Is Mario a Sexual Being?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > Is Mario a Sexual Being?

Prof. Crocodile

look we've been dancing around this for years now, and i understand it's not the easiest thing to talk about what with everything going on in the world right now, but i think we owe it to our children and our children's children to confront this topic.

# ? Oct 8, 2020 03:20

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# ? May 3, 2024 17:41

Prof. Crocodile

look i'm not a weirdo or anything. i'm just wondering if--canonically speaking--mario fucks.

like did he ever whip his hog out in super mario 3, for example. i warped through a lot of that game, so idk if he did or not.

# ? Oct 8, 2020 03:21

Areola Grande: it's a free country u pervs

Mario Mario is interested in the opposite sex but rarely gets beyond a smooch

touche Mario. Touche

# ? Oct 8, 2020 03:24

Prof. Crocodile

prepuce repurposed posted:

Mario Mario is interested in the opposite sex but rarely gets beyond a smooch

touche Mario. Touche

i guess this is consistent with my experiences in the games as well, except in mario galaxy where the tanuki suit gives you giant balls like in pom poko.

Prof. Crocodile fucked around with this message at 03:52 on Oct 8, 2020

# ? Oct 8, 2020 03:50

ClamdestineBoyster: Can't post for 10 years!

He gets poon at the end of the game dude. Like do you even mario? :thunk:

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# ? Oct 8, 2020 03:52

FutonForensic

Dear Sexual Mario:

Please ""cum"" to the castle. I've prepped my cakey butt for you.

Yours truly--
Prickcess Fuckstool (Pussy)

# ? Oct 8, 2020 03:58

ClamdestineBoyster: Can't post for 10 years!

The mushrooms in the question boxes are a metaphor for Mario�s penis, and the fireflowers are a metaphor for the princesses spicy vagina. Their sexual intertwinement in ubiquitous throughout the game. :smuggo:

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# ? Oct 8, 2020 04:02

City of Glompton

mario is chaste

thank you PSP for the beautiful spring sig

# ? Oct 8, 2020 04:10

Kaiser Schnitzel: Schnitzel mit uns

that dude can work some pipe FOR SURE

https://i.imgur.com/R8ctked.mp4
ty Manifisto for this wonderful sig!

# ? Oct 8, 2020 04:21

nut

is rain wet

# ? Oct 8, 2020 04:23

Areola Grande: it's a free country u pervs

City of Glompton posted:

mario is chaste

this is seeming more and more likely lately

# ? Oct 8, 2020 04:25

Gross Dude: Gross Dude

Princess Chode Tool

# ? Oct 8, 2020 04:26

frump truck: hello... again!

MArio Is a Sexual Boing

# ? Oct 8, 2020 04:26

Prof. Crocodile

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

The mushrooms in the question boxes are a metaphor for Mario�s penis, and the fireflowers are a metaphor for the princesses spicy vagina. Their sexual intertwinement in ubiquitous throughout the game.

now i know what he was talking about when he said "waahaaaaaa!"

# ? Oct 8, 2020 04:41

Prof. Crocodile

mario is also a doctor and a painter and a good driver, so he would probably be a pretty good husband, but idk if he is a generous lover, and that is important to long-term relationship success.

# ? Oct 8, 2020 04:43

your friend sk: (ヤイケス!)

Prof. Crocodile posted:

mario is also a doctor and a painter and a good driver, so he would probably be a pretty good husband, but idk if he is a generous lover, and that is important to long-term relationship success.

pick two: modern renaissance man, can say anything other than "wahoo!", big hog

# ? Oct 8, 2020 04:47

nut

i pick big hog twice

# ? Oct 8, 2020 04:55

ClamdestineBoyster: Can't post for 10 years!

Prof. Crocodile posted:

mario is also a doctor and a painter and a good driver, so he would probably be a pretty good husband, but idk if he is a generous lover, and that is important to long-term relationship success.

He probably just uses the princesses holes for pleasure, does a few pumps, smokes a menthol, farts and rolls over and goes to sleep, and hogs the bathroom for 20 minutes in the morning in some sort of wrestling match with last nights calzone for one (she just has pickles and no-bake cookies), but he has had a long and arduous journey and maybe she just gets him, even if she isn�t satisfied, she can find comfort in him and let him use her body for a scratching post, never really wanting to ruin his routine she is accustomed to by suggesting she might want to try pee sometime.

