|
the books are pretty good light hero's journey stuff, the movies suck an incredible amount of poo poo*, and it's fun to watch another fanbase currently experience their own slow-motion car crash Prequels moment. (*They don't even show the Department of Mysteries stuff in OotP, and they way they changed Sirius' death made it infinitely worse. So many of the changes seem to have been born from a "People who haven't read the books need to understand what's happening and why" kind of mentality, but I don't think anybody who only watched the movies would understand what the hell is happening at the end of Deathly Hallows.) Ravenclaw Toddlers is going to be Warner Bros.' response to Baby Einstein
|
#
¿
Apr 15, 2020 17:26
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ May 19, 2024 22:21 |
|
|
Is it really surprising that WB didn't spend a ton on Harry Potter and the One That Nobody Likes or Really Cares About, Despite a Book 7 Retcon to Try and Give It Some Narrative Weight they really needed Columbus to crank out that second one fast and cheap, both to have something ready by thanksgiving '02 and to take advantage of the fact that the core cast hadn't entered the hairpin turn of puberty yet.
|
|
#
¿
Apr 15, 2020 18:50
|
|
|
josh04 posted:that's the thing, they spent $100 million on it and it looks like rear end. the flashback sequence lets you know we're in the past by being in black and white. I wonder if that was some creative Hollywood accounting where they actually spent like $200+ mil on the first movie to lock up filming locations/have major sets constructed and then said "...But we're essentially shooting these things back-to-back, put some of those expenses on the next one." Sodomy Hussein posted:OK, but none of the three Columbus movies are well-made and the Cuarón one might be the only HP movie that's legitimately good I thought the first one was decently well done and more or less in keeping with the first book's tone as a breezy kind of kid's adventure, but I haven't seen it front-to-back since it came out. 2 was pretty bad. Cuaron's was definitely The Good One but the script still fell victim to some "We need to omit plot points for no reason" stuff. Mike Newell directed 4, which made absolutely no impression on me. David Yates did everything from 5 onwards; I remember really liking the opening of OotP (Where we see that Dudley has fully entered Chavdom) but not the movie overall, after that I only ever saw the last 3 in bits and pieces on HBO. Deathly Hallows Part 2 is especially terrible. Harry and Voldemort's ultimate battle is mostly them kinda hug-choking each other while flying at the camera (so they could ride that post-process 3D hype train and goose the box office numbers with a premium ticket upcharge.) Also instead of the two of them having their final showdown in the Great Hall in front of all the beloved ancillary characters, it's moved to...an empty lot somewhere adjacent to Hogwarts, somewhere that was easier to do on green screen. The machinations of the Elder Wand plot are convoluted and pretty crappy, but there's still something satisfying about how Voldemort dies in the books. The dull Ghostbusters proton pack energy beam duel that ends with him dissolving that we got on screen somehow manages to be less cinematic than having him just drop dead in an instant because his own spell backfired.
|
|
#
¿
Apr 15, 2020 20:41
|
|
|
I picked a random chapter late in that fanfic and got to read a passage of Harry trying to sell Hermione on polyamory.FunkyAl posted:I understand soccer! My appeal is that the scale of wizards we see in the book fluctuates wildly and does not have a "world" backing it to support a world cup. Fritzler posted:I have no idea what a wizards personal life is like if they don’t work at hogwarts, and i can’t really guess what they do. The central contradiction at the heart of Rowling's "Wizarding World" is that she simultaneously wants the entire UK's population of wizards to be like an idealized rural English village (or maybe just any given episode of EastEnders,) where everybody knows everybody and is in the loop on all the hot gossip, yet at the same time this community is also somehow large enough to sustain an entire shadow government as well as a vast and vibrant economy. Supplementary materials attempt to wave this away with a "Well, not everyone attends Hogwarts, there's a lot of wizard home schooling going on" but that's just talking around England's (and Rowling's) prejudices and adherence to a strict class structure. Hogwarts is where "good" wizarding families are allowed to send their children; the nameless masses that sustain this world receive sub-par education at a series of underfunded public schools.
