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Welcome to GOON101, I'm Professor Chewbecca and I'll be taking your class this semester. Post itt and I'll assign you a customised topic on an event, person or thread significant to goon history. You'll be required to report back and I will assign a grade based on your effort. I'll share the relevant SAclopedia link, but I suggest that you also use relevant primary and secondary resources, as well as the search function which comes with the platinum upgrade on the SomethingAwful forums
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Aug 15, 2020 22:14
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| # ? May 3, 2024 09:59 |
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I can chew gum in here right teach?
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Aug 15, 2020 22:29
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Aug 15, 2020 22:32
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more falafel please posted:I can chew gum in here right teach? Only if you have enough to share with the class! Your topic is Trajectory and momentum: the Goon Zipline
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Aug 15, 2020 22:33
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Your topic is: Bigpeeler: the man, the myth, the legend
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Aug 15, 2020 22:34
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Chewbecca posted:Only if you have enough to share with the class! gently caress yes
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Aug 15, 2020 22:35
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Chewbecca posted:Welcome to GOON101, I'm Professor Chewbecca and I'll be taking your class this semester. will this be on the final? |
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Aug 15, 2020 22:51
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Prof. Crocodile posted:will this be on the final? Without this you fail You're assigned: the significance of architecture to the goon lexicon: stairs
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Aug 15, 2020 22:59
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im cheating covertly, the answers are all printed on a nifty tattoo i got inside my bottom lip now could u just read them for me thanks
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Aug 15, 2020 22:59
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nut posted:im cheating covertly, the answers are all printed on a nifty tattoo i got inside my bottom lip now could u just read them for me thanks Cheating is not tolerated! Your topic is: balls on a cliff: perceptions of time
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Aug 15, 2020 23:04
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oh god this will end badly wont it
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Aug 16, 2020 02:09
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Chewbecca posted:Your topic is: omg i first confused this with 50ft ant and bruiser but ya this is great and i want to submit a great paper/report bc this is what i loved about gbs when i first found this place |
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Aug 16, 2020 02:12
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Manifisto posted:oh god this will end badly wont it noises from the tent: the intersection of nature and goon
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Aug 16, 2020 02:50
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abandon hope, all ye who enter here [shrug] welp, I guess ya gotta do what ya gotta do
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Aug 16, 2020 02:54
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is there still room available in this course? I know I missed the first class but I really need these credits.
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Aug 16, 2020 03:18
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Evil Bob posted:is there still room available in this course? I know I missed the first class but I really need these credits. cleanliness and hygiene: the non-edible lasagna
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Aug 16, 2020 03:25
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this class is like, going to be graded on a curve right? I’m actually feeling kind of sick, don’t know if I’ll make it to class tomorrow. is there going to be extra credit available? not that I’m going to need it or anything... heh
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Aug 16, 2020 05:21
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Webster's dictionary defines “do you have stairs in your house?” as: “a secret question used by goons to determine if someone they know in real life (or in some stupid counter-strike game) visits somethingawful.com.” But this is only the tip of the iceberg let me tell you. The story began in 1999 when one internet nerd pranked another internet nerd on ICQ by claiming to be a space robot that had pushed a human down the stairs to protect him from a 'terrible secret of space.' This prank gained new life in 2000 when forums user JRR up-cycled the prank into a flash animation called “The Terrible Secret of Space.” In this flash animation, two animated robots claim that they have arrived on earth to protect humans from the terrible secret of space by pushing them down the stairs. This video briefly featured the question “do you have stairs in your house?” (ex 1). exhibit 1  In 2001 forums user Bruce Almighty Pants was attempting to make IRL contact with another goon, Digital Osmosis Jones, and came to the forums looking for ideas on a cultural shibboleth with which goons could identify one another. Internet historians are unclear as to how or why the call-and-response of “do you have stairs in your house?” and “yes I am protected” was chosen, but they unanimously agree that it was a mistake. Although some goons have used “do you have stairs in your house?” to greet one another in public, it is almost always used as an ironic tongue-in-cheek comment on a failed post or thread. In a turn of savage irony befitting the most jaded internet edgelord, “do you have stairs in your house?” is now more commonly used to mock other goons instead of befriending them. In summation, stairs are a land of contrasts. |
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Aug 16, 2020 17:58
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Prof. Crocodile posted:Webster's dictionary defines “do you have stairs in your house?” as: “a secret question used by goons to determine if someone they know in real life (or in some stupid counter-strike game) visits somethingawful.com.” But this is only the tip of the iceberg let me tell you. i went to a goonmeet one time and someone was literally at the door asking about stairs like they were working the door at a speakeasy
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Aug 16, 2020 19:18
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OK, I've got some work to do. This is A LOT to unpack.