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# ? Oct 8, 2020 05:03

FutonForensic

Gross Dude posted:

Princess Chode Tool

# ? Oct 8, 2020 05:18

Joey McChrist

Gross Dude posted:

Princess Chode Tool

# ? Oct 8, 2020 05:22

FutonForensic

i don't think mario has a lot going downstairs tbh, he wears that denim pretty tight and it's smooth as a melon between those pool noodle thighs

# ? Oct 8, 2020 05:39

Khanstant

he is a golem, no thoughts, no feelings, just accepts commands

# ? Oct 8, 2020 05:55

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

FutonForensic posted:

i don't think mario has a lot going downstairs tbh, he wears that denim pretty tight and it's smooth as a melon between those pool noodle thighs

The entire Mario is the dong

# ? Oct 8, 2020 05:56

ClamdestineBoyster: Can't post for 10 years!

FutonForensic posted:

i don't think mario has a lot going downstairs tbh, he wears that denim pretty tight and it's smooth as a melon between those pool noodle thighs

Mario is a little mutton bottom tbh, but have you considered the other option, Sonic? He probably has a very small, weird penis that she can hardly feel compared to bowser, but it somehow manages to hurt with his erratic, angular speed thrusting. :thunkher:

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# ? Oct 8, 2020 06:09

owlhawk911: come chill with me, in byob

Kaiser Schnitzel posted:

that dude can work some pipe FOR SURE

https://giant.gfycat.com/PlasticAngryHousefly.webm
_{this sig a mf'n vanisher joint. gobbos by khanstant}

# ? Oct 8, 2020 06:10

FutonForensic

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

Mario is a little mutton bottom tbh, but have you considered the other option, Sonic? He probably has a very small, weird penis that she can hardly feel compared to bowser, but it somehow manages to hurt with his erratic, angular speed thrusting.

mario and sonic at the olympic village

# ? Oct 8, 2020 06:11

ClamdestineBoyster: Can't post for 10 years!

FutonForensic posted:

mario and sonic at the olympic village

Let�s see sonic get through the first level of Mario bro�s in less than 60 seconds. Yeah loving right Mario wins. :mario:

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# ? Oct 8, 2020 06:22

owlhawk911: come chill with me, in byob

fully sexual mario with human titties

https://giant.gfycat.com/PlasticAngryHousefly.webm
_{this sig a mf'n vanisher joint. gobbos by khanstant}

# ? Oct 8, 2020 06:45

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD

Golfing, shooting basketball, painting, partying, going go-karting, playing tennis, hat shopping, paper-folding, finding himself, traveling in time, or even committing massive prescription drug fraud are all just ways to keep mario's mind occupied as it slowly drowns in built-up gametes. His prostate is the size of subcon.

# ? Oct 8, 2020 06:54

The Voice of Labor

mario is biologically a sexual being but due to his strict catholic upbringing no one ever told him what his dick was for.

one day he will see two yoshis loving and figure out why bowzer "kidnaps" princess peach every thursday except for when she is on her period.

# ? Oct 8, 2020 07:29

nut

FutonForensic posted:

mario and sonic at the olympic village

yes

# ? Oct 8, 2020 12:48

your friend sk: (ヤイケス!)

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

# ? Oct 8, 2020 13:22

frump truck: hello... again!

mario is a sensual nightmare

# ? Oct 8, 2020 13:47

frump truck: hello... again!

mario lights a yankee candle called "beautiful day" whenever he wants to Do It

# ? Oct 8, 2020 13:48

Chewbecca: Just chillin' : )

Mario greasing up the pipes before he goes through them

_{Thanks to Heather Papps for sweet sig, click for more hot lady action}

_{sigs by luvcow and Khanstant.

Click on Spoonville for a neat surprise}

_{(┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻ #YesNutNovember - add this to your sig if you love and support BYOB's own nut}

# ? Oct 8, 2020 13:50

FutonForensic

Super Mario's Sexual Odyssey. Join Mario and his new friend, "Fappy," on an erotically supercharged adventure across eight titillating worlds, like "Bowser's gently caress Palace" and "New Dong City"

# ? Oct 8, 2020 15:35