Dammit, Santa! This time you've gone too far! You're off the force!

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Dammit, Santa! This time you've gone too far! You're off the force!

Prof. Crocodile

"I've had it up to here, Claus! I want your hat and candy cane on my desk first thing in the morning!"

# ? Dec 17, 2020 02:06

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# ? May 2, 2024 04:01

Prof. Crocodile

Santa's sleigh screaming down Lombard street in pursuit of a pea-green Plymouth Valiant full of bad girls and boys, as a funk song plays in the background.

# ? Dec 17, 2020 02:07

Prof. Crocodile

"I just got off the phone with city hall, Claus. That kid you gave a lump of coal to? HIS FATHER IS THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY!"

# ? Dec 17, 2020 02:08

your friend sk: (ヤイケス!)

he's a loose cannon claus but damnit, he gets results

# ? Dec 17, 2020 02:10

Heather Papps: hello friend

i'm an ageless mystical being and i'm getting too old for this poo poo

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Dec 17, 2020 02:12

google THIS

Chocolate CHiPs

# ? Dec 17, 2020 03:29

nut

and just how many drug busts have you found in these chimneys huh

# ? Dec 17, 2020 14:24

google THIS

Santa: Chief, I need to secure a couple billion warrants tonight so I can enter every household in the world.

Chief: Why on earth should I give you that?

Santa: I have probable Clause :dadjoke:

google THIS fucked around with this message at 14:48 on Dec 17, 2020

# ? Dec 17, 2020 14:40

The Klowner: by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

google THIS posted:

Santa: Chief, I need to secure a couple billion warrants tonight so I can enter every household in the world.

Chief: Why on earth should I give you that?

Santa: I have probable Clause

# ? Dec 17, 2020 16:02

RickRogers: Woh, is that a thing I like??

google THIS posted:

Santa: Chief, I need to secure a couple billion warrants tonight so I can enter every household in the world.

Chief: Why on earth should I give you that?

Santa: I have probable Clause

Have you ever been stabbed by an elf, whacked out on popping candy, rookie? Huh?

# ? Dec 17, 2020 17:13

Escape From Noise

Listen Santa Clause. I'm giving you a new partner!

[Rudolph enters the office]

And try not to get this one killed!

# ? Dec 17, 2020 17:28

Escape From Noise

[Picks up dradel and squeezes it in his mittened hand]

Just as I suspected! My evil twin, Chanuklaus!

Escape From Noise fucked around with this message at 18:17 on Dec 17, 2020

# ? Dec 17, 2020 17:30

Escape From Noise

Santa and Krampus pulling the good cop/bad cop routine on a suspected naughty child

# ? Dec 17, 2020 17:32

The Klowner: by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Santa's Journal. December 24th, 1985:

Black soot in chimney this morning, yule logs on burnt hearth. This town is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended Christmas trees and the trees are full of hope and when the presents finally arrive, all the children will frown. The accumulated coal of all their naughtiness will build up about their waists and all the boys and girls will look up and shout "Put us on the nice list!"...

...and I'll look down, and whisper "ho."

# ? Dec 17, 2020 18:13

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

"I SAW YOU KISSING MY MOTHER UNDER THE MISTLETOE LAST NIGHT!"

-the last thing Santa's boss ever said to him

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Dec 17, 2020 18:26

google THIS

The Klowner posted:

Santa's Journal. December 24th, 1985:

Black soot in chimney this morning, yule logs on burnt hearth. This town is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended Christmas trees and the trees are full of hope and when the presents finally arrive, all the children will frown. The accumulated coal of all their naughtiness will build up about their waists and all the boys and girls will look up and shout "Put us on the nice list!"...

...and I'll look down, and whisper "ho."

# ? Dec 17, 2020 18:45

alnilam

The Klowner posted:

Santa's Journal. December 24th, 1985:

Black soot in chimney this morning, yule logs on burnt hearth. This town is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended Christmas trees and the trees are full of hope and when the presents finally arrive, all the children will frown. The accumulated coal of all their naughtiness will build up about their waists and all the boys and girls will look up and shout "Put us on the nice list!"...

...and I'll look down, and whisper "ho."

# ? Dec 17, 2020 20:29

Prof. Crocodile

Santa takes off his sunglasses as he looks down at a duffel bag of amazon gift cards sitting next to a chalk outline.

"So much for our Prime suspect."

YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

# ? Dec 17, 2020 23:59

Escape From Noise

"Everybody freeze! This is a coke bust!"

One thug tries to flee but Santa nails him in the shoulder with his service revolver.

"ARG! What the gently caress Santa?!?!"

"That's Mr. Clause to you, you naughty boy!", Santa bellows before dipping his finger in one of the many bottles on the brown stained table. "Just as I suspected! New Coke!" he shouts, before quickly turning and throwing the entire bottle at the thug's face, "You scumbags are going away for a loooooooong time!"

Thank you Pot Smoke Pheonnix for this Kickin' Rad sig

# ? Dec 18, 2020 16:43

google THIS

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won't you light my squad car tonight? I need you too Horace, the Elf Who Can Make a Really Good Siren Noise.

# ? Dec 22, 2020 20:41

The Klowner: by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

you're probably also going to need Hplodur, the Blue-Nosed Reindeer

# ? Dec 22, 2020 21:42

Heather Papps: hello friend

*dips finger in eggnog, then licks*
GOD DAMNIT SANTA WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Dec 22, 2020 23:38

Prof. Crocodile

Santa putting terry's chocolate oranges in a Christmas stocking as he prepares to rough up a suspect, as Krampus stands in front of the camera in the interview room.

# ? Dec 23, 2020 03:46

Escape From Noise

If it's a war they want [cocks and locks red and white AR15] it's a war they've GOT!

Thank you Pot Smoke Pheonnix for this Kickin' Rad sig

# ? Dec 25, 2020 16:04

alnilam

SweetWillyRollbar posted:

If it's a war they want [cocks and locks red and white AR15] it's a war they've GOT!

Any excuse to use this smiley :tfrxmas:

# ? Dec 25, 2020 17:10

Khanstant

Thanks Rudolph, thanks to your undercover efforts and that very shiny nose, none of these other reindeer will have to toil under that redcap bastard claus ever again.

# ? Dec 25, 2020 17:21

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

drat it Santa, we had the Gingerbread man dead to rights. We'd been staking out his gingerbread house for months till your warrantless search made the "special sugar" inadmissable.

# ? Dec 27, 2020 11:49

Escape From Noise

Listen, you son of a bitch! You can't go blowing my fuckin' cover like that! I'm working undercover! I'm secret Santa!

# ? Dec 27, 2020 12:01

biosterous

SweetWillyRollbar posted:

Listen, you son of a bitch! You can't go blowing my fuckin' cover like that! I'm working undercover! I'm secret Santa!

lmao

^{^{thank you saoshyant for this sig!!!}}
^{^{gallery of sigs}}

he/him

# ? Dec 27, 2020 15:15

Prof. Crocodile

SweetWillyRollbar posted:

Listen, you son of a bitch! You can't go blowing my fuckin' cover like that! I'm working undercover! I'm secret Santa!

# ? Dec 28, 2020 16:10

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# ? May 2, 2024 04:01

Fredrik1: Gopherslayer

Yo' man, release me, I ain't done nothing wrong!

Give it up, our forensics found your name all over the naughty list, you're going in for a long time son.

# ? Dec 28, 2020 18:12

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Dammit, Santa! This time you've gone too far! You're off the force!