Better 'The Matrix' scenarios

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Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

You are presently dreaming vividly with the help of a new gadget. It wouldn't matter whether you know this or not. But you are sad and you could find happiness if you knew how to turn the simulation off

# ? May 13, 2020 03:30

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# ? May 5, 2024 22:42

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Our reality is this: Your 'mind' is the product of an experiment to make artificial intelligence to believe that this is not the case. Your continued disbelief just won someone a coding bounty.

# ? May 13, 2020 03:31

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Our brains are incapable of producing happiness in trips when we are not comfortable and right now you are being shaken by someone yelling "You are having a bad trip!" and in doing so making a self-fulfilling statement.

# ? May 13, 2020 03:34

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

You are in a simulation. Your discomfort right now is a built-in warning to know that non-simulation you is having a vascular accident.

# ? May 13, 2020 03:36

nut

i thought a while ago that it'd be funny if there was a scene where neo downloaded what a rice krispie square tasted like and said yummy or something

# ? May 13, 2020 15:04

nut

nut posted:

i thought a while ago that it'd be funny if there was a scene where neo downloaded what a rice krispie square tasted like and said yummy or something

and then morpheus is like we are the rice krispies and the matrix is the marshmallow and neo is like, 'who is the peanut butter?' and morpheus is like 'what are you talking about?' and neo's like, 'you know you can add peanut butter to the mix for an extra special treat' and morpheus looks off

# ? May 13, 2020 15:06

alnilam

nut posted:

and then morpheus is like we are the rice krispies and the matrix is the marshmallow and neo is like, 'who is the peanut butter?' and morpheus is like 'what are you talking about?' and neo's like, 'you know you can add peanut butter to the mix for an extra special treat' and morpheus looks off

lol

_{ty manifisto}

# ? May 13, 2020 15:51

Heather Papps: hello friend

"whoa.... i know the moon landing was fake!?"
*looks at hands in awe*

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? May 13, 2020 18:26

wearing a lampshade

nut posted:

and then morpheus is like we are the rice krispies and the matrix is the marshmallow and neo is like, 'who is the peanut butter?' and morpheus is like 'what are you talking about?' and neo's like, 'you know you can add peanut butter to the mix for an extra special treat' and morpheus looks off

# ? May 13, 2020 19:59

wearing a lampshade

morpheus: we are the stairs in your house :getin:

neo:

# ? May 13, 2020 20:01

alnilam

Edd aka "Double-D": You take the blue jawbreaker - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red jawbreaker - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

Ed: *dumb look*

Eddy: Ah come on, this is a waste of time

Ed: *takes the red jawbreaker*

_{ty manifisto}

# ? May 13, 2020 21:00

alnilam

using the weird machine to get the bug out of Ed before they take him to the secret room

a glitch in the matrix

_{ty manifisto}

# ? May 13, 2020 21:02

nut

neo has the 9/11 commission downloaded into his head and immediately starts posting on Internet forums for the rest of the movie

# ? May 13, 2020 21:07

Joey McChrist

Morpheus : What is real? How do you define 'real'? If you're talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then 'real' is si- Neo, are you high?

Neo: haha nebuchadnezzar go brrr

# ? May 13, 2020 21:20

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

Life is just a dream and the real you is big, giant, huge.

# ? May 14, 2020 05:38

Jaguars!

Everyone in the Matrix just plays rocket league forever

# ? May 14, 2020 07:07

idiotsavant

neo: lamo i hacked my fart into your matrix nose

# ? May 15, 2020 08:43

ulvir

the corona virus but it's really just a gajillion little Agent Smiths using humans as a hive to spawn more clones

# ? May 15, 2020 12:46

alnilam

ulvir posted:

the corona virus but it's really just a gajillion little Agent Smiths using humans as a hive to spawn more clones

he took his own "human beings are a virus" speech too seriously

_{ty manifisto}

# ? May 15, 2020 15:12

alnilam

Agent Smith: I'd like to share a revelation during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another phenomenon on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? Viral web content. Human beings are a meme, a trending hashtag of this planet. You are a derail, and we are the mods.

