Code Jockey posted:

*gruff, stocky security guard guides my son into the small security office at the back of the store by his shoulder, instructing him to sit down*

I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but we caught your son shoplifting a movie. We're seeing this more and more with kids his age. Just desperate to participate in this... culture... any way they can.

*guard slides a shrinkwrapped copy of Marley and Me onto his desk*