|
|
#
¿
Apr 16, 2020 14:33
|
|
|
Sleeveless posted:Nobody's expecting jokes about how hard it is to jack off in private when you're sharing a giant bedroom with a bunch of other guys in wizard school or whatever room of requirement, obviously there is one version of that room that is just nasty
|
|
#
¿
Apr 18, 2020 22:39
|
|
|
Zore posted:It has some absolutely baffling script omissions though. Am I misremembering, or do they completely gloss over why Harry thinks his dad saved him from the Dementor attack during the time turner sequence? My recollection is that he proclaims "MUST'VE BEEN MY DAD" just out of nowhere, with no mention of his connections to stags or anything to that point
|
|
#
¿
Apr 22, 2020 14:16
|
|
|
Ahhh, that's right. They never once talk about the magical MacGuffin that makes the whole drat plot possible and why it becomes a fetish object for Harry.josh04 posted:By the time Azkaban was being made the books were a cultural phenomenon, cutting the gordian knot of "how do you adapt a ten-hour+ book into a two-hour film" with "gently caress it, everyone's read the books anyway" was extremely astute. Why make the films for a world where people are going to be shocked that Harry's dad made the Marauder's Map when that world no longer exists? Every now and then I'll hear somebody is a big fan of the movies - or has at least seen all of them - but never picked up the books...why? How?
|
|
#
¿
Apr 22, 2020 15:58
|
|
|
Man with Hat posted:Can someone explain to me why the gently caress people proudly proclaim to be slytherin? They're the nazis, right? Like, it's very obvious isn't it? I've asked people who actually claim to be Slytherin and they just get mad about it. They'd make grandiose statements about how it's a proud and noble house of independent, industrious minds; a house with a storied legacy that has given a lot to the greater wizarding community through the years. When you bring up the racism and the hate crimes and the open radicalization of large swaths of the house they either ignore it or gently chide that as a "fringe" element within an otherwise decent group basically I am imagining Mitt Romney in a green and grey scarf
|
|
#
¿
Apr 24, 2020 00:26
|
|
|
pretty funny that Hufflepuff is canonically the unexceptional house of leftovers and people gleefully embrace that, "I'm SUCH a Hufflepuff, I define myself by having no true personality and only really existing to serve the Alphas in the story of my life!"
|
|
#
¿
Apr 24, 2020 15:38
|
|
|
Chuck Buried Treasure posted:Yeah all the questions were like When asked which Muggle you most respect, you would say: A. Winston Churchill, who courageously stewarded the United Kingdom in its darkest hour B. Richard Dawkins, who puts matters of the mind above all else C. None of them, ever; though the ones involved with genocide had some good ideas D. 
|
|
#
¿
Apr 24, 2020 20:21
|
|
|
Breakfast Burrito posted:Hufflepuff is the best house though because the rest are elitist fucks, there's that poem or song or whatever about the founders that's all "I'm gryffindor and I'll only teach brave kids, I'm slytherin and I'll only teach little nazis, I'm ravenclaw and I'll only teach self declared geniuses" and then hufflepuff is like "I'll take anyone" which to me seems like the only acceptable attitude for an educator that poem basically ends with "slytherin left the school because nobody wanted to join in his nonstop calls for race war and, without that albatross around our necks, everything was pretty okay. then the other founders created me, the sorting hat, basically to explicitly identify the racist children; I'm starting to think cordoning them off by themselves for 7 years at a time isn't doing a good job of making them less racist and belligerent" should've listened to the funny magic talking hat a few centuries earlier, I guess
|
|
#
¿
Apr 25, 2020 06:32
|
|
|
galagazombie posted:Of course this brings up the question as to what counts as advanced enough to break down from magic. Indoor plumbing apparently works just fine, They have a Steam Train even if there's some excuse it runs on magic clean coal shat out by unicorns or something. Seems like "circuitry" is the answer galagazombie posted:instantly healing injuries with a potion vs major surgeries and months of physical therapy Magical medical procedures typically sound hellacious (I'm specifically thinking of Harry drinking a terrible potion to repair his arm then having to spend a day in bed in extraordinary pain, feeling like enormous hot splinters were growing inside his body.) It seems to be a trade-off: "Do you want surgery under anesthesia and a course of physical therapy? Or all of that pain, up front, immediately?"
