|
|
John Hammond: Welcome to Jurassic Park…where dinosaurs come to life! Osama Bin Laden: This is amazing, Dr. Hammond and may I say I am honored to be the first guest here. Praise Allah for this magnificent gift, the gift of dinosaurs. John Hammond: You are not only our first guest, but you are our only guest, Mr. Bin Laden. Osama Bin Laden: Who would think that in this year, 1990, a humble muhajid such as myself would be among the first to see the return of these supposedly extinct species. And you are sure there is no chance they will go crazy and start tearing poo poo up? John Hammond: [in a lying voice] No, of course not. We have taken every precaution. Osama Bin Laden: Excellent. [in lying voice] This island will certainly not be an excellent place to establish a training camp to punish America for its meddling in Kuwait. John Hammond: Indeed, no place could be less amenable to the establishment of a training camp than this remote, fertile island full of – and I cannot stress this enough – completely peaceful dinosaurs. Now if you will excuse me, I have some arrangements to make to ensure your…proper welcome [he says “proper welcome” in a sneaky voice]. Osama Bin Laden: Yes yes, please, do what you must. Peace be upon you. John Hammond: And on you. And remember, while I’m gone, no [uses hands to mime a plane flying into two buildings while making a plane sound]. Osama Bin Laden: [extra lying voice] Ha ha, of course not. Nothing could be further from my mind. JOHN HAMMOND leaves. OSAMA BIN LADEN pulls a cellular phone out of his shirt. Osama Bin Laden: Hello, yes, contact Mohammed Atta. Let him know that Operation 9/11 is a go. Also, please let the Israelis and the American President’s son know that everything is proceeding as we discussed. [Cut to: John Hammond talking into a walkie talkie.] John Hammond: Dr. Malcom? Your plan is working perfectly. The trap is set. In a few days, we will be rid of our “Saudi Problem” once and for all. America is safe from terror for the next generation. |
#
?
Jan 31, 2021 04:59
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 30, 2024 05:26 |
|
|
|
New Yorker #1: You ever feel like maybe something isn't....right? New Yorker #2: What do you mean? Like I ate a bad pastrami? ey! New Yorker #1: No, I mean like cosmically wrong, like something was supposed to happen but it didn't. New Yorker #2: Funny you should mention it, but I keep thinking that things should feel a little more...terrifying, you know? New Yorker #1: Yeah. I can't quite put my finger on it. It's like history took a turn somewhere around 2001, and here we are. New Yorker #2: Ey, fuggedaboudit! They turn to look at the TWIN TOWERS which glisten in the sun. At the top, a PTERODACTYL perches, a screaming man in its enormous beak. New Yorker #1: Only in New York! New Yorker #2: Only in New York. |
|
#
?
Jan 31, 2021 05:04
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Jan 31, 2021 19:40
|
|
|
|
There's a scene in the movie where a character goes into a room and enjoys a moment of actual privacy, there's just no surveillance-enabled devices anywhere, even the audience doesn't know what shes doing in there and we never find out |
|
#
?
Jan 31, 2021 20:32
|
|
|
children screaming while they run in terror, some slipping in the blood and viscera that cover the gymnasium floor. "well there's no rule that dinosaurs can't play basketball..."
|
|
#
?
Jan 31, 2021 20:44
|
|
|
|
they can only bring the dinosaur poo poo back to life
|
|
#
?
Jan 31, 2021 21:31
|
|
|
|
what? no of course we don't have t-rexs or velociraptors, it's not cretaceous park! *is eaten by an allosaurus*
|
|
#
?
Jan 31, 2021 22:16
|
|
|
|
this whole movie = title of op https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74oBPzbHCjg |
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2021 00:14
|
|
|
|
it's a unix system. i don't know this *powers off computer* and that's okay, because i'm not in an urgent situation right now
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2021 00:37
|
|
|
We took the precaution of bioengineering a fail-safe into their DNA in case they escape: extra butt holes |
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2021 02:50
|
|
|
|
normal dinosaurs but all of their hard edges have been sanded down
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2021 02:54
|
|
|
|
Like modern birds, the dinosaurs can be put to sleep by tucking their head under their foreleg. This is somewhat difficult to pull off with the T-Rex though |
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2021 03:05
|
|
|
utilizing gummy technology
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2021 04:10
|
|
|
ya we filled in the missing DNA sequences with bits of capybara. made em very cuddly and relaxed.
