Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:

Songbearer posted:

The wife took this one:

Her voice is music but there is also music

Six-Of-Hearts posted:

Hello yes i would like and or need to let The Power of Chill Compel Me

okiedoke posted:

Hello yes, I have all that stuff. Can't see the forest for the trees, etc. You aren't alone, whomever may be reading.

Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:

I'm an agoraphobe who's typically housebound and suffer from anxiety.

Sure feels kinda good to feel "normal" for once...

Six-Of-Hearts posted:

That scene from Constantine with the mirror, but it's your fellow orbs (who care about you very much) trapping your anxiety in the reflection on an old AOL cd and yeeting that sumbitch out the window

okiedoke posted:

Thanks friendo, that got me in the feels.

Gene Hackman Fan posted:

gang, i've been metaphorically wandering aimless during this social isolation, and i've been posting less because of it.

speak comfort to me, spirits.

Goons Are Great posted:

That priestess almost spells byob.

I need to draw one, maybe mine spells it correctly

Manifisto posted:

for you, I have drawn THE EMPRESS



"empress" rhymes with "impress" (sorta) and I interpret that as the tarot deck going on and on about how impressive you are, goons are great. note that the empress is holding an orb on a stick, a nod to how diligently you stick to your job of keeping us orbs safe and happy and free from the clutches of c*upons and d*als.

the high priestess was a raspberry kind of woman, but the empress is clearly all about the strawberries, which adorn her frock. a straw may have broken the camel's back, but most people do not recall the rest of the saying, which goes on to report that a strawberry fixed the camel back up again. you, goons are great, are more strawberry than straw: rather than load people up with impossible burdens, you help them sustain the trials and travails of existence. you are loved and appreciated for your patience, diligence, and shining example of how to treat people with compassion.

you will notice that the empress has a heart-shaped box of candy at her feet. but these are not any candies, they are, apparently, LADY candies, if the venus symbol on the lid is anything to go by. but take note: the empress is rolling her eyes, and what she's rolling her eyes at specifically is the stupidity of gendered candy. her point I think is not to take social conventions too seriously and just enjoy some freaking candy sometimes, no matter what's on the lid of the box. I suppose one could extend that concept from "candy" to other things, that's a personal decision.

this card foretells good things in the future. we can see this from the stars on the empress' brow. she is saying, in effect, "so much to do, so much to see, so what's wrong with taking the back streets? you'll never know if you don't go; you'll never shine if you don't glow. hey now, you're an all star, get your game on, go play!" she is also, for some reason, encouraging you to eat a bunch of eggs (hence the yolk-colored sky), and she has a point: they are delicious and high in protein. the fact that you yourself are a good egg does not make this cannibalism, I hasten to add.

finally, take note of the many ants that have arranged themselves in a decorative pattern on the empress' pillow. the tarot deck knows you like ants and is clearly saying that ants like you back. thants, thempress, and thgag.

Kief Richards posted:

things are vastly unchill in my world as usual so i would like to take this time to pray to the fathers (alnilam and gag), the sons (all my posting children) and the holy goats (i love goats) that things get better and i can stop sewing quilted plague masks soon.

Kief Richards posted:

i would be about getting a tarot reading.

nut posted:

yobo me

Manifisto posted:

I am happy to bug the spirits with fake tarot readings for other posters, it's not always clear to me whether people posting itt want one or not

if you want one just say so, if not the tarot deck understands and still thinks you are a good person

Stoner Sloth posted:

these are great and i would like one if possible, tia friend!

Manifisto posted:

definitely! I am not sure exactly when, but soon!