_{ty manifisto}

# ? May 15, 2020 15:14

wearing a lampshade

Commander Lock: Dammit, Morpheus! Not everyone believes what you believe!

Morpheus: Oh? So you're saying that hitler is good then?

# ? May 15, 2020 15:26

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

alnilam posted:

Agent Smith: I'd like to share a revelation during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another phenomenon on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? Viral web content. Human beings are a meme, a trending hashtag of this planet. You are a derail, and we are the mods.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? May 15, 2020 17:20

Escape From Noise

The Matrix is hosted on AOL

# ? May 16, 2020 19:40

Heather Papps: hello friend

SweetWillyRollbar posted:

The Matrix is hosted on AOL

neo, bursting out of a bathtub filled with AOL disks, gasping for air

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? May 16, 2020 20:47

idiotsavant

neo blasting agent smith with thousands of chatroulette strangers all flashing their junk

# ? May 17, 2020 21:46

Goons Are Gifts

idiotsavant posted:

neo blasting agent smith with thousands of chatroulette strangers all flashing their junk

lmao

# ? May 18, 2020 11:15

Pahilla the Hun: Thinking about making a post

Think about it, make a post

morpheus: i got some snacks too, there's a big bowl of red m&m's and another bowl of blue m&m's...it really doesn't matter which ones we eat, i just like them organized.

neo: whoa

thanks nesamdoom!!

pizzaz plarpin perfect! thanks Tebulot!

# ? May 18, 2020 21:38

Christoph

there is no matrix and morpheus just fooled a random white dude into believing that he can fly and slow down time and it turned out he actually could

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? May 20, 2020 05:01

oliwan: by Nyc_Tattoo

what if the matrix, but it's about apps

# ? May 20, 2020 16:57

magic cactus: We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.

oliwan posted:

what if the matrix, but it's about apps

The "wake up neo" message but it's a spam text from Morpheus asking to join his premium snapchat.

Thanks to Saoshyant for the amazing spring '23 sig!

# ? May 20, 2020 16:59

magic cactus: We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.

Morpheus: *gestures at Instagram model*: What you see in front of you is but an illusion Neo. A trick your senses play on you to make you think this model has a huge booty. Now let me show you what happens when you wake up from your slumber.

*displays same picture but this time showing that it was clearly taken at a more flattering angle*

Neo (sadly): Whoa.

Thanks to Saoshyant for the amazing spring '23 sig!

# ? May 20, 2020 17:05

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Neo gives the robots a bunch of actual batteries and they just use those instead

# ? May 20, 2020 19:29

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

you know, why didn't it ever occur to the machines to just, you know, cut the humans out of their entire energy operation? just keeping the brains running is like what, around 500 kcals a day each

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? May 20, 2020 19:52

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

instead of the dumb battery metaphor;

morpheus: they're being dicks b/c of a grudge
neo: assholes...

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? May 20, 2020 19:55

Escape From Noise

The red pill is ketoconazole, which causes Neo to lose his erection and wake up from his stupor, where he suddenly becomes aware of the very frustrated dick sucking trolly bot in front of him that's been causing him to fade out of consciousness through endless robotic stimulation.

# ? May 20, 2020 20:00

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

There's a guy and he's living his normal life but then he finds out the truth. I.e his brain is just a jar and it's beeing fed artificial perceptions that he's going about doing his thing. But the actual life is still real but his brain is sort of in a Robbie the robot style contraption and when he looks into a mirror the computer just shows him himself the way he thinks he should look (residual self image) and as for all the people that keep seeing him, they've all been told that robot people have be treat just as if they were humans because otherwise it would be robo-racist and someone would complain.

# ? May 27, 2020 17:37

ulvir

morpheus stretching his palm out and making Neo choose between �deez� and �bofa�

# ? May 27, 2020 18:48

google THIS

The Matrix world set in pre-industrial times.

# ? May 27, 2020 20:41

google THIS

The redpills have to quickly build a fire and send a smoke signal in order to jack out before the Agents catch them.

# ? May 27, 2020 20:41

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# ? May 5, 2024 22:42

google THIS

"We need sharpened sticks. Lots of sharpened sticks."

# ? May 27, 2020 20:43

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