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Aug 16, 2020 20:37
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more falafel please posted:i went to a goonmeet one time and someone was literally at the door asking about stairs like they were working the door at a speakeasy this hurts my soul a little
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Aug 17, 2020 00:53
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FluffieDuckie posted:this hurts my soul a little I was like, 20? the guy hosting it was fine. there was a keg of Stella that everyone seemed very impressed by. there was a weird thing where people kinda broke up by sub forums? like there was a Poker In The Rear area and they just played poker all night. I met someone who I vaguely crushed on but then never saw again. my friend who also has an SA account got high and fell down. there was a pile of ketchup and mustard on the ground where he fell down, so he ruined his pants. why was there a pile of ketchup and mustard? i do not know
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Aug 17, 2020 05:51
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Oh geez Before considering my assignment and later grading my execution on it or lack thereof, I want to remind you how much money my father has donated to this institution (it's 69 cents lol) |
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Aug 17, 2020 20:10
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google THIS posted:Oh geez Your topic is: The free market and reciprocity: P-P-P-P-Powerbook
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Aug 17, 2020 22:21
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You have bestowed upon me such a thread that I dare not submit anything sub par. Work is poo poo right now, hoping to have some time to do a proper research paper in the next couple days.
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Aug 17, 2020 22:58
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i would like to join this class prof, do you accept late registrations? |
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Aug 19, 2020 18:44
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define_byte posted:i would like to join this class prof, do you accept late registrations? Literary references in goon history: Lord of the Flies
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Aug 19, 2020 22:54
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"This is embarassing, but I forgot to mention. As I was hurling stuff, I had my wrench in my hand still, and so I hit myself in the face with it. It required some stitches, and, since I had hit the trashbag full of feces with the wrench, it got infected." In which OP's roommate is a psychotic maniac who destroys everything in their apartment. OP Barricades himself in his room which has its own entrance (The "back door") and seals off the rest of the apartment to completely separate himself from his insane roommate who at this point has been making GBS threads in garbage bags around the apartment because one night he destroyed all of the bathroom fixtures. OP Has his own bathroom, and is only reimbursing his room mate approx $50 a month due to all of the damage and inconvenience. Psycho Room Mates parent's pay the rent so for whatever reason this was working out. It finally becomes necessary for OP to re-enter the rest of the apartment due to a leak coming through the wall. In fear for his own life OP grabs a flash light and a pipe wrench and enters the apartment through the front door. What OP finds is a house of horrors, everything is covered in school newspaper, there are mounds and lumps under the news paper which are left undiscovered. Also somewhere in this apartment are at least 6 tarantulas. Rats are also seen scurrying. OP climbs through the entirely destroyed apartment, over furniture, to roommates restroom: "There was a bathtub covered in newspapers. I proded it with my wrench and the newspapers gave way, like they were on top of jello or something soft and organic. I prodded it harder and what I can only describe as fecal fluid seeped from the sides of the newspaper. I think he was taking shits in the bathtub and covering it with newspapers, like some kind of foul lasagna." After finding the source of the leak and shutting off water to the sink, OP decides its time to get the gently caress out of there due to all of the mold spores and odor and poo poo and destruction, and of course the fear of his roommate murdering him if he finds him there. Before leaving the apartment, OP checks the fridge: "There was a ball-like, organic mass in the middle, with tendrils of mold growing out of it. It was roughly the size of a human head with a large dent in it." Because of course there is what appears to be a dismembered human head in this apartment. What comes next is an escalation by roommate by the way of claiming he has kidnapped his ex girlfriend and is holding her hostage. OP decides the only thing to do is investigate. And after finding bloody rags in roommates truck he breaks into the front door of the apartment. OP hurts himself with his poo infected wrench at this point. Next he finds the room covered in BLOOD and noise and light is coming from the bathroom. In the corner of the bath tub I saw Jed writhing around with a golden metallic object in the poo poo lasagna. He was freaking out and screaming. The other thing I noticed was the fire. In the remains of the toilet tank was a bunch of flaming papers, right next to a can of paint thinner. I figured that Jeb threw in the thinner thinking it would burst into flames, but he neglected to uncap the thing. So I grabbed the can of paint thinner and in one swift motion clocked Jeb in the head with it. He started freaking out even more, and at this point I could see that the object he was writhing with in the tub was a saxophone. He seemed to be bleeding all over his head but it was hard to tell because of the poo poo smeared everywhere, coming out onto the floor. The lightbulb was covered in either nail polish or blood. This was really too much. And this is where the story ends quite abruptly. OP goes on to give more details in the thread, this being pretty much the most important: "The call to the police was pretty together. I think my summation to the police dispatcher went something like, "My room mate had an accident and he is trapped inside his apartment covered in feces and has injuries to his head. He is psychotic and might harm himself." I can't do more, you need to just read this thread, there is so much it is horribly difficult to summarize. Just get in there and read this historic thread. EDIT: I forgot to add, this post is best observed through the lens of understanding of what OP was permabanned for. Here are the entries on his rapsheet leading up to his perma. I assume the fecal lasagna incident 14 years passed contributed to his mental state leading to the permaban. PERMABAN 11/19/18 11:18pm Martin Random As someone with a restraining order you should probably not be applying for purchase of a firearm and the tenor of your posts are concerning to the point where I don't feel comfortable with you posting on SA anymore. Party Plane Jones FactsAreUseless PROBATION 11/19/18 09:50am Martin Random You have a truly concerning attitude to gun ownership and probably should not own a firearm! User loses posting privileges for 6 hours. Lightning Knight Lightning Knight PROBATION 10/13/18 07:47pm Martin Random Meltdown, harassing people over pms over dumb discord poo poo. User loses posting privileges for 1 month. Sheng-Ji Yang Nyc_Tattoo Evil Bob fucked around with this message at 18:40 on Aug 20, 2020
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Aug 20, 2020 18:22
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i got a zero on my "thread report" homework assignment but i'm ready to bounce back with this goon culture assigment, teach
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Aug 20, 2020 18:50
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The P-P-P-Powerbook This saga began with a goon helping a friend sell an unwanted laptop on E-Bay, when an interested "buyer" contacted them directly and attempted a classic off-site "escrow" payment scam. Rather than give them the finger, forums user MyNameIsJeff and a gaggle of helpful goons decided to play along and ship a very fake three-ring binder overseas to the scammer's London address. Shipping was crowdsourced from fellow goons, and they made sure the scammer would have to pay a high customs tax to allow the package to complete its journey. The most enduring comedic bit of this story is arguably the P-P-P-Powerbook itself, a lovingly crafted masterwork of trolling that will be forever remembered in the anals[sic] of Something Awful dot Com.           The story took many twists and turns, but it would be tedious to relate them in great detail here unless you're fascinated with the intricacies of international shipping. The package was held up in customs, causing a few minor heart attacks. Some Londonite goons located the receiving address, a barbershop/internet cafe, and did some reconnaissance work. It is even speculated that an account registered near the time of the thread was the scammer himself, researching how he had been hoodwinked. Sadly the true prestige of this tale--the scammer's reaction after greedily tearing open the package to find anything but a practically brand-new, practically free laptop--can exist only in our imaginations. But one can speculate that he didn't shake his head, smirk at the camera, and say "They got me good." Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Praesent rutrum consequat eros nec tristique. In lacinia neque diam, et feugiat tellus pellentesque at. Nullam pretium mi a diam aliquet dictum. Nulla nec eros eget ex efficitur ornare. Suspendisse potenti. Sed euismod rhoncus accumsan. Vestibulum vel ipsum eget mi dignissim volutpat et sed ante. Nam sagittis, sem eu fermentum pretium, diam purus volutpat sem, eget blandit est dui id est. Mauris ut magna eget velit gravida finibus id eget metus. Nam vel purus eget lacus porttitor vulputate. Phasellus finibus ornare mauris vel mollis. Quisque consequat, purus eu ultrices feugiat, urna eros scelerisque est, et dapibus nulla nisi vel neque. Donec porta justo dapibus, viverra neque sit amet, vestibulum dolor. Duis dignissim imperdiet velit, vel scelerisque sapien dignissim nec. Vivamus tincidunt arcu eget mauris finibus porta. Duis ac elit turpis. Sed vitae bibendum felis, sed mollis enim. Proin sed rhoncus ligula. Maecenas elementum augue lacus, sed tempus mauris faucibus eget. Orci varius natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Nullam id quam arcu. In quis arcu lorem. Ut dignissim, tortor ut lacinia vulputate, ipsum nibh bibendum risus, nec tempus risus nunc a est. Nullam tristique tristique dolor, ut euismod lacus finibus sit amet. Curabitur sed mauris in dolor lacinia pretium in vitae eros. Mauris non vestibulum lectus, interdum vestibulum turpis. Aenean ligula erat, congue in scelerisque non, mattis condimentum ligula. In conclusion, I have now reached 500 words, so here ya go, prof. e: At the risk of going over my minimum word count, I should also note that the surviving accounts of this saga end on a cliffhanger, so it is unclear whether the scammer-become-scammee even sent a final angry e-mail to MyNameIsJeff upon receiving his prize. Alas. google THIS fucked around with this message at 23:08 on Aug 26, 2020 |
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Aug 20, 2020 20:10
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Tiny Tubesteak Tom posted:i got a zero on my "thread report" homework assignment but i'm ready to bounce back with this goon culture assigment, teach Collaboration in the goon community: goonbase
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Aug 20, 2020 20:52
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FluffieDuckie posted:this hurts my soul a little Eating their own: goons and celebrity
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Aug 20, 2020 21:03
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You know what I haven’t seen in a while? A mod challenge thread. Y’know, where the OP of a bad thread would have to do something in order to not get banned. Mermaid Shelly comes to mind
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Aug 21, 2020 01:00
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GOONCAMP Webster's dictionary defines "gooncamp" as "like 10 bad ideas rolled into one." wait, that's SAclopedia. anyway, it is the source of the smiley  and until this assignment that's all I knew about it. ah, blissful ignorance, I remember it well. it is what you think it is, a recurring goonmeet held in the woods where people tent, drink, take drugs, shoot fireworks at one another, fire potato cannons, and sometimes have sex (which, to many a goon, is evidently a mystifying, unheard-of concept). apparently this thing has been held any number of times, starting in 2004, in various spots near Wilkesboro, NC. at one point it was considered to be a biannual event, in April and September. I could not reliably determine when the last one was, but I saw a photo titled goon camp 2008 so at least until then? wanna see a video? neither did I, but here's one anyway (from Gooncamp V for those who find that important). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKc7DreKKkM at the end of the video is a long list of attendees, which includes well-known forum regulars such as cayton, Poetrywhore, TossedSaladMan, MCDRAGOON . . . you know, the whole crowd. I feel kinda bad for the attendees identified as "Samantha (Guest)", "Kate (Guest)", "Ashley (Guest)", and so on. as non-goons, could they possibly have known what they were getting into?? other events that were featured in various gooncamps included (details often not provided, which arguably makes it worse when you try to envision what it might be): * the Wheel of Misfortune * Redneck Slip n Slide * Bagged Wine Game * Kissin Cotton and Torpedoing the Harbor * people shooting selves in the head with pellet guns * people witnessing the incident, I am not sure if it's creepy to name the goon who did this with her boyfriend so look it up yourself perv* whatever the hell this was   https://fi.somethingawful.com/is/img82/9314/00032p6z9rf.jpg https://i.imgur.com/lUtd44B.jpg (there are debates about whether this was chocolate or mud, eep)fyad, predictably, enjoyed mocking Gooncamp, often mining such rich comedic veins as commenting on the appearance of goons. if you enjoy that sort of thing, the fyad threads may be for you I guess. apparently in September 2004, a planned gooncamp (Gooncamp VI) was nearly canceled because some dickhead or other printed out a drug related thread from TCC and hand delivered it both to the cops and the landowner where it was going to be held. but I guess it was held anyway? nothing will get between a goon and drunk camping I guess. so yeah, it's tempting to focus on all the predictably low hanging fruit subjects such as dumb things that people did, how weird some goons look, the seeming impossibility of goons having sex, and whatnot. the other side of that coin however is that a lot of people who took part said they had a ton of fun, and at the end of the day inebriated social activity with vaguely likeminded people in a remote place has something to be said for it. a little like the Gathering of the Juggalos. I don't necessarily want to go to a GOTJ, but it's probably a lot of fun for people who otherwise feel kinda socially isolated, if they wanna cut loose I don't really feel like judging too harshly. finally, as a bit of a palate cleanser, a GBS thread sort of riffing on gooncamp retrospectively: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3889999
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Aug 23, 2020 17:51
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blaise rascal posted:Mermaid Shelly comes to mind the mermaid shelly thing was truly awesome
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Aug 23, 2020 17:51
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In this essay, I will attempt to explain why the Great Goon Project of Goon Island (because that worked out so well for Terra Malatora) in its failure is a giant reference to the classic novel, Lord of the Flies. SAclopedia defines Goon Island as a place where a goon, henceforth referred to as Socratic Moron, which is totally not foreshadowing anything, bought land in Hawaii and managed to convince a gaggle of goons to 'go live there and starve to death'. The original thread, posted on April 23rd, 2009, here details how Socratic Moron bought some dense rainforest land in Hawaii. He expresses his desire to ' build a home and retreat center over the coming years with a focus on permaculture, regeneration, and building all kinds of badass stuff. I want to get to a point where the land is almost completely sustainable in the way of food via raised fish, chickens, fruit trees, gardens, etc.' Goons flocked to the thread, offering their help in hacking back the rainforest, for little to no pay, hoping to found the next Goontopia. Fantasies abounded across the thread of hunting wild boar, with hints of a previous thread in GBS getting torn apart since the OP did the dreaded GBS crime of hunting vermin. Socratic Moron faced many trials and tribulations setting up his Goonsta's Paradise, such as BEES. Despite this, he pushed on in his endeavours, offering to pay the first two people $500 per month, but any who came after that were to work with no pay. Soon, Goon Island had an official name: Samadhi Village, with applications being set up for gullible goons to work there. Work began on building trails, with little to no thought on building housing. However, trouble soon arose when FYAD found the thread, confusing many hopeful islanders. There were also arguments about the safety of this goon project and a thread scandal where OP killed a pig in a way that most thread-goers disapproved of, starting an animal rights discussion. OP, disheartened by the arguments about him humanly/inhumanly slaughtering wild pigs and the FYAD influx, briefly closed the thread, but soon after was opened again. The dreaded Pink Forum influx enraged many GBS Goons, who wanted to see our hero continue his story in the thread. In the end, the tale of Goon Island ended how most goon projects do: in failure and tears. This relates to Lord of the Flies somehow I don't know prof I haven't read that book yet do I still get credit on this |
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Aug 23, 2020 22:38
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Aug 25, 2020 17:02
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has anyone done an essay into that guy who posted about the jars of cum under his or his roommates bed? |
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Aug 25, 2020 17:04
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autobanning, and the properties of water: Mr Water |
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Aug 25, 2020 22:43
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This is the last class I need for my degree in Psychohistory! |
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Aug 25, 2020 23:01
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