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FEB 3, 2021 FRIDAY - Breakthrough new research at the Apple Genius Bar//Foundation of Computer Surgery in a Seattle, Washington mall has confirmed that all the best things in life are good. General Manager and Weekend DJ Deejay "D.J." Spinzini addressed the press at a press conference early this morning. "We've catalogued all 1,864 best things in life, and I've looked through them personally - it's wild to think about, but there's not a single bad thing among them." Spinzini said before hiding behind a water bottle and texting on his phone for the rest of the event. Skeptics are wary, however - this news comes hot on the heels of conflicting studies recently published by the University for Statistical Measures found in the unmarked Boba stand behind the I-7 in Phoenix, Arizona, which found that among the best things in life, several are bad. Spinzini's personal intern offers a simple explanation. "If they're bad, they're not on the list of the 1,864 best things in life." said the unnamed intern. "You can see where USM's statistical model was flawed." What Wall Street thinks of the news remains yet unclear. Many industry experts predict volatility and erratic market trends to follow. While the truth may lie somewhere in the middle, it is at least safe to say that the best things in life are all finally classified as either good, or bad, or both. deep dish peat moss fucked around with this message at 06:45 on Feb 6, 2021 |
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Feb 6, 2021 06:43
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| # ? May 3, 2024 16:19 |
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Are they free though |
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Feb 6, 2021 19:15
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As I run my fingers along my tight leather bodice I can't help but remark that "being bad has never looked so good" which I think is a checkmate to scientists. |
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Feb 6, 2021 19:30
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i am outraged that you listed sixty nine-ing as number 70
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Feb 6, 2021 22:40
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Heather Papps posted:i am outraged that you listed sixty nine-ing as number 70 We did this to conserve space on the list. If we included Sixty-nineing as #69 on the list, we would need to include the list on the list of all of the best things in life and the number would be raised to 1,865 of the best things. |
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Feb 7, 2021 02:21
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calculating the energetic synergy between schnitzel and noodles
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Feb 7, 2021 02:30
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But what if... life stinks? |
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Feb 9, 2021 18:24
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| # ? May 3, 2024 16:19 |
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:But what if... life stinks? like a good tasty stinky cheese, or a really fragrant marijuana bloom? how about the sweat of a lover? maybe it smells like black earth, freshly turned in the sun - reeking of decomposition, but rich with potential life? or like a bad dog fart - that kind of stinky?
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Feb 9, 2021 21:23
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