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So we all know that wiz who loved the descriptor "the unspeakable" or "he/she who shall not be named" but as we all know that is dumb as poo poo. Part of why we all got into the dark arts is to be known and talked about on some level. "Ooo don't speak my name" is just someone who really wants to be talked about. It gets even worse when they curse thier own name so that the temperature in the room drops below freezing when thier name is spoken. I had some vintage bottle conditioned potions explode when they suddenly froze in thier bottles after just scrying up an old college buddy who didn't have the consideration to let me know he pulled that stunt before I said hi to him by name. Anyway, I decided to get back at him by cursing his name with the moniker of "the unseeable" and "he who shall not be seen". Now everytime someone says his name he enters into the shadow dust mirror dimension where he can see our dimension but can't be seen or interact in any meaningful way for 30 seconds. Pretty fun with the first part. Say "Telemerk the unspeakable" and the room gets cold as gently caress and he disappears just long enough to be confusing for those not in the know. Must be annoying for him to. But I was saving those potions for when a certain succubus was going to pay me a friends with benefits visit
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Aug 27, 2021 06:15
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Thanks for the advice, but nothing beats home brewing and I don't mind waiting (undeath and all) for fermentation What's everyone's favorite home brew potion? I'm a big Hazy IPA (Infernal Potion of Afflictions) aficionado It's all about getting that perfect balance of your terror fruit essence, horror hops, and the lost soul of a neglected child. neglected to the point of getting some sort of affliction (measles, bed sores, clinical depression, etc). I'm not going to share my ratios but you get the drift. Steep those ingredients in a boiling cauldron of crystal plasma for about 60 mins, and then add one drop of demon blood from at least the 3rd infernal plane. any lower plane doesn't deliver that "infernal" flavor which is what IPAs are all about. Remove the steeped sock of essence, hops, and soul. Allow it to boil for 30 more mins. Cool the concoction to about 75f and then transfer into your carboy for fermenting. DO NOT FILTER!!! Add in some enchanted anthrax (enchanted to consume the a small part of the soul which then has the by product of intoxicating innocence). Let age about 28 years then bottle. Before you bottle prime some more enchanted anthrax and then transfer to a bottling bucket, add the primed anthrax, stir it in, and then bottle. After bottling let age a minimum of 14 years before cracking open. The longer you wait the more depth of affliction you get when you crack one of those open with the boys. Each type of affliction of the soul gives it a little bit of a different vibe in effect. Anyone who drinks one would get infernal dreams of (whatever plane) and then gain the affliction of whatever soul you utilized when brewing after a demon stalks their mind for a little bit. It would feel good/intoxicating to them in an innocent way (why not one more, these bed sores arent really causing me any problems) You always get more satisfaction out brewing it yourself vs buying it. And you have more control over the effects
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Aug 27, 2021 17:33
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Doc Fission posted:Hi, I'm a light wizard considering the route of sinister darkness. What's the bureaucracy involved in doing so? Do I need to file to relinquish my healing license? Why relinquish ? a healing license is a great way to plant some chaos seed that will grow evil fruit a few centuries from now. "Oh, you're infertile? I can heal that right up! Here's my license blah blah " all the while you lay down a generational curse that doesnt go off until like 6 to 9 generations later. People will be scrambling to figure out where did this grendel-esque monstrosity come from, or why does everyone who interacts with this child die within 2 weeks, or every member of this bloodline now bends to your will. That last one gets really useful if you manipulate a kingdom from the shadows to put that family into a position of power for you to make your big move. Allows you to set up some plans within plans. evil wizardry is all about the long con and if people believe you are good and a healer now; you can really set yourself up for your full dark wizard turn in a couple centuries. Most of the bureaucracy comes from demon pacts or getting in the plans of the powers that be. I wouldnt recommend going that route until you've really figured out your evil scheme and what you are really about in terms of evil wizardry. I dont care what anyone says it takes a few flubs and schemes to figure out what is really important to you in regards to your professional goals.
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Jan 20, 2022 20:03
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I am resurrecting this thread because which one of you is responsible for this: https://twitter.com/shukran___/status/1505625725935755275?s=20&t=KIyhauCdp1tvvOC_mkFJUA Fun yes, but a little too loud for my dark wizard taste A good way to attract some unwanted attention from the authorities
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Mar 21, 2022 17:53
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Vinny Possum posted:Newbie here. I'm trying to summon a demon (revenge reasons), and I think I accidentally sent my summons to the wrong hell. I keep hearing from lonely succubi in my area, imps offering to make my penis larger, and some guys who really want me to play with their puzzlebox. I'm so flooded in hellish correspondence that for all I know a revenge demon took me up on my offer, but is simply lost in the barrage of shady faustian advertisements. Sign up the target of revenge for these S.P.A.M (satanic personalized aggressive machinations) messages. Make sure you click the "only deliver message via telepathy" box. Don't tell them until the go mad later or get caught up in some infernal scam. They will just start receiving messages directly into their mind. Not pleasant.A couple of old frat buddies did this to me after they got ahold of my private telepathy address, and it took like 3 days to figure out what was going on when I started just hearing messages about how the local mom had this one weird trick to solve my bone shortage.
