wimsy posted:

John Hammond: Welcome to Jurassic Park…where dinosaurs come to life!

Osama Bin Laden: This is amazing, Dr. Hammond and may I say I am honored to be the first guest here. Praise Allah for this magnificent gift, the gift of dinosaurs.

John Hammond: You are not only our first guest, but you are our only guest, Mr. Bin Laden.

Osama Bin Laden: Who would think that in this year, 1990, a humble muhajid such as myself would be among the first to see the return of these supposedly extinct species. And you are sure there is no chance they will go crazy and start tearing poo poo up?

John Hammond: [in a lying voice] No, of course not. We have taken every precaution.

Osama Bin Laden: Excellent. [in lying voice] This island will certainly not be an excellent place to establish a training camp to punish America for its meddling in Kuwait.

John Hammond: Indeed, no place could be less amenable to the establishment of a training camp than this remote, fertile island full of – and I cannot stress this enough – completely peaceful dinosaurs. Now if you will excuse me, I have some arrangements to make to ensure your…proper welcome [he says “proper welcome” in a sneaky voice].

Osama Bin Laden: Yes yes, please, do what you must. Peace be upon you.

John Hammond: And on you. And remember, while I’m gone, no [uses hands to mime a plane flying into two buildings while making a plane sound].

Osama Bin Laden: [extra lying voice] Ha ha, of course not. Nothing could be further from my mind.

JOHN HAMMOND leaves. OSAMA BIN LADEN pulls a cellular phone out of his shirt.

Osama Bin Laden: Hello, yes, contact Mohammed Atta. Let him know that Operation 9/11 is a go. Also, please let the Israelis and the American President’s son know that everything is proceeding as we discussed.

[Cut to: John Hammond talking into a walkie talkie.]

John Hammond: Dr. Malcom? Your plan is working perfectly. The trap is set. In a few days, we will be rid of our “Saudi Problem” once and for all. America is safe from terror for the next generation.