bringing news of a video game soldiers' fate to their loved ones

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > bringing news of a video game soldiers' fate to their loved ones

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Yinlock

Mrs. Phillips, when your son died from a sick 360 noscope at long range and got put into a sweet compilation it left a hole in our hearts that will never be filled, but we will solider on in his memory

# ? Dec 9, 2020 10:23

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# ? May 16, 2024 01:50

Yinlock

*hat over heart* Right before your husband was teamkilled because he wouldn't stop shouting the n-word over comms, he asked me to look after his family should anything happen

# ? Dec 9, 2020 10:26

Yinlock

James Williams was a man who loved his country. He was unafraid to open that sliding door, knowing full well that James Bond had stacked 40 proximity mines just outside of it seconds earlier,

# ? Dec 9, 2020 10:28

Yinlock

Risking life and limb, Pvt. Simmons bravely crawled his way to your brother's body and did squats over it 20 times out of what we assume is grief

# ? Dec 9, 2020 13:04

nut

Yinlock posted:

James Williams was a man who loved his country. He was unafraid to open that sliding door, knowing full well that James Bond had stacked 40 proximity mines just outside of it seconds earlier,

her: James was a good father. please tell me how he passed. was it in a hail of gunfire? a shearing explosion of grenades? a single sniper shot?

me: well ma�am, I�m afraid...it was slappers only. you�re going to want to make it a closed casket this time

# ? Dec 9, 2020 16:06

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

It pains me to say we were unable to retrieve the body. Your husband's corpse winked entirely out of existence seconds after a fatal karate chop to the shoulder.

# ? Dec 9, 2020 18:03

google THIS

The medics did everything they could to save him, but the damage to his nuts was too severe

# ? Dec 9, 2020 18:33

vanisher

It's our understanding that he died from a grenade hurled half way across the map into the spawn point. Please accept this folded flag with the word [BUTT] prepared by his clanmates.

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Dec 9, 2020 18:42

vanisher

We recovered this uzi from his corpse which is a super cheap weapon to use we only hope you can learn to forgive him.

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Dec 9, 2020 18:46

your friend sk: (ヤイケス!)

your highness, while mario DID survive the paratroopa ambush, he's...very small now. i'm so sorry

Join the BYOB Army

^{thank you again Saoshyant!!}

# ? Dec 9, 2020 20:03

Yinlock

Drink-Mix Man posted:

It pains me to say we were unable to retrieve the body. Your husband's corpse winked entirely out of existence seconds after a fatal karate chop to the shoulder.

vanisher posted:

We recovered this uzi from his corpse which is a super cheap weapon to use we only hope you can learn to forgive him.

# ? Dec 9, 2020 20:09

Yinlock

here lies Jimmy Simmons,

2000-2020

"this team sucks im throwing"

# ? Dec 9, 2020 20:12

Jaguars!

Unfortunately we were unable to retrieve his body because when he was shot his body fell partly onto a railing, flickered between the railing and the floor 100 times in a second, shot up 400 feet into the air and exploded.

# ? Dec 9, 2020 20:14

How Wonderful!: I only have excellent ideas

Mrs. Luigi, are you sitting down? This is the US Marine Corps. We're afraid that your son perished in a tragic wave-dashing accident. He didn't understand how to do it and ran off the level. We're so sorry. He got owned.

-sig by Manifisto! goblin by Khanstant! News and possum by deep dish peat moss!

# ? Dec 9, 2020 20:15

Jaguars!

No one was close enough to get his last words, but we're reasonably sure it was CZ_SOLD_DIE002.WAV

# ? Dec 9, 2020 20:18

Jaguars!

How Wonderful! posted:

Mrs. Luigi, are you sitting down? This is the US Marine Corps. We're afraid that your son perished in a tragic wave-dashing accident. He didn't understand how to do it and ran off the level. We're so sorry. He got owned.

Wario is hell ma'am, Wario is hell.

# ? Dec 9, 2020 20:24

your friend sk: (ヤイケス!)

Jaguars! posted:

Wario is hell ma'am, Wario is hell.

# ? Dec 9, 2020 20:26

FutonForensic

Jaguars! posted:

Wario is hell ma'am, Wario is hell.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSzNgiVQMDk

# ? Dec 9, 2020 20:29

google THIS

Jaguars! posted:

Wario is hell ma'am, Wario is hell.