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Mar 28, 2022 17:20
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Deki posted:Revenge Demons aren't' worth it if you're not a full expert on the binding laws of Hell. They'll do your dirty work and then immediately start poking around your victim's relatives looking for one who is willing to sign a blood contract for it to destroy you. If you use a revenge demon you gotta utilize a "fall soul" for this very reason. just get some rube who wants to learn how to be a dark wizard to make the contract with the demon. If it is important to you that the victim knows it was you .... yeah do it yourself rather than getting tangled up in the powers
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Mar 28, 2022 20:51
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A sordid tale of dark botany.
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Mar 29, 2022 20:49
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Colonel Cancer posted:My wizard, leaving cursed items around is half of what being capital D Dark is all about! Nothing puts a smile on my face like meddling adventurers making off with a sack of cursed gold and trying to cover costs of renting out an inn! Get this, they hand a coin to the innkeeper and then his flesh falls off, everyone's freaking out, and then his skeleton tries to take everyone's face off! Perfect Crystal Ball moment. This is a great way to have some surprise entertainment. I once dropped one of my rings of power and just left it cuz whatever I've got the antitheft spell that gives me the ability of Astral sight of whomever takes it and is not me. Some dude found it and the spell activated so I just astral snooped on the chaos a ring of power can do to some non-magical rando. He accidentally killed his best friend and when the townsfolk came to arrest him he accidentally killed them too. Like hilariously not on purpose. Like high giving his friend and ripping off friends arm and breaking his friends spine not in purpose. Like total horrific bewilderment on his part. Then the ring gave him the old fashion death scream power. He screamed while being arrested and splatter the townsfolk. Hilariously unexpected and a welcome intrusion after my latest scheme to create a titanic meatbeast fell apart when the local Civil War stopped earlier than I planned depriving me of a sufficient amount of violent flesh. God drat cleric's party came through and cured the plague I used to put stress on the population. And the bard with them bumbled into uniting the kingdom by playing concert where children from the two warring families fell in love and convinced thier parents to not actually go total war on each other. It was disgusting and disheartening.
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Apr 13, 2022 05:56
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ilovebeersooomuch posted:I understand, but one thing that really brings an evil grin to my face is knowing that the populace has the lifespan of mayflies with VERY short memories so it will be no time before you're out there magically sewing together masses of human organs. Yeah i went with the long con. I attended the wedding disguised as a loveable and interesting traveling scholar, and gave a "reading" of a "classical work" during the reception. That "reading" of course was a spell of Binding Of the Will. Their grandchildren will be my thralls and I can get the meat back on the menu when I get them into a new Civil War in 50-70 years. I've always wanted a titanic meatbeast, but getting that much fresh violent flesh (flesh that died in violence) is sooo difficult if you want to do it organically. Skypie posted:Hey anybody heard from Drethgar lately? Last I heard he was trying to break one of the Rules, and I got a message from him yesterday. It was hand delivered on plain paper with no spells, super weird, but he seemed kinda nervous like maybe he'd contacted an Outer One. Yeah if he made contact with an Outer One, he is probably lost to time and space and that physical note is a trap. DO NOT SCRY OR TRY TO TRACE IT. THAT WILL GIVE AN OUTER ONE A DIRECT PATH INTO YOUR MIND AND MAGIC. There is a reason we dont mess with the Outer One's. They are "outer" of a reason.