|
|
#
¿
May 2, 2020 08:06
|
|
|
Ghost Leviathan posted:There is a bit where Harry meets Neville's parents in the hospital and realises that Neville probably deserves more sympathy than he does all things considered. yeah where Harry bumps into Neville at the hospital and learns that he visits his parents there every Christmas. They're permanent residents due to being rendered senile via magical torture; Neville's mom gives him a candy wrapper as a "gift." later in the book you learn that Neville's parents are like that because his birthday is close to Harry's, so he could have also potentially been the boy prophesied to defeat Voldemort. the Death Eaters tortured them stupid, just in case did either those plot points get mentioned in the movie or was it just glossed over Roth posted:Sci-Fi Wi-Fi, I hereby request you make your best Something to Harry Potter analogies! cor mate reading these posts is like having crucio performed on my eyeballs the amount of tiny details i remember from a so-so children's book series is greater than all the galleons in Gringotts' vault, yet in many ways makes me poorer than even the least successful Weasley
|
|
#
¿
May 14, 2020 14:59
|
|
|
josh04 posted:Have made appropriate revisions, lmk if this helps. no abort button, magic still very real, 10/10
|
|
#
¿
May 21, 2020 15:39
|
|
|
TheAardvark posted:this reminds me, Harry and Cedric should have lost the tri-wizard cup for colluding when Cedric helped him solve the egg Cedric was disqualified to a permanent end
|
|
#
¿
May 22, 2020 19:18
|
|
|
Butternubs posted:There's one thing that's never mentioned in the books but I think is one of the most interesting questions about the wizarding world: Moving anime body pillows. Harry's first visit to Diagon Alley should've featured a scene where he walks into a store and is immediately confronted with wall-to-wall merch with his own "living" face on it
|
|
#
¿
May 23, 2020 03:51
|
|
|
Sydin posted:Did those movies do well? Are we going to get a third so I can watch clips on Youtube of Jude Law and Johnny Depp having an incredibly awkward CGI magic fight that have a bunch of comments with 1K+ likes about how incredible and emotional the scene is? The first one did pretty well ($850m total worldwide) on the hype of "Wow! New Wizarding World™ of Harry Potter™ Content!" And then The Crims of Grimblewizzle did that modern Hollywood thing where it grossly underperformed with "Just" $150m domestic and "Only" a $650m total worldwide gross. They're in production on the third, it was supposed to begin filming this spring but that obviously got delayed; it was announced as a planned trilogy, and then Rowling claimed it would be a 5 film series, at least (Of course, she also said Fantastic Beasts would be its own story, and not a prequel with direct links to the original Harry Potter stories.) Given that the returns are cratering, so I'll be surprised if it goes beyond the next one. Warner's probably eager to just reboot the HP series proper.
|
|
#
¿
May 29, 2020 18:56
|
|
|
PeterWeller posted:Grindelwald is pretty well known to western European wizards IIRC. it's only Harry who isn't aware of the very important parts of Wizarding history that come to a head in the final books because
|
|
#
¿
May 29, 2020 20:36
|
|
|
Sydin posted:Harry Potter really is the story of a rich, privileged white guy failing upwards until he becomes a cop. "Yer a wizard 'arry and you're basically the most important person alive as far as us other wizzes is concerned! I'm here to take you to our magical world!" "Cor that's great 'Agrid, the literal giant I just met! do wizards have footie" "Well, sort of, bu-" "What kinda toys and candy do they have" "Oh, well, a lot, I gue-" "Ehhh, I'm bored with hearing about all that, I'm just going to hang out with the first kid I meet. I'll figure stuff out by hearing his incredulous reactions whenever something normal to him is novel to me."
