Manifisto posted:

for you, nut, I have drawn THE SUN



this one is easy to read! babby is having a ball not wearing any pants, and the sun is scowling at babby because it couldn't wear pants even if it wanted to, which means that the sun will never derive the same enjoyment from flouting social conventions that babby is feeling in this glorious sunlit moment. this card tells me that you, nut, either rarely wear pants, or you should wear pants less frequently. it also reminds us how you brighten up this subforum with kindness, good posting, and overall enthusiasm, the way the sun brightens the sky and the way sunflowers brighten the day of sunflower enthusiasts, of which I assume there have to be some.

babby is riding an rear end, and that's another reason babby is so happy: "rear end" is a funny word and babby gets to say it with impunity because it is technically taxonomic and not rude. the tarot deck apparently believes there are deep and important associations between you and asses. the specifics of the connection are not entirely clear and would, perhaps, be impertinent to expose to the general public (much like an rear end, come to think of it). of this, however, I am convinced: the tarot deck believes you have an rear end, and moreover believes this is a positive thing. take pride in yourself, is the message here, and don't be afraid to flaunt what ya got.

it is important, however, that we be a little less literal when interpreting the tarot. this card is about the sun, but the sun, as we all know, is a star. the tarot deck wants you to know that the ice we skate is getting pretty thin, the water's getting warm so you might as well swim, my world's on fire, how about yours? er . . . ah gently caress, I think this deck is haunted by the spirit of smash mouth. goddamn it! excuse me a second while I perform a quick auxiliary exorcism. *chanting* EM LLOR ANNOG SI DLROW EHT EM DLOT . . . ECNO . . . YDOBEMOS . . . *makes reverse sign of "L" on forehead* BEGONE VILE SPIRIT! OUT! OUT!

phew, looks like that worked. anyway, where was I? oh yes, this tarot deck wants it to be known that you are . . . an extremely valued member of our community . . . if we were to pick some sort of team of the best and brightest, you would certainly be among those selected . . . things that radiate brilliance the way you do are like valuable metals that are yellower than silver . . . you, like specks of extraterrestrial dust and debris that flower briefly into flame as they enter earth's atmosphere, eschew conformity to cultural norms that bind . . . er . . . GOD loving DAMMIT SMASH MOUTH YOUR MIXED METAPHORS DON'T EVEN MAKE SENSE, HOW WAS THIS SONG EVER POPULAR

in sum, nut, the tarot card of THE SUN reminds us that as friend and good poster you are loved and valued, and many fine pantsless days are in your future. shine on, you crazy diamond.