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With Lowtax gone, and Jeff exiled for using SA as a Funkopop laundering front, we have been in chaos for half a year now.I want to thank all my supporters who helped me secure the office as rightful leader. Your bravery and keen eye for selecting the best leader will pay off in dividends. Without further ado, here are my plans the next 100 days of something awful: 1) Live updating of threads (especially useful for events!) 2) Creation of the Goon Nomads foundation, which will scour the internet for users of excellent comedic taste and posting style, and bring them back to the holy land of Something Awful. 3) Goon Child Policy to encourage fertile forums users to help offset the greying of the forums demographic. Children of goons will receive a voucher for a free account at age 18, and will also get periodic discounts on avatars and banner ads. 4) Return of LF (still not sure what LF was about, but my PR guy with the goku lizard family avatar thinks this will turn out supporters) 5) Mass amnesty for mom-joke related probes. We know this has been a heavy burden for people, almost as heavy as Genesplicer's mom who sat on an iPod and turned it into an iPad. 6) Return of the original Stupid Newbie avatar 7) 50% funding increase for the Anti-Incel Task Force to root out the cells still here hiding in the darkest corners of the forums. 8) Sell the rights to C-SPAM and D&D to offset the damage from the Goldbelly Cookie Catastrophie which has put a dent in our annual Domestic Goon Product.
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Nov 10, 2020 03:03
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*looking into GBS for the first time after posting exclusively in the crocheting sub-forum for the past 15 years* What the gently caress are you talking about? What's an incel?
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Nov 10, 2020 03:09
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Let me tell you what I think.
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Nov 10, 2020 03:10
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We're very concerned about the Goon Domestic Product (GDP) and its relation to our Goldbelly Debt. We're looking at selling bonds with 30 year maturity dates.
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Nov 10, 2020 03:27
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alright, here is what we should do: -make every avatar a picture of a girl with huge boobs.
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Nov 10, 2020 03:28
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So you mean to tell me all the abusers and chuds are out of the forum? Well then... I'll have a coke, please.
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Nov 10, 2020 03:32
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the stupid newbie av at one point became so bad that i blocked it and now i dont even know how to unblock it or what extension i used whats its url
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Nov 10, 2020 03:51
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*hyperventilating, eyes wide, clothes ragged, makeshift bandage over one eye, adrenaline just through the loving roof* Ok so I checked out the rest of the forums and I have a couple of "opinions" about where things should be headed.
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Nov 10, 2020 03:58
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1) announce that I'm going to investigate "any forum that has a body count or is a terrorist cell or human trafficking scheme waiting to happen" for deletion, but don't name any names 2) wait for people to speak in unprompted defense of their favorite forums 3) whatever they're defending, delete them. ain't nobody got time for that 4) get bored 5) dump a copy of the entire site on github or whatever, and stop paying the bills 6) let people make their own lovely little perfect versions of the site until the whole thing collapses under the inevitable dumb internet drama 7) fake my death and begin a new life in the canary islands under the assumed name of jamal turbotwink
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Nov 10, 2020 04:39
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Bug you've been playing too much Crusader Kings Edit - yo mama so ugly you couldn't even marry her off to the Danes !!!!
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Nov 10, 2020 04:55
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*The only PI thread is about some guy keeping a boy he found in the wasteland for "companionship or food"* So yeah he don't look so good. The weather is a bit weird so I'm gonna set up an AC on one side and a fan heater on the other. Probably gonna cancel each other out and keep things nice and temperate.
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Nov 10, 2020 05:27
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gently caress you i didnt vote for you
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Nov 10, 2020 05:34
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the three planks of my administration will be as follows: - establishment of a "bad posts gulag". as a punitive alternative to probation, bad or otherwise quarrelsome posters may be confined to only be able to post (and in extreme cases, only be able to read) in a special subforum for a certain amount of time. - an official SA-hosted Doom deathmatch server. the monthly champion will be granted "winners' choice" mod powers over any forum they choose. except for coupons - total posting immunity for Pick, and for Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud (aka "Tori CMOS", aka "Citizen Tayne")
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Nov 10, 2020 06:26
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tits on snails
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Nov 10, 2020 06:27
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*top en thread "my whole family died in the event and i keep loving their corpses"* enmod: This is A TROLL FREE ZONE
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Nov 10, 2020 06:35
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-mandatory food derails in all threads -marquee tags enabled -video tags enabled in poll options
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Nov 10, 2020 06:38
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TheAardvark posted:-marquee tags enabled Behold my avatar
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Nov 10, 2020 06:39
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Bring back DPPH, but be literal and make it so you can't actually post porn there.
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Nov 10, 2020 07:33
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1) a sub forum dedicated solely to fast food 2) . . . 3) Profit
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Nov 10, 2020 07:44
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I throw my posts out there, and I just see what happens
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Nov 10, 2020 07:49
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*posting in dnd* Lol a childs life is worth everything you stupid bastards
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Nov 10, 2020 10:15
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1. Avatars and forums upgrades purchased by nude selfies 2. I'll do whatever the gently caress I want you dumb gently caress man
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Nov 10, 2020 14:15
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No longer will moderation be handled by the whims of petty nerds drunk on the most miniscule amount of power. Instead all posting disputes will be settled among posters through trials by combat in the game MDickie's Wrestling MPire
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Nov 10, 2020 14:49
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1.) Launch an investigation probe into QCS to find out why so many of the posters there are from the British Isles 2.) Establish a network of secret conspiratorial discords dedicated to extremely minute aspects of the website, like a 'Preview Reply' button committee. 3.) Goon project to establish extremely large and loud horns to be blown at certain times of day depending on location and goon proximity 4.) Free Healthcare and Student Debt Forgiveness 5.) Codify the rule: "You can't get mad at me." 6.) Get mad at me anyway 7.) Ascend from Samsara 8.) No Ween actually, just skip the first 7
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Nov 10, 2020 15:30
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Funky See Funky Do posted:*top en thread "my whole family died in the event and i keep loving their corpses"* Lol And posters would defend it
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Nov 10, 2020 15:31
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Mr. President, Mr. President, what is your plan for domestic security? It is a crazy world out there and we need to be prepared for ANYTHING! 4chan and Reddit have DDOS now and Parler is already enriching Bytes!
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Nov 10, 2020 16:37
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Great Leap Backwards
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Nov 10, 2020 16:47
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Same poo poo, people just talking about the past, zero moving forward. Will be banned soon. repeat.
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Nov 10, 2020 17:03
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lots of great 100 day plans itt, its a shame you all will be arrested this evening for trying to delegitimatize my rule here.
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Nov 10, 2020 23:40
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New users default avatars are now prominently displayed as "funko pop enthusiast"
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Nov 10, 2020 23:56
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buglord posted:lots of great 100 day plans itt, its a shame you all will be arrested this evening for trying to delegitimatize my rule here. You didn't address forum security, so I don't even know man, maybe I try to impeach you and take over? Up to you.... but gently caress around and find out!
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Nov 11, 2020 00:51
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FILLIBUSTER! If that fake President doesn't respond to our forum security concerns within 60 minutes (when I go to bed) we will start the impeachment process tomorrow.
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Nov 11, 2020 04:33
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endless push notifications auto-enabled and to disable them you have go to find the secret forum to request it. E: somehow this includes if you don't use your phone to access SA.
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Nov 11, 2020 04:35
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Tick tock 'Buggy Bug', when I oust you we are going to build a cyber wall, bigly and Lowtax will pay for it! MSAGA!
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Nov 11, 2020 04:47
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A virtual forums browsing buddy that can occasionally post using your account about your forum habits like "I looked at the cartoon butts thread for 3 hours". Basically Bonzi Buddy but way more purple.
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Nov 11, 2020 04:59
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-bring back Lowtax -ban everyone -delete the forums
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Nov 11, 2020 05:00
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Linux Pirate posted:A virtual forums browsing buddy that can occasionally post using your account about your forum habits like "I looked at the cartoon butts thread for 3 hours". Basically Bonzi Buddy but way more purple. Yeah, 3 people per account! And, once I get access to the forums war chest, I will bribe the bribers, bing, bang boom, no more CarTax for members of SA!
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Nov 11, 2020 05:03
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Schweinhund posted:-bring back Lowtax Is that sustainable? Asking for someone who certainly isn't about to declare Presidency in 20 minutes?
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Nov 11, 2020 05:11
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buglord posted:lots of great 100 day plans itt, its a shame you all will be arrested this evening for trying to delegitimatize my rule here. whoever you send after me better be packing more heat than that one porn dude with the huge boner because i'm gonna make it real hard for them
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Nov 11, 2020 05:39
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