one of solid gold :catstare:

# ¿ Apr 3, 2020 00:07

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

ThomasPaine posted:

Watching the BBC news with my parents is honestly the most infuriating thing, like watching someone wrestle with a magic eye puzzle they just can't quite get

'There's only so much money in the country, so how can they afford to do all of this?' is my personal favourite quote so far.

:zizekemoteiwishexisted:

But the narshnawl credit cawrd, isn't it!! :bahgawd:

# ¿ Apr 3, 2020 13:22

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

This pandemic has vindicated my visceral hatred of cruise ships, utter abominations that they are. If I were in charge I would force every one of them to be renamed to The Diarrhea Princess and every person who pays to go on one must for one year thereafter wear a dunce's cap (but the D means diarrhea instead) and a big placard about their person for to warn the general public that they are a dangerously stupid moron :mad:

# ¿ Apr 3, 2020 16:43

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Tarnop posted:

I checked the details of the upcoming changes to universal credit.

The standard rate will be £322.22 per month after the inflation linked increase of £4.40 that was due this month anyway. The £20 a week extra for a year translates to £86.67 a month on top of that.

This means that next April, UC claimants will eat a 21% cut. Presumably in the middle of a severe recession.

Yes but people can always take up more or better paid work, op :nono:

# ¿ Apr 4, 2020 01:29

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Tarnop posted:

I know you're joking, but also worth bearing in mind that any higher levels of benefit are all added on to that standard rate, which means the cut will also apply to people that the government accepts will likely never be able to work.

The system was already in deep poo poo with society operating normally. It's only survived because nobody cared. It is going to crash and burn if people have to stay locked down any longer than a couple of months or so

# ¿ Apr 4, 2020 02:10

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

It's like eating poo poo for them, doing it, though :laugh:

# ¿ Apr 4, 2020 03:20

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

I'm just tired from 5 years of seeing so much poo poo flung relentlessly at Corbyn from all directions. I don't think many individuals would have had the mettle to see it out and I would not have believed without seeing this time play out just how hopelessly rigged our entire society is towards keeping the left away from power. I suppose that's something

# ¿ Apr 4, 2020 17:02

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

goddamnedtwisto posted:

Exact opposite for me, even the little Co-op that's normally empty (of customers *and* stock) had a 20+ queue outside.

Luckily the little Turkish supermarket had no queue and everything I needed, which prompts a small tale of my life.

Because of the sunshine I realised how filthy my windows were (thanks all the building sites that are still loving open) so I picked up some kitchen roll and a bottle of window cleaner. Did all the windows, got to the spare room last. On the windowsill in the spare room? An almost-full bottle of window cleaner and a kitchen roll from the last time I did the windows. Next to them? *Another* bottle of window cleaner from the time before that.

And yet they let people like me drive, vote and breed (that last purely theoretical, of course).

My great aunt was very much against the idea of window cleaner and advocated the use of vinegar and newspapers. Thing is, I never did find out how she actually used those two things to clean the windows

# ¿ Apr 4, 2020 17:27

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Guavanaut posted:

That's a waste of food vinegar.

The vinegar in window cleaner (and cheap chippies) is an industrial vinegar made from methanol or petroleum products, whereas condiment vinegar is brewed, so it's a lot more energy and labor intensive.

She died in 2004 mate

# ¿ Apr 4, 2020 18:24

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Is this our new cause?

# ¿ Apr 4, 2020 18:37

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Bardeh posted:

Fairly sure this isn't true and this dude has just gone out for bread and milk while still potentially infectious ffs

I got a Tesco delivery last night and I had a minichat with the driver. He said that while most people were being sensible and taking precautions, he still had quite a few idiots acting like they hadn't heard about any virus. Even with a hosed back I put a dust sheet down on the driveway for the stuff and kept my distance from him.

Also I was reminded of the goon whose mum got shouted at by her neighbour for getting a food delivery. I clocked the curtain twitching bastard across from he at her upstairs window the entire time I was shambling back and forth to bring stuff inside. Society feels incredibly claustrophobic atm. Getting groceries is now a huge event

# ¿ Apr 4, 2020 19:10

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Ms Adequate posted:

Spicy thread today

tbf that's just any auld doll in Norn Iron, my Granny would always be nosing out of the window to see what the neighbours were up to

She's 40 odd, she's just one of those insufferably nosy bastards

I've really never understood why some people are compelled to try to find out things about other people. If you put any celebrity's name into google the first result is usually "$name net worth". Like what's the fascination, idgi

crispix fucked around with this message at 19:55 on Apr 4, 2020

# ¿ Apr 4, 2020 19:51

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

So these people who believe 5g towers are spreading the virus, exactly what mechanism do they believe is at work?

