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make you a balloon animal. imagine that please. tell me after you do it. |
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Sep 7, 2020 21:33
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| # ? May 5, 2024 11:07 |
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okay i imagined it, but i actually never met one. not scared of clown or anything, i just turned back after less than a mile. sorry, i get very bored of exercise fast |
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Sep 7, 2020 22:33
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They're cute and fun balloons but after about 5 of them they're starting to drag and get tangled and it's making it difficult to bike home 
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Sep 7, 2020 23:28
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you did not tell me all the clowns would be naked and touching themselves, it was a very uncomfortable ride 3/10 stars |
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Sep 7, 2020 23:32
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*panting after cycling 130 miles and my wheels begin to leave the ground* ok can i stop now? |
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Sep 7, 2020 23:47
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i like a thread with a clear objective, and this one ticks all the boxes. i have imagined the bike path (medium-high serenity), the clown (low-mild evil), and balloon animals for a two mile bike ride (doggo and birb on the way out, butterfly and rabbit on the way home). |
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Sep 8, 2020 00:38
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if i’m not required to stop for each clown i will use them as a way to keep my cadence in check edit: that is what i am imagining |
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Sep 8, 2020 01:02
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the wooded bike path is lovely and it's a nice day and I am happy to do the first mile in serene peace and quiet the first clown confronts me. "you are looking extremely mortal today," he says with a leering grin. "tell me, shall it be the gallows, poison most foul, a keen blade, or dealer's choice?" "hello friend clown, dealer's choice please!" the clown fingers the balloon lewdly, twisting it into a spiky sphere. "it is the coronavirus, sadly, friend." there is a positively creepy emphasis to this last word. "you have called it, and so it has come." I take the balloon. "thank you very much!" I say sunnily, and resume my biking in the warm sunny afternoon, fragrant with pine resin. the next clown is gigantic and wheezy. "all forms of sex are perversion," he spits out, laboriously. "do not pretend to be anything other than a lustful animal. give me a word, and I will discern your secret kink." "hopscotch!" I say, brightly. wheezy clown spends an intense fifteen minutes twisting and merging latex sausages of varied colors. in the end he presents me with what is obviously just a big misshapen dick. "you have given yourself away," he gasps, "I have seen the depths of your soul, and it is not pretty." "thanks mister clown!" I say. "I have some allergy medication if you'd like it, the pollen count is pretty high today!" the clown glowers at me. "that stuff will kill you," he says. "no thank you. pervert." I hop back on the bike and head down the path, my heart lightened by the fact that today I will bring a tiny bit of purpose and perhaps a glimmer of joy to dozens of clowns who are otherwise ignored, unloved, and bored to death.
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Sep 8, 2020 01:56
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Manifisto posted:the wooded bike path is lovely and it's a nice day and I am happy to do the first mile in serene peace and quiet lol |
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Sep 8, 2020 02:00
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Manifisto posted:the wooded bike path is lovely and it's a nice day and I am happy to do the first mile in serene peace and quiet Truly wonderful |
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Sep 8, 2020 04:30
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it's cute at first and I try to be polite, but I think I'm getting the amateur clowns? Or trainees? Maybe they're just not able to make too much in the time I'm nearby. The first dog was cute, then there was a hat, and a sword. That was it really. This is a 15 mile ride both ways, I'm running out of room and trying to be polite, but I'm sweaty and now some of the balloons have popped. I hope none of the clowns notice if their balloons are missing on the way back. Oh great, they're giving me more. This is really kind of wasteful, but they're very insistent. |
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Sep 8, 2020 04:31
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I cycled for one mile and now I am a balloon animal. This is very inconvenient, my balloon legs aren't long enough to reach the pedals, and also have no musculature or nervous system or other means of control. |
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Sep 8, 2020 04:37
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well I was feeling conversational so I hopped off my bike after he made me balloon animal (a mole, my favorite animal) and we got to talking about this and that. We talked about his hopes and dreams, what pulled him to the path of the clown (he tried dental school, had an epiphany after he saw someone under laughing gas. Quote: "I realized there was a way I could make people feel that good all the time"). We talked about heartbreak and love and pain and human things, and when it was over, he gave me a simple red balloon. "May you float above your troubles as this balloon floats above the clouds" he said as he released it, and I hopped back on my bike and continued on my way down the road, my heart and mind light, full of possibility. It wasn't until I had arrived at my house that I recalled he wasn't wearing any pants.
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Sep 8, 2020 04:53
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wow these are all very good |
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Sep 8, 2020 14:50
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hi frump truck i imagined a clown and then i stopped i do not like clowns and my brain is lazy i am sorry
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Sep 8, 2020 15:45
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I don't know how to ride a bike. Can I just walk? Or is that too dangerous for me and the other bikers?
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Sep 8, 2020 15:59
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Look, I don't have time for all of these clowns! I'm workin' on my glutes!
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Sep 8, 2020 16:33
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[approaching clown #8] alright, shift up two gears, feather rear brake before the berm, manual over the roots immediately after, keep weight back for the dro- clown: HUH HUH HONK! *crashes into a tree at 40 mph* |
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Sep 8, 2020 17:21
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Macnult posted:[approaching clown #8] lol
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Sep 8, 2020 18:32
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Zurtilik posted:I don't know how to ride a bike. You can walk, there's a lane for that too. But you'll probably only realistically see the first 1-3 clowns |
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Sep 8, 2020 20:35
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Macnult posted:if i’m not required to stop for each clown i will use them as a way to keep my cadence in check you don't have to stop for each clown but it will be hard for them to give you a balloon animal if you bike by them too fast |
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Sep 8, 2020 20:37
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I take a deep breath then survey the downhill slalom ahead of me. a mile's worth of path, failing rising twisting and turning and every inch of it covered by clowns lying side by side, prone and restrained. I put my sunglasses on, mount my bike and begin my descent. as I ride I leave a cacophonous wake of oufs ows squeaks and honks behind me. squirting flowers, confetti streamers and creme pies arch behind me. at the end of the mile, I turn my bike, plant my feet and eye the standing clown. nervously he tries to offer me a balloon animal. I look at the clown's balloon, then I look at him, then I move my eyes slowly and deliberately towards the empty spot on the ground next to the last clown on the ground, I let my glance linger there for a while then I return it to the clown with the balloon animal. he turns and runs for the forest. he'll be back, I have the only still in town and the only supply of oversized shoes. |
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Sep 8, 2020 22:06
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at the start of every mile, I have just enough helium to do the “we’ll be singing when we’re winning” part in a funny high voice but the rest of the song is alto and also me trying to breath heavily between every two words
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Sep 8, 2020 23:28
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| # ? May 5, 2024 11:07 |
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I'm trying to imagine enjoying the ride but it's actually the imaginary Clown Balloon Bike Tour, a gimmicky social exercise thing like spartan races and color runs. I guess it raises money for a good cause but the serene bike trail is full of people taking this WAY more seriously than me, they keep yelling "Get the balloon get the balloon!" and mobbing the poor clowns and I'm sorry but I'm skipping the barbed wire section, it doesn't really work well when you're on a bike and it's rough on the balloons too. |
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Sep 9, 2020 04:35
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