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2021 04:16
|
|
|
|
The man that gets eaten by the t tex actually manages to finish making GBS threads first |
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2021 09:37
|
|
|
|
Jurassic Park: 50% off to patients with a terminal illness |
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2021 09:40
|
|
|
|
wimsy posted:John Hammond: Welcome to Jurassic Park…where dinosaurs come to life! [in telling the truth voice] lmao |
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2021 12:43
|
|
|
wimsy posted:New Yorker #1: You ever feel like maybe something isn't....right? New Yorkers # 1 and 2 then proceed to board a plane with water bottles, nail clippers, and knives in their backpack. |
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2021 02:17
|
|
| Park | |
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2021 21:13
|
|
|
 this bit, but the T-Rex is just laughing at the guy's wiener
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2021 22:24
|
|
|
Barco Fiesta posted:
I never noticed before, but is that guy wearing pants? On the shitter? |
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2021 23:31
|
|
|
We have successfully completed the DNA sequences of ancient Dinosaurs using the code of a common boar. Welcome to Jurrasic Pork. |
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2021 23:51
|
|
|
We completed the DNA sequences with housecats. Welcome to Purrasic Park. |
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2021 00:49
|
|
|
|
the scene with the guy taking a dump but there are no dinosaurs
|
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2021 01:10
|
|
|
|
Scully, look, it's a dinosaur! Mulder you know full well dinosaurs have been dead for millions of- woah |
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2021 01:36
|
|
|
|
Precambrian Park, mostly just a big aquarium with no fish |
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2021 04:35
|
|
|
|
google THIS posted:Precambrian Park, mostly just a big aquarium with no fish Nightly concerts by Coheed and Precambria |
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2021 05:02
|
|
|
google THIS posted:Precambrian Park, mostly just a big aquarium with no fish |
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2021 21:57
|
|
|
it's all jurassic era mammals, which all look like some variety of weasel sleeping in a tree |
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2021 20:36
|
|
|
"there's a broken fence at the t-rex paddock" "oh no, that will be extremely unsafe for the dinosaur operators." "???" "you didn't really think those were real dinosaurs, right? like, how would we even do that?" |
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2021 20:38
|
|
|
over here we see a majestic triceratops masturbating. he's using that log as a standin for a mate, something we speculated but could never prove until we were able to observe a live specimen. and over here we see the mighty Tyrannosaurus rex, who is also masturbating. one of our most alarming discoveries has been just how much dinosaurs masturbate. anyways, let's move on to the regal stegosaurus who you'll see is also masturbating
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2021 21:32
|
|
|
Luvcow posted:over here we see a majestic triceratops masturbating. he's using that log as a standin for a mate, something we speculated but could never prove until we were able to observe a live specimen. management has been instructed to write up every employee who is caught referring to our workplace as "jackin' park". this needs to stop |
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2021 22:06
|
|
|
canyoneer posted:management has been instructed to write up every employee who is caught referring to our workplace as "jackin' park". this needs to stop
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2021 22:18
|
|
|
reporter: so is the park not child friendly because the dinosaurs are so dangerous? scientist: no, no *chuckles* the dinosaurs aren't dangerous at all. *suddenly gets serious and intense* it's due to their insatiable urge to engage in vigorous masturbation
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2021 22:22
|
|
|
"dr wu, how do you make sure the dinosaurs don't breed?" "oh that's easy, they just spend all day alone tuggin' the lizard" 
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2021 22:26
|
|
|
|
Luvcow posted:over here we see a majestic triceratops masturbating. he's using that log as a standin for a mate, something we speculated but could never prove until we were able to observe a live specimen. |
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2021 23:42
|
|
|
.*frilled neck gecko spurt* mods knew
|
|
#
?
Feb 5, 2021 10:20
|
|
|
PSA: idk what Mods Knew means 
|
|
#
?
Feb 5, 2021 10:21
|
|
|
|
CHUTE HER! CHUTE HER! muldoon shouts from the stands at the 1992 Chutes and Ladders World Championship match, held on beautiful isla nubar
|
|
#
?
Feb 5, 2021 16:19
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 30, 2024 05:26 |
|
|
alnilam posted:CHUTE HER! CHUTE HER! muldoon shouts from the stands at the 1992 Chutes and Ladders World Championship match, held on beautiful isla nubar |
|
#
?
Feb 5, 2021 18:47
|
|