Manifisto posted:

for you, nut, I have drawn THE SUN



this one is easy to read! babby is having a ball not wearing any pants, and the sun is scowling at babby because it couldn't wear pants even if it wanted to, which means that the sun will never derive the same enjoyment from flouting social conventions that babby is feeling in this glorious sunlit moment. this card tells me that you, nut, either rarely wear pants, or you should wear pants less frequently. it also reminds us how you brighten up this subforum with kindness, good posting, and overall enthusiasm, the way the sun brightens the sky and the way sunflowers brighten the day of sunflower enthusiasts, of which I assume there have to be some.

babby is riding an rear end, and that's another reason babby is so happy: "rear end" is a funny word and babby gets to say it with impunity because it is technically taxonomic and not rude. the tarot deck apparently believes there are deep and important associations between you and asses. the specifics of the connection are not entirely clear and would, perhaps, be impertinent to expose to the general public (much like an rear end, come to think of it). of this, however, I am convinced: the tarot deck believes you have an rear end, and moreover believes this is a positive thing. take pride in yourself, is the message here, and don't be afraid to flaunt what ya got.

it is important, however, that we be a little less literal when interpreting the tarot. this card is about the sun, but the sun, as we all know, is a star. the tarot deck wants you to know that the ice we skate is getting pretty thin, the water's getting warm so you might as well swim, my world's on fire, how about yours? er . . . ah gently caress, I think this deck is haunted by the spirit of smash mouth. goddamn it! excuse me a second while I perform a quick auxiliary exorcism. *chanting* EM LLOR ANNOG SI DLROW EHT EM DLOT . . . ECNO . . . YDOBEMOS . . . *makes reverse sign of "L" on forehead* BEGONE VILE SPIRIT! OUT! OUT!

phew, looks like that worked. anyway, where was I? oh yes, this tarot deck wants it to be known that you are . . . an extremely valued member of our community . . . if we were to pick some sort of team of the best and brightest, you would certainly be among those selected . . . things that radiate brilliance the way you do are like valuable metals that are yellower than silver . . . you, like specks of extraterrestrial dust and debris that flower briefly into flame as they enter earth's atmosphere, eschew conformity to cultural norms that bind . . . er . . . GOD loving DAMMIT SMASH MOUTH YOUR MIXED METAPHORS DON'T EVEN MAKE SENSE, HOW WAS THIS SONG EVER POPULAR

in sum, nut, the tarot card of THE SUN reminds us that as friend and good poster you are loved and valued, and many fine pantsless days are in your future. shine on, you crazy diamond.

nut posted:

this is so lovely I type with my pants down rear end out

Manifisto posted:

for you, I have drawn the WHEEL . . . OF . . . FORTUNE!!



this card features various mythical creatures, and a bored-looking angel, hanging out on clouds and just chilling out reading books. these are your spirit animals, kief richards, because you share their wisdom: sometimes ya gotta get off the big spinny thing that's making you dizzy and just chill with friends in the sky while enjoying good stories. I ask you, do the snake or wolfhead dude look like they're having a good time? actually the snake is probably having a ball, but nude orange anubis looks ready to blow some chunks if you ask me. personally I'm with the cow down at the lower left, he's either reading something fascinating and inspiring, or he's baked to the gills and looking at pictures of fractals or freaky sea creatures or whatever. the point is, the tarot deck knows how you love and care for animals and that they love and care for you back, and it's representative of how you connect with the world (and people) around you and why you matter so much to them/us.

the sphynx, however, the one giving you a smoldering look, is about to wink at you, because he's well aware of the wisdom that animates your courageous and generous spirit. "let the rubes spin the wheel," he's thinking at you. "you and I both know that the cancun vacation is wildly overrated and you'll end up paying taxes on a ridiculously inflated prize value where they price a two star hotel as if it were a five star luxury property. also why are people buying vowels when they already know the answer to the puzzle, they're literally throwing money away." in other words, sexy pat-sajack-as-lawrence-of-arabia understands that you recognize what's important in life, that you're all about what's real, and you live according to your values as best you can under the circumstances. he approves, and he is possibly hitting on you, I'm not entirely sure.

still though, there's that wheel. the one that says "APRIOPT~" I think that tilde thing is from anime so I refuse to figure out what it means, but clearly whoever wrote on that wheel was drunk and trying to write "APPROPRIATE," or possibly "APRICOT." either way it's basically the same thing, which is that wheels are sometimes a perfectly appropriate mechanism, for example a lazy susan when eating family style, just as apricots are sometimes appropriate (e.g. in tagines) and sometimes not (e.g. as bait for alligator traps). it's all about context, and it is in the context of byob--making jokes with friends and providing care and support for one another--that you truly shine. also cooking korean food, making animal hair into useful products, and not letting occasional strained relationships with your neighbors descend into bloody violence. er, we assume.