# ? Dec 9, 2020 20:31

FutonForensic

look he had a 95% chance to hit, don't be too upset about this

# ? Dec 9, 2020 20:33

google THIS

He fought to the bitter end. You should be proud. Over 200% damage before he finally got smashed.

# ? Dec 9, 2020 20:33

Yinlock

Jaguars! posted:

Wario is hell ma'am, Wario is hell.

# ? Dec 9, 2020 20:41

Red Alert 2 Yuris Revenge: "My brain is amazing! It's full of wrinkles, and... Uh... Wait... What am I trying to say?"

Ma'am you should be proud, once he saw it coming your son pulled his cart to one side and stopped, ensuring no other racers would be hit by the blue she'll. Thanks to his selfless actions the race continued unimpeded. Dry Bowser won, ma 'am.

# ? Dec 9, 2020 20:46

Heather Papps: hello friend

he got sniped like the rotten camper he was lolgg(jk)

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Dec 9, 2020 21:21

Heather Papps: hello friend

i'm very sorry ms deku scrub but it seems like a maniac with no pants has massacred your whole family

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Dec 9, 2020 21:22

Yinlock

FutonForensic posted:

look he had a 95% chance to hit, don't be too upset about this

the commander has personally sent his condolences: "maybe your son wouldn't be dead if williams could loving land a hit"

Yinlock fucked around with this message at 21:37 on Dec 9, 2020

# ? Dec 9, 2020 21:34

Yinlock

Ma'am with all due respect, asking a GDI grenadier to not grievously injure themselves with their own grenades is a disrespect to their sacrifice. Your father knew that going into battle.

# ? Dec 9, 2020 21:40

alnilam

His assailant paused at the scene only to say two letters: e z. We are still investigating if it stands for some sort of political manifesto or perhaps someone's initials. If these letters mean anything to you it could help our investigation a lot.

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Dec 9, 2020 21:51

google THIS

So, anyway, (holds up a dripping trash bag) where do you want me to put the gibs?

# ? Dec 9, 2020 22:59

Prof. Crocodile

*takes off hat*

Ma'am, about your husband's k/d ratio...

# ? Dec 9, 2020 23:03

vanisher

I'm afraid he was out matched, the opposing force were using gaming mice.

# ? Dec 9, 2020 23:44

vanisher

I just don't know how this could happen, he had rainbow LEDs all over him

# ? Dec 9, 2020 23:47

Jaguars!

Perhaps you can take pride that he died like a fighting worm, he made a little quip and blew himself up with an old fashioned explosives dynamo in the best traditions of the service.

# ? Dec 10, 2020 00:04

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

We found what we believe are your husband's remains, but have been unable to positively ID the body. No matter which direction we approach it from, it's somehow always facing away from us.

# ? Dec 10, 2020 00:14

FactsAreUseless

Four Snifits play Taps with their masks around the tiny casket of a Shy Guy.

# ? Dec 10, 2020 00:22

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Jaguars! posted:

Wario is hell ma'am, Wario is hell.

# ? Dec 10, 2020 00:31

FutonForensic

vanisher posted:

I just don't know how this could happen, he had rainbow LEDs all over him

# ? Dec 10, 2020 00:36

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Ma'am, you're going to want to sit down for this.

Your son... ma'am, your son was killed in action in service to KiSs in Blood Gulch. He willingly sacrificed himself, along with his teammates, to protect the flag. Also so he could be at the top of the corpse stack so Jim could sticky grenade the stack because it's hilarious to watch it blow off the cliff.

# ? Dec 10, 2020 00:36

Yinlock

Kief Richards posted:

Ma'am, you're going to want to sit down for this.

Your son... ma'am, your son was killed in action in service to KiSs in Blood Gulch. He willingly sacrificed himself, along with his teammates, to protect the flag. Also so he could be at the top of the corpse stack so Jim could sticky grenade the stack because it's hilarious to watch it blow off the cliff.

# ? Dec 10, 2020 00:54

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# ? May 16, 2024 01:50

Yinlock

your brother was the pride of the counter-terrorist unit, having seen hundreds of missions world-wide, which makes it all the more tragic that he fell into a canal and had his body flung into the wall at supersonic speeds the second he touched the water

# ? Dec 10, 2020 01:12

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > bringing news of a video game soldiers' fate to their loved ones

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