# ¿ Apr 4, 2020 20:08

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Remember Tim Farrons and the gay frogs? That seems like an awful long time ago

# ¿ Apr 4, 2020 20:18

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

A Channel 5 film crew might turn up at your house though :/

_____ and ON BENEFITS :nono:

# ¿ Apr 4, 2020 20:38

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

OwlFancier posted:

Speaking of beer I found out recently that I quite like newkie brown despite not generally liking any sort of beer drink.

Are there any other things in that vein that I should try if so? I like that it's not particularly bitter, just a nice rounded flavour to it, sort of earthy and pleasant.

You might like Old Speckled Hen or Bishop's Finger

Marston's Oyster Stout as well

# ¿ Apr 4, 2020 21:35

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Jollity Farm posted:

https://mobile.twitter.com/OwenJones84/status/1246397325540458498

None of the candidates for leadership were particularly exciting tbh. But I'm too tired to be angry about this, so Labour members should think of the good things Starmer promised and remind him of them, perpetually. Or there's always an armed uprising of the proletariat, that's always an option.

That's quite a picture. He looks like he's been wanking off a pair of ghosts to the point where he no longer wants to live

# ¿ Apr 4, 2020 23:02

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Have any of yous ever lived in a house with a ghost?!?!? :ghost:

# ¿ Apr 5, 2020 00:43

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Guavanaut posted:

I stayed in a farmhouse in France once where some construction workers had built some kind of shrine in the attic, with a little wooden cross and woven basket with some items in. The attic was full of flies, and the only reason I found that shrine was that maggots were dropping down into one of the bedrooms from that part of the attic.

No idea what had happened up there but the overall result was pretty

And incandescent lightbulbs!

That's crazy. Builders are among the last people I would expect to be dabbling in all paranormal type activities. Is this normal in France? What about car mechanics? Imagine going to get your tyres balanced and the bloke starts asking you if you believe in a god

# ¿ Apr 5, 2020 01:06

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

happyhippy posted:

The soft glows of the burnt out cars being used as baricades.
The gentle pitter patter of glass bottles tinkling against RUC land rovers.
That 'after water cannon' clean smell.

i always miss Belfast's pissy/fishy smell when I'm away for too long

Also thanks for sharing ghost stories, goons, it made for spooktacular reading!!!! :ghost:

I especially liked Ms Adequate's Lib Dem MP uncle's attic ghost that bestowed mathematical superpowers, that's a ready made 1990s children's television programme right there imo

crispix fucked around with this message at 17:03 on Apr 5, 2020

# ¿ Apr 5, 2020 17:00

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

The queen is apparently going to say gently caress and bollocks on tv

# ¿ Apr 5, 2020 19:42

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Grampa Joe doesn't know how to go on the computer

# ¿ Apr 5, 2020 19:46

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Fumble posted:

The Queens dentist sucks, talk about enabling a national stereotype.

She's about a hundred years old, op

# ¿ Apr 5, 2020 20:11

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Fumble posted:

She can probably get a an allowance for some crowns.

I don't think she has any shortage of those as it is!!!!!!!! :dadjoke:

Do yous think it would be a patriotic act to poo poo on the picnic of anyone stupid enough to be having one in public atm. Just go around like a scatological yogi bear

# ¿ Apr 5, 2020 20:16

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

His wee Twitter picture makes it look like he's singing the opening lines of the tune from Titanic at karaoke

# ¿ Apr 5, 2020 21:02

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

ThomasPaine posted:

Kinda frustrating because we all know that, not being a de facto Brexit election, Labour will probably pick up a few marginals next time round but still lose by a heavy margin, but that tiny gain will be taken as evidence that Starmer is doing a better job than Corbyn ever was. Everyone will very conveniently forget 2017.

Everyone already has. It's as if it never happened. They don't even try to explain it away, they just pretend there wasn't a 2017 election

# ¿ Apr 5, 2020 21:17

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Daddy Bowis sent me a letter today :holy:

# ¿ Apr 6, 2020 15:25

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Gonzo McFee posted:

I hear he personally licked all the envelopes from his hospital bed where he's currently having a member of special branch clean up his runny bum.

I thought grooms of the stool could only be in the monarch's employ but I suppose it makes sense to give them that level of security clearance

You could really do a lot of damage to a person with unfettered access to their arse

# ¿ Apr 6, 2020 15:35

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# ¿ May 11, 2024 05:14

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Well, so long as it's dignified and orderly :monocle:

# ¿ Apr 6, 2020 16:28

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > UKMT April 2020 - The Betacoronavirus and the Virgin Atlantic

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