smoldering sajack-sphynx is holding a sword, as you will observe. do not take this literally! it is "sword" of a metaphor, and also a reminder courtesy of sometimes forums poster bo-pepper that glass cutting boards may seem appealing because they appear easy to clean, but they can easily trigger overly sensitive knife enthusiasts. you might call it something of a "sword" spot, haha. the metaphor, in case it wasn't clear, is that you need to "b" sharp or else you will "b" flat and accidentally find yourself writing jazz. fortunately, the various elements of this tarot card tell me that you are the sharpest of cookies, and your future looks bright, with many opportunities for cookies, good books, fun times with friends, and apricots (when appropriate).

seriously, someone ask that anubis dude how he's doing. look, maybe he's just having fun with a snake fetish, I don't want to kinkshame, but washing puke off of a winged lion will pretty much suck up your entire day. don't ask me how I know.

Stoner Sloth posted:

these are great and i would like one if possible, tia friend!

Manifisto posted:

for you my friend I have drawn . . . THE DEVIL





that big dude with the goat horns and bat wings looks gruff, but he's trying to be friendly in his way by waving hello. don't be fooled, that guy is NOT the devil! his name is jeff and he's kind of a . . . devil cosplayer, along with his friends andy and veronica, who are also (obviously) pretty exhibitionistic. the true devil, as always, is in the details. check out that pentagram, for example. the star is upside down to represent australia, more specifically tasmania (duh). but no, the card is not saying that straya is hellworld . . . far from it. it is saying, look past the deadly stinging critters, the venemous fangs, the toxic bone spurs, the ravening salt water crocodiles, the poisonous jellyfish, the fatal blue ringed octopi and spiky stonefish, the bird eating spiders, the grotesquely oversized earthworms, the boxing wallabies, the parched and waterless deep bush, the dangerous riptides, the stinging brush, the swarming bush flies . . . look beyond all that and what you'll find is a bunch of friendly blokes and sheilas who will go out of their way to make you feel at home. just like you shouldn't judge jeff, andy, and veronica by appearances.

you, stoner sloth, perfectly exemplify the down-to-earth kindness one can find in even the unlikeliest of places. something that's also true of our own little kingdom: who would guess that a barely-read subforum of a washed-up dead gay web site would be home to some of the funniest and most compassionate people in this wasteland we call the internet? your positive energy and your enthusiasm for topics that are obscure to many of us, such as the nuances of toxins and cuttlefish, make you an important part of our posting family, and we're happy you're with us.

in addition to its affinity for a certain singer who shall not be named, this tarot deck sure has a thing for fruit. check out veronica's tail, which is also, somehow, a bunch of grapes. grapes are of course a nice refreshing treat for sweaty devil cosplayers, but with time they can mature into fine wine, and in this case they represent optimism for the future. whatever troubles may beset you, stoner sloth (on top of the fact that everything about your country's flora, fauna, and landscape is literally trying to kill you), they will fade with time and add to your already considerable character.

jeff is clutching a torch in a rather awkward fashion (actually it's not a torch but a big fat blunt, jeff is a massive stoner), but the fire in this case is not the painful burny kind. it represents the flame of passion for life and friendship, which is something you possess in spades, and a promethean flame of good posting, which is equally appropriate. fan the flames of chill and friendship, is the message I'm getting, but also try to avoid setting andy's tail on fire, he spent a long time sewing that thing. also take a hit off that blunt if you like, jeff is great about sharing.

in sum, stoner sloth, you're a devil of a fellow, and can look forward to a hell of a good future. also something something horny I guess, you'd have to ask our cosplayer friends about that.

Manifisto posted:

for you, I have drawn THE FOOL

tradjik posted: