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naem posted:trolls are classic dungeon monsters, orks and goblins are classic minions but personally I’ve learned to avoid them, a little too much chaos for me. You’re a dark wizard. You can neutralize a Union by not just corrupting the Union, but by corrupting the entire labor oversight process. Compel the steward to be a spineless puppet then plant minions and summoned allies to pervert the labor boards. Pretty soon those orcs will be 1) so disgusted by the corruption they’ll dissolve collective bargaining or 2) be totally ignorant and you'll a grift a fortune of dues into your coffers. When the well runs dry get them to do a suicide mission. Widows and beneficiaries will powerless to fight unpaid renumeration. Not exactly all magic but it’s great if you’re thing is feeding off the misery and despair of those around you.
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Aug 15, 2021 04:44
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Can you stand living, breathing, eating, sleeping dick wizardry 24/7? People love it as a hobby but when it becomes their job the joy disappears.
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Aug 15, 2021 05:22
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100 degrees Calcium posted:Hey guys, I'm a nature wizard, y'know think like... radaghast the brown. I just wanted to say I don't really understand what you folks do here but it's cool with me. My parents were really anti-necromancer you know, and I know lots of people frown on dark magic even today. But I just wanted to say you're cool with me. You do you, you know? So… you're a druid.
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Aug 19, 2021 22:19
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100 degrees Calcium posted:Wow. Well if you're going to treat allies this way, you're going to get nowhere in society. If you're going to be so rude, of course you're going to be stuck stealing bodies from the morgue and meeting in abandoned basements. Stuck?
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Aug 19, 2021 23:37
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100 degrees Calcium posted:I talk to rabbits okay!? While I admit they are not the most profound conversationalists, they have far more brains than zombies. So…, you are a druid.
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Aug 20, 2021 00:28
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Are they evil rabbits?
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Aug 20, 2021 00:38
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrId6PlelOk&t=226s See, Satanism is Libertarianism with more cosplay.
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Aug 20, 2021 01:58
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Stanley Tucheetos posted:I'm getting fed up with all these evil druids moving into the spooky forest on the outskirts of my dread keep. They keep summoning dire badgers that manage to sneak into my ossuary and defecate all over the place! I tried turning all the trees Into skeletons but it turns out that they don't have any bones that I can liberate from life. Should I just call my warlock buddy to rain hellfire upon the forest or is there a better solution? Why not get it rezoned for development? I know we all want to solve (and cause) problems with the arcane arts but there's no way a druid can navigate through zoning meetings or know how to bribe the right crooked politician (which you've already stacked with your own undead minions, right?). You really want to destroy a druid, turn their haunted glen into a strip mall. Fur20 posted:dude. turd golems
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Aug 20, 2021 06:09
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Not legless horrors. Those are a tripping hazard.
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Aug 25, 2021 13:49
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ilovebeersooomuch posted:
This right here. Convince the pests to pick off the do gooder crusaders by being duplicitous guides and hirelings. Let a whole town of them set up shop (at a reasonable distance). Your lair is the honeypot but the adventuring parties meets their doom far enough away from your lair. You get a rep for disappearing parties and don’t have to do anything. They fight it out and you go about your business. Just like in Gymkata.
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Aug 25, 2021 14:34
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Hodgepodge posted:it's all worth it if i get to call up some paladin's god and tell them their little golden child has chosen to worship feet over them. they may have had no purpose, but now they have one: i will use them to troll lawful good deities for as long as the concept of feet remains a viable evolutionary path for intelligent life. Watch out, their religion might take up "feet" or a boot or whatever as a new religious symbol. Gods, even powerful ones, are can be the subject to the fashions and currents of their followers. Even "good" divine powers aren't going to drive away a new opportunity to reenergize their flock in the name of righteousness. wheatpuppy posted:
Again, if your deity/pantheon is strict about what is clean and unclean, it's not going to work, but followers reshape their gods as often as the gods reshape their followers. Those skulls aren't evil, they are the martyrs of the righteous on their way to salvation. Watch out for Inquisitions though. You don't sound Chaotic Evil, you sound Lawful Morose and that's OK. secular woods sex posted:"Fluidity" One man's fetish is another man's icon. The ecstasy is EXACTLY the same. One is just deemed "wholesome" because it is holy. Automatic Slim fucked around with this message at 05:47 on Aug 26, 2021 |
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Aug 26, 2021 05:35
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Find someone who is a devotee to some kind of fire god or elemental. Banefire is more of a fetish for them than work. If you get a run of the mill wizard they’ll overcharge. Make sure you use the fat of your apprentice as fuel. Examples have to be made.
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Dec 30, 2022 08:39
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Has anyone mixed the dark arts and real estate? I’m being priced out of my tower and too many current projects require that I stay in this dimension at this particular location. Sure, I could use direct methods but my project is at a critic stage and I don’t want decades of work to go down the drain.
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Apr 10, 2023 08:54
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EmbryoSteve posted:How have you not buffered your project against the need to use a horde of skeletons? I don’t think you understand how formidable HOAs are.