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May 19, 2022 19:08
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Doc Fission posted:Someone mistook me for a sorcerer the other day. Is it my robes? Do I not give off the right dismal aura? I'm in crisis. to be fair Sorcerers can be "Dark Wizards" but really it is probably your wardrobe that is confusing. What are you wearing or not wearing? Are you over 4 skulls or under 4 skulls? I like to have a constant illusion around my body so that I appear as: Someone who appears close to / reminds someone of who the respect most in this world of whomever is witnessing me. A swirling mass of bone and gore A precious child A wise old man/woman if im feeling low energy and not creative I just pull whatever frightens them most from their subconcious (though sometimes these can be aspects rather than things i.e. failure etc.) If I am feeling high energy and creative I go with something picked from the mind of the viewer that is truly absurd to them (imagine thinking you are going to fight an all powerful dark lich and you fight and struggle through this lich's dungeon and keep only to find what appears to be a sentient leg of mutton or what appears to be a penis or vagina cackling with dark delights and power) The last one always throws off adventurers so you can really mess with them. "what the gently caress why is there a giant talking dick?? is this another monster or a victim of the lich?" If you are sly you can also trick them into thinking you are just another victim and then decide how best to abuse that trust. ilovebeersooomuch posted:Or murder. Murder is always an option. you always jump to MURDER so fast. What's your rush in your undeath? have some fun. All choices lead to their death/soul binding no matter what. no need to rush straight to MURDER Sometimes people are so fast to kill they forget what it means to truly die
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May 20, 2022 18:23
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Always glad to see this thread be necro'd by my fellow dark wizards. How are everyone's evil scheme's going? I did actually get to build that titanic meatbeast. I learned that it can be ANY FLESH that died in violence to satisfy the violent flesh requirement. It didn't have to be just human flesh. I went to a local meat rendering operation and just animated a bunch of horse and cow skellies to kill the workers there and had those workers reanimated to carry to piles and piles of animal flesh to back to my lab and then incorporated those workers into the meatbeast. I must admit that the horrific amalgam of horse, cow, and some human flesh gives a bit more flair that just human flesh only. It escaped though because I got a little too tipsy one night while loving around with my tonics and forgot to renew the flesh ward at the adventurer entrance to my decoy underground lab. tracking its path of meaty destruction across the countryside and seeing how big it had grown due to its infernal unquenchable desire for MEAT when I caught up to it was one of the few things in the last 2000 years to warm my cold dead heart. You guys it was absolutely titanic. I wish I had a different word than titanic to describe this truly magnificent, enormous, and massive this of sentient malicious meat was. I didn't know it could get that big. It sacked a whole city of about 20k residents and they just couldnt stop it. The locals just abandoned the entire area (which is its own set of challenges). it felt like what I imagine it must feel like for a living person to see their child work hard and graduate college. anyway it was waaaay too big to go back in the decoy lab. so I teleported it to a large Crete sized island with 2 good sized ports on it (25k pop each). Last I checked it consumed all living beings there and roams in solitude. Crushing and consuming all meat that finds itself marooned on the island. I am hopeful it can become a legendary being, inspire many crusades / adventuring parties to slay it, and keep adding to its titanic fleshy mass. My meatbeast all grow'd up. I'd shed a tear if I had tear ducts EmbryoSteve fucked around with this message at 00:15 on Dec 28, 2022 |
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Dec 28, 2022 00:06
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Skypie posted:
I wonder how creative you can get with this. You don't have to do bog standard anything. Have a little fun with the distraction. Plague of locusts? Laughing sickness? Doesn't have to be just show up and burn the place to the ground
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Dec 28, 2022 04:19
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Mad Hamish posted:
Hey now, I think we all have experienced accidental death from unintended consequences of our own plots when we were young and hadn't yet mastered time projection to check the future for efficacy of our infernal plans. It's only a problem if you didn't actually anticipate dying / being killed at some point. Being "killed" is part of being a dark wizard in my opinion. the first time it happened to me I would have been screwed / actually dead forever if I didn't do just a little bit of soul safety prep by binding my essence to a large granite monolith on a different continent from the one I was operating on. After I was killed and original body destroyed (by my hubris tbh) my spirit / essence hung out in this monolith and I would send out whispers of power and grant wishes to those who would visit my monolith. Until eventually someone came actual magical potential came to visit and I took over their mind and had them jam a shard of granite into their forehead after which it was my body. I think I'm on my 3rd or 4th body?? It's ok to die. not ok to not plan to die at some point.
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Dec 28, 2022 21:52
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Speleothing posted:Anyone here know a guy for Banefire? what kind of apprentice cant even do the basics?? did you vet this person or is this more of a "please let me learn from you i will do anything" kind of situation and you will use them as an offering or some such down the line?
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Dec 31, 2022 01:04
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Jan 2, 2023 18:03
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Automatic Slim posted:Has anyone mixed the dark arts and real estate? What are you talking about in regards to "priced out"??? If there is real estate you want why wouldn't you just either do some machinations to manipulate the owner into your serfdom or just use the old trusty send in a horde of skeletons and take it? How have you not buffered your project against the need to use a horde of skeletons?
