Ulthar posted:

pulling out my fainting couch to collapse artfully into as lowtax's reputation is impugned once again, certainly it is the women's collective faults

Blitter posted:

Seems like a nice professional business relationship.

Blitter posted:

Cup Runneth Over posted:

such is the way of shithead alcoholics

Sid Vicious posted:

does anyone wanna make out one last time

Zoobtro posted:

there may be an element of white trash to all of this

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

she is being pressured to recant and i and the other frontpage writers are attempting to make sure she's shielded from him.

Valleyant posted:

Wow this guy beats women but also he spine hurt maybe both sides have hero im v smart

Riotgrrill posted:

Alas, sixteen years is far too short to live among such excellent and admirable goons. I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

First of all, Lowtax is almost exactly like Illuvitar. In the beginning, there was nothing. Then Lowtax/Illuvitar came forth from the dark voids of the Internet/chaos and forged their creation from the aether. They each have their own dominion, and they hover it like the creator-gods that they are. Both are legendary, and although they have an omnipresent persona, few people have directly interacted with them.

Now, in the world of Middle-Earth, Illuvitar is aided by an order of powerful holy spirits called the Valar. They are his first creations, and they help him maintain Middle-Earth. Here at SA, we have the admins to fill that role. They are second in the heirarchy, and together with Lowtax they keep SA working. Updates, changes, all are in their jurisdiction. Right below the Valar are the Maiar, which are less powerful, and act as intermediaries between the heavenly beings and the denizens of Middle-Earth. The mods of SA fill this role. They interact with the posters all the time, to a greater extent than the admins and Lowtax. The mods have lesser power, just as the Maiar have lesser power, but they have their own sort of authority that can be truly wrathful to behold!
Both Middle-Earth and Something Awful are populated with an array of beings. It is astounding to see just how closely they coincide with one another. At SA, posters can be ranked accordingly: Elves, Men, Dwarves, Hobbits, and Orcs. Elves are the oldest and wisest of all posters. These are the posters who have reg dates that go back to 2000 or early 2001, and perhaps 2002 as well. These posters are incredibly popular, and generally well-liked. Although they have no official authority, the Elves carry a lot of weight, and people listen to them, even the higher-ups. People marvel at them, because they are so beautiful and wonderful. Even if they somehow get banned (an incredibly rare occurance), the Elves seem to come back, good as new. Even their avatars are unaffected.

Below the Elves are the Men and Dwarves, who are of equal rank, but differ in their habits and mannerisms. Men are posters who have been around a good while, and know the ropes of SA pretty well. They fit in, they don't call attention to themselves too often. As far as anyone is concerned, they are normal people. Dwarves are crankier, grouchier, and may or may not be older than Men. They sometimes get in scuffles with Elves, and are a bit more inclined to flame others.

Newbies also come into two distinct types. But unlike the above example, the two types discussed here are drastically different. The first type are the Hobbits. Hobbits are newbies who are innocent and kind. They don't want any trouble from anyone, and are curious little things. They genuinely want to be a part of SA, but for the most part they are horrendously naive and clueless. Bless 'em. Now, the second type of newbie are the Orcs. Orcs are horrible creatures. These n00bs poo poo up every thread they appear in, and they vastly outnumber just about every other demographic. Lowtax and the others try to curb their numbers by banning, and the other posters flame and bash them at every opportunity, but the Orcs are relentless. More are created everyday, and they multiply like rabbits. Orcs usually wage large-scale assault on threads by using trolls and trolling tactics. Unlike Hobbits, not all Orcs are necessarily "new". In fact, some of them may have old reg dates. The vast majority of Orcs reside in Mordor, which is FYAD.

Finally, you have the Nazgul. There really isn't much to say about the Nazgul, except that these are the notorious posters who everyone has heard of, and HATES. They are few in number, and everyone knows who they are. They are old beings, and far more horrible than the Orcs. They poo poo up every thread they appear in, but for reasons unknown they have avoided being banned. Everytime a Nazgul appears, everyone covers their ears and screams because they don't want to here what the Nazgul has to say, because undoubtedly it will bring only madness.

We are entering the Forth Age my friends...

Giga Gaia posted:

yeah but he jumped onto his head real good so who knows

KillHour posted:

Let's migrate to my house. There's plenty of room for everyone and we can all stay up late playing videogames.

croup coughfield posted:

look man i can go grab a pic of a big ol stretched out pussy if itll make ya feel better its not an imposition

grellgraxer posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5RZ8k6iQik

Hopkins FBI posted:

Lowtax: Look, how can I be a misogynist? I jack off to women all the time!
Judge: Sir, the question was, are you a bad parent?

Social Animal posted:

gosh can't wait to hear this hilarious dude talk to a dick on Sunday

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LEth7SBvlw

Saint Isaias Boner posted:

even if they cant im pretty sure they can start a new forum from scratch and just spam invites and i would be happier posting there than on this tainted shitpile knowing lowtax got a lump sum out of beating women

American McGay posted:

I mean, what other choice does he have?