Alternative ways to cut grass

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EorayMel: WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

What are some other ways to cut grass?

I believe a good alternative method to cutting grass is going out at midnight with a pair of tailor shears and snipping all the grass by hand, with the added bonus of doing it quietly so nobody knows.

# ? May 18, 2020 22:29

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# ? May 12, 2024 15:01

Heather Papps: hello friend

i've been caught in a one upsmanship battle with my neighbour all spring and now we're both out there with fingernail clippers and rulers. i must find a better way.

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? May 18, 2020 22:41

Heather Papps: hello friend

i scoff at my neighbours and their "lawn mowers" as i drink beer on my porch and shoot the grass down to size with a gun

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? May 18, 2020 22:43

owl_pellet: show your enemy
what you look like

wade into the midst of your garden and, grasping your claidhmore tightly,

# ? May 18, 2020 23:28

barfdog

bear with me here, but i've got a fantastic way for you to practice some action movie skills, and cut your grass at the same time

so what i do is set up a bunch of targets in a row at the end of my lawn, and i commando crawl through the grass, stealth throwing shuriken at them. cuts the top off the grass while giving me the satisfaction of knowing i'm the number 1 ninja on my street.

you're welcome

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? May 18, 2020 23:35

LastGoodBoy: Keep your mind be open window everyday

I hear magic works.

High on the hog, 90's style.

# ? May 19, 2020 00:33

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

LastGoodBoy posted:

I hear magic works.

Invite a bunch of people over for a kegger, get them all high with the munchies and turn them all into sheep for a few hours, and make them eat all that grass until they pass out.

Undo the spell, yell at them for getting piss drunk and passing out all over your lawn, keep doing that until Fall.

# ? May 19, 2020 00:53

nut

play it a bunch of emo music

that way it will inescapably worry about a break up it had when it was 15 that wasn�t particularly bad but it was lacking context at the time and sure it might get bigger but will the grass ever grow

# ? May 19, 2020 00:55

FutonForensic

use your well toned buttcheeks to grip & rip each blade of grass

# ? May 19, 2020 00:57

nut

when it get too long put dirt on it and start a new one

# ? May 19, 2020 00:59

Heather Papps: hello friend

have you tried asking politely?

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? May 19, 2020 01:28

City of Glompton

Honey I Shrunk The Lawn

# ? May 19, 2020 01:32

City of Glompton

the lawn is so tiny now i don't have to cut the grass but even if i did i would only need to use a finishing touch razor to clean it up

thank you PSP for the beautiful spring sig

# ? May 19, 2020 01:35

barfdog

wake up sheeple, grass isnt even real

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? May 19, 2020 01:37

nut

unplug it at night

# ? May 19, 2020 01:41

Heather Papps: hello friend

this is why i planted indiana short grass, sure it cost me around 35 thousand dollars but just look at that incredible lawn

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? May 19, 2020 01:44

WithoutTheFezOn: Oh no

Lasers and pop-up mirrors.

# ? May 19, 2020 01:46

Doctor Dogballs: driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station

----------------
https://thumbs.gfycat.com/HopefulSophisticatedIndianrhinoceros-mobile.webm
"The Bad Boy of Comics"

# ? May 19, 2020 01:52

The Voice of Labor

prayer

# ? May 19, 2020 06:27

Rock Paper Tongue: May cause birth defects

Put your yard up on blocks, crawl underneath, and yank each blade down individually

# ? May 19, 2020 08:07

The Mighty Moltres: Come! We must fly!

as usual, the answer is fire.

# ? May 19, 2020 09:41

LastGoodBoy: Keep your mind be open window everyday

The Mighty Moltres posted:

as usual, the answer is fire.

Rigging my sprinkler system to just spray gasoline.

High on the hog, 90's style.

# ? May 19, 2020 09:44

barfdog

look at this guy adn his electric strimmer while i, shirtless, go grim reaper on this grass' rear end

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? May 19, 2020 10:09

Escape From Noise

Start grazing. It's a diet, exercise, and lawn maintenance, all in one!

# ? May 19, 2020 15:35

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

barfdog posted:

look at this guy adn his electric strimmer while i, shirtless, go grim reaper on this grass' rear end

"I am become Death, reaper of lawns"

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? May 19, 2020 15:57

Areola Grande: it's a free country u pervs

SweetWillyRollbar posted:

Start grazing. It's a diet, exercise, and lawn maintenance, all in one!

spring sigs by nesamdoom and Ravenous Scoot

# ? May 19, 2020 16:52

barfdog

Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:

"I am become Death, reaper of lawns"

lmbo

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? May 19, 2020 16:53

Escape From Noise

I mulch my lawn by dragging my butt on the grass after going number two. As an added bonus I don't need to worry about toilet paper shortages. Also by not using paper products I'm lessening my carbon footprint

# ? May 19, 2020 18:22

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

very carefully lol

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# ? May 19, 2020 19:37

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

get a goat and teach it to operate a lawn mower

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# ? May 19, 2020 19:39

ToxicFrog

chickens

I mean, they don't so much "cut" the grass as "destroy it utterly"

but isn't that what we really want? a barren field patrolled by roving gangs of cannibalistic murder dinosaurs?

# ? May 20, 2020 13:37

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Nobody mentioned mowing it once and then letting it die?

# ? May 20, 2020 19:32

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

burning the lawn and salting the earth

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# ? May 20, 2020 19:50

Finger Prince

Couple or so Guinea pigs in a bottomless cage. When one patch is done, move the cage over to then next uneaten part.

# ? May 21, 2020 03:15

Heather Papps: hello friend

i can kick pretty fast and hard, and usually by the time i'm done my morning practice the grass has been trimmed by the force of my feet flying all over the place

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? May 21, 2020 03:20

Slush Garbo: FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

scathing remarks

*you're just a groundwater thief

*you're not even a crop

*people only care for you to avoid getting letters

and such. repeat until the grass feels very small

# ? May 21, 2020 03:34