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Apr 11, 2023 23:32
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Meddlesome kids wreck havoc on the well laid plans of the best of us. It’s uncanny. There’s no shame in it.
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Apr 12, 2023 04:06
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IShallRiseAgain posted:The best way to deal with kids like that is to show up in disguise and say some cryptic poo poo while pretending to help them. Sure they will outwardly get mad at you for speaking in riddles, but deep down they love that poo poo. Not so sure about that. There’s this weird dude, short fella, who inter dimensionally summons groups of children from a more technological advanced world. He gives them some respectable magic items and dangles “quests” in front of them that this time they will find a way home. Weirdo is stringing them along for his own amusement. Amazingly, these “quests” cross paths with heavy hitters like Tiamat or Lolth and they are pissed. Eventually a group of abductees will die or age out and he’ll summon another bunch, rinse repeat. Those kids are not “loving that poo poo”. They’ve been kidnapped, they’re parents will never see them again, and will die some gruesome and idiotic deaths. I got no problem with child sacrifice if it buys more power or world domination, this is just some straight up weird child abduction poo poo. Oh and get this, the kidnapper calls himself “Dungeon Master”. Weirdo.
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Apr 12, 2023 06:37
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the holy poopacy posted:Hark unto me, dark brethren, for I beseech thy counsel! Charm person, dude. It’s magic not rocket science.
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Apr 28, 2023 06:44
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Tunicate posted:They aren't saying it outright but they're trying to get you in on a commission scam. Diabolical.
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May 1, 2023 15:56
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It's no secret Annie Lennox's side hustle is using the dark arts to usurp the monarchy. No biggie.
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May 20, 2023 13:45
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HelleSpud posted:What sort of bard oozes poison swamps o'er fertile lands, wields the bones which haunt the night, or raises masses of fetid flesh? The kind I’m hiring to  entertain the prols in my domain when festival season rolls around. What’s their TikTok?
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May 27, 2023 09:59
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Does the world need another evil sorcerer? No, it has plenty. But an evil Bard is novel territory. (A&R Executives don’t count.)
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Jun 5, 2023 15:17
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If they see you as a god start acting like one. The hot ones are your proselytizers and PR like FilthyImp said. Send the ugly ones on a quest for some hard to get item or fools errand, it doesn't matter. Most of them will die or get lost by attrition. The ones that comeback successfully are granted your favor or boon. Wouldn't it be easier to sacrifice these Dumb Souls to what ever infernal powers you made your deals with? It would wipe the slate clean of whatever debt you owe and get rid of that headache of your adoring public. Gotta say, OP, you've got an easy in on starting your own religion, it's a shame you aren't taking it. And religions are tax free.
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Jul 11, 2023 06:55
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HelleSpud posted:Which of you fuckers posed for that airbrushed van I've been seeing around? I had one of these and made the mistake of making it my mobile fortress. You know, one of those bigger on the inside situations. The accoutrements were awesome but even though the lair maybe in a pocket dimension, the chassis and engine are in this one and with all that extra weight the gas mileage suuuucked. The materials for placing manor in another dimension inside the van was exorbitant but the amount of gas and engine wear it takes haul the extra dimension was prohibitive. A real shame I had to give it up, the art work on the side was bitchin'.
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Jul 11, 2023 07:13
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redshirt posted:Y'all Dark Wizards got a Union? Sign me up if so. EmbryoSteve posted:We are evil wizards. So we are pro Right To Work It's not a "union", it's a Guild. Union has an employee/underling connotation. Guilds are a band of highly specialized entrepreneurs. To be fair, no one reads the newsletters or bothers to vote in the board elections.
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Jul 16, 2023 00:19
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Nope. Cloaks are the way to go.
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Jul 19, 2023 08:19
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wheatpuppy posted:During the last raging pestilence that swept through the region* I found that I really dig the Plague Doctor vibe. It has all the benefits of your usual wizard robe (e.g., toss it on over whatever 'fit, and nobody knows if you're going commando that day) plus with the mask, I don't have to worry about pesky things like oral hygiene or the fact that I can't grow a proper Evil Beard to save my life. Bonus points that nobody can see me rolling my eyes at the Spellcasters Local 360 meetings when the Paladins take the floor to whinge about who keeps contaminating the groundwater. The best thing about plague doctor masks is that you can stuff psychedelic herbs down the beak and trip balls during those meetings.
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Jul 19, 2023 11:33
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Swole wizard.
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Sep 15, 2023 16:51
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HelleSpud posted:Forgot to crosspost - Looks cozy, has basic amenities, Sun roof- IN loving Cork! No way. e: it does have a cool sunroof. Automatic Slim fucked around with this message at 08:45 on Sep 20, 2023 |
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Sep 20, 2023 08:38
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Nobody’s talking about that crow familiar in the corner. It’s more than just a casual observer.
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Sep 20, 2023 09:01
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Comfy Fleece Sweater posted:n00b poo poo Leave that poo poo to the Bond villains. Pocket dimensions is where it’s at.
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Oct 1, 2023 15:17
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