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Apr 11, 2023 05:16
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Deki posted:I never got the hassle some of you have with Paladins, they're easy to spot. If a bulky knight shows up without a horse or any attendants to be seen, just fuckin kill em. Chances are, they're a paladin. If not, who cares? Rogues always think they are the smartest guy/gal in the room. Good move with the decoy vents for the halflings. I use pocket dimensions a lot to many rogues. None of the locks on the doors in my lair actually function like locks in the usual sense. They are all traps for rogues who try to pick them and when the buggers pick the "lock" the door auto routes them to a pocket dimension from which there is no escape. They end up lost in a mirror facsimile of the lair just wandering around. I set up the dimensions to be removed from time and give those within them everlasting energy and lack of need of food or water. So they wander essentially forever without dying. They cant suicide either due to the nature of the dimension. Good fun. I like to keep a scrying mirror in a room like an art gallery kind of deal for each dimension to watch them while chilling. I call it my "rogues gallery"
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May 8, 2023 21:00
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Yall are right. A rogue got out. Im not sure how but Luckily she was so thankful to be free and so.over Leveled on search area and lock picking she lost most of her fighting skill and both didnt notice and couldn't hang with Shizaeran the Eater , a greater deamon I keep bound to an old set of armor I keep in the gallery. He likes to watch the frustrated aimless wandering as the despair is good enrichment for him. Anyway I never got to find out how she got out because by the time i got to the gallery good ol Shiz was attempting the shove clumps of torn corpulent flesh into his faceplate like he actually had a mouth and wasnt a set of animated armor. He can keep.the flesh. He earned it imo and now I don't even have to bind him to the room when I'm not sending him out on terror missions. Hes fixated on the mirrors. Just waiting for another escape and when he moves from mirror to mirror and there's a cute "slish slosh plish plop" echoing out of him since his carapace is filled with the eviscerated gore of the rogue. I added a mind looping spell that flows through the winds magic in those dimensions and threw in a taunting spectre to chase them about a bit so they don't have time to think too much about their bag of dimensional.dildos or what have you. The moment they realize they're in a trap the spectre shows up and chases them to a new door that they frantically unlock which resets the loop and erases their memory of the previous loop / lock picking / being stuck in a pocket dimension. Now they pick the lock, enter the pocket, wander until they realize their in my rogues gallery /pocket dimension, get chased by the spectre, pick a new lock which loops them back to the moment of consciousness in which they entered the pocket and picked the first lock. Erasing xp and resetting the dimension Poor.shiz gonna be waiting a while for.the next breakout
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May 8, 2023 22:52
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The spells and dimensions are all proprietary and artisanally hand-made. so no you can't have them. I'm not some young schlub lich who hasn't been around the cairn. You can't loving buy my poo poo and learn my secrets. I almost got got by my first apprentice when he was conspiring against me with a magical merchant. Trying to get me to sell my spells so they could deconstruct them and then kill me and steal my.essence. I was poor then both in sense and souls but I'm not poor now gently caress you. I know your guild wants my secret dimensions just to put me in it and lock me In a loop. Fur20 posted:Ohhh poo poo this sounds amazing! Do you sell these? My guild affiliation prohibits me from making my own but I'm not Good or anything so I can, yknow, still keep and display art like this.
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May 8, 2023 23:38
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Deki posted:Man, I'm kicking myself, yesterday some idiot usurper showed up at my lair yesterday so I dropped the ceiling on the fool while increasing gravity around him, crushing him into a paste instantly. You all know how big of a fan I am of infinite mazes of eternity so I instantly went there when I thought about the solution to this problem. Why not just trap them in an infinite maze of eternal life? No death but etill evil
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May 26, 2023 20:58
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Mad Hamish posted:You guys, I think I might have a problem.
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May 26, 2023 23:12
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The Butcher posted:Which one of you loving jokers put a hex on my All Seeing Orb? Just lol if you feel any lust for flesh that isn't already dead. Christ I'm old
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Jun 1, 2023 20:59
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I prefer to turn them gay by tricking them into drinking a "holy tonic" with same chemicals that make the frogs gay. Most of the time they Crack ping and fall after a few days because they're conservative world view puts them into a state of perpetual shame and lust . when they go back to their order's fortress it's nothing but gay thoughts for the other paladins and inevitably leads to a fall since despite their rhetoric of acceptance they are so narrow minded that the can't see there's no problem with being gay. I tried out the chemicals on this radio host first and it drove him insane:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JRLCBb7qK8
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Jun 2, 2023 20:32
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Oh gently caress I just scried the inside of that carriage parked outside your tower. Bad news it's got IRS (infernal rot squid) agents in there. You forgot to pay the old ones their blood tax Take a look: 
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Jul 11, 2023 04:12
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naem posted:that could get really complicated if your follower’s faith leads them to become Paladins, esp if youre an evil wizard. This is actually a great scheme to have an endless supply of paladins to corrupt for various high level spells and needs.
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Jul 11, 2023 19:49
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redshirt posted:Y'all Dark Wizards got a Union? Sign me up if so. We are evil wizards. So we are pro Right To Work
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Jul 11, 2023 20:29
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Jul 28, 2023 03:46
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