|
|
#
¿
May 29, 2020 23:09
|
|
|
Sleeveless posted:
Is Larry pullin' his pants down?
|
|
#
¿
Jun 2, 2020 20:25
|
|
|
yeah they're fine
|
|
#
¿
Jun 5, 2020 01:25
|
|
|
"Now I truly understand Snape's shame over his Dark Mark" said all the young people out there aged 18-34 who woke up today to find that the Deathly Hallows and/or "Always." tattoo they got a decade ago is now associated with virulent transphobia.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 8, 2020 18:22
|
|
|
Edgar Allen Ho posted:Can someone explain again what the excuse was for why Malfoy's dad wasn't in prison? Money, connections, claim that he was being controlled magically. I think he may have also snitched.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 8, 2020 20:17
|
|
|
Tulip posted:Given the time period that Harry Potter takes place in, which characters do you think were nu-metal kids? Was nu-metal a thing in England? I think the timeline of the books ends right around the twilight of Britpop and the rise of boy/girl groups after the success of the Spice Girls Would love to see what a wizard's lad mag of that era looked like
|
|
#
¿
Jun 10, 2020 21:51
|
|
|
TheAardvark posted:The J.K. Rowling anti-trans tweets keep showing up in the news, and it makes me wonder if she ever secretly goes out to fan fiction sites and comments on them "Harry was ABSOLUTELY NOT a dragonphile" We're done with tweets, she's gone all in.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 10, 2020 22:27
|
|
|
"Caldwell, who is a transgender man, got his very first tattoo at 18 — a Death Eater symbol on his forearm." You may have wanted to rethink "Symbols of the Magic Nazis" long before now. Also the person in that article designing coverup artwork is very good at their job. JethroMcB fucked around with this message at 19:32 on Jun 12, 2020 |
|
#
¿
Jun 12, 2020 19:29
|
|
|
I read that and somehow completely overlooked the "already thinking" bit. Still the most teenage decision I can think of though.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 12, 2020 19:38
|
|
|
Look, it's Buddy Love! And he's going coconuts!
|
|
#
¿
Jun 14, 2020 22:29
|
|
|
Roth posted:I hope this new one is edgy and Rated M The Sorting Hat put me in House gently caress
|
|
#
¿
Jun 29, 2020 18:42
|
|
|
JK Rowling made headlines again today, but not the good kind, like you want
|
|
#
¿
Jun 30, 2020 00:16
|
|
|
Ghost Leviathan posted:Wasn't one of the later HP games basically Gears of War with wands https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntz0gcLSYrw&t=539s like Gears of War if the Locust fired their rifles by spinning them above their heads in lazy arcs
|
|
#
¿
Jul 9, 2020 11:27
|
|
|
Zore posted:Other people immediately buy it because they don't want to admit that Death Eaters still exist so they throw their slave scapegoat under the bus. Its incredibly realistic. There's fine wizards on both sides I mean, clearly the Death Eaters were PROVOKED into this action by those insidious non-Nazis
|
|
#
¿
Aug 14, 2020 17:32
|
|
|
Edgar Allen Ho posted:Also the films are worse than I remembered. It's family fun at the movies, here's an insert shot of jiggling teen girl asses Something for Daddy dialhforhero posted:Not Harry Potter but before The Matrix Revolutions came out I guessed that Neo would die so I put on my AIM away message that Neo dies as a joke. I had a friend that just LOVED the Matrix and he swore to me if it was true he would defriend me. Well Neo's apparently alive in Matrix 4 so you can be friends again
|
|
#
¿
Aug 16, 2020 19:41
|
|
|
Raluek posted:yeah wasn't the deal that he left his body to inhabit the matrix itself, or something? i never played tmo, but i thought they tried to use that as a sort of multimedia epilogue From what I gathered they played with Neo's fate in TMO a lot (The Machines said Neo's body was not recycled/destroyed but offered no further details; there was a questline to collect parts of Neo's code inside the Matrix but it didn't bring him back; hints that he may have reincarnated himself as an amnesiac woman; etc.) but they never got into definitive answers territory before the game shut down. In any case I'm guessing that Lana Wachowski is going to totally ignore all that stuff for 4, even though it was positioned as the canonical continuation of the story when it was running.
