- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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ojay, so first off we know what the market is saturated with: distressingly realistic dicks, vagines, buttholes, foot-pussies, titty-pussies, and edward cullen's face. if you want a dildo based off the exact specification of a taiwanese political radical's dick, you can get that vein-perfect. we have descended into the uncanny valley of sex bits.
what market remains unexplored? geometric solids. can you get off on a cylinder? impossible. try it. until now. phizzy's phuckables is proud to announce, for the first time ever, the Sex Cone. it vibrates at wildly unpredictable strengths and frequencies we based off of solar radiation. surf the cosmos on our wildly impractical cone thing, which no human can comfortably wield one-handed.
we'll soon be unveiling a whole line of these weird, Bauhaus fanart lookin things, in such non-euclidian configurations as:
rear end Rhombus
"Square"
Wet Spiral
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Dec 6, 2020 21:16
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 29, 2024 18:38
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- Gross Dude
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Gross Dude
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Hey that's great and all, but what if I need to gently caress a Klein bottle
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Dec 7, 2020 01:57
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- Gross Dude
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Gross Dude
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I want to gently caress this, OP. Let me do it!
Only registered members can see post attachments!
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Dec 7, 2020 02:00
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- Christoph
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I just want a tube of fake veins to make my dong look veiny-er
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Dec 7, 2020 02:18
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- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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I want to gently caress this, OP. Let me do it!
they've got two models, one made of a more rigid plastic the other made of fake skin, and they both feel perpetually greasy to the touch
crimes
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Dec 7, 2020 04:48
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- Buttchocks
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No, I like my hat, thanks.
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make it out of carbon nano-tubes and aerogel
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Dec 7, 2020 06:12
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- Android Blues
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progressive sex toy? how about a dictionary. that says sex words at me.
i'm a sapiosexual so i have devised this Adult Speak And (not 'n' - that is a bowdlerisation of my urges) Spell that when you press a button it says "lineament" or "dogma" and my pussey becomes wide and engorged. i am going to take it on Dragon's Den but I will only speak to Deborah Meaden, the most literate dragon. I know in my heart that Deborah and I are cut from the same cloth.
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Dec 7, 2020 10:20
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- Android Blues
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locking eyes with Deborah Meaden as our pussey's inexorably synchronise. the Adult Speak And Spell drones on, "mountaineering, cuniculus, theriac". "i'm in for £4,000,000 and a 1% stake" whispers Deborah. I know, I smirk, looking back.
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Dec 7, 2020 10:26
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- pecan
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Deborah Meaden blushing and tripping over herself, desperate for 10% equity in my casual, bespoke "everyday" graduation cap business
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Dec 7, 2020 13:02
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- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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!!!!! other sharks don't read this!!!!
deborah... hello.... how do you feel about, what is ze word, geometry?
crimes
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Dec 7, 2020 16:54
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- Android Blues
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I have recently been made aware of a sex's toy the central conceit of which being, that a torch has a pussy inside. I think that is hosed. Behold my alternative: a copy of Pleasure Activism by Adrienne Maree Brown which has a pussy inside.
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Dec 7, 2020 16:58
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- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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socially conscious kink for liberals: a flagellator which only works on your own back
crimes
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Dec 7, 2020 17:04
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- Trying
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y'all out here playing sex checkers while I've been mastering gently caress chess
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Dec 7, 2020 17:06
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- Android Blues
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opening and shutting the book at Theo Paphitis, so that he can see what is inside, but the key camera grip cannot. "you can be in for a small stake," i say, laying it on real thick, while also subtly hinting that the dimensions of a 9x6 paperback are actually non-ideal for penetration (this is so he won't be disappointed in focus testing)
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Dec 7, 2020 17:06
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- Trying
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AlphaBlow
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Dec 7, 2020 17:07
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- Stoner Sloth
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y'all out here playing sex checkers while I've been mastering gently caress chess
go gently caress is the superior game i think you'll find 
   
       
  
 
   
sigs by the awesome Manifisto, Vanisher, City of Glompton, Pot Smoke Phoenix, Nut, Heather Papps,Prof Crocodile, knuthgrush, Ohtori Akio, Teapot, Saosyhant, Dumb Sex Parrot, w4ddl3d33, and nesamdoom!! - ty friends!
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Dec 8, 2020 00:23
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- Finger Prince
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A butt plug that offers a reach-around. Leaves both hands free for eating pizza.
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Dec 8, 2020 00:38
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- Finger Prince
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A perfectly spherical, solid ball of titanium approximately 3' in diameter, delivered directly to your door. I call it The gently caress Orb.
"Why's it called The gently caress Orb?"
"You'll see"
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Dec 8, 2020 01:38
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- Stoner Sloth
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vegemite flavoured lube
sigs by the awesome Manifisto, Vanisher, City of Glompton, Pot Smoke Phoenix, Nut, Heather Papps,Prof Crocodile, knuthgrush, Ohtori Akio, Teapot, Saosyhant, Dumb Sex Parrot, w4ddl3d33, and nesamdoom!! - ty friends!
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Dec 8, 2020 01:48
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- Trying
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The Wall as sex is a British man crying about his mother during and then me having to go do a long, emotional solo
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Dec 8, 2020 02:11
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- canyoneer
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I only have canyoneyes for you
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every purchase allows our organization to donate an orgasm to the developing world
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Dec 8, 2020 02:12
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- magic cactus
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We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.
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y'all out here playing sex checkers while I've been mastering gently caress chess
Thanks to Saoshyant for the amazing spring '23 sig!
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Dec 8, 2020 02:43
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- pecan
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that king crimson album but I guess u put it up ur butt
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Dec 8, 2020 03:37
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- Finger Prince
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The Wall as sex is a British man crying about his mother during and then me having to go do a long, emotional solo
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Dec 8, 2020 04:05
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- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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"Why's it called The gently caress Orb?"
"You'll see"
it's got a built-in lighter for an afterglow ciggie https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qKxZO7tFfc
crimes
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Dec 11, 2020 16:38
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- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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a mouth fleshlight except you have to seduce it properly and get affirmative consent before going to town
crimes
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Dec 11, 2020 16:39
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 29, 2024 18:38
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- RickRogers
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Woh, is that a thing I like??
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Somehow incorporate the principles of the Pythagoras "greedy cup", so that if you try and sex too much the cum just spills out all over the floor at once.
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Dec 11, 2020 16:54
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Dec 6, 2020 21:16