|
|
#
¿
Aug 16, 2020 20:06
|
|
|
There's probably, like, four or five Wizard Farms that use magic and potions not to conjure food but to achieve ConAgra-level yields in relatively tiny plots that can supply the entire wizarding community of the British Isles. They've got a little farmer's market square set up in Diagon Alley and everybody buys from them. Also the farm's proprietors all hate each other (because the wizarding world is vast and huge but also everybody knows everybody, and every family has a detailed and ugly history intertwined with everybody else's.)
|
|
#
¿
Aug 18, 2020 03:58
|
|
|
HE NEVER SCORED
|
|
#
¿
Aug 18, 2020 16:38
|
|
|
PeterWeller posted:They teach Math(s) at Hogwarts. They just call it Arithmancy. Or as we call it in the real world, "Corporate Accounting"
|
|
#
¿
Aug 20, 2020 19:50
|
|
|
GokuGoesSSJ3 posted:Everyone in this series seems really short sighted. Like they could be doing all kinds of insane things but mainly what magic is used for is replicating normal things but they're magic so they're funner, or maybe keeping exotic pets. Harry should have been amazed at the opportunity he's been given and obsessed with learning and mastering all the skills suddenly available to him, instead he slips into "Oi m8 'ogwarts is shite I'd rather grab a pint and watch the broomie match with me lads" in like a year. So it's actually very believable that all of magic society is just complacent with their incredible powers.
|
|
#
¿
Aug 23, 2020 04:49
|
|
|
DrBouvenstein posted:I get that part of the POINT of The Department of Mysteries section is to make you go, The Department of Mysteries is the shorthand way of telling you "Hey, even wizards can't figure out WTF is up with spacetime and consciousness, love and death." I don't think the Death room is an execution chamber - we've already seen that they have a way to kill your soul and leave your body alive, among many more cruel and unusual methods of punishment - but instead it's the room where a bunch of powerful wizards managed to conjure a door to the afterlife, but they still couldn't make it a two-way trip. In my mind, once or twice a decade the wizard equivalent of some hotshot young postdoc thinks they've got the solution on how to speak to someone on the other side, or to make a return trip. An audience of scholars and kooks comes in and watches this idiot cast an elaborate spell, or brew and drink a potion, before walking confidently through the portal; they wait for an hour or so, people occasionally shuffling out of the auditorium unceremoniously, until somebody says "Well...now we know another thing that doesn't work. Still, you've got to admire their courage." Also this is my regular rant about how badly David Yates botched the last few films, and it started with 1) completely ignoring the Department of Mysteries stuff that was practically written as "Here is a series of cool action/SFX setpieces for the third act of the movie" and 2) changing Sirius' death. Getting hit with a non-lethal spell and being sucked in by the veil when he stumbles against it is what gave that scene punch, his body disappearing through it when he's already extremely dead is just dull. To say nothing of how Yates changed Avada Kedavra from "blinding green light, a terrible rushing noise, and immediate rigor mortis" to "Gary Oldman acts like he has heartburn and needs to sit down for a minute, taking time to give Harry a meaningful look."
|
|
#
¿
Aug 26, 2020 16:47
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ May 19, 2024 22:21 |
|
|
Friend posted:What? The Dementor's Kiss. Leaves a person "alive," but whatever spark that made them a conscious individual is just gone. The Ministry has it performed on Barty Crouch Jr. at the end of Goblet of Fire, narration tells us "He was worse than dead." Dumbledore's reaction boils down to "Well, you just eliminated our only potentially cooperative witness and ended the entire Crouch family line, so, great job."
|
|
#
¿
Aug 26, 2020